Random Thoughts
Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day (Jessica)
Introducing Jessica from Worcester. Oh my god. This girl is freaking bringing it! There is hot and then there is uber hot. This girl is uber hot. If you don't think she is a dead ringer for my type than you haven't been paying attention. Congrats to Jessica as she has just won two VIP tickets to our 1st annual Barstool Smokeshow Blueball. (VIP tickets are for girls who have been featured as a smokeshows of the day and it includes open bar. If you're a smokeshow and we've lost touch with you send us an email for your VIP tix) And even though this event is a blue ball I may demand Jessica wears that white dress although truth be told she is smoking in everything.
Do you know any smokeshows? Nominate them so they can get their 2 VIP tickets. Maybe they'll even take you? Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com
Guy Attempts To Parachute Onto Minor League Field
The last I checked, a baseball field is something like 400 feet long and 300 feet wide. How the hell do you miss that big a target? I mean who's parachuting this thing, Tavaris Jackson?
"Ohh shoot. Ohhh..."
-Saw this on deadspin
Reader Email: This Guy Is Taking Barstool Sports By Storm!
Reader Email
Regarding the guy who fell asleep at work and drank 9 beers in 6 minutes that companies loss was my gain!!! This guy came into my office interviewing for a sales job…And some how during the interview the topic of impressions came up, he said he could do a few..So of course I asked which ones he could do and when he said Chris Farley. I stopped the interview right there and said quite bluntly if you nail a Farley impersonation right now in front of my whole office you can start tomorrow morning... He has been working for me ever since. And here is the video to prove it. By the way my whole office are giant fans of the stool.. Including my owner who called me on the road to tell me about this article.
Newman
(real picture again)
I fucking love this guy! I may hire this guy to host the Barstool Smokeshow Blue Ball. I'm not even kidding.
I Owe DeSean Jackson an Apology
Okay I owe DeSean Jackson an apology. Because after watching DeSean on MNF, I said that he had pulled a stunt like this before while he was at Cal and it took a special type of moron to fuck this up twice. But as this video clearly shows the swan dive thing not only was it in high school, but it was during an all star game. That doesn't count for shit. Sorry DeSean. I owe you one. I'll send him a free shirt or something to make up for it.
Reader Email: I Fucking Love this Guy!
Reader Email
This kid worked here for 2 months....He falls asleep at his desk everyday around 9:30 am. When he first started he said he could drink 6 beers in 9 min. So we put up $80...Well he did it with time left on the clock.
I fucking love this guy! He can work for me any day. They don’t teach you this shit at business school. I mean this is how you announce your presence with authority at a new job. You fucking show up and just start dropping haymakers on people. 6 beers in 9 minutes? Bring it! And yes I’ll fall asleep on your ass, same time, same place every fucking day. It’s like the Green Bay Packers Power Sweep. I dare you to stop it. Sometimes I miss cube life. Seriously this guy is an instant classic.
Happy Dane Cook Day!
Inside Track - It’s Dane Cook Day in Boston. The Arlington comic is back in the ’hood to be feted and fawned over by radio hosts as well as the Boston City Council, which this morning will honor the local funnyman by proclaiming it Dane Day in the Hub. “Let’s see, ‘Dane Cook Day’ in Boston,” mulled Boston Common’s cover-comic last night at the maggie’s big bash to celebrate the fall issue. “It would be a day off, people would be given bags of gold and . . . a gift certificate to Legal Sea Foods. And I’d throw a party on the Boston Common where people could come dressed as their favorite biblical character.”
Let me start by saying I haven’t watched more than 5 minutes of Dane Cook doing stand up in my life. It’s nothing personal. I just don’t think stand up comedians are that funny usually. (Sorry Jerry it’s true.) You have to be Chris Rock good to make me laugh and I’m pretty sure Dane Cook doesn’t belong on the same field as somebody like him. So having said that I’m having a hard time believing that he is worthy of having a day named after him either. I mean you can’t just give that shit out to anybody who walks down the street. Listen if Dane Cook gets a day than every player on the Patriots, Red Sox and Celtics should get a day too. The guy who sells fruit outside South Station should get a day. John Hoffman should get a day. (Bonuse points to umm, people who know who umm, John Hoffman is) I want a day. Do you see the can of worms it opens when you just start giving out days to F list celebrities like they grow on trees? That’s why I am officially refusing to acknowledge that today is Dane Cook day in Boston. You need to be a much brighter star in my book before you get an honor like this.
Why is Jeter's Hit "Record" a Big Deal?
NY Times: To Derek Jeter, the night sky seems a little darker and the floodlights seem a little brighter at Yankee Stadium. As he described it, “It’s like playing on a stage.” During Tuesday night’s show, the curtain was barely up when Jeter took his standing ovation. With one crisp swing on the first pitch of his first at-bat, Jeter dispatched one of the last remaining nuggets of competitive intrigue in a Yankees season that has turned dismal. He slapped a ground ball under Juan Uribe’s glove and into left field to break Lou Gehrig’s 71-year-old record for most hits at the Stadium.
I'm a numbers guy. And I love baseball history and all that. But this is just simply embarassing. There's no other word for it. This constitutes a record now? This is a milestone? Not most hits all time or most by a Yankee or most by a shorstop or something, but most hits in Yankee Stadium? Since when does this warrant stopping a game and giving a guy a standing O? Did Bud Selig show up with Lou Gehrig's great-granddaughter to hand him a plague too? And don't accuse me of making too much out of this. SportsCenter's been counting this down for days, showing every one of Jeter's at bats the other day as he went 0-5 like he was going after No. 3000 or something. Who pays attention to "records" in a particular stadium anyway? Quick, who has the most receiving yards ever in Soldier Field? Who has the most HRs in Dodger Stadium? Who has the most assists in Maple Leaf Gardens? It's ridiculous. And I guess this just shows how far the Yankees have really sunk; much lower than I'd imgined. It's so bad in the Bronx right now they'll fellate Jeter over some asterisk-worthy, minor statistical "achievement" just to have something... anything... to celebrate. Like I said, embarassing. It's almost to make me feel sorry for them. Almost.
Another Brilliant Tshirt From the Stool!
I know you love it! So click to order before they sell out! And don't worry. You'll get it in 7-10 business days bitches!
Report: Saudi Cleric Says Mickey Mouse 'Must Die'
Telegraph.com - Mickey Mouse: Enemy of Islam? He may have survived the battle with the brooms in “Fantasia,” but now Mickey Mouse has to contend with Islam. Calling the loveable Disney rodent “one of Satan’s soldiers,” Sheikh Muhammad Munajid said household mice and their animated counterparts must be rubbed out, the U.K.’s Daily Telegraph reported Monday. "Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases." And Mickey wasn’t alone. Munajid also mentioned Jerry from “Tom and Jerry” fame is on his list of “impure” cartoon mice.
Man those Islamic Extremists really are fucking nuts huh? Who knew? I mean how do you go from saying Mickey Mouse is an awesome character one second to saying he is one of Satan’s soldiers the next second? Make up your mind Sheik. You can’t have your cake and eat it to. Regardless it’s been a real bad week for Disney. First Megan Fox said “Fuck Disney” and now the Muslim Extremists put a hit out on Mickey Mouse. Enough is enough. Listen it’s one thing to go around threatening to kill Americans, but once you drag Mickey Mouse and Jerry into the mix all bets are off. Here comes America bitches!
Guy Gets Busted For Having 86 Wives
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(This is not the Nigerian from the Story)
ABUJA, Nigeria - Police in northern Nigeria have arrested a Muslim preacher who claims 86 wives and 107 children, charging him with breaking Islamic laws governing marriage. It was unclear when the man would appear before the court, or what the potential punishment could be. Muslim principles forbid men to take more than four wives. Masaba says God enables him to maintain such a large family."A man with 10 wives would collapse and die, but my own power is given by Allah. That is why I have been able to control 86 of them," he has been quoted as saying in Nigeria's local media.
86 wives huh? I wonder if this guy is straight up with the chicks when he’s hitting on them at the bar? Or do you think he says he’s like a ballplayer or something? Because you got to have pretty low self esteem to marry a dude who already has 80 wives and 100 kids right? Regardless this guy must be doing something right with the ladies. Allah must have given him a velvet touch and a giant cock or something.
PS - I like how they only arrested this guy now. It's like the police drew an imaginary line in the sand at 85 wives.
Bring It With The Faceplant!
This is one of those face plants that is so bad you can't even think of laughing right away if you're lucky enough to be there. I mean this lady had to break her face right? In fact I had to watch it a few times just to make sure it was real because she makes absolutely no effort to break her fall. I think I would have paid 100 grand to have seen this live. I mean you can't buy these type of memories.
Tony Kornheiser Makes Fun Of Mexicans
Tony MNF Apology
Uploaded by AA111
I'm sure this video was everywhere yesterday but since I was off doing my paper route I didn't see it. Anyway the good folks at Awful Announcing put together this video from MNF. The person I feel the worst for with this clip is my dad. His three biggest idols in life are David Letterman, Don Imus and Tony Kornheiser. He's still trying to defend Imus for the last racist thing he said and now he has this. It's almost too much for him to deal with. Personally I'm starting to hate Kornhesier. I used to love him but he's just so awful in the booth that I find myself still holding a grudge when I watch PTI.
Fuck that, PTI is still one of the best shows on. Hands down.
How is that racist??
People need to lighten the fuck up. Seriously.
Kornhesier is awful. I liked watching Dennis Miller more than him. And why do they bother playing the Espanol clip at all? They obviously want us to make fun of them.
Am I the only one that doesn't find that the least bit offensive? Not funny but also not offensive
Definitely would have been racist if the announcers were speaking Chinese. Then that makes sense. This isn't racist... he was making a joke that he doesn't understand spanish. This apologize for everything era that we're living in certainly looks to be getting worse before it gets better. Oh, and Kornhesier sucks and blows in the booth. No question.
How is that racist??
People need to lighten the fuck up. Seriously.
— TheViking, Sep 17 2008, 10:05 am
Agreed.
I still like PTI but he is HORRIBLE in the both. Between his terrible jokes and his pre-canned over the top soliloquies he is unbearable. I think (and hope) his star is starting to fade
No way that is offensive.
Also, how could any mexican's be offended by that comment?
They can't understand a word of english, so they have no idea what he said.
Maybe if he said it meant cut my grass or roof my house it'd be bad, but this is nothin.
The actual NFL commercials with 2 adult Mexican's confused over how long a yard is were more racist. Kornheiser does suck in the booth, and the horrific make-ip job they try on him leaves him looking like Fire Marshall Bill.
Am I the only one that doesn't find that the least bit offensive? Not funny but also not offensive
— Rogue 35, Sep 17 2008, 10:07 am
No. You're not the only one. And he didn't even say anything about Mexicans. I will say though, get used to hearing Spanish everywhere over the next 20 years.
Kornheiser's had skin cancer issues, hence the bad make-up.
"Did you order concrete?" Jim Bowie's last words to Davey Crockett at the Alamo.
Fire Marshall Bill.
Perfect.
Kornheiser is the worst announcer i have ever heard. The fact that you used to love him Pres seriously questions your creditability. We are all dumber for having listened to your opinion on this.
Kornheiser sucks in the booth, but that comment was just stupid not racist. Plus there is no Mexican Jesse Jackson or Rev. Al to make an huge deal of it until you pay them off.
Everyone is missing the point. He's not apologizing because he said something racist, he's apologizing because that was the least funny joke ever told and frankly I found his lack of humor defensive, now if he made a lawnmower joke...
wow defensive, how about offensive dumbass
Did the other guys have to appologize for laughing? I'm pretty sure that anyone they hire to do MNF is gonna be a disaster. Tony, is horrible on his own, but he plays well off Jaws so it kinda works. And PTI may be one of my top 5 favorite shows.
i dont think that was racist at all. if he said something stereotypical about mexicans than yea i can see it. but he was obviously just joking that he doesnt understand english. that being said, when he said it, i knew people were gonna make it a controversy.
How do people think he was making fun of Mexicans? He was interpreting what the Mexican guy said. So a Mexican guy saying "pick up my dry cleaning" is offensive and is making fun of Mexicans??? My head hurts.
You guys arent even understanding the joke. His housekeeper is obviously a beaner, and he tells her to "go pick up the dry claning". He is not saying that mexicans work in dry cleaners (asians).
I think Kornheiser is the best you will get in that weird position of bringing casual fans to watch the game. He does make some valid points, most of you fuckers just jump on the bandwagon because you hear somebody say he sucks. PTI rules
i used to love the kornheiser and theisman on air brawls, they made no effort to hide their mutual hatred for one another
Maybe if he said...clean my toilet or pump my gas...but this is just dumb. He needs to retire from announcing and stick to PTI. Still a great show where he actually is funny.
Hey, if he would have said "give me my laundry," that would be different. Tony gets a free pass anyway because he is Jewish... a minority himself - we all know the score. Only stupid white guys like Imus get called-out for race comments and if you even have a smidge of minority in you, then you can talk without regard... that's how it is in America.
It would of been good if he made a hand puppet and called it Yenifer Ropez.
Newsflash... PTI sux too. Kornheiser is annoying, know nothing about sports, and has never played a sport in his life. It shows in his commentary. The only physical activity he has ever done was dancing at his bar mitzvah.
Um....what the hell did i miss? How was this in ANY way the LEAST bit offensive? Everyone knows Meixcans don't run dry cleaning opps...but still he made a joke about the Mexican announcer asking someone ELSE to pick up his dry cleaning....like seriously WTFF?
Why does he need to apologize for? I'm sick and tired of this politically correct world we live in with these crazy liberal socialists!
Weezenutz..completely with you. If the Mexican announcer was saying it in Spanish and Kornhole didn't understand it, who gives a fuck what his facetious interpretation was!! Cant be racist.
Slapntickle..you are exactly the kind of douchebag that everyone is pissing and moaning about. Your interpretation and imaginary scenario are the only slightly racist thing on this blog. You invent your own interpretation and credit Kornhole with it.. Weak Liberal Pussy!!
Forreal, lighten the fuck up. Jesus, I hope the guy who invented political correctness is burning slowly in the depths of hell.
Ps, spanish football is called SOCCER! Spanish football sucks balls................
no tocar!!
That wasn't even racist. Only Asians do dry cleaning.
What was the issue heer I expect Mexicans to mow my lawn, wash my car and of course sell dope to sixteen year old cheer leaders. The Asians only own the dry cleaners having employed Haitians and Pakistanis to run them for years. My only issue is with Asian female drivers - they don't drive - they aimn!
I like Kornheiser on PTI but he sucks on MNF, but this was in no way racist. Anybody who thinks it is a fucking retard.
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Wake Up With Boston's Newest Superstar Heather Mitts
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he's a total douche.
"IS THIS THE NIGHT?? IS THIS THE NIGHT???"