Random Thoughts

I predict the Sox go 11-2 in the Playoffs, sweep the World Series and it's free Jordan's Furniture for everybody again.

If my memory is correct and I think it is, this is the first official evidence of Lindsay Lohan having the Gay. But I still don't believe it. In fact I refuse to believe it. Listen it’s a well known fact that Lindsay Lohan is addicted to dick.  She doesn’t just like cock, she loves it.   So there is no way she’s giving up the dick juice for an ugly piece of ass like Samantha Ronson.   Yeah I know that hot lesbians sometimes like to date ugly lesbians and get dominated by them.  That’s all fine and dandy.   But as it stands, I refuse to believe she is throwing away all her years of dick worship for the likes of Samantha Ronson.  Just no way. Worst case scenario is that she's bi-sexual. And yes I'd plow right through Samantha Ronson to get even a a slice of tit pie from Lohan.

Fox Sports just compiled a list of the Best & Worst Fans in the NFL. And Patriots fans didn't fare too well. We were ranked among the worst:

4. New England Patriots

Good lawd, these fans are frickin' tiresome. Most of them probably think that Bill Belichick is the only head coach in franchise history. Nobody in New England cared about this team for decades, yet during the Brady/Belichick Super Bowl gluttony we see "lifer" Pats fans all over the place. We're pretty sure 98 percent of them never saw Steve Grogan, Tony Eason or Jim Plunkett sport the old-school Patriots logo on their helmets, and also think Irving Fryar is a local priest. Congrats Patriots fans, you've earned championships in both football and bandwagon-jumping.

This is amazing. The jury here got all the evidence wrong, didn't understand the testimony and lost all the exhibits, but still came to the right verdict. I pains me to say it, but yeah, Pats fans are among the worst in the league, but not for the reasons Fox Sports cites here. You can accuse us of many things, but bandwagon-jumping or thinking the universe began when Belichick was hired is definitely not among our sins. The current string of sellouts and the ten mile-long list of names on the season ticket waiting list began in 1993. And keep in mind that was at a time when the Pats were not only a zit on the asscheek of the NFL and were playing in a tenement-slum of a stadium, but were constantly rumored to be on their way to St. Louis. I believe the English word for remaining a fan under that kind of adversity is "loyalty."

Which doesn't let Pats fans off the hook in my mind. At least not the fans at the games. I would've agreed 100% with Fox if they wanted to criticize the Gillette crowd for being unforgivably quiet. Or they ripped all the Beautiful People in the club seats who spend most of the games behind the glass sipping Chablis. Or mentioned the woman in front of me a couple of years ago who, Buffalo's ball, 3rd & long, shushed me for making too much noise. So yeah, you can make a strong case that there's an element among Pats fans who are spoiled. Spoiled rotten. But don't tell me we're "tiresome" or obnoxious. On the contrary, we're not obnoxious enough.

Radar - Radar Staff Writer Neel Shah spent the evening in Las Vegas (more on that later), and was kind enough to send along these fine photos of Olympic hero Michael Phelps "massively skeeving on girls at the Playboy Club" in that city's Palms Casino. Neel notes that the Olympian was accompanied by an entourage of striped-shirted schmucks, one of whose sole duties appeared to be pointing a flashlight at anyone attempting to photograph the swimmer during his efforts to obtain a gold medal in ass-grabbing. ("It was unreal," says Neel. "Within moments of entering the club he summoned two girls over... I've never seen such an aggressive grip.")

Michael Phelps is such a fucking dork. Dude when you're worth 100 million you don't hang out near the main stage. That's where I fucking hang out. You grab a bunch of ho's and spend the night in the Champagne Room making it rain like a motherfucker. Start acting like a 48 time Olympic Champion would you? I wouldn't be surprised if he spent like 50 grand and didn't even get a blowjob out of it. World's greatest athlete my ass.

NYpost.com - A Manhattan man is suing the Rockefeller Center bar where he was allegedly roughed up by a mechanical bull. In papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Aaron Schnore said he suffered "serious physical injury" when he was bucked from a mechanical bull during a drunken ride at Johnny Utah's in May.  Schnore's lawyer, Lawrence Saftler, said his client appears to have been a victim of his own success. "He was riding it pretty well, and since he wasn't getting thrown," an employee "ratcheted up the speed so he would," Saftler said.  The suit says the unidentified employee "caused the actions of the mechanical bull to become more violent in an effort to throw the plaintiff off."  "These things should be fun, but safety should be the paramount concern. They dropped the ball, in addition to dropping him," Saftler said.  The lawyer refused to divulge the nature of Schnore's injuries, except to say they were "sufficient to start this suit." The suit seeks unspecified damages, and names bull operator "John Doe" in addition to the bar.

Not since dudes started suing their way onto field hockey squads has the men's movement suffered a blow like this.  There is a social contract dating back to the dawn of time that states mechanical bulls are to be ridden by hot chicks only.   Dudes and fat bitches need not apply.  But in the event that some fat girl or some idiot guy does attempt to ride the bull, the bull operator must do everything in his power to rectify the situation immediately.  If that means ratcheting up the speed or hitting the person over the head with a baseball bat, than so be it.  If the person dies he dies.  Bottom-line is that if Aaron Shnore and his Lawyers got their way we’d all be peeing sitting down in less than 10 years.  Call me crazy but I’m not ready to get invaded by Canada quite yet. 

- Mr Mill City

This picture is of hot Republican VPILF Sarah Palin in college. In case it's hard to make out, the t-shirt says "I may be broke, but I'm not flat busted." No matter what you're politics are (and my choice would just be to put Robert Kraft in charge of the whole country for life and let him turn the place into an upscale shopping center), you've got to love this chick. If for no other reason than she's exactly the kind of chick that drives angry feminists out of their minds. The kind who knows she's good looking and is cool with it. The kind who likes her fabulous rack enough to buy a novelty t-shirt to draw attention to it. You just know that every bitter, crew-cutted, Birkenstock-clad Women's Studies major who writes "PIGS" on a Barstool newspaper box loathes Sarah Palin with every fiber of their being. Because if she were 20 years younger, she's be sporting that shirt in her Barstool Alaska Local Smokeshow of the Day pictures. (Thanks to my brother Bill in Juneau for the photos.)

I can't believe that this fake Joba was able to fool the good citizens of Belmar New Jersey. They seem like they'd be too smart for this type of stunt. I mean you got to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool the likes of Tommy Chesseballs. Therefore this guy MUST be a dead ringer. Because if I've said it once, I've said it a million times. If you can make it in Belmar, you can make it anywhere.

Reader Email

Hey guys. Huge Stool fan here. Just thinking if my fat friend White72 can get some publicity, then hell so can I haha. This is the Goldenstick Wiffle League out of Danvers. This is a no nonsense league, we've been featured on Fox News and we are known as the best wiffle league in the country. Every year there is a national championship in Texas and we New Englanders have owned the tournament, Goldenstick in Danvers has the best players from MA, NH, VT, ME, NY, CT pretty much all of New England.  I want to set up a sick challenge, where maybe El Prez faces our best pitchers and if he doesnt get a hit he has to throw a theme party for us, or if he does, we will throw in ads for our league in the paper I dont' know? We all rip it up and drink beers at the fields and I just feel like Barstool and Goldenstick somehow could be a force to be reckoned with if we combine forces and do work.  Watch all the videos, and watch em in High Quality. It is pretty legit. Keep up the good work on barstoolsports.com and look forward to hearing from you.

Morey

www.goldenstickwiffle.com

So let me get this straight.  If I can’t get a hit off your best pitcher I have to throw a party for you guys?    Hmm, I got a better idea.    How about I think of a number between 1 through 1,000 and if you don’t guess it within 3 tries you buy a year’s contract worth of advertising.   I mean seriously how dumb do I look?    Yeah, I know that I was a Triple Crown winner in High School, but I’ve never played fast pitch wiffleball in my life.  Hell, Dustin Pedroia would have a hard time stepping in cold and getting a hit in this league.  So I think I’ll pass on this “sick challenge”.    Don’t get me wrong the league looks fun and I’m sure I’d eventually be a .300 hitter and win the batting title, but this bet just doesn’t make sense.

Sure Hillary may have big timed Bill right here, but if you don't think he'll make up for it by fucking at least 8 chicks before the end of the week than you're nuts. Nobody cheats like Bill Clinton. Guy is as smooth as it comes and you don't embarrass him on his turf without paying for it in pussy.

I was sent the following email this morning:

Hi David,

Would you be interested in judging a cleavage contest at King Richard’s Faire in Carver, MA on Sept. 13 at 4 p.m.? You would be judging cleavage in the following categories: most authentic 16^th century renaissance dress revealing cleavage, most buxom wench, and most daring neckline. Given that you are the editor of Barstool Sports, I thought you might be a natural fit for this. Please let me know if you have any thoughts or questions. We need a maximum of 3 judges and every year look for media-types and local celebrities to judge (like yourself). Last year Ernie Boch was a judge.  Here’s a link to the King Richard’s Faire web site: http://kingrichardsfaire.net

Alanna

There is an old expression in the media buisness that goes something like this.  “You’re an absolute nobody until King Richards Fair has asked you to judge their annual Cleavage contest. “   So naturally I’ve been waiting for this invite since the second I started the Stool and it is with great pride that I humbly accept it.      Move over Ernie Boch, here come El Presidente!    And yes I plan on doing a ton of research on 16^th century renaissance dresses, buxom wenches and plunging necklines.  Because say whatever you want about me, but I take my cleavage contest judging VERY seriously.

Boston.com - The superstar quarterback with the supermodel girlfriend has made a super-savvy real estate deal. New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady earned back more than he paid two years ago for a building in Boston's Back Bay neighborhood by renovating three condominiums and selling them - and, as a bonus, he kept the top two floors, with a panoramic view of the Charles River, for himself. Brady purchased the Beacon Street building in May 2006, trading up from a modest condo at Marina Bay in Quincy that lacked water views. He converted the Back Bay town house into four condominiums and closed his third condo sale last week to a South American tycoon. That transaction brings his total pro ceeds to $7.95 million - $1.71 million more than he paid for the entire building, according to public deed records. In a sense, said Boston real estate agent John Keith, Brady "was able to break even on the sales and get a condo for free. He did pretty well." A Chicago sports marketer, Marc Ganis, said football players have short careers and must carefully manage their money so they aren't broke when they walk off the field for the final time. That might be particularly challenging for Brady, a "crossover celebrity" whose fans - and the general public - expect him to live an expensive lifestyle with his Brazilian supermodel girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen. "He is one of the most visible off-the-field players in NFL history" and is "expected to have a certain lifestyle, a certain way of traveling, certain homes," said Ganis, president of SportsCorp. Ltd.

It’s good to see that great Michigan minds think alike.    I’ve been telling the First Lady for months now that we should chop up her mother’s house in Abington and sell them off as condos.   It’s a goldmine!   Because it’s not just NFL players that have to worry about their financial future when they retire.   I mean Smut Peddlers like myself run the same risk of being broke after they hang up their cleats.    Just like with Tom Brady I have a certain reputation and lifestyle I need to maintain.  I mean you think it’s cheap to pay pretty girls to act like they like me and jet setting from Abington to Boston? Sometimes I feel like people think I have a smut money tree growing in the back yard, but I don’t.  The bottom-line is that if I’m not careful I’ll burn through my vast smut fortune and have nothing left when it’s over.   But I guess that’s the risk that superstars like Tom Brady and myself take when we enter the public eye.

PS – In all seriousness saying that it will be a challenge for Tom Brady not to be broke when he retires is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my life.   Guy makes gazillions of dollars.   I think he should be okay.

What I’m about to say may come as a shock to people.   The NFL kicked off last night and I don’t care.  I didn’t watch one play.   And it wasn’t like I wasn’t watching football either.  I was watching South Carolina against Vandy.     (I had the Commodores +10 thank you very much)   But for the first time in my life I’m just not that excited about the beginning of the NFL season.     Usually I get butterflies like 3 weeks in advance, but not this year.    And it’s all because of what happened on Black Sunday.  It has caused me to lose all my enthusiasm for the regular season.   It just doesn’t matter to me.  I don’t care whether we go 16-0 again.   I don’t care by how many points we beat the Chiefs on Sunday.   I don’t care how many TD’s Randy Moss scores.   Nothing matters.    Maybe my feelings will change after the Red Sox win the World Series again and baseball is over, but right now the NFL is doing nothing for me.   Listen, I’m not a stupid Colts fan.   I can’t get excited about meaningless regular season football.   I mean we all know the Pats are going to win the division.  But the only thing that matters is winning the Superbowl.  I just want to skip ahead to the playoffs so we can rectify what happened last year.   Does that make me a spoiled or a bad fan?   I don’t know.   But I can’t be the only one feeling this way right?   Because I’m as a big a football nut as there is.  I feel like I’ve watched every NFL game for the past 15 years.   But I’m totally disinterested right now.   I mean I'll obviously watch the Pats but I'm not looking forward to it or anything. I just can’t get into it until we are in a position to fix what happened last year and that can’t happen until the playoffs.   I’m curious what the Stoolies think

Vote 1 for not interested and 10 for you’re already tailgating for Sunday

Now we obviously don't condone hitting chicks under any circumstances, but you got to give the guy who slapped the shit out of that chick some credit here. I mean he actually tricked me into thinking he was the victim for a couple minutes with his "How could she slap?" routine. I was like yeah how could she slap? But then I remembered he was a "guy" and deserves to get the shit kicked out of him. Regardless this girl has a jaw of steel. 9 out of 10 girls hit the ground in that situation and are still crying 3 months later. She should look into a career in boxing with a chin like that.

Click For More of Jessica