Random Thoughts

Okay it's time for the Quarter Final Matchups for Round III of the Smokeshow of the Month Brackets. Voting will go only until Wednesday's smokeshow is announced. So to quote Diddy...."Vote or Die"

MATCHUP #1

Chelsea

Vs.

Jessica

MATCHUP #2

Jessica Dedham

Vs.

Daniella

MATCHUP #3

Jen C

Vs.

Anna

MATCHUP #4

Melissa

Vs.

Lisa

The son of Roger Clemens and two minor-league teammates were arrested early Sunday and briefly jailed after a disturbance at a restaurant in Salem, Va. In a news release, police said Koby Clemens, Mark Ori and Jimmy Goethals were arrested after police were called to the parking lot of a restaurant. Clemens and Ori were charged with disorderly conduct. Goethals was charged with assault and battery. The three play for the Salem Avalanche, who played their final game of the season Monday in Lynchburg.

How does that expression go? The one about apples falling off trees? Or is it chips falling off of blocks? Or is it "The son of a big, violent, stupid, money-grubbing, pompous, ignorant, performance-enhanced, lying douchebag will grow up to be a big, violent, stupid, money-grubbing, pompous, ignorant, performance-enhanced, lying douchebag"? Because it happens every time. Roger played ball, Koby plays ball. Roger had Bayou Mama's, Koby has Mac & Bob's. Roger can't handle his booze, Koby can't handle his booze. Expect Koby, if his career goes any further, to chuck broken bats at baserunners, choke in big games, whore himself out the highest bidder time and again, fake retirement five times, make Suzyn Waldman cry, bang a 14 year old, and get indicted for lying to Congress. It runs in the family.

Introducing Molly from BC. I figured I had to throw the Superfans a bone in honor of their impressive opening game victory against arch rival Kent State. It's good to see BC finally scheduling some non conference powerhouses. And I promise never to make fun of BC cheerleaders again. At least not as long as Molly is prowling the sidelines.

Do you know any smokeshows? Don't be selfish and hog them. Send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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I would be my life that Matthew McConaughey makes Camila call him Vince Young when he's sticking it to her in bed.

Click To Hear Neuheisel After The Game

First of all I'd just to say that I had UCLA first half line last night +4.5. They were tied 7-7 with the ball at midfield and 20 seconds left in the half when they threw a pick 6 to end it. So let's just say I'm not sharing the same enthusiasm that Rick Neuheisel had after the game. Still this is hilarious. UCLA is acting like they just won the National Championship or something. I mean this has to be the first coach in the history of football that has grabbed the microphone after an opening game victory right? But as good as this speech was the quote of the week still has to go to Ron Zook when asked why he didn't complain about a clock malfunction against Missouri.

"I was just trying to figure out what was going on with the defense," Zook said. "They were going through us like crap through a goose at that time."

Crap through a goose! That is liquid gold.  And yes I’m totally stealing it from the Zooker.  

“That Fenway buffet went through me like crap through a goose”.

Splashnewsonline - Glamour Models Rosie Jones, Amy Diamond and Katie Downs march down Oxford Street in London wearing lingerie to promote the reopening of the Ann Summers store.

Mother fucker the British know how to open a store!  Imagine seeing these bitches strutting down the street?  I’d literally be paralyzed for life.    It would be an instant vertebra injury situation.

Jackie: So you're driving in the car, you're with your friend, minding your own business?
Kramer: Yeah.
Jackie: Then what happened?
Kramer: The we saw this woman, and she was wearing a bra with no top.
Jackie: No top? She didn't have a top on?
Kramer: No. So I got distracted and I crashed the car.
Jackie: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Jackie: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!
Kramer: She was flouting.
Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!

From Yahoo Sports: The $300 million headache has graduated to a migraine.They’re booing Alex Rodriguez at Yankee Stadium again... the sort of Bronx jeer reserved for only the most loathsome Yankees. Carl Pavano is more popular right now than A-Rod. Think about that. And then think about the last year, perhaps the most seminal of Rodriguez’s life. He gagged again last postseason, clumsily opted out of his contract during the World Series, revealed himself a pliable ninny by blaming his agent, broke up his marriage by latching on to Madonna (who at 50 could be his mom), again forgot how to hit in the clutch and now is stuck in one of the worst stretches of his career, glug-glug-glugging with his sunken ship.

A-Rod is grounding into double plays and striking out and putting together – no hyperbole – the worst clutch-hitting season in all of Major League Baseball... Win Probability Added (WPA), as tracked by fangraphs.com, assigns a different value to every [hitting] situation... [and is] an indicator of how well a player fared in clutch situations. This year, Rodriguez’s WPA ranks 93rd of 158 eligible players.

This is like hitting the Schadenfreude Powerball. Not only are the Yankees hopelessly out of the postseason hunt, and stuck with the most universally unliked player in the Majors to the tune of 10 years and $300 million, but now the stat nerds are now taking what we've known all along... that ARod throws up in his mouth when he's needed most... and they're proving it scientifically. You can click on the link if you want to read the details of how the geeks calculated ARod's clutch futility, but I never cared for Sabremetrics all that much. I'll settle for what my eyes tell me. I don't need a spreadsheet to see the brown stains in his pants every time the Yankees need him to come through in the clutch. Remember last year all that talk about how he'd finally "turned the corner" and how Yankee fans had finally "embraced him" as "he kept the team afloat" with all those clutch hits when they were struggling? Well that's all vanished like a fart in the wind. And the MVP Mr. Madonna won last year is going to a second year, undersized, low-paid middle infielder with short arms, a ridiculously big swing and a heart to match it. It's no coincidence that Dustin Pedroia has something else ARod doesn't: a World Series ring.

So the Red Sox are offering an all you can eat buffet huh?  I wonder what’s next?    Slot machines or Keno?  Pretty soon it will be like a mini Vegas out there.    But what’s up with cutting this thing off after the 3^rd inning?    That’s diabolical!  I mean these people are obviously going to want to eat more food during the game right?  Only Lucchino would pull a stunt like this.  I mean the Sox get you for parking.  They get you for the buffet.  They get you for the post 3^rd inning food.   They’re not happy till they bleed you dry.   I guess it is like Vegas after all.  

PS – You need to have some serious confidence in your stomach to order this Buffet.  I mean I wouldn’t even think of getting this unless it came with a key to a personal porta potty as well.

Click Here For the Answer

Did people see this last night? This was just sick. Guy throws a 95 mph fastball 2 feet outside and Pedroia hits a line drive the other way to knock in two. It was an impossible swing. The guy is just unreal. To quote Lou Merloni "I haven't seen a guy hit like this since Nomar was here" Amen brother, Amen.

PS - Anybody got any good ideas for a Pedroia shirt?

SPRINGFIELD - Club 418 was in effect put on probation by the License Commission after two of the strip joint's dancers fought and one hit another with a stiletto-heel shoe.  The commission voted 4-1 on Aug. 14 to find the club at 453Ã�½ Worthington St. in violation by hindering an investigation by failing to call police after a fight between dancers June 12.  Police responded as a result of a cell-phone call from the victim, police said.  A woman who said she was an exotic dancer was found sitting on the sidewalk in front of the club at 9:10 p.m., bleeding from her head. She said another dancer kicked her with a stiletto-heeled shoe in the forehead, according to the police report. The commission voted 4-1 to give the club a one-day liquor license "suspended" suspension, meaning the bar will lose its license for one day if another violation occurs within six months.

What the fuck kind of strip club is Club 418? Are they really bragging about having the fattest chicks in New England? I've never even heard of such a thing! No wonder strippers are getting stabbed in the head with stilettos. Everybody knows that fat bitches don't fuck around. Somebody "borrows" their lipstick or eats their mozzarella sticks and suddenly it's WWIII. Still you don’t go crying to the cops/media.  You keep it in the clubhouse. What happens in the stripper locker room should stay in the stripper locker room.  It’s a long season out there.  It’s only natural that the tension will boil over from time to time.  But you got to handle that shit internally.   That’s what separates the great strip clubs from the Glass Slippers of the world.  That and having chicks that won't break your dick with a lap dance.

I never condone physical violence at Barstool Sports, but you won't catch me crying if somebody cripples this guy in a bar fight next time he wears this shirt out in public. I mean it would be one thing to wear this in New York, but in Allston? It's almost like you're daring somebody to beat the snot out of you. I mean I wouldn't wear a "Yankees Choke" shirt to a dive bar in the Bronx without expecting to get my ass kicked. Hopefully somebody teaches this guy a lesson with a simple broken nose or something to that effect.

Thank to Bo for the pic

RENO, Nev. (Aug. 31) -- A dust storm chased away some participants from the counterculture Burning Man festival before its traditional climax Saturday night on the northern Nevada desert, authorities said. Roger Farschon, incident commander for the federal Bureau of Land Management, said the dust storm on the Black Rock Desert about 110 miles north of Reno began early Saturday afternoon and continued into the evening. A dust storm put a damper on the counterculture Burning Man festival in the northern Nevada desert, prompting some revelers to leave the gathering early. Here, some participants wait for the storm to clear in the Black Rock Desert on Saturday. The annual celebration of radical self-expression was scheduled to climax Saturday night with the torching of its 40-foot signature effigy.

The only thing worse than hippies are pussy hippies.  I mean a little fucking dust storm rolls down the plains and these chumps run for the hills.   Seriously who cares about getting dirty when you already live your entire life in squalor anyway?   Such a fucking shame too.  Because everybody knows that Burning Man just isn’t the same when you don’t get to torch the 40 foot effigy.     

PS – I totally want to change my title at Barstool Sports from Publisher to Incident Commander.    That would be one sweet business card. 

“So what do you do for a living?"

"I’m the Incident commander for Barstool Sports."

A chick would almost have no choice but to suck your dick with a title like that.

Click Here for more of Worcester's Alicia Witt