Random Thoughts

Grand Slam Dustin Pedroia! What a way to close out Yankee Stadium! Thanks for the memories guys! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Introducing Meredith from UConn via Cape Cod. Umm can you say potato sack girl? And since we haven't had one in awhile her is the definition just in case you forgot.

Potato Sack Girl - Girl who is so impossibly hot and cute at the same time that you just want to throw a potato sack over her and marry the shit out of her.

As a reminder the Smokeshow of the Day feature can't work without nominations from our readers. So if you know any hotties sneaking around your neck of the woods please send them our way. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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I got to side with the mother here. That other kid is obviously a total pussy. Listen he can talk until he's blue in the face about how he doesn't want to fight with the mother there, but we all know that's bullshit. After all what could be sweeter than beating a kid's ass right in his mother's grill mix? I mean that would be the ultimate humiliation. Clearly this kid doesn't think he can take him. Tommy Gunn only fights in the ring!

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For the past couple months I’ve been getting non stop messages from some chick at the Bruins.   She never says why she was calling or what she did with the team.  She just leaves her name and her number and says she is looking forward to speaking with me.   I can never tell whether it’s a cold call or whether she’s interested in advertising with Barstool Sports.   But the messages never felt right so I never called her back.  Well today she calls me on my cell phone for like the 10^th time.  So I finally decide to give her a buzz back and see what she wants.    I end up getting her voicemail which says she’s a ticket sales associate so I obviously hang up right away.  Well two fucking seconds later she calls me back and apologizes for missing my call.  She then goes on to say that she knows I’m a Bruins fan and wants to sell me tickets  because this is going to be a huge season for the B’s, blah, blah, blah.    I was like listen honey.  “I don’t even like the Bruins or hockey in general.  I’ve gone to one game in five years and that was just because I hate the Canadians.    Long story short I’m not interested in loading up on Bruins tickets”   Still she managed to keep me on the phone for like 10 minutes reminiscing about Rickey Middleton and Pete Peters.  It got so bad I thought she was going to offer to blow me if I’d buy a set.   And I got to be honest.  I felt so bad for her that I almost bought some tickets just out of sheer pity.  I mean this has to be the worst job on the planet right?  I wouldn’t wish cold calling Bruins tickets upon my worst enemy.  Forget Deadliest Catch, Ice Truckers and all those other reality shows.  They should do something on people trying to sell B’s tickets for a living.  Now that is dangerous shit.

From the NYPost: They were bitter to the end - and beyond. A Brooklyn couple slain in their home last month spoke from the grave in drafted last wills, leaving a bizarre legacy for unloved ones they detested in life.

Here are a few of more life-affirming tidbits from the wills of Mark and Christina-Maria Petrowski-Schwartz:

• "To my brother who I know hopes to be in my will, well, here you are... the sum of zero ($0.00) Dollars... I believe this sum is fitting, as you are probably the most greedy person I know."
• "You are probably screaming and yelling by now." But, "brothers are supposed to want each other to be the most they can be.... You, on the other hand, just sat in judgment of me and were always jealous."
• Robert, you have a choice, you can come to my grave site to say hello out of love or piss on me for not giving you money."
• "I give and bequeath the sum of $1 each to my" mother, father, two brothers and sister "and request that they donate same to their precious church to whom they had a greater allegiance, than to their first child and sister."
• Mark then urges his friends - should burial at sea be impossible - to come up with something befitting his character. "Perhaps a beach party with strippers"
• Schwartz also lays out $25,000 for each of two friends - Steven Rezac and Peter Klages - but cautions them not to tell their spouses. "This gift is conditioned upon each of them not telling their respective wives of said gift so they may not get their hands on same"

With all due respect to my ancestors, Mark and Christina-Maria are now my all time favorite deceased people. This, my friends, is how it's done. You wouldn't know it to look at them, but these two had to be the wretched, miserable people in the world and they weren't about to go quietly into that good night or let a little thing like the peace of the grave put them in a good mood. They put on a clinic for how to get the last word in a family squabble. The Schwartzes work in bitterness like a great artist works in oils or water colors. They're the Gaugins of Grudges. The Van Goghs of Vindictiveness. I'm the youngest of five, and I can't count how many hours I spent planning the revenge I'd get on my brothers once I was bigger and stronger than them, but it never happened. But Mark & Christina-Maria Schwartz have shown me the way. "To my brothers, who gave me pink bellies, pinned me down and dangled big, viscous loogies in my face and tried get the dog to hump me, I leave ($0.00) Dollars..." Then the joke will finally be on them.

JSonline - Tempers became heated Sunday afternoon at a roasted corn stand at the Great Lakes Dragaway in Union Grove, where a dispute over a returned product turned into a case of an ear for an ear. The stand’s operator, Vincent E. Wells, 46, of Milwaukee, was arrested after he was accused of punching a 38-year-old woman near her left ear after the two argued when the woman tried to return what she said was a rotten ear of corn. Wells said in an interview that he pushed the woman, but didn’t punch her.  Deadra Cohen of Rolling Meadows, Ill., said in a separate interview that her husband bought two ears of corn for $6 from Wells while they were watching motorcycle races.  Cohen said her husband’s corn was fine, but hers was small and white and tasted bitter. Wells said the ear had a small soft spot. She said she walked back to the booth, politely explained the situation and asked to exchange her corn for a new ear.  “That’s when (Wells) got huffy and puffy, and that’s when I got sarcastic,” Cohen said.  Wells told an investigator that he offered to refund the money and said Cohen was “rude and boisterous” and was “making a scene,”  Cohen eventually threw an ear of corn into the booth, hitting an oven, the report says. “Where I threw the corn was nowhere near him,” Cohen said. “I didn’t fling it at him.” As Cohen and her husband walked away, according to the report, Wells approached from behind and punched Cohen in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground.

First of all I refuse to believe that something like this could happen at a classy venue like the Great Lakes Dragaway.    I just hope this isn’t a black eye for motorcycle racing venues everywhere.   Regardless if ever a woman deserved to get punched in the head this is it.   Seriously what world are you living in where you think you can return corn on the cob?  Everybody knows that buying corn is a fucking crap shoot.  I mean if all corn was created equal then there would be no need to shuck them at the supermarket.    But just like with life, there are no guarantees.   Getting a small one that tastes bitter with a soft spot in the middle is a risk you take.  It’s just part of the corn game.   Bottom-line is that if everybody started throwing every bad ear of corn back at the people they bought it from we’d have complete and total anarchy.

Wikipedia.com - Barstool Sportsis a free biweekly newspaper in Boston, founded by current editor and publisher David Portnoy (who writes under the byline El Presidente). Launched in August 2003 as a four-page gambling rag, it has grown to be one of the better-known local sources of "alternative" sports humor and coverage in the city. It is perhaps best known for its scantily clad cover models, in the style of Maxim (magazine) and similar men's magazines. The writing and style of humor, as the writers themselves admit, is heavily influenced by national sports writer Bill Simmons, and the paper has a love-hate relationship with Simmons himself. Regular features include the "Stool Samples" column, which mocks perceived stupidity of members of the sports media, as well "Random Thoughts and Reader Emails", consisting primarily of editorials by Portnoy on various subjects, not necessarily sports-related, "Sox Offenders" (discussing the Boston Red Sox) and a lifestyle column by Kati Cawley ("From Her Perspective").

Portnoy currently resides with his girlfriend, frequently referred to as "the first lady" in the basement of her parents' Abington, MA home.

"The Stool" attracted some publicity and controversy in September 2005, when it made public an expletive-filled voicemail from local sports radio personality John Dennis directed towards his competitor Ryen Russillo. The publication of a glossy "Boston's 25 Sexiest Bartenders and Waitresses" issue in November further increased Barstool's local profile, as did the controversial 2007 inclusion of a photo shoot of a Boston College Law School student wearing the university's trademark yellow "Superfan" shirt.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! 

“Portnoy currently resides with his girlfriend, frequently referred to as "the first lady" in the basement of her parents' Abington, MA home.”

Who the fuck wrote that?   I thought Wikipedia was supposed to be accurate.  This is total bullshit!    We live in an inlaw apartment of her mom’s house not in the basement.     Deal with it.

Thepost.com - An Ohio University student was left to find her own way home from Greece after being found guilty of plagiarism on a study abroad program at sea. Allison Routman, an Ohio University senior from Minnesota, along with a student from California Baptist University, were expelled from Semester at Sea, a program sponsored by the University of Virginia, for plagiarizing from Wikipedia. “When we first arrived at the ship, they explained the honor code to everyone,” Routman said. “But it is a very complex system, especially for those who don't go to U. Va. and are unfamiliar with how it works. Because of safety concerns, Routman’s parents spoke with administrators to ensure that she did not have to fly out of Egypt. Routman was dropped off at the next port, outside of Athens, Greece, where she was provided with cab fare for transportation to the airport. Routman slept in the airport until her flight departed the next morning.

Allison Routman can calm down with all her excuses.  I mean spare me the sob story about how you didn’t know that Wikipedia counted as plagiarism and didn’t understand the honor code.   It makes you sound like a baby.   Instead just be honest.  Everybody knows that honor code doesn’t count in International waters.   Therefore not only is cheating allowed, but it’s encouraged.   It’s like rule #1 in the Semester at Sea rulebook.  No books, no classes, no bull shit. Just float around on a boat and get laid.   At least that’s how the forefathers intended it to be when they invented the Semester at Sea program.  Bottom-line is that if anybody should have been thrown to the wolves/Egyptians it should have been the teacher for giving homework in the first place.  

You can say whatever you want about this little guy, but I promise you that you don't want to be walking down a dark alley and end up in dance off with him. That's for god damn sure.

MOVE OVER ENZA....

HERE COMES JAIME KOTSAY

Have people noticed this little Herbal Medicine Center store in Southie?  Every time I drive by it I do a double take.   What’s the deal with it?  I haven’t been this intrigued with a store since the Green Spot went out of business in Revere.   Am I wrong to assume that you can buy crack cocaine over the counter here? And what's the deal with the medical massages? I bet there is nothing medical about them.

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