Random Thoughts

Introducing Alyssa from Curry College. I think this is the 2nd girl we've had from Curry which makes the score Curry College 2, Superfans 0. BC is such a joke. I bet Alyssa applied to BC just to taunt them with her hotness.

It's wet. It's rainy. I need to warm up. Send me some smokeshows that make my bones tingle. Yes I even creeped myself out there. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Alyssa

Spain's Olympic basketball teams have risked upsetting their Chinese hosts by posing for a pre-Games advert making slit-eyed gestures.... The advert features two large photographs, one of the men's basketball team... on a basketball court decorated with a picture of a Chinese dragon. Every single player appears pulling back the skin on either side of their eyes.

According to the IOC's official website, "The goal of the Olympic Movement is to contribute to building a peaceful and better world by educating youth through sport practised without discrimination of any kind and in the Olympic spirit, which requires mutual understanding with a spirit of friendship, solidarity and fair play." And what better way for the Spanish hoops team to express a spirit of friendship practiced without discrimination than to make slanty eyes like a bunch of drunken college douches at 2AM giving a hard time to the waiter at the Imperial Garden?

I have to confess that except for the times when Pau Gasol is open for a jumper against the Celtics, I pay zero attention to Spanish basketball. So my question is, do they do stuff like this for every Olympics? When the Games were in Moscow, did they pose for a team picture like they were drinking vodka or eating their dead relatives at the Battle of Leningrad? In Sydney did they strike a pose guzzling Foster's or holding babies over crocodiles? I mean, does this Spanish Basketball brand of racism unique to just the Chinese, or does it extend to all cultures? Because I'd shudder to think how they posed for the Games when they were in Greece.

Click Here For The Answer

It's 15 hours later and I'm still fired up from the improbable U.S. win in last night's swimming relay over our arch rivals, the French. Now today I find out it's the Hulkster's 55th birthday! I mean if I took a dump right now I guarantee it would come out red, white and blue. All we need is the Yankees to win a few games in Minnesota and everything will be right with the world. Anyway, happy birthday once again to the Hulkster. Somewhere the Iron Shiek is doing very dirty things with an upside down American flag.

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- A woman who made news around the world when she had five pups cloned from her beloved pit bull Booger looked very familiar to some who saw her picture: She's the same woman who 31 years earlier was accused of abducting a Mormon missionary in England, handcuffing him to a bed and making him her sex slave. The story of Joyce McKinney is the stuff of pulp fiction: a North Carolina-born beauty queen who moved west, won the title Miss Wyoming USA and went on to college at Brigham Young University, where she became obsessed with a Mormon fellow student. When that young Mormon took a missionary trip to England, authorities say McKinney hired a private detective so she could locate and follow him. She and a male accomplice were accused of abducting the 21-year-old missionary as he went door to door, taking him to a rented 17th-century ''honeymoon cottage'' in Devon and chaining him spread-eagle to a bed with several pairs of mink-lined handcuffs.  I loved him so much,'' she told a judge, ''that I would ski naked down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to.'' McKinney and her accomplice spent three months in a London jail before being released on bail. Press reports at the time that said the pair then jumped bail, posing as deaf-mute actors in Ireland to board an Air Canada flight to Toronto and eventually a bus to Cleveland, where investigators lost their trail.   London police told the AP they've consigned the case to the history books because of its age and won't seek McKinney's extradition.

Yawn.     Do me a favor and wake me up when we have an interesting story.   Honestly I can only take so many of these beauty queens kidnapping Mormons stories.  Yeah, the dog cloning and the jumping bail by posing as a deaf mute actor was a nice touch, but enough is enough.   I mean once you’ve heard about one Mormon being spread eagled to a bed with mink handcuffs and used as a sex slave, I think you’ve heard them all.   

PS – I like the way London works.   Once they put a case in the history books, it’s over.   End of story.

First Lady who?

Listen you never want to see a dirt bike land on somebody's head like this, but what the fuck was that guy doing standing there in the first place? I mean it was only a matter of time until something like this happened right? And not for nothing but that dude with the yellow flag needs a bigger flag or something. I mean this track ain't that big that it should have been this much of a clusterfuck to let people know there was a man down.

I don't care what Al Trautwig says. There is NO way these bitches are a day over 11 years old. And just in case you're wondering you need to be 16 to compete in Gymnastics. Unless you live in China where apparently you can be 8.

Just in case you're wondering, the reporter who got doused is Molly Dapier. She's so big time that when I googled her I found absolutly zero pictures of her. To give you some comparison if you google me you can find at least one picture. Anyway, apparently she works for a website called mouthpiece sports, which I never knew existed until I saw this video. So the question is whether this was a publicity stunt or not? I mean who carries around a gatorade bucket with them outside a park? Regardless I think the moral of this story is that watching a hot chick get soaked with water never gets old whether it's real or fake. And yes I'm still hoping against hope that somebody finds the video of Julie Donaldson getting soaked by the Mets.

(Credit for the video to every blog in the universe who already posted it this weekend)

WeirdAsianNews.com - Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble. Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park. The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole. He panicked and called the police to help him.  When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time. When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital. 4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench. Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Listen I may not be expert at banging park benches, but even I know that you got to lube the thing up first.   It’s just common sense really.  I mean if you don’t, you’re basically begging to get your dick caught in the hole.  Still despite this rookie mistake, you got to feel bad for Xing.  Nobody wants to have to call 912 in this situation.  And just when you think it can’t get any more humiliating, the Chinese paparazzi show up out of nowhere and start taking pictures.    You knew they wouldn’t miss a 50 year storm.

PS - How do I get a subscription to Weird Asia News? Because I'm fucking hooked.

We already posted this video a couple months ago, but in honor of the Winchester's Alicia Sacramone competing in the Olympics (even though she kind of sucked last night) I figured we should post it again. Listen if I've said it once I've said it a million times. You don't let chicks punch you in the face. Especially Olympians who are built like Russian Tanks. Unless of course you are looking to get knocked the fuck out.

I was at Saratoga all weekend doing what real Americans do best. No not swimming. I was gambling and boozing. So obviously I didn't watch the Opening Ceremonies. But judging from the amount of emails I got regarding Paraguayn Javelin thrower Leryn Franco, she must have stolen the show. I'm not sure if she walked naked or something, but people couldn't stop raving about her. So do to popular demand here she is;

Click here for more of Leryn

"The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for."

- French Swimmer Alain Bernard

Fucking French never know when to keep their mouths shut. Sure it wasn't exactly Lake Placid, but somehow the U.S. team just beat the French in the 4x100 swimming relay in absolute dramatic fashion. In case you missed the race, the heavily-favored French team (huh?) was about 50 feet from the wall about to take home the Gold when all of a sudden the U.S. dude passed the French dude, of course the one who trash-talked before the race, in the final strides to win by .08 of a second. In Sega terms, it appeared he "pressed B" or something to give him the extra boost. I really don't know how he did it other than he's from America and the other guy was from France.

PS - I'm officially into the Olympics.