Random Thoughts

Introducing Julie from BU via Walpole.   Somewhere Todd Collins is smiling from the heavens.   Seriously who knew local girls went to BU?   Oh wait that’s where the First Lady went.  Nevermind.

I’m off doing my paper route.   I want a boat load of smokeshow nominations waiting for me in my inbox when I return.  Make it happen!  Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Julie

TULSA — A woman who was charged with committing felony crimes against nature was arrested this morning after police were notified of more than 150 homemade movies of the Tulsa County woman engaging in various sex acts with dogs. Donald Roy Seigfried, 55 and Diane Sue Whalen 54, were charged with the crime, which deals with bestiality.

Authorities were notified of the tapes after Whalen’s son accidentally stumbled onto one of the movies and then alerted the sheriff's department. The tapes, along with three dogs -- a Labrador, a blue heeler and a mixed breed -- were also taken into custody. Bowman said his office is recommending that they be taken away from the suspects and be put down.

Talk about doggy style...

I'm a fairly open minded guy. Whatever goes on between two consenting mammals in the privacy of their own bedroom is none of my business. But when one of those mammals looks like Diane Sue Whalen, then what she did to those dogs is way crueler than anything that Michael Vick ever dreamed of. And you can argue that the dogs didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't be put down, but in this case it constitutes a mercy killing. How are these poor critters supposed to face the other dogs in the neighborhood once word gets out they were sniffing butts with this hag? As a matter of fact, they ought to do the humane thing and put Whalen's son out of his misery too.

Australian doctors have raised concerns about clinics offering vaginal cosmetic surgery, warning the trend towards so-called "designer vaginas" may be exploiting vulnerable women. The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists said procedures being offered included "vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification".

The college labelled the procedures dangerous, expensive and unwarranted, and said it strongly discouraged surgery that was not backed by scientific evidence or clinical trials. The college said women should understand that there were a large number of variations in the appearance of normal female genitalia. (Thanks to Bill for the article, photo from boston.com)

Well, Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, call us here at Barstool what you will, but we'll continue to fight for a woman's right to do what she wants with her own body. Who are you to dictate what she should want her cooch to look like? Where do you get off (no pun intended) saying what "normal female genitalia" is? If some woman isn't satisfied with the look of her coin purse or has a vajeen that hangs like a wizard's sleeve, are you going to stand in the way of her making herself happy? Call me a bed wetting, liberal feminist, but I'll continue to speak out for vaginal rejuvenation, revirgination, designer vaginoplasty and G-spot amplification, even if it costs me my political career. Because when perfect vaginas are outlawed, only outlaws will have perfect vaginas.

Dude do me favor Sly and put on some sleeves. This is flat out nasty! If this doesn't scare kids away from doing roids then nothing will....

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) - Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

Police said the 42-year-old man dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren't arriving fast enough. Subway workers told police Peterson became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store after he left to call police. When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

I had to read this story five times to make sense of it. I assumed I must have missed something. Specifically the part where Reginald Peterson did anything wrong. Guy buys an Italian sub. He asks for sauce. He pays for sub with sauce. He doesn't get sauce. The sub jockeys not only refuse to rectify the problem, they lock him out of the restaurant to boot. So the aggrieved Mr. Peterson does what all good citizens should do when they're a victim of a crime; he calls the police. I mean, you want some sauce, you pay for some sauce, you expect your sauce and if they don't give you your goddamned sauce, how is it any different than if someone picks your pocket or breaks into your house and robs you? For the cops to have done anything other than arrest every Subway employee from the sub maker to the register girl all the way up to Jared himself is a miscarriage of justice and an outrage. Free Reginald Peterson! No Reginald, no peace!

PS - I have called 911 before when my bookie's line has been busy 1 minute before kickoff.

I know what everybody is thinking right now.  Hey, wasn’t Brownies Beer Die Open 2008 this past weekend?    And didn’t they invite Barstool Sports to play in it this year?   Well the answer is yes on both accounts.         Yup while everybody else was laying on their couch getting fat on Saturday, I was putting it all on the line for the chance to hoist the richest trophy in all of Abington; The Brownies Beer Die Cup.     Now let me preface by saying that my partner and I had never played Beer Die in our lives.  So the odds were clearly stacked against us considering we were going against some of the finest Beer Die players the South Shore has to offer.   I mean there were shirts from Agawam to Weymouth in the house.    Still Barstool Sports doesn’t show up anywhere if we don’t think we can dominate.  I even brought along a couple former smokeshows to distract the other team and possibly give out celebratory blowjobs when we won.   

Anyway after an hour of practice I was actually somewhat confident that we were the team to beat.  Our defense was like the 85 Bears.  We just totally smothered the die whenever it hit the table.  I even think I heard it scream once in pain.  Bottom line is that if we were going to lose our opponents would have to play perfect beer die to beat us.  Unfortunately that’s exactly what happened in the first game.  It was like Villanova vs. Georgetown all over again.   The guys we played just couldn’t miss.  Now anybody who knows anything about double elimination tournaments knows that you don’t want to go into the loser’s bracket after the first game.    After all, nobody in the history of Brownies Beer Die Open had ever lost their first game and gone on to win the championship.    But we’d never been in it before.   So undaunted we slowly began the epic march back to the top of the mountain.  We destroyed our next 3 opponents and suddenly everybody was whispering about the 1990 Swampscott Vs. Abington Junior Little League State Final when we came back from 4 runs down with 2 outs in the last inning to capture the championship.  Could it happen again this time on Abington’s home turf?     Well unfortunately the answer was no.   We ended up getting bounced by the 2 time defending champ on center court.  Some fans said the brackets were rigged and that they brought in the cooler to shut us down, but I digress.    Overall I have nothing but great things to say about the event.   The Stool will be a fixture now on and I highly recommend anybody who considers themselves a top shelf MA Beer Die player to get their ass down there next year.      Because to be the best you got to beat the best.   Although some would argue that was us this past Saturday despite the 3-2 record.

PS - Anybody who doesn't think this should be an olympic sport can talk to my quads which are still burning from getting low.

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This is your classic MLB-caliber girl fight. Manny Parra didn't even put his hands up. It raises a point I've always made about episodes like this: What if no one intervened? What if the rest of the Brewers just stood back and did nothing? Or better yet, egged Parra and Fielder on, school yard style? I'll bet my Ted Williams autographed ball that they'd never throw a punch. They'd both just stand there until all the nutrients in their bodies were used up and they keeled over from malnutrion.

Also, I don't know what it is about guys named Manny being involved in dugout head-slapping episodes this season, but until further notice I'd raise the Threat Level to Orange and keep my head on a swivel around Delcarmen.

Jerry's Final Thought: Is it just me, or do 90% of all National League highlights involve Bronson Arroyo?

EagleTribune.com - — Two men dressed like ninjas busted their way into a local pharmacy early this morning and "with military precision" made off with a large amount of drugs in less than two minutes, said police Lt. Paul Gallagher. The two men dressed all in black with their faces covered used sledgehammers to break through a door at Walgreen's, 800 Waverly Road, about 12:38 a.m. A worker hid while the two men used crow bars to break open the store's drug lockers, police said.

 Yikes, and I thought the reason people moved to North Andover was to get away from the Ninja’s.   But seriously I’m calling bullshit here.  Listen if a Ninja robs your pharmacy do you really think you’re going to be able to describe what they looked like?   Hell you probably won’t even know that you were robbed until like two weeks later when the books don’t add up.  Plus it would be one thing if they were using smokescreens, bō staffs, and Chinese stars, but sledgehammers?  I don’t think so.  So despite how badly I want to believe that there are ancient Japanese warriors going around boosting local Walgreens, I think this is just a case of North Andover trying to act like even their robberies are more sophisticated than in other towns.

Blog by Mr. Mill City

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Bar Refaeli is the only chick on the planet right now who can command her own blog by just walking down the street. I mean I was mesmerized by this video. She's like Tyson in his prime. Her white shirt never stood a chance. It was a virtuoso performance in how to walk down the street. With all due apologies to Megan Fox, nobody can hold a candle to her right now. And that's coming from a guy who likes Brunettes. But this was the most dominating 49 seconds of nothing that I've ever seen in my life. And yes if I saw her walking down the street I'd make the same exact noises as the guy in the video. ohhhh.....ohhhhh...

Click for some pics of Bar on vacation from last week

I like this guy's tenacity at the Royals game last night bringing the Jason being Jason sign, but at the same time he's obviously insane right? I mean how old is this guy? Mid 50's right? And it's not like he has his kids with him either. It's just him and his wife who is rocking the pink hat. If Pete Manzo still blogged for Barstool Sports I'm sure he'd say that 12 is the maximum age that people should still be allowed to bring signs to sporting events. (College Gameday and WWE not withstanding) So it's time to rate how insane this guy is on a scale of 1 -10.

Vote 1 for it's normal and 10 for he's lights out nuts

I'm being told these two sisters are going to be competing in the Olympics for Brazil in Synchronized Swimming? Personally I'm still not convinced this isn't an elaborate publicity stunt for "Mike In Brazil", but it doesn't matter to me. Either way count me in. Synchronized Swimming just became the hottest ticket in China.

Click for the pictures