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July 25, 2008

Random Thoughts


Joba Chamberlain Deserves To Be Murdered

jobasucks

 

Let me start by saying I hate writing blogs on Friday Nights.  But I’m fucking pissed.  And it’s not because the Red Sox lost.    It’s because of that cunt Joba Chamberlain and his bush league, Indian reservation bullshit.   Can I ask a dumb question?   Why does Joba Chamberlain get to throw at Kevin Youkilis’s head every fucking time we play the Yankees and nobody says a peep?    It’s fucking nuts! You think this pussy would do this if he had to grab a bat? Fuck no! Apparently MLB won’t be happy until he kills him.   Seriously is that what it’s going to take for somebody to put a stop to this madness?   Listen enough is enough.   If the umps are just going to sit there with their dick in their hands while that fat fuck keeps throwing at Youk then we need to take matters into our own hands.    It’s time to try and paralyze Derek Jeter.  I want fastballs at Jeter’s head until we knock his fucking teeth out.  If the Yankees want to play this game we’ll play it.    You want to throw at us? We’ll throw at your precious little captain until we cripple him and put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.  How does that sound?

 

— elpresidente, 10:21 pm | permalink | 128 comments


Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day (Jill)

Introducing Jill from Lexington.  Middlesex League in the Hizzouse!   What a great way to head into the weekend.  A little Jill action from Lexington never gets old.  Peace Out bitches!

If you seen any hot chicks at the Cape or Newport this weekend by sure to send them our way.  It’s a great opening line at a bar too.   “Hey have you been a smokeshow yet?   If not you should be”   Also I give permission to everybody to say they are a talent scout for us.   I’ll back it up to if anybody asks.   My buddy Cal has been doing it for years. Works like a charm.

 

k

 

Click Here for More Pics of Jill

— elpresidente, 5:15 pm | permalink


Lowell Spinners Have Political Incorrectness Night

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LOWELL, MA – THURSDAY, JULY 24 – Political Incorrectness Night at LeLacheur Park. One night after paying homage to the overly sensitive nature of being politically correct, the Spinners will go incorrect for the night. The Spinners will for one night create “Men Only” entrances to the ballpark and allowing only men to participate in the between-innings promotions. Furthermore, the first 250 women in attendance will receive pink Lowell Spinners potholders to use in kitchen while preparing dinner for their husbands. As a result, only females will take orders at the two main concession stands. The Spinners are also happy to provide napping areas for any senior citizens who feel the need to “rest their eyes” during the game. Cot stations will be set up on the concourse, available to any fans over the age of 60.

I love the minor leagues.  It’s like they are in international waters or something so the rules of normal society don’t apply.  I mean you could have “kill a guy” night and nobody would bat an eyelash.   It’s just a shame that the Stool wasn’t invited to come down for Political Incorrectness night. I mean that’s what we do.   I would have had some of our girls come down to Lowell dressed in next to nothing handing the shit out of those potholders and working the kitchen like nobody’s business.  Oh well.  Maybe next year.

— elpresidente, 4:52 pm | permalink | 27 comments


Brooke Hogan Being Brooke Hogan

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Hang bitch! Hang!

— elpresidente, 4:52 pm | permalink | 43 comments


Dude Gets Arrested For Trying to Bet With Weed At Casino

 

I've watched this video 10 times and I still don't know what he did wrong? Is it because he put the weed directly on the felt and messed it up? Got to use a weed coaster or keep the weed in the bag I guess. I mean what else could it be? The guy had a Cannibis Club Card. And everybody seems to be in agreement that the weed was worth enough to cover the bet. I'm not saying the Casino had to accept the wager, but this dude is certainly within his rights to try and barter. Listen I've watched enough movies to know you're well within your rights to bet weed, pink slips, rolexes or anything else of value when playing cards. It's the American way.

— elpresidente, 3:03 pm | permalink | 14 comments


Rate This College Roommate Breakup Letter

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Reader Email

Last year at college, I had this room that was a real loser. He left school after 2 weeks because he couldn't "handle it". Anyways, provided is a facebook message he sent me explaining his reasoning behind leaving. Thought it would be funny to share this with fellow Bostonians. This kid is from Virginia.  I’m from the South Shore and we both attended George Mason University

Hey Ben,

I came in tonight and cleared out my sheets and pillows because I'm not comfortable with how much weed you have in the room and the quantity of alcohol in your fridge. I apologize for not bringing this up earlier with you in person, however when I found the alcohol in my personal (and now rather empty) fridge I decided to take steps to remove myself from the situation and worry about letting you know only after the fact.

I didn't particularly mind the weed on occasion, but getting high what appears to be every night is pushing the envelope of tolerably risky behavior. Although this takes place outside of the room, I’ve noticed that you still keep the weed in the room. Additionally, the night in which you came in at 2 in the morning to get high with an obviously inebriated friend was exceptionally irritating.

The drinking I'm fine with, I just don't like having alcohol in the room, but was alright when it was still clearly not mine and in your fridge. However, when I found a can in my fridge today, I considered that unacceptable. I put the can into your fridge because I am unwilling to have it appear as though it may be mine. I am not willing to face whatever punitive measures may come of the (admittedly unlikely) discovery of alcohol in my fridge when it does not belong to me and I did not place it there.

I will be talking to the RA tomorrow to request a roommate change, which will likely occur on the 10th or the 12th, at the same time as the other roommate changes occur so that nothing will seem out of the ordinary. I do not intend to mention the specifics of why I would like to switch roommates and would like to leave it only that we have vastly different class, sleep, and study schedules. If there is someone else with whom you'd like to room, you might be able to make that happen if you also put in a roommate change form.

I have no hard feelings about this; I'm just unwilling to live in a room with as much marijuana, drug paraphernalia, and alcohol as there currently is.

Aaron.

 

You know as much as I want to make fun of this kid you do kind of have to feel for him. Here he is a nice Southern Gentleman going to George Washington University and he gets stuck with a kid from the South Shore as his roommate. Who wouldn't have a nervous breakdown?

 

— elpresidente, 2:30 pm | permalink | 75 comments


New Study Confirms Poor People Buy Lottery Tickets (Thanks!!)

loaf

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - When it comes to purchasing lottery tickets, making people feel poor will prompt them to spend more money on a chance to become rich, American researchers said. They found that people who were convinced they were earning a low salary bought nearly twice as many lottery tickets compared to others who were made to feel more affluent. "When people are made to feel subjectively poor, they end up buying more lottery tickets which is somewhat perverse since every time you buy a lottery ticket, it's the equivalent of burning money," said George Loewenstein, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania who advised the research team. "It's certainly paradoxical that making people feel poor means they are more likely to burn money," he added in an interview. A recent report by the Commission on Thrift, a project of the private, non-profit think tank Institute for American Values, said that U.S. households with incomes under $12,400 spend an average of $645 on lotteries.

First of all I'm calling bullshit on that last statistic. People who make under $12,400 a year spend about $6,000 on lottery tickets. That $645 number has to be a typo. And #2, why do they even have studies like this? I didn't need Carnegie Mellon to tell me poor people play the lottery more than rich people. I mean how many times are you going to see Bill Gates in line at the Colorado "Loaf n' Jug"? Not many. Here's an idea - how about a study on how dudes have gone 15 years without winning at Keno? There's something to research. I don't know, I guess it is kind of ironic that in a study about wasting money, these people just wasted a shitload.

— manzo, 1:50 pm | permalink | 29 comments


Guess That Ass

— elpresidente, 12:32 pm | permalink | 22 comments

No idea who she is but thats a nice can.

UserError, Jul 25 2008, 12:35 pm

Funny, I wouldn't peg her for a squirter but I would like to squirt her.

04envoy, Jul 25 2008, 12:35 pm

Nice Irrigation Valve box in the background! Where is she the YMCA?

Having said that I love this girl!

CptKangarooBalls, Jul 25 2008, 12:39 pm

Is that a paddle for one of those beach games? My money is on her in a pick up game.

lugnutz, Jul 25 2008, 12:42 pm

Nice Irrigation Valve box in the background! Where is she the YMCA?

— CptKangarooBalls, Jul 25 2008, 12:39 pm

your knowledge of irrigation valves is astounding

trotnixon12, Jul 25 2008, 12:44 pm

Dear Female Stool readers,

If you are short, have dark hair and a nice ass you could take EP for everything he has. Granted, it isn't much but I'm told the Astrovan gets great mileage.

You're welcome,
Crosby

The Crosby Show, Jul 25 2008, 12:46 pm

Trot, too many summers installing sprinklers, I was slightly ashamed of my post right after I hit the button.

CptKangarooBalls, Jul 25 2008, 12:48 pm

Knock-kneed. I fucking hate knock-kneed chicks!

martyrush, Jul 25 2008, 12:49 pm

Cros, Ana is about 6'0.

CptKangarooBalls, Jul 25 2008, 12:52 pm

I'd sniff that pooper

Chav, Jul 25 2008, 12:52 pm

Jiffy Pop! alert, pic 2...

gbs4, Jul 25 2008, 12:57 pm

Marty,

knock kneed? Really? I think you need your balls re attached.

Payne-o, Jul 25 2008, 12:58 pm

someone needs to serve this chick some boobs

JulioPoogo, Jul 25 2008, 1:02 pm

she either needs a weed-whacker or she is smuggling plums

Posey For Three, Jul 25 2008, 1:09 pm

I bet she has a major bush going on down there

complete with my cucumber!

groganrules, Jul 25 2008, 1:14 pm

cptballs, it's all good man. that was funny shit dropping that line.

trotnixon12, Jul 25 2008, 1:20 pm

Payne-O what's the "proper" terminology for a broad whose knees touch??

martyrush, Jul 25 2008, 1:22 pm

Adj. 1. knock-kneed - having the knees abnormally close together and the ankles wide apart - "certified as unfit for army service";

martyrush, Jul 25 2008, 1:24 pm

Vlade Divac hit that shit

Five Pound Bag, Jul 25 2008, 1:43 pm

Nice ass, but the front is put together a little sloppily.

PocketAces, Jul 25 2008, 1:49 pm

ok, after seeing her ass and then her front, i was intrigued. did the obligatory google image search, came up with this:

http://www.cryosites.com/celebpics/ana_ivanovic/ana_ivanovic_468x604.jpg

i wasn't impressed. UNTIL i saw this:

http://www.celebnipslipblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/ana_ivanovic-wta_championship_tournament_in_madrid-camel-toe.jpg

aWESOMENESS. nice toe.

sam

samljr, Jul 25 2008, 2:03 pm

I don't know who that is but it's a god damn nice fucking ass I can tell you that. i'd smell her farts straight out of her poop shoot... I don't care what her face looks like either - they all look the same upside down and a bag over the head !!

jessdesros, Jul 25 2008, 9:50 pm

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Celtics Dancers Pick Next Year's Squad

(Fuck Gary Gulman)

Let me start by saying I take it as a slap in the face that I wasn’t invited to be a judge for the Celtics Dancers audition.   Listen I can obviously understand Big Baby being picked ahead of me, but Gary Gulman and Ayla Brown?  Give me a fucking break.   Anyway since everybody knows that I should have been on this panel here is how I would have voted if justice had been served. (All pics courtesy of Bostonherald.com)

 

Maybe two years ago you make the team #8. But not when we're world champions. I can spot a "too much makeup face" a mile away.

 

 

This chick is in. She's like a fucking sexy version of gumby or something. Also I love #27's reaction. That's how you know your hot. Lots of chicks would shit themselves or have cake farts when they see a girl pull a stunt like this. #27 isn't even close to scared. She knows she has game.

 

 

Wait a minute? Were the above five photos all of the same girl? My god she's hot! Was she on the team last year? Is it Allison? If it is she better watch out because my favorite restaurant is Giacamos too! (South End though) Anyway mark my words. This chick will be on the cover of Barstool Sports before the end of next season. Mark that shit down! Don't ask me how or when but I promise I'm going to get it done. And when I do everybody has to buy a shirt. That is all the same chick right?

 

PS - Celtics.com has more pictures of the tryouts. And upon further review it looks like the reason the Herald showed the same girl 34 times is because the rest of the girls look like they leave quite a bit to be desired. Personally I'm a firm believer that quality is more important than quantity. If you only have 6 hot girls tryout than make it a 6 slut squad. No point in filling the roster out with ugly wannabe hot girls.

 

— elpresidente, 12:32 pm | permalink | 29 comments


Man Crawls Over Finish Line In NYC Triathlon

 

Got to give this guy an A+ for effort. And just for the record I'd just like to say that I thought the announcers were a tad too nonchalant in their call of the race. If it were me and I was watching somebody possibly dying right before my eyes I probably would have put more emphasis on the "we're going to need medical" part.

— elpresidente, 12:01 pm | permalink | 13 comments


Is It Time To Retire The "Yankees Suck" Chant?

y

 

Boston.com - The Yankees are in town for a weekend series, and this would be a nice time to retire the stupidest chant in the world: Yankees suck. I don't like the Yankees. I am a Red Sox fan, have been all my life, and so that means I don't like the Yankees. My two sons don't like the Yankees either. But here's the critical difference: I respect the Yankees, and I've taught my sons to do so, too. They are 14 and 11, love baseball, and know that Derek Jeter plays the game as well and as hard as anyone has. If I were picking sides in the schoolyard, Jeter is the guy I'd pick first. So when you say the Yankees suck, you're saying Derek Jeter sucks, which is preposterous. But, really, beyond being crude and moronic, the phrase "Yankees suck" is simply outdated. Its origins are from a bygone era, when we all knew deep down in our hearts that no matter how far ahead the Red Sox might have been in August, no matter the score and inning of a game in October, the Yankees were going to win. And there was nothing we could do about it. But that's over. It's been over since October 2004, when "Yankees suck" should have been put out to pasture. Shouting "Yankees suck" at Fenway Park today is like yelling "No Taxation Without Representation!" at Faneuil Hall.

Let me start by saying I think the guy who wrote this article is a complete tool bag.   Congrats buddy.  You taught your kids to respect the Yankees.  Way to make the world a better place.   But having said that I do think he brings up an interesting point.     There is a part of me that thinks the “Yankees Suck” chant is outdated or as this guy puts it a product of a bygone era.    Listen I’m not one of these Johnny Appleseed type guys who thinks everybody who partakes in the Yankees Suck chant is some drunken moron who should burn in hell.  I’m a firm believe that there is a time and a place for everything and that includes the chant.  I mean I’ll gladly join in at Fenway if the scoreboard operator puts up a crooked number for the team the Yankees are playing against.  And there have definitely been times during this recent playoff rivalry run where everybody is screaming it walking out of Fenway and in bars and clubs throughout Boston and it just feels right.  There was nothing rude, stupid or obnoxious about it.  It was about a city who was desperate to beat the Yankees and getting into the rivalry.  But times have changed.   While beating NY is always fun it’s also old hat now.   And just like how Yankees fans don’t chant 1918 anymore, I’m not sure we need to chant “Yankees Suck” anymore.   It just reminds me off the old days when we were their bitches.   In fact I almost feel like by still breaking it out it gives the Yanks more respect than they deserve.   So I’ll throw it out to the Stoolies.   Is it time to retire the Yankees Suck chant?    My feeling is that it’s still okay to do it whenever we’re playing them, but it shouldn’t be breaking out at hockey games and in line for the movies anymore.  It needs to be relevant.  Kind of like how we use the Beat LA chant.

Vote 1 for never say it again and 10 for people should be saying it at the supermarket.

— elpresidente, 11:31 am | permalink | 71 comments


Memo to the WNBA: This Is How You Fight!

 

DAYTON Fifteen players and both managers were ejected after a bench-clearing brawl in the first inning between the Peoria Chiefs and Dayton Dragons on Thursday night in the Midwest League. An hour after the brawl began, league President George Spelius, reached by telephone at his home in Beloit, Wis., reversed the ejections under advisement from the parent Reds and Cubs, who didn't want to see each team use two pitchers as outfielders. This wasn't an ordinary fight. Players from both sides were throwing—and landing—real punches, and Peoria pitcher Julio Castillo appeared to be trying to hit a Dayton player with a thrown baseball in the dugout, instead hitting a fan in the stands who had to be taken to a hospital. It all began when Dayton manager Donnie Scott left the third base coaching box to complain to umpire Tyler Wilson when Brandon Menchaca was brushed back by a pitch. Already Dayton had two batters hit in the inning, but the Chiefs were angry that Dayton's Angel Cabrera broke up a double play with a hard slide into second. While Scott was talking with Wilson, Peoria interim manager Carmelo Martinez—filling in for Ryne Sandberg, who is in Cooperstown, N.Y.—joined the conversation, which became heated. When Martinez pushed Scott, the benches emptied.


What’s that old expression?  When Ryne Sandberg is away the mice shall play?   Well it looks like that’s what happened here.  If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times. Nothing will ignite a fight like the throwing a fastball at a dude’s head in the dugout.   That’s going to get the juices flowing every time.  

PS – I love how MLB teams can call up the league president and make him reverse his ejection decisions.  That seems fair.

— elpresidente, 11:01 am | permalink | 31 comments


Rate This Tom Brady Cartoon

Courtesy of Holytaco.com

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tb

 

The only time I even thought about laughing was at the end when Kitna appeared out of nowhere. Just proves the old adage that Jon Kitna makes shit funny. Anyway even though I didn't think it was funny at the same time I was strangely caught up in the plot of the cartoon. Anyway rate how good you think this was. 1 for it sucked and 10 for you can die in peace now.

— elpresidente, 10:36 am | permalink | 28 comments


Wake Up With Myleene Klass

— elpresidente, 9:58 am | permalink | 22 comments