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July 23, 2008

Random Thoughts


Who Has Bullpen Problems?

justin

 

Well so much for having bullpen problems. It's Beckett, Lester and Dice K for 6 or 7, then onto to Masterson for an inning or so and then onto Papelbon to close. Easy. Cue the Duckboats. (again) And for anybody who says it's to early to tell whether the Masterson project will work I say bullshit. If you're a good starter you'll automatically be a good reliever. It's just that nobody except the Red Sox have the depth to pull a quality starter out of the rotation like they just did. But as a rule good starters can pitch anywhere. They're just too valuable to go into the bull pen for middle relief.

 

— elpresidente, 8:57 pm | permalink | 59 comments


Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day (Tehillah)

Introducing Tehillah from UMass.    You got to have some serious balls as parents to name your newborn Tehillah.  You’re basically saying you are 100% positive that she’s going to be hot.    Because I don’t even think you can exist with a name like that and be ugly.   And I know it doesn’t make any sense but this name makes her about 100 times hotter than she already is.   

Do people understand how Smokeshow of the Day exists?  We need your nominations to keep this running.  Send them all to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.    And you didn’t hear it from me but I was at a meeting today for our first ever Smokeshow Party.    Needless to say it will be coming fairly soon and it’s a no brainer that this will be our most popular event ever.    We plan on actually having real tickets to get in.   And you know what the best way to ensure that you get a ticket?    By having a smokeshow that you nominated be featured on the Stool.   Oh wait I forgot.  All the people who complain and bash the girls would piss themselves if they ever saw them in person anyway.  Nevermind.

 

j

 

Click Here for more pics of Tehillah

— elpresidente, 5:19 pm | permalink


Breaking News: The First Lady Has Been Evacuated For A Tornado Warning!

t

 

The First Lady just called me and told me she is being evacuated into the basement of her office for a tornado warning and then hung up on me. I could hear a bunch of yelling and screaming in the background. Keep in mind she works in Plymouth. So here is my question. Did she sneaky just get abducted? Is she cheating on me? Or is there really a tornado in Plymouth and should I be worried? Any help would be appreciated.

PS - The Barstool Girls better hope I don't become single!

— elpresidente, 4:48 pm | permalink | 27 comments


Reader Email: Nomination For Douchebag of the Week

s

 

 

Reader Email

El Presidente,
 
I have started to read the Stool over the past couple of months, and have become a big fan.  There was an article a couple of months ago for Douchebag of the week about a douche from a men's soccer league.  Well I have one from a slow pitch softball league that my wife is in.  My wife came home the other night pretty pissed off about this e-mail.  She has been on the team since last year, and has not missed any games.  She is a pretty steady player, and has said that the league wasn't too competitive and was just to have fun.  Her and a couple of other people are the ones that this e-mail will impact about not playing.  Also keep in mind this douche is a pretty shitty player, and apparently drives 70 miles for each game.  That should say how sucky he really is that he could not find a league closer to home.  I want to know what people think about this one.  If this was a real competitive league my wife wouldn't give a shit about not playing, but I have been to a game and saw that is was a rec league at best.  Let me know if I am overreacting, but this guy seems like a super douche to me.  I mean batting practice, come on.  Again, big fan of the stool.
 
Mike

Subject

Playoffs

As everyone knows last Wednesday was a complete disaster and for all intents and purposes we have not played a good game in weeks. The challenges are obvious and if you're not seeing them, you aren't paying attention to this team. Since the second half of the season we have tried to play everyone and keep people interested while evaluating who is getting more comfortable and who can best help the team.

As the playoffs start next week, I am tasked with the unenviable job of putting a line up together, making team decisions which could hurt friends feeling and subsequently splinter what has been a great group of people for the last couple years. While this part of the job is a challenge for me, I don't drive 70 miles round trip just to have terrible service and marginal food in Lawrence twice a week. I do it to win softball games and compete as hard as I can, clearly you feel the same way otherwise you wouldn't subject yourself to this long season of "ups and downs".

So what does all of this mean? Essentially we (Leslie, Tom and myself) have decided that starting Wednesday and moving forward we're going to play 9 fielders and bat 3 women in the line up. The entire length of the line up will depend on injuries but right now this is what we're thinking.

BTW- this should not surprise anyone, if it does feel free to speak with me tonight or anytime on the phone.

Sara - 4

Joan- 7

John - 3

Tom- 9

Jason- 8

Leslie -1

Ben- 6

Keith - DH

Jose- 5

Krista/Tawnya- 2

There is a chance that we'll go back to the 10 fielder and in that case we would move Sara to RT or short fielder and insert Dave K in at second base. Also, if I can't play first base we'll include Everett into the line up as well.

Based on how everyone is playing at this point we feel this line up give us the best opportunity to win games against very good competition. Do I think we'll win the championship with this group? I don't know but I know we won't batting 14 and having three 1-2-3 innings because people scuffling at the plate. All I can say is things happen in softball and we'll need everyone at some point so I hope even if you don't agree with our decision you'll support the team for the next couple weeks!

If this e-mail has upset you and you don't want to attend tonight's BP or Wednesday's game that is your decision- either way let me know via e-mail so we can plan accordingly.

Thanks,

John M.

 

This may be my favorite letter of all-time.   Sure you can make fun of this guy all you want, but when you’re right you’re right.   Let me ask you this.  Would you want to make the 70 mile trip to Lawrence (AKA Heartland of MA) every week just to get your face kicked in and eat the marginal local cuisine?   It’s time to stop being nice.  Everybody knows you can’t bat 14 guys and expect to win the title.  It doesn’t work in Tee Ball. It doesn’t work in Little League.  It doesn’t work in the major leagues and it certainly won’t work in rec league softball.    So I say kudos to this guy for trying to take the bull by the horns and manage his way to the title.   I just hope he is making the right decision by having two chicks as his table setters at the top of his line up.   If that blows up in his face he’ll be 2nd guessed on every talk show in the country.

PS – Maybe my favorite part of this email was the fact that the guy listed the positions by numbers as opposed to CF, LF, 1B etc.   That’s the mark of somebody who did their book their entire life while the good players were in the field.

Double PS – I’ve never heard of a wife playing in a coed softball league without the husband before.   While I appreciate the email I’d be stunned if she wasn’t hooking up with somebody on the team.    I mean what other explanation could there be?

Triple PS - If you haven't read Softball Dude yet I highly recommend it.

— elpresidente, 3:57 pm | permalink | 67 comments

This was just confusing altogether.

UserError, Jul 23 2008, 4:03 pm

He would have a valid point if he wasn't playing in a co-ed league. Those are for non-athletic men who are trying to impress the fat pigs from the work softball team.

streetmeat, Jul 23 2008, 4:04 pm

Co-ed softball is gay. Period.

Pokey Reese, Jul 23 2008, 4:06 pm

If Bishop's were still in Lawrence, it would be worth the 70 mile trip. Excellent Lebonese food.

Hugh G. Reckshin, Jul 23 2008, 4:07 pm

There is no doubt in my mind that this toolbag wears baseball pants to every game and when they play under the lights he wears eye black.

bronko, Jul 23 2008, 4:08 pm

Pretty sure he drives 35 miles, 70 round trip. I hope you all realize he's cool now. I love how he drops the "You're out of the lineup, and if you're pissed, could you give us a heads up if you're not gonna show up?"

Saltytreasure, Jul 23 2008, 4:09 pm

0% chance this guy's wife isn't getting tagged by at least 2 dudes and possibly a chick on this team.

ktabz, Jul 23 2008, 4:10 pm

I'm perplexed by this guys managerial skills. He says he wants to win but then he leads off with 2 girls. That seems pretty dumb to me unless they happen to be his best hitters, in which case he has no chance in hell of winning the tourney in the first place. On the otherhand he seems to make a decent decision to sacrifice a 10th fielder (I'm assuming you have to go with 4 girls in the field or leave a spot open) but at the same time that means you have one less girl to bat. I can't tell if this guy knows what the hell he is doing or not.

TJ Douchemandzadeh, Jul 23 2008, 4:11 pm

This guy may very well be a super douche but I have no issues at all with this letter.

BTW Manny is not in the starting lineup today.

Angieclaire, Jul 23 2008, 4:11 pm

I don't need to read any of it - look at the picture. Undeniable DOUCHE (is that a cell phone??).

chaz, Jul 23 2008, 4:11 pm

Mike is probably getting teabagged at a reststop while his wife is playing coed softball.

John is a douche. Coed softball is gay. GFY.

twistedtavarez, Jul 23 2008, 4:12 pm

Congrats Mike..." You are Douche bag of the week"

What kind of Dbag...complains about some guy being a Dbag in a co-ed league?...All guys in Co-ed sports are Dbags...

Magic_Yamakah, Jul 23 2008, 4:14 pm

I stopped playing co-ed softball because of d-bags like this. I played college baseball (not trying to impress anyone, just sayin I can throw and hit a little) and it amazes me when fuck sticks like this guy show up. He probably tells all the girls they're not allowed to swing when their at bat either.

And yes, Prez, I thought the same thing. Any good co-ed softball manager knows not to bat 2 chicks at the top of the lineup, thats Softball Managing 101 right there.

papelboner, Jul 23 2008, 4:15 pm

(not trying to impress anyone, just sayin I can throw and hit a little)
— papelboner, Jul 23 2008, 4:15 pm

too late, i'm impressed

trotnixon12, Jul 23 2008, 4:15 pm

Ben, Jose and Keith must really suck as there are 3 woman ahead of them in the lineup. This guy also probably plays butt tag

streetmeat, Jul 23 2008, 4:17 pm

Im also impressed by Papelboner's complete ass lick of El P..

Magic_Yamakah, Jul 23 2008, 4:17 pm

There are a lot of things wrong here, but I'd have to say all parties involved are douchebags. Coach for being a Co-Ed softball coach, wife for getting upset about the email, husband for writing the stool like it's help me hank among other things.

CptKangarooBalls, Jul 23 2008, 4:17 pm

I love the intensity. He should probably be in all guys league though.

Bronko, there's nothing wrong with wearing baseball pants to softball games. It's what the true players wear.

TKQuann, Jul 23 2008, 4:19 pm

Is it me or does John sound like " I was super jock, big man on campus, in high school and have done nothing with my life since then. So, I play extra hard in rec leagues (even though everyone else is out there for shits and grins) because it is my only since of fulfillment." This guy is worse than Al Bundy.

cajun, Jul 23 2008, 4:20 pm

I heard Chav plays co-ed softball....starting catcher and rocks the face mask and chest protector just to be safe.

Pokey Reese, Jul 23 2008, 4:21 pm

what a douche...who takes coed rec league softball this seriously and who drives 70 miles roundtrip to do it.

deez, Jul 23 2008, 4:21 pm

Who the fuck drives 35 miles each way to get robbed?
With leagues in every town in the state what makes you pick the Lawtown league?

Papelboner please, where did you play Bunker Hill CC?
If you even smelt the jock of the worse player on the HS team never mind college you would have never played COED ball.
Or you have absolutely no game and you were trying to impress the Bull-Dike 3rd basemen who you have been salivating at while she loosens up hitting bombs 100 ft farther then you.

Taylorman, Jul 23 2008, 4:22 pm

That was some strong overreaction..

boratsagdiyev, Jul 23 2008, 4:23 pm

"All I can say is things happen in softball and
we'll need everyone at some point so I hope even if you don't agree with our decision you'll support the team for the next couple weeks!"

For some reason this line made me crack up.

MACKREILLY, Jul 23 2008, 4:23 pm

You can worry about hurting feelings or you can worry about winning games. One or the other.

BA BARRACUS, Jul 23 2008, 4:23 pm

It sounds like a pretty fair minded letter to me. He realizes that some people are not going to agree, and he invited comment.

1) There should NEVER be a 14 person batting order. You pick the best 9 (or 10) and go with it. If you can include others later in the game, all the better.

2) Chicks should not play in the same league with men, unless they can compete on an even level, and win a position fair and square. (exception made for topless)

3)This isn't the church picnic. Let them start thier own league.

3efin, Jul 23 2008, 4:26 pm

Well said el pres, i was thinkin the same thing when reading the dudes email. Someone has to step and be coach,, otherwise its just a bunch of idiots runnin around arguing whos gonna play. Its like the manager at work that we hate,, theres a fkn reason why hes the manager and your not,,, cus we bitch and he gets shit done. Im pretty sure this dudes wife is humping the coach.

chuckt12345, Jul 23 2008, 4:26 pm

Why are you ignoring the reference to "this weeks BP."

The kid has routine batting practices.


PatriotsNation, Jul 23 2008, 4:27 pm

Pokey, you can't be too safe when playing co-ed, I also use the shin guards and knee savers.

And I play for keeps. Ask the second baseman I slid into spikes up. She bobbled the ball, and I caught her on the knee. She was crying and they threw me out. But what hte fuck is that? If you're going to play, play hard.

Chav., Jul 23 2008, 4:27 pm

paplboner-

We are ALL impressed. to late.

The wife is most definatly fucking someone there. The husband either doesn't care or is to stupid to figure it out.

Co-ed softball and this guys is cribbin notes from John Wooden and Red Auerbach books. Douche' Bag

ledzepp40, Jul 23 2008, 4:28 pm

Chuck, there is no way is that dude's wife banging the coach. If he was, she would be in the lineup and her husband wouldn't be writing this letter. She's just being trained by the rest of the team.

rmarsh, Jul 23 2008, 4:29 pm

Never a smart idea to put a female as the pitcher in a slow pitch league either...especially with guys like Mr Yellow pants above get up with their 700$ composite bat and drill one at their face

Pokey Reese, Jul 23 2008, 4:30 pm

"theres a fkn reason why hes the manager and your not,,, cus we bitch and he gets shit done"

— chuckt12345, Jul 23 2008, 4:26 pm


i'm pretty sure you mean, "he cleans the fry-ilator."

trotnixon12, Jul 23 2008, 4:30 pm

Shhiiite,, if i was bangin his wife and she sukd at softball the bitch would be on the bench where she belongs. She talk out of turn she'll get a cleat to the hammy.

chuckt12345, Jul 23 2008, 4:31 pm

Everytime I scroll down a page too far, I see the DOUCHE with Natalie Portman. It looks like he's saying, "that's right..make fun of me...but I just nailed Natalie Portman." And it looks like Natalie is saying "this could be the low point of my life."

chaz, Jul 23 2008, 4:32 pm

You can worry about hurting feelings or you can worry about winning games. One or the other.
— BA BARRACUS, Jul 23 2008, 4:23 pm

This perfectly describes the difference between co-ed and mens' softball.

unconquered, Jul 23 2008, 4:32 pm

wow...im absolutely stunned at that e-mail, the only way this dildo is driving 70 miles for a COED softball game to LAWRENCE the biggest pit in the state is to pick up some high grade heroin from some Dominican

Heated76, Jul 23 2008, 4:34 pm

Guy puts himself at 1st base, the easiest Field position that isn't being played by a girl.

GiuseppeDraws!, Jul 23 2008, 4:34 pm

off subject, but defintley note worthy (NSFW)

http://www.harkleroadzone.com/photos1.html

Those are pics of the pro tennis player who posed for playboy, shes pretty solid, she could volley my cock and balls around for a while

Dimitri The Stud, Jul 23 2008, 4:36 pm

Also, there is 5 women who get playing time before this guy's wife even sniffs the field, so what is this guys' problem. Does he want all the guys benched so his wife can pull an Uggla?

rmarsh, Jul 23 2008, 4:36 pm

"softball dude" is one of the funnier articles to ever be written on here. Anytime someone asks me to play in there softball league i send that off to them and ask them if the league is serious..and if it isnt..i do not attend.

o GAZ m, Jul 23 2008, 4:36 pm

husband [is a d-bag] for writing the stool like it's help me hank among other things.

— CptKangarooBalls, Jul 23 2008, 4:17 pm

Well done Cap.

If Coach John M wrote "for all INTENSIVE purposes", then he'd be d-bag of the week.

rearadmiral, Jul 23 2008, 4:37 pm

It sounds like a pretty fair minded letter to me. He realizes that some people are not going to agree, and he invited comment.

— 3efin, Jul 23 2008, 4:26 pm

I have to agree. I'm informal manager of my company's softball team and there is nothing more embarrassing and frustrating to field a squad of 14 or 15 people where some have questionable hand-eye coordination, let alone softball skills. One woman ran to first base with bat in hand, not realizing that she was supposed to drop the bat after making contact. So yes, as much as coed leagues are supposed to be relaxed and "having a good time", at some point basic human pride and self-worth have to become a motivating factor to not get just flat out embarrassed.

LatinoHeat, Jul 23 2008, 4:37 pm

""softball dude" is one of the funnier articles to ever be written on here. Anytime someone asks me to play in there softball league i send that off to them and ask them if the league is serious..and if it isnt..i do not attend."

Classic

MACKREILLY, Jul 23 2008, 4:41 pm

For some reason I always picture guys like John M. to look like Jim Carrey in The Cable Guy

MACKREILLY, Jul 23 2008, 4:43 pm

first of all no guy should ever play softball sober,
second of all no guy in a co-ed rec league is pulling any tail unless it is nasty 250lb quasi female "catcher" tail

Now there is a 50% chance Softball wife is getting her carpet munched by Tawyna but that is about it...

Again ITS FUCKING COED SOFTBALL...

Backyard wiffle ball is more prestigious.
Softball should only be considered a competitive sport when played by chicks in H.S./College.

j44thor, Jul 23 2008, 4:46 pm

And the winner for biggest douche in the universe is...John m. from 35 miles outside Lawrence! Congratulations John.
Here he is, the biggest douche in the universe.

On another note, does anybody else think that Posada landing on the DL might have something to do with his monster numbers from last year?

hitdawg, Jul 23 2008, 4:46 pm

Sorry if somebody else already caught this...but there is a chick in left field (Joan - 7) and a dude in right (Tom - 9)....either Joan just missed the US Olympic team or this team is piss poor.....

Shooter7, Jul 23 2008, 4:51 pm

Are you fucking kidding me! This guy drives 70 miles to play in a co-ed softball league...that makes him a douche automatically. I stopped playing softball because most of the guys that play are fat assholes who are trying to show that they should've turned pro back when they were in high school. This is thier one way to show that they really are athletic...puh-leaze...softball leagues are fucking stupid and in no way should be considered competetive in any way. Unless you are a pro or playing highschool or college sports chill and have some fucking fun. The only anyone should care about in a softball league is which bar we're going to afterwards and whos buying.

cajandog, Jul 23 2008, 4:53 pm

The purpose of this guys letter is to get people to quit. There's no mistaking that.

Hey douchebag... it's CO-ED softball. I've been on co-ed teams that have won league titles. It's not an amazing accomplishment. I bet you are the guy that picks out the girl in RF to hit homers over or through... never hitting the ball toward a guy that has a chance to get you out... then you brag about hitting .500 (which sucks in co-ed softball).

You want to play competative, at least play in a mens league. Co-ed can be fun, but should never be taken that seriously. If you do take it that seriously then it tells me that you can't compete against guys.

McKilla Gorilla, Jul 23 2008, 4:54 pm

ok i play in the top men's softball league in wisconsin. yes we have uniforms and dress the part...but we don't yell at eachother after each out they make. if anything, we make fun of them. i have also played co-ed softball before. now, i hate losing but this guy is a total fucktard. here are the rules for coed softball:

1) drink heavily
2) make inappropriate tags
3) don't hit at the ladies

this dude is trying waaaay to hard...especially for a league that sucks. if you play coed to be competitive your a loser!

mpk17, Jul 23 2008, 4:58 pm

This team sure does suck. They are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.

Pokey Reese, Jul 23 2008, 5:00 pm

I have to agree. I'm informal manager of my company's softball team and there is nothing more embarrassing and frustrating to field a squad of 14 or 15 people where some have questionable hand-eye coordination, let alone softball skills. One woman ran to first base with bat in hand, not realizing that she was supposed to drop the bat after making contact. So yes, as much as coed leagues are supposed to be relaxed and "having a good time", at some point basic human pride and self-worth have to become a motivating factor to not get just flat out embarrassed.
— LatinoHeat, Jul 23 2008, 4:37 pm
I know something more embarrassing than fielding a squad of 14 or 15 people who aren't good softball players........ being the manager of your shitty company softball team and actually giving a rats ass. Listen Billy Martin, get a life, join a real league, or just shut your hole.

TEE, Jul 23 2008, 5:01 pm

P.S.
Being the "informal" manager means you should jump off a bridge cause no one likes you and they don't want to let you in on the secret that no one on the team can stand you.

TEE, Jul 23 2008, 5:03 pm

whats wrong with a guy wanting to win? And driving 35 miles to a game isnt as outlandish as you think depending on how long it takes to get there. It always takes forever to get to games during the week because of traffic. The pants, however, i do take issue with. The only way you can wear baseball pants to a game is if you had an old pair given to you in baseball. You cant go out and buy them and there is no team fields a uniform with yellow pants like that

Cru Jones, Jul 23 2008, 5:03 pm

Gotta agree with Shooter here. This asshat is playing a chick in left. When I was in the Air Force, and we had girls on the team, they played 2nd or right, maybe catcher. More because we had to play them, but there was one chick who was much better than my bench, and she could turn DPs. Girl got work done. Wasn't butch either. On the downside, the wife is definitely getting inappropriately tagged by someone.

Crowe, Jul 23 2008, 5:06 pm

Cru, are you serious?

CptKangarooBalls, Jul 23 2008, 5:11 pm

John is a douche not only because you have to take the good with the bad in co-ed softball, but also because he's writing himself in at the #3 slot in the batting order.

He may not drive 70 miles for the losing and the marginal food, but I guarantee no one on that team paid their league fees so this DB could sit them down.

eireanch, Jul 23 2008, 5:15 pm

clearly this guy sucks; he plays friggin' first base in a co-ed league?

bobwsc, Jul 23 2008, 5:18 pm

Um....yea El Prez pretty much said it all. 1) This guy is a douchebag! b) the guy's wife is getting nailed by the stud SS, and 3) the coach can't play worth a lick.

Ramblin'Gamblin'Man, Jul 23 2008, 5:30 pm

ya im serious. Some people really enjoy winning, perhaps this guy is one of them. There are always some people that couldnt care less if they win or not and some people that really want to win when they compete.

Cru Jones, Jul 23 2008, 5:43 pm

Hey- Lighten up on the guy. He said 70 miles round trip. That's about 25 minutes each way on 495. Big deal!

Yes, it's recreational coed softball. I doubt that this guy or anyone else is taking it super serious. But doesn't there come a point where it is no longer fun for anyone?

The majority of the players are guys. I'm sure that they want it to be at least somewhat competitive, and not like playing with little kids, where you don't really try, and you let them keep it close or win. It sounds to me like he just wants to tighten things up to the point where everyone knows which end of the bat to hold.

3efin, Jul 23 2008, 5:51 pm

I just noticed that they have two chicks playing catcher.

At least they don't have to worry about them getting hit in the nuts.

3efin, Jul 23 2008, 5:57 pm

Aside from everything else, he used the phrase 'moving forward' which automatically means he is complete and utter douche.

collateral, Jul 23 2008, 6:41 pm

The best part of the email:

"<i><b>and if I can't play 1st base...<b><i>"

DeepThreat, Jul 23 2008, 7:30 pm

I played in an over-30 men's league with plenty of "softball guys". My fondest memory is watching a guy (who coincidentally looked exactly like the dick w/ the cellphone above) warm up before the game with some sort of parachute attachment he put on his bat to slow it down. He swung as hard as he could and would yell each time. He was INTENSE! God I miss that league.

Monty Capuletti, Jul 24 2008, 10:39 am

WELL MIKE:

Lets start with you are right, I drive about that far almost 6 figures and can’t imagine doing it for a recreational league softball.

I ALSO HAVE TO TRANSLATE THE QUOTES BELOW
“I am tasked with the unenviable job of putting a line up together, making team decisions which could hurt friends feeling”

“I have been a fucking loser all my life and I now feel like I have some power and it makes me hard enough that I got to see my dinky today and it was a good feeling”

“If this e-mail has upset you and you don't want to attend tonight's BP or Wednesday's game that is your decision- either way let me know via e-mail so we can plan accordingly.”
“Please get your yellow pants back to me or BOBO the clown is going to ride my ass harder than normal”
I just get over this, I can’t get people to show up for work everyday and this woman shows up to ever BP and Game and you are going to shit on that.

THE ONLY JUSTICE ON EARTH IS --- You don’t have enough players to field a team the rest of the year or ever again.

OH why does his wife have to be banging someone on the team, maybe I am doing her, and if she wants to join a rocking dodgeball league in your area hit me back. No rosters just beer and balls

hammeringAED, Jul 24 2008, 9:11 pm

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Natalie Portman Is Fucked In the Head

So you want to know what happens when hot chicks start dating dudes like this?  

l

 

Well for starters dogs start pissing on you every chance they get.

k

And then you go from starring in Hollywood movies to starring in this shit.  That's why hot chicks should only date athletes and smut publishers.  Anything else fucks them in the head.

— elpresidente, 2:55 pm | permalink | 42 comments


Guess That Ass

— elpresidente, 1:21 pm | permalink | 31 comments


Theo's and Eddie Vedder Together At Last

t

 

Is there any doubt that Theo broke out the guitar in his bedroom last night and beat off to himself playing Pearl Jam? I mean you could almost see his erection through the TV when he was sitting next to Eddie Vedder. Nobody loves Pearl Jam more than Theo Epstein. Nobody, except maybe my buddy Nolan.

— elpresidente, 12:31 pm | permalink | 31 comments


Kid Breaks His Neck Trying To Do A Fancy Keg Stand

 

That's what you get for showing off. The best part of this video is that this kid is definitely paralyzed. I mean there is no way you land on your head like that and ever walk again.

— elpresidente, 11:53 am | permalink | 37 comments


Air Guitarist Loses Toe...Keeps On Air Guitaring

k

 

DailyNews.com - The winner of the U.S. Air Guitar regional competition in Brooklyn rocked so hard during a daredevil performance that doctors had to amputate a toe she broke during the gig.  Taryn Kapronica - who goes by the stage name Bettie B. Goode - slammed into a metal chair 15 feet above a confused Williamsburg audience just seconds into her July 9 performance of Scorpion's "Rock You Like a Hurricane."  "My foot got caught in the chair leg, and as I fell over the chair, my toe was dislocated and basically all the tissue was totally ripped off," explained Kapronica, 27. "By the time I hit the ground and looked down, my toe was pretty much gone and just hanging from a thread."  And suddenly, the Long Island City, Queens, resident who works in a local event space became a guitar hero.  As a crowd of more than 200 audience members watched in horror, mouths agape and eyes wide open, Kapronica - clad in leopard-print rocker gear - kept right on rockin'.  She performed for 50 seconds longer while blood dripped across the stage.  "I could feel the blood trickle down my foot and between my toes, but I refused to look down at it," said Kapronica.  "I just kept on air guitaring."  Fellow competitor Tom Corsillo - who performs under the nom de rock Mitt Umlaut - said Kapronica's gutsy performance is already the stuff of legend. "In those 60 seconds, she solidified her place in air guitar lore, and really became a hero to a lot of people," Corsillo said.

See this is the beauty of sports.  Whether it be Jon Lester pitching a no hitter after battling cancer, Tiger Woods winning the US Open with a torn ACL or Derek Redmond pulling a hamstring in the Olympics and having his father came out of the stands to help him finish, you just never know when true greatness will emerge.   And nothing proves this point more than Bettie B Goode’s performance at the Air Guitar Regionals.     This is one of those transcendent events that nobody in attendance will soon forget.    Sure anybody can play air guitar when healthy.  But how many people would have“kept on air guitaring” after a horrific metal chair accident left them with 9 toes, blood gushing everywhere and 60 seconds still left in the song?  The answer is nobody except Bettie B. Goode who will now rightfully live on in Air Guitar folklore forever.    Somewhere Ronnie Lott is smiling.

— elpresidente, 11:03 am | permalink | 30 comments


Rhode Island Man Breaks Record With .491 Breathalyzer Test

RI cops arrest man with .491 blood alcohol level

 

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- State Police arrested a man early Tuesday whose blood alcohol level allegedly was .491 -- more than six times the legal limit -- which they believe is the highest ever recorded in Rhode Island for someone who wasn't dead.  Stanley Kobierowski, 34, of North Providence, was arrested after he drove into a highway message board on Interstate 95 in Providence, Maj. Steven O'Donnell said.  A Breathalyzer test showed Kobierowski had blood alcohol readings of .489 followed by .491, O'Donnell said, the highest readings anyone at the State Police or the Department of Health could remember for someone who didn't end up dead. The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as "stupor," .4 is "comatose" and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department.

Got to love the Rhode Island Staties.  They nail the guy for a .489 breathalyzer test, realize they are may be on the verge of setting a world record, so they tee him up again and like a true champion Stanley delivers with a .491 on the second try.   Sure the IOC is going to question how he gained those .002 percentage points in the span of a couple seconds but when you push your body to the limit, you'd be amazed what your body can do.    I just hope it was enough to get him the World Record or at least the National title.  Does anybody know if anybody has ever beat .491 before?   And just like with competitive eating if the person in question had a reversal of fortune or in this case died it doesn’t count.

— elpresidente, 10:12 am | permalink | 41 comments


Wake Up With CNN's Robin Meade

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Click for more of Robin

(send wakeup nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com)

— elpresidente, 9:33 am | permalink | 31 comments


WNBA CATFIGHT!

Don't tell me that chicks don't read the Stool. Because just 48 hours after saying that the Danica Patrick vs. Milka Duno catfight set back the women in sports movement 100 years, the WNBA tried to up the ante with an actual brawl. Some dude sent me his recap of the fight which I thought summed it up pretty good. Here it is;

Reader Email

I was just flipping through ESPN to get to NESN, when I caught a brawl during a WNBA game between LA and Detroit.
 
A brawl during a women's basketball game!
 
I couldn't tell you what their team names are for the life of me...so we'll go with Lakers/Pistons. But you'll have to try and get footage of this thing. I hit record in case it doesn't get put up on You Tube, but it had "WNBA" written all over it.
 
Lisa Leslie was crying afterwords because she got pushed over by some big guy who coaches for the Pistons. Then some chick started whacking him in the back for it. And another chick got carted off in a wheelchair. Who gets carted off the court in a wheelchair after a fight?
 
A WNBA player. That's who. This thing was great...and I think there maybe a WWF/WNBA future for the league.

 
 
Michael

 

After watching every video available of this ground breaking event here are my favorite parts in no particular order.

1. Rick Mahorn pushing Lisa Leslie half way to China.

2. Lisa Leslie Crying

3. The bitch who was pounding on Rick Mahorn's back with "you cheated on me" type aggression.

4. Bill Laimbeer saying "We Need A Wheel Chair"

5. Michael Cooper

 

 

 

 

— elpresidente, 1:05 am | permalink | 45 comments