Random Thoughts

Well so much for having bullpen problems. It's Beckett, Lester and Dice K for 6 or 7, then onto to Masterson for an inning or so and then onto Papelbon to close. Easy. Cue the Duckboats. (again) And for anybody who says it's to early to tell whether the Masterson project will work I say bullshit. If you're a good starter you'll automatically be a good reliever. It's just that nobody except the Red Sox have the depth to pull a quality starter out of the rotation like they just did. But as a rule good starters can pitch anywhere. They're just too valuable to go into the bull pen for middle relief.

Introducing Tehillah from UMass.    You got to have some serious balls as parents to name your newborn Tehillah.  You’re basically saying you are 100% positive that she’s going to be hot.    Because I don’t even think you can exist with a name like that and be ugly.   And I know it doesn’t make any sense but this name makes her about 100 times hotter than she already is.   

Do people understand how Smokeshow of the Day exists?  We need your nominations to keep this running.  Send them all to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.    And you didn’t hear it from me but I was at a meeting today for our first ever Smokeshow Party.    Needless to say it will be coming fairly soon and it’s a no brainer that this will be our most popular event ever.    We plan on actually having real tickets to get in.   And you know what the best way to ensure that you get a ticket?    By having a smokeshow that you nominated be featured on the Stool.   Oh wait I forgot.  All the people who complain and bash the girls would piss themselves if they ever saw them in person anyway.  Nevermind.

Click Here for more pics of Tehillah

The First Lady just called me and told me she is being evacuated into the basement of her office for a tornado warning and then hung up on me. I could hear a bunch of yelling and screaming in the background. Keep in mind she works in Plymouth. So here is my question. Did she sneaky just get abducted? Is she cheating on me? Or is there really a tornado in Plymouth and should I be worried? Any help would be appreciated.

PS - The Barstool Girls better hope I don't become single!

Reader Email

El Presidente,
 
I have started to read the Stool over the past couple of months, and have become a big fan.  There was an article a couple of months ago for Douchebag of the week about a douche from a men's soccer league.  Well I have one from a slow pitch softball league that my wife is in.  My wife came home the other night pretty pissed off about this e-mail.  She has been on the team since last year, and has not missed any games.  She is a pretty steady player, and has said that the league wasn't too competitive and was just to have fun.  Her and a couple of other people are the ones that this e-mail will impact about not playing.  Also keep in mind this douche is a pretty shitty player, and apparently drives 70 miles for each game.  That should say how sucky he really is that he could not find a league closer to home.  I want to know what people think about this one.  If this was a real competitive league my wife wouldn't give a shit about not playing, but I have been to a game and saw that is was a rec league at best.  Let me know if I am overreacting, but this guy seems like a super douche to me.  I mean batting practice, come on.  Again, big fan of the stool.
 
Mike

Subject

Playoffs

As everyone knows last Wednesday was a complete disaster and for all intents and purposes we have not played a good game in weeks. The challenges are obvious and if you're not seeing them, you aren't paying attention to this team. Since the second half of the season we have tried to play everyone and keep people interested while evaluating who is getting more comfortable and who can best help the team.

As the playoffs start next week, I am tasked with the unenviable job of putting a line up together, making team decisions which could hurt friends feeling and subsequently splinter what has been a great group of people for the last couple years. While this part of the job is a challenge for me, I don't drive 70 miles round trip just to have terrible service and marginal food in Lawrence twice a week. I do it to win softball games and compete as hard as I can, clearly you feel the same way otherwise you wouldn't subject yourself to this long season of "ups and downs".

So what does all of this mean? Essentially we (Leslie, Tom and myself) have decided that starting Wednesday and moving forward we're going to play 9 fielders and bat 3 women in the line up. The entire length of the line up will depend on injuries but right now this is what we're thinking.

BTW- this should not surprise anyone, if it does feel free to speak with me tonight or anytime on the phone.

Sara - 4

Joan- 7

John - 3

Tom- 9

Jason- 8

Leslie -1

Ben- 6

Keith - DH

Jose- 5

Krista/Tawnya- 2

There is a chance that we'll go back to the 10 fielder and in that case we would move Sara to RT or short fielder and insert Dave K in at second base. Also, if I can't play first base we'll include Everett into the line up as well.

Based on how everyone is playing at this point we feel this line up give us the best opportunity to win games against very good competition. Do I think we'll win the championship with this group? I don't know but I know we won't batting 14 and having three 1-2-3 innings because people scuffling at the plate. All I can say is things happen in softball and we'll need everyone at some point so I hope even if you don't agree with our decision you'll support the team for the next couple weeks!

If this e-mail has upset you and you don't want to attend tonight's BP or Wednesday's game that is your decision- either way let me know via e-mail so we can plan accordingly.

Thanks,

John M.

This may be my favorite letter of all-time.   Sure you can make fun of this guy all you want, but when you’re right you’re right.   Let me ask you this.  Would you want to make the 70 mile trip to Lawrence (AKA Heartland of MA) every week just to get your face kicked in and eat the marginal local cuisine?   It’s time to stop being nice.  Everybody knows you can’t bat 14 guys and expect to win the title.  It doesn’t work in Tee Ball. It doesn’t work in Little League.  It doesn’t work in the major leagues and it certainly won’t work in rec league softball.    So I say kudos to this guy for trying to take the bull by the horns and manage his way to the title.   I just hope he is making the right decision by having two chicks as his table setters at the top of his line up.   If that blows up in his face he’ll be 2^nd guessed on every talk show in the country.

PS – Maybe my favorite part of this email was the fact that the guy listed the positions by numbers as opposed to CF, LF, 1B etc.   That’s the mark of somebody who did their book their entire life while the good players were in the field.

Double PS – I’ve never heard of a wife playing in a coed softball league without the husband before.   While I appreciate the email I’d be stunned if she wasn’t hooking up with somebody on the team.    I mean what other explanation could there be?

Triple PS - If you haven't read Softball Dude yet I highly recommend it.

So you want to know what happens when hot chicks start dating dudes like this?  

Well for starters dogs start pissing on you every chance they get.

And then you go from starring in Hollywood movies to starring in this shit.  That's why hot chicks should only date athletes and smut publishers.  Anything else fucks them in the head.

Click Here For the Answer

Is there any doubt that Theo broke out the guitar in his bedroom last night and beat off to himself playing Pearl Jam? I mean you could almost see his erection through the TV when he was sitting next to Eddie Vedder. Nobody loves Pearl Jam more than Theo Epstein. Nobody, except maybe my buddy Nolan.

That's what you get for showing off. The best part of this video is that this kid is definitely paralyzed. I mean there is no way you land on your head like that and ever walk again.

DailyNews.com - The winner of the U.S. Air Guitar regional competition in Brooklyn rocked so hard during a daredevil performance that doctors had to amputate a toe she broke during the gig.  Taryn Kapronica - who goes by the stage name Bettie B. Goode - slammed into a metal chair 15 feet above a confused Williamsburg audience just seconds into her July 9 performance of Scorpion's "Rock You Like a Hurricane."  "My foot got caught in the chair leg, and as I fell over the chair, my toe was dislocated and basically all the tissue was totally ripped off," explained Kapronica, 27. "By the time I hit the ground and looked down, my toe was pretty much gone and just hanging from a thread."  And suddenly, the Long Island City, Queens, resident who works in a local event space became a guitar hero.  As a crowd of more than 200 audience members watched in horror, mouths agape and eyes wide open, Kapronica - clad in leopard-print rocker gear - kept right on rockin'.  She performed for 50 seconds longer while blood dripped across the stage.  "I could feel the blood trickle down my foot and between my toes, but I refused to look down at it," said Kapronica.  "I just kept on air guitaring."  Fellow competitor Tom Corsillo - who performs under the nom de rock Mitt Umlaut - said Kapronica's gutsy performance is already the stuff of legend. "In those 60 seconds, she solidified her place in air guitar lore, and really became a hero to a lot of people," Corsillo said.

See this is the beauty of sports.  Whether it be Jon Lester pitching a no hitter after battling cancer, Tiger Woods winning the US Open with a torn ACL or Derek Redmond pulling a hamstring in the Olympics and having his father came out of the stands to help him finish, you just never know when true greatness will emerge.   And nothing proves this point more than Bettie B Goode’s performance at the Air Guitar Regionals.     This is one of those transcendent events that nobody in attendance will soon forget.    Sure anybody can play air guitar when healthy.  But how many people would have“kept on air guitaring” after a horrific metal chair accident left them with 9 toes, blood gushing everywhere and 60 seconds still left in the song?  The answer is nobody except Bettie B. Goode who will now rightfully live on in Air Guitar folklore forever.    Somewhere Ronnie Lott is smiling.

PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- State Police arrested a man early Tuesday whose blood alcohol level allegedly was .491 -- more than six times the legal limit -- which they believe is the highest ever recorded in Rhode Island for someone who wasn't dead.  Stanley Kobierowski, 34, of North Providence, was arrested after he drove into a highway message board on Interstate 95 in Providence, Maj. Steven O'Donnell said.  A Breathalyzer test showed Kobierowski had blood alcohol readings of .489 followed by .491, O'Donnell said, the highest readings anyone at the State Police or the Department of Health could remember for someone who didn't end up dead. The legal limit in Rhode Island is .08. A blood alcohol of .3 is classified as "stupor," .4 is "comatose" and .5 is considered fatal, according to the health department.

Got to love the Rhode Island Staties.  They nail the guy for a .489 breathalyzer test, realize they are may be on the verge of setting a world record, so they tee him up again and like a true champion Stanley delivers with a .491 on the second try.   Sure the IOC is going to question how he gained those .002 percentage points in the span of a couple seconds but when you push your body to the limit, you'd be amazed what your body can do.    I just hope it was enough to get him the World Record or at least the National title.  Does anybody know if anybody has ever beat .491 before?   And just like with competitive eating if the person in question had a reversal of fortune or in this case died it doesn’t count.

Click for more of Robin

(send wakeup nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com)

Don't tell me that chicks don't read the Stool. Because just 48 hours after saying that the Danica Patrick vs. Milka Duno catfight set back the women in sports movement 100 years, the WNBA tried to up the ante with an actual brawl. Some dude sent me his recap of the fight which I thought summed it up pretty good. Here it is;

Reader Email

After watching every video available of this ground breaking event here are my favorite parts in no particular order.

1. Rick Mahorn pushing Lisa Leslie half way to China.

2. Lisa Leslie Crying

3. The bitch who was pounding on Rick Mahorn's back with "you cheated on me" type aggression.

4. Bill Laimbeer saying "We Need A Wheel Chair"

5. Michael Cooper