Random Thoughts

I was like in trance during this video. I can't even tell whether the main chick is hot or not but I can guarentee you she'd wreck your dick so fast you wouldn't even know what happened. Happy Fucking Friday.

Now that we know there's a paper trail tieing Roger Clemens to the shipments of HGH that came to his house... the ones his wife used that Roger told Congress he knew nothing about... this has to be a tough time for Debbie Clemens. I'm sure she feels bad and is worried about her husband being convicted of felony perjury charges. And in times of trouble, I have one source I always turn to to give me strength. Ironically enough, that source is debbieclemens.com. Debbie's own sage wisdom is a blueprint for how to live your life in good times and in bad. It's something I turn to daily and I'm sure if she follows her own guidance, she'll make it through just fine.

While we're on the subject, here's a quiz. Match the quote to the advice guru who said it: The choices are:

A. Debbie Clemens
B. Dr. Phil
C. Charles Manson

1. "I have decided to be happy As a matter of fact I've gone Jacket Happy!"

2. "The real strong have no need to prove it to the phonies."

3. "It's better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else."

4. Gain inner strength and power not by controlling others, but by controlling yourself.

5. "Are you doing what you're doing today because you want to do it, or because it's what you were doing yesterday?"

6. "If you are going to do something, do it well. And leave something witchy."

7. "Do things you enjoy and enjoy what you do."

8. "I now watch my carbohydrate intake, I have dramatically cut back on eating bread and pasta. Now I eat a lot of protein rich foods. I think it is perfectly fine to eat those items "

9. "You eat meat and you kill things that are better than you are, and then you say how bad, and even killers, your children are."

10. "You need to listen to your body because your body is listening to you."

11. "Learn to use things and to love people, instead of the other way around."

12. "Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you."

13. "Get up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror, and see yourself not as someone who is overweight or out of shape, but as the someone you will become."

14. "Look down at me and you see a fool; look up at me and you see a god; look straight at me and you see yourself"

15. "Smile and congratulate yourself for the great work you put in for yourself and your good well-being! "

Click here for the answers...

I'm not sure how I missed this. I know it's a joke, but where do I buy these plates? Seriously.

Man, Brittny Gastineau was bringing it at the ESPY's huh? What is the deal with her? Why isn't she more famous? I almost pissed myself when I saw this photo. It's almost impossible for a chick to look hotter than this. I mean I think I'd rather fuck her than everybody else at the ESPY's including Adriana Lima which is blasphamy. Click Here for some more pics of players with their hot wives and girlfriends and judge for yourself.

Sirius.com - Plaxico Burress had some fun gloating about New York's upset win over New England in Super Bowl XLII by signing the Patriots' championship chair when he visited with Carl Banks and Randy Cross in the SIRIUS NFL Radio Studio.

And this my friends is why the Patriots dominate the NFL. Guys like Plaxico Burress live in the past. He'll be talking about Super Bowl XLII for the next 20 years. He probably doesn't care whether he wins another game for the rest of his career. Contrast this with the Patriots who always look ahead to the next game. They are never satisfied. I mean can you imagine a Patriots player still talking about one of our superbowl victories at the beginning of training camp the next year? Of course not. That's what losers do. That's what guys who know they were lucky and they'll never win another championship do. That's what guys who are satisfied do. That's not what dynasties do. So gloat all you want Plaxico and we'll gladly invite you back to Sirius.com next year at this time when you can sign our new chair with the 4 Superbowl Titles on it. And the year after that when we have five and on and and so on and on. Because the only thing losing last year did was ensure that we get our revenge this year. It just prolonged the inevitable.

Boston.com - According to former WBZ sports director Bob Lobel, Manny Ramirez was fined a six-figure amount for his June altercation with Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormick -- and he wasn't happy about it. They got his attention. He doesn't like to be punished in any way, shape, or form... "  Lobel’s strong words didn’t stop there. He went on to allege that there was a perception that in a pinch-hit at bat at Yankee Stadium on July 6 -- more than a week after the incident with McCormick -- Ramirez took three straight called strikes to send a message to the Sox. "The thing that most people are forgetting and haven't talked about is the strikeout in Yankee Stadium," Lobel said. "The bat on the shoulder for the three pitches from Mariano Rivera. That was a big [expletive] to the Red Sox after the fine. I'm just telling you ... there are things in the front office that are perceived ... I'm saying that there is a strong feeling that that [three-pitch strikeout] was the message to the Red Sox and it's a strong feeling that that's unacceptable ... there's a feeling that he didn't give it his all, let's put it that way ... I'm just saying the front office has not forgotten that moment. It's akin to Nomar sitting on the bench [ in a game in which Derek Jeter dove into the stands at Yankee Stadium in 2004]. It's the same thing. It's an at bat that resonated very strongly in the front office."

Honestly I don’t know what to believe here.   I can’t tell whether Bob Lobel is just making stuff up to get his name back in the headlines, whether he is drunk again or whether there is some truth to what he is saying.  And by truth I’m not talking about whether Manny struck out on purpose because that is the most asinine thing I’ve ever heard in my life.   I refuse to even discuss that theory because it’s that stupid. But I wouldn’t put it past the one eyed bandit to start leaking shit like this to the media.  Lobel even mentioned how the Sox brass compared this to Nomar sitting on the bench during the Yankees Game in 2004.   This is Larry Lucchino 101 right here boys and girls. Whenever they are on the verge of getting rid of one of their star players the Sox start a smear campaign against them that would make Hitler blush to prevent publish backlash.  I mean what they did to Nomar was absolutely reprehensible. They flat out made up lies that he was faking his ankle injury.  And if they did it to him what’s to prevent them from doing it to Manny.   So again I’m not sure what to believe here.     Both Lobel and Lucchino have motivation to bash Manny.  So I guess I’ll throw it to the Stoolies.  Vote 1 for Lobel is making this up to get his name back in the headlines and 10 for this is another smear campaign by the one eyed bandit.

I had no idea that Greg Norman's daughter went to BC. I guess you learn something new everyday. Figures that nobody was man enough at bag her at Superfan U. I mean she's only worth 100 million. I would have roofied her ass so fast she wouldn't even have known what happened.

WorcesterTelegram.com - Heather V. Malo is the producer and co-star of “The Dudeular Connection.” “The show is a reflection on whatever is going on — just twisted,” Ms. Malo said yesterday when asked about the theme of the show. She said “The Dudeular Connection” is a mix of humor, political, psychedelic and social satire, as well as the co-stars’ perspectives and views of the world and is sometimes hard to categorize.  “I can’t censor on public access. It was after midnight, and I thought it made a good finale. She said she changes the channel if she does not like or approve of a show on television. “That is the American way: Choose for yourself.”  “I believe in public access,” she added. “If it fails, it fails everyone.”

WATCH SAFE VIDEO WITH GREAT QUOTES

I wonder what Mrs. Sullivan would have to say about the Dudeular Connection?   I mean despite the fact that both the Stool and the Dudeular Connection bill ourselves as a mix of humor, political, psychedelic and social satire, this makes us look like child’s play.   Although I must admit I’ve been pitching Jerry and Manzo to do that “two men and a rake” scene for years.  I guess you snooze you lose.   Still I like the cut of Heather Malo's jib. If you don't like what's on TV then turn the channel. Amen sister. That is the American way! Deal with it Mrs. Sullivan.

Click Here For the Answer

TMZ: A topless -- and really, really hot -- photo of the Cleveland Browns quarterback has been used to promote a dating website for months. The only problem -- nobody cleared it with Brady! A rep for the Cleveland Browns tells us Brady had no knowledge of the ad saying, "He was not involved in posting photos." Brady's lawyer has already taken action and has sent a cease and desist letter to the website today, demanding all photos of him be removed ASAP.

Taking nothing away from gay people, who of course are God's children same as all of us, but I'm glad Brady Quinn's lawyer has stepped up to put a stop to this. The former Fighting Irish superstar is not gay... not that there's anything wrong with it... and the suggestion that he is needs to end now. I mean, what has Brady done to deserve people questioning his sexuality?

So his friend have taken some pictures of him on the phone showing off his clean shaven, massive pecs and rock hard abs. So he entertained the crowd at his sister's wedding to AJ Hawk...

So he likes a little nonsexual horseplay with his male companions...

So what? None of that justifies people starting rumors that Quinn is anything other than 6 ft 4 in and 235 lbs of pure, smoldering 100% Grade A heterosexuality. And on an unrelated note, Romeo Crennel is way overdue giving him the starting QB job.

Reader Email

 To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to let the webmaster of barstoolsports.com know that he is no better than somebody who runs a pornographic website. This evening, I was looking over my son shoulder as he was on barstoolsports and I was absolutely appalled at what I was seeing.  Elpresidente, or whatever your real name is, you have absolutely no respect for women at all. You post pictures of college girls just not thinking that it will ruin their reputation, all those images do is make those girls feel ashamed and disrespected as a human being. How would you feel if your daughter's pictures were posted all over the Internet for men to enjoy.. O wait a minute, no female would ever stoop to your level to date a piece of trash like you. If one did or does, all I can say is run and never look back.  Also, the language that you use is tasteless. This is not the boys locker room in high school. GROW UP!!!!

 Sincerly,

 Mrs. Sullivan

I’m no better than somebody who runs a pornographic website?  Hey I resent that!  But let’s call a spade a spade here.  Clearly Mrs. Sullivan walked in on her 13 year old boy beating off to a chick on Barstool Sports.    Listen lady don’t get mad at me.   It’s just a part of puberty and becoming a man.    Hopefully this will teach you not to spy on your kid anymore.  Let him grow and spread his wings.   I just hope he wasn’t jerking off to that 63 year old bitch we had on the website yesterday.   Because then I’d be kind of pissed too.   I mean it’s one thing to beat off to a smokeshow of the day or a cover model, but it’s kind of perverted for 13 year old boys to be jerking off to grandmothers.  So if that’s what happened I apologize and I can understand why you think I’m a piece of trash.  From now on I’ll think twice before posting pictures of the Supercougars. 

PS – Just to clear up any confusion I don’t actually kidnap the girls and take pictures of them at gunpoint in the Astrovan.  Believe it or not most of these vulnerable college girls take the pictures themselves and then because they are so ashamed of them, they proceed to post them on the internet for the world to see.   Only at that point do I swoop in and ruin their reputations for good.   It’s kind of like a team effort.

Double PS – The First Lady has been giving me strange looks ever since she read this email.  I can almost read her mind;

“I live in my mom’s house with my boyfriend who is a smut peddler and drives an astrovan.  Maybe Mrs. Sullivan is onto something.”

SOUTHPORT, England (AFP) - Red-hot Kenny Perry's decision to snub the British Open was met with astonishment here on Monday as Royal Birkdale geared up for Thursday's tee-off in the world's oldest and most prestigious tournament.

The 47-year-old American won his third title in his past five starts when he captured the 4.2 million dollar John Deere Classic in a play-off in Illinois on Sunday.

Normally he would have jumped on a plane for Britainto join the rest of the top American players at The Open, but Perry had already made it clear that he had other intentions.

Instead he said he had commitments to play in a US PGA tournament in Milwaukee to further his ambitions of playing in the Ryder Cup in his home state of Kentucky in September.

Countryman Jim Furyk, who will likely be a team-mate of Perry in theUS team for Valhalla, said he could not understand Perry's decision.

"To the best of my knowledge you can't win if you never play." he said. "You can't win on the couch.”

First of all, gotta love Jim Furyk ripping a page from the lottery there with his “You can’t win if you don’t play” line.  Always good to see slogans created for degenerate gamblers being used in mainstream America.  But #2, Kenny Perry is an absolute pussy.  In June he skipped Torrey Pines because he didn’t like the course, now he's ducking the British Open (I refuse to call it “The Open”) because he doesn’t play well there either?  Hey Kenny, it's the British Open - the best players in the world are there and you're ranked #3. You’re not supposed to be in Milwaukee! 

Now I understand he wants to play in the Ryder Cup, so do I, but is the way to make the team really by bailing on back to back Majors in order to play on easier courses against 2nd and 3rd tier competition?  I mean what does he think the Ryder Cup is going to be - some cupcake course in Tahoe against Tony Romo and Lou Holtz?  (see right) Come on.  I'd rather have a battle tested player who’s ranked 25th than a guy like Perry who avoids Major championships like the plague to artificially inflate/not hurt his standings.

Oh well, looks like another Ryder Cup for the Europeans. Ole. Ole ole ole.

(photo from Boston.com)

This photo is from the ESPY's where the Celtics narrowly edged out the Red Sox for Team of the Year. But in a show of Boston power and solidarity Kevin Garnett wore a diamond studded Red Sox earring to the event. How awesome is that? This is what being from Boston is all about. All for one and one for all. With fans like us, publications like Barstool Sports and players like Kevin Garnett it's virtually impossible not to rule the world despite Mayor Menino best efforts.

To see much more of Gillian before the X-Files movie comes out, click here...