Random Thoughts

Well while we're on the subject of America getting its ass kicked, I figured we might as well talk about another area where we can't compete on a National level. I'm obviously talking about great asses. Because through my Internet travels I've seen all types of girls. Pretty girls, ugly girls, slutty girls etc. But without a shadow of a doubt International Reef Girls always have the best asses. And it's not even close. I mean if you see a reef girl you know two things are for sure. She's not going to speak a lick of English and she's going to have an ass that makes your dick drool.

PS - Obviously anytime I mention a Reef Girl I'm contractually obligated to post the 2nd video which included the undisputed hottest chick on the planet in it.

Introducing Erin from Assumption. I'd love to write a nice intro about her, but unfortunatly I passed out instantly upon seeing her hotness.

I dare anybody to try and send us any girls as hot as Erin. I dare you. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Erin

Hall of Fame slugger Reggie Jackson might have gotten himself into hot water with Jews — the Yankee legend was caught on tape uttering an unflattering stereotype while haggling over the price of a painting. Jackson was on East 61st Street and Madison Avenue, negotiating with a painter, when he asked the artist, "Are you Jewish?" according to Post lensman Larry Schwartzwald.

Schwartzwald then turned on his video camera and asked Jackson why he made the remark. "You Jewish, too?" asked Jackson. Mr. October then explained that the artist was driving a hard bargain and said he asked the man if he was Jewish "because he's always working me."

Jackson, 62, was full of one-liners on Saturday, and even had material aimed at Bombers superstar Alex Rodriguez. Jackson was strolling with his 17-year-old daughter, Kimberly, when he insisted that Schwartzwald and another photographer who joined the scene identify the attractive young woman so no one got the wrong idea. "Hey, make sure you tell them that's my daughter, you guys. I'm not A-Rod!" the slugger-turned-comic quipped. "That's my daughter, that's not my girlfriend! I'm not A-Rod here!"

Jeez, I knew that most ex-Yankees players were scumbags, but this is below even their standards. I know everybody hates ARod, but what's with being anti-Semitic? Who hates Jews? Is this something new? Didn't Reggie remember taking this picture alongside Rod Carew, who was Jewish?

Typical Yankee lowlife ex-player. They spend their whole career in the Bronx surrounded by a fawning press corps, get their asses kissed by generations of Steinbrenners, then turn on the very people who bought the tickets, supported them all those years and made them rich. First he tries to kill Queen Elizabeth now he's an anti-Semite. Too bad for him Enrico Palazzo wasn't there to save him from his own stupidity this time.

CHICOPEE - Organizers of the third annual Fest-of-All say the four-day event that concluded on Sunday was a success, despite some rainy weather.

The biggest attraction is always the fireworks, which went off as scheduled on Saturday. Also on Saturday, former Red Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli signed autographs for $20 each. Chapdelaine said 134 people stood in the rain waiting to meet Mirabelli.

That's it in a nutshell. The Red Sox burgeoning dynasty explained. Doug Mirabelli, a marginal Major Leaguer turned ex-Major Leaguer, a former one-trick pony backup catcher for the Sox, shows up at some nondescript event in some jerkwater Massachusetts town a hundred miles from nowhere, and 134 people stand in a line out in a rainstorm to shell out 20 bucks for his autograph.

Owners of other teams can take their talk of "small markets" and cram it. The Sox don't have an advantage over other teams because of population or ballpark lease or taxpayer funding or any of that other crap. If anything, the Red Sox are at a disadvantage to most other teams. Montreal had more people and they couldn't keep a franchise. Half the towns in America built stadia for their teams, but still they cry poor mouth and say they can't compete with the Sox. But it's got nothing to do with economics and everything to do with fan loyalty. Everyone talks about how dedicated Cubs fans are, but if they cut their backup catcher this year, do you think 134 are going to drive to Joliet and stand out in the rain for a Henry Blanco autograph? Not on your life. That's the difference between being the Team of the Decade and 100 years without a championship.

Introducing the Larry Bird of Spring Break Bikini Contests

ST. LOUIS, Missouri (AP) -- Belgian brewer InBev has announced it will buy its U.S. rival Anheuser-Busch for $52 billion to create the world's largest brewer. The acquisition means control over America's largest brewer, the No. 2 worldwide, moves overseas. Based in St. Louis, Missouri, Anheuser-Busch has more than 48 percent of American market share with brands that include Bud Light.  It wasn't immediately clear how long approval might take from regulators and shareholders. Several Missouri politicians have expressed concerns about the merger -- especially how it would affect the approximate 6,000 people employed by Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis. The merger, if completed, will bring to an end to one of the most iconic names in U.S. business and a name synonymous with St. Louis. From college buildings to offices to the stadium where the Cardinals play, the Busch name is virtually everywhere in the Gateway City.

God Damn It!    We just keep getting our face punched in huh?   I mean AB should be buying Inbev not vice versa.  We’re America for god sakes!     Is there any doubt that the thing that sealed AB’s fate was when Miss USA took another tumble in the Miss Universe pageant?  It was probably like an arm wrestling match on who would buy who and the second Miss USA’s ass hit the ground we got distracted and got pinned.     It’s just so sad.  I mean Budweiser is the great American beer except it’s not American anymore.   How could this happen?    It wouldn’t surprise me to see the Clydesdale's walking down the street in Abington except instead of Clydesdale's there will be American Citizens pulling the cart and getting whipped while doing it.   

PS - All will be forgiven if InBev decides to advertise with the Stool. Then I say "Hoi" (Hello) and Welkom (Welcome) to our new foreign friends. And did I ever mention that my college roomate was from Belgium?

RAYNHAM, Mass. -- A 4-year-old boy was allegedly groped in the bathroom of a grocery store by an employee and the boy's father took the matter into his own hands, police said. The boy's father attacked the perpetrator during the incident at the Market Basket in Raynham last month. Police said that Valerio Rodriquez, 71, allegedly reached underneath a bathroom dividing wall and touched the boy high on his leg while he was standing on a bucket to used in the next urinal. The boy's father, who was also in the bathroom during the incident, told police that he forced open the door and punched Rodriquez several times. Police charged the boy's father with assault for hitting Rodriguez. Rodriquez told police that he was joking around, but he was charged with a felony account of indecent assault and battery on a child.

So let me see if I understand this right.   Some wack job tries to cop a feel of a 4 year old boy while he was taking a leak in the bathroom and the kid’s dad punches the guy in the face and he gets charged with assault?     Umm what am I missing here?  What was the dad supposed to do?    Just let this stranger give his son a handjob?   This is the shit that makes me embarrassed to live in America.   Rule #1 in the Constitution should be that when a pervert tries to molest your little boy at Market Basket you should be able to beat him to near death without any repercussions.   Sad day for America indeed.  

Click For the Answer

NYTimes.com - Vincent Provenzano, 16 years old, experienced his Kevin Costner moment one Sunday afternoon in May after a thrilling day of Wiffle ball in a friend’s backyard. He came home, gazed at a field of weeds, brush and poison ivy in an empty lot off Riverside Lane, turned to his friend Justin Currytto, 17, and proclaimed: “If we build it, they will come.”  After three weeks of clearing brush and poison ivy, scrounging up plywood and green paint, digging holes and pouring concrete, Vincent, Justin and about a dozen friends did manage to build it — a tree-shaded Wiffle ball version of Fenway Park complete with a 12-foot-tall green monster in center field, American flag by the left-field foul pole and colorful signs for Taco Bell Frutista Freezes. But, alas, they had no idea just who would come — youthful Wiffle ball players, yes, but also angry neighbors and their lawyer, the police, the town nuisance officer and tree warden and other officials in all shapes and sizes. It turns out that one kid’s field of dreams is an adult’s dangerous nuisance, liability nightmare, inappropriate usurpation of green space, unpermitted special use or drag on property values, and their Wiffle-ball Fenway has become the talk of Greenwich and a suburban Rorschach test about youthful summers past and present. “I’m all for Wiffle ball and apple pie and baseball and the American flag, but there are plenty of fields in town they can use instead of building something in people’s backyard,” said Liz Pate, who is building a new house behind what’s now home plate. “If I come home at 6 at night after working all day, I want peace and quiet. I can’t have that. I have dozens of people behind my house playing Wiffle ball. If their parents think this is so great, let them play at their house.”

Let me start by saying I love wiffleball.   But I totally understand what these neighbors are saying.   I’d be kind pissed too if suddenly a bunch of teenagers showed up out of nowhere and built a field right in my grill mix.     Granted it’s impossible to really pass judgment in this case without seeing how close the field was to the neighbors, but I’m inclined to side with them.  It’s not like the field was already there and these people knew what they were getting themselves into.   This is totally different.   One second you have peace and quiet and the next second it’s chaos.    Plus I’m sure all these silver spoon kids from Greenwich have huge fucking backyards to begin with so if they want build a wiffleball field they should do it in their own property.   

Anyway while I’m on the subject of wiffleball, I got an email from Tyler Tierney of Rye NH this weekend asking me to feature his backyard wiffleball field that he built at his aunt’s house called the “The Archway”.   Now this is how it’s done.  Very impressive.  Almost as impressive as the fact that he can’t be more than 15 years old and is already reading the Stool.    Let’s just say this kid has a very bright future ahead of him.

In the battle of the sexes, women's magazine editor Cynthia Good said this was a skirmish she had to fight. Across Atlanta they stood, orange signs with black letters that read "Men At Work" or "Men Working Ahead." Sometimes, the signs stood next to women working alongside the men. Good demanded Atlanta officials remove the signs and last week, Atlanta Public Works Commissioner Joe Basista agreed. Score one for gender equality, Good said Wednesday. "They get it," Good said about the city in a telephone interview.

Public Works officials are replacing 50 "Men Working" with signs that say "Workers Ahead." It will cost $22 to cover over some of the old signs and $144 to buy new signs, said Public Works spokeswoman Valerie Bell-Smith said.

Well thank God for this. The last bastion of gender inequity has fallen and now the world is all set. Women finally have everything they need because motorists in Hotlanta will no longer be subjected to repressive, chauvanistic road signs. All the problems have been solved. No more forced clitorectomies. It's the end of "honor" killings. Places where women get stoned to death for walking across the street with a man they're not married to will knock it off. Peel off those burkhas ladies and shake what you're momma gave ya.

I love women. But this is why I hate feminists. While the rest of the world treats women like they're less than animals, women's magazine editors are worried about the .00001% of American road crew workers that happen to be women being offended by road signs designed to protect them from getting run over. Never mind that 60% of US college graduates are female since there's a lot less money in paving roads than there is in being a women's magazine editor or a tort lawyer suing to get road signs changed. Feminists are like those Japanese soldiers they used to find on islands who were still trying to fight WWII. The feminists don't realize the war is over either, the difference is they won the goddamned thing.

LOWELL, Mass. -- Former boxer "Irish" Micky Ward is awaiting word on whether he will face charges stemming from allegations that he hit his wife's stepfather.  The Sun newspaper of Lowell reports that police say Ward attacked Kevin Nolette on May 28, leaving him with a broken nose, split lip and knocking out several teeth.  There was no immediate information on what triggered the violence.  Ward could not be immediately reached for comment because his number was unlisted.

Mickey Ward couldn’t be reached for comment because his number was unlisted?   Talk about lazy journalism.     Listen if you can’t get Mickey Ward’s phone number than you should probably hang up your reporter shoes.   I mean the guy is a Lowell legedn. But that’s neither here nor there.   This story just confirms why I hope my daughter never marries a boxer.   I mean you crack one joke that doesn’t go over well at the 4^th of July barbecue and suddenly you got a broken nose and are spitting out teeth until Christmas.  That’s just what boxers do. They communicate with their fists.

PS - I wonder if they'll include this part in the upcoming Mickey Ward movie?

Chile is one of Latin America’s most conservative societies?   When did that happen?  I mean whenever I picture Chile in my head, I always picture hot chicks with great asses walking down the street in bikinis and people fucking everywhere.  I certainly didn’t picture crowded subways and people actually going to work and shit like that.   And I definitely didn’t picture Chile as the type of place where a chick would get arrested for stripping in public.   I kind of just assumed that was encouraged behavior by the Chilean Government.    I guess this article proves that I don’t know everything after all.  The good news is that it looks like I can cross Chile off one of the places I’d like to go on vacation.  I mean if they’re not going to let chicks strip on the subway then what’s the point of going there in the first place?   This story must be killing their tourism industry.

ATLANTIC CITY -- Jose Canseco was knocked out by former Philadelphia Eagles return man Vai Sikahema in their celebrity boxing match Saturday. Canseco's size advantage -- he is 6-foot-4, 245 pounds to Sikahema's 5-9, 205 -- was not a factor in the bout, which was over in the first round. "When you step inside the square circle," Sikahema said, according to the Press of Atlantic City, "don't ever think that your size is going to matter because in Philadelphia, we will chop you down." Sikahema was asked if there were any surprises. "That it didn't finish in the first 30 seconds," he said. Sikahema, who is also a sportscaster, has some experience in the ring. He has had more than 80 fights as an amateur boxer, according to the Press. Canseco said he had a background in martial arts.

Well it turns out the "War on the Shore" wasn't very much of a war after all. I guess we can put an end to the rumor that Jose Canseco has some martial arts experience.   Because if he did I’m pretty sure he would have lasted more than 1 round vs. a dude half his size.  Regardless Vai Sikahema can calm down about how great Philadelphia people are.  Dude you beat up Jose Canseco.   Relax.  If anything you should be ashamed of yourself for ending the fight so quickly. Everybody knows that boxing is as much about showmanship as anything else. Clearly he should have carried Jose for a round or two and give people their money's worth before putting him to sleep.

More Espo here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com