Random Thoughts

It's official. Megan has advanced to the Smokeshow of the Year Finals where Lauren awaits. I don't know when the Smokeshow Finals are going to begin, how many girls will be in it or what these girls will be playing for, but the city may shut down when it happens.

 (I ain't scared motherfucker!)

Introducing Stephanie from UMass. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to see Stephanie in the finals of the smokeshow brackets. This girl is a total five tool player. Very hot.

Do you know anybody close to as hot as Stephanie? Send them our way to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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(This little dork should be the only Red Sox fan happy that the Yanks swept the Drays)

Umm am I dreaming or were people rooting for the Yankees to beat the Devil Rays?    Are people fucking nuts?    It’s not even the All Star break for god sakes!    Only a complete fool would be rooting for NY in this series.   Mark my words when I say that you’ll regret this.   I mean anybody who doesn’t think the Yankees are still the primary threat in the division is so ignorant that I’m embarrassed to have you read Barstool Sports.   The Devil Rays are a joke.   End of story.  

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(pic from metro.uk)

BBC.com - A teenager who thought movement in her underwear was caused by her vibrating mobile phone found a bat curled up asleep in her bra.  Abbie Hawkins, 19, of Norwich, had been wearing the bra for five hours when she plucked up the courage to investigate.  When she did, she found a baby bat in padding in her 34FF bra. The hotel receptionist said she was shocked but felt bad for removing the "cuddly" bat. "It looked cosy and comfortable and I was sorry for disturbing it," she said. She was sitting at her desk at work when she decided to investigate the strange movements in her underwear.  "I put my hand down my bra and pulled out a cuddly little bat.  "I did not notice anything as I put my bra on. The night before I had had one or two drinks and I was getting ready quickly.

Hey this bat ain’t stupid.  If you’re going to sleep in a chicks tits, find the chick with the 34FF boobs.    I mean I didn’t even know those things existed until reading this article.   Kudos to the bat.   As a side note, what’s the highest cup size in the universe?   My guess is double LL’s.   But that’s just a wild guess.   It seems right though.

PS - You know a chick means business when she hold her cell phone in her tits.

Ok I know this crash isn't that great. But I got a kick out of the reaction of the people after the girl got taken out. "Oh no."

PS - 100% of the blame has to be on the girl. She had all day to get out of this guy's way. He wasn't exactly breaking any land speed records on the way in.

The weather is heating up and so is Heidi Watney. All we had to do to get her bring out her "A" game was have the thermometer hit 95 degrees . It was well worth the wait though. And this is coming from a guy who did his paper route yesterday in the Astrovan with no AC. Small price to pay to get Heidi Watney to break out the big guns.

Grade A+ ( I knew she had it in her. She gets hotter every game)

You know Tree Man is beating off to this bitch.

(cameltap)

I almost played Guess That Ass with the last picture, but decided it would be cruel and unusual punishment to make people have to click to see all the pictures. As a rule when a chick goes out of her way to make a statement like this she deserves to be on the front page. I mean I got hard just looking at these. Just another reminder to all of mankind that you can't have a world's hottest chick conversation without putting her at the top of the list.

PS - I'm not sure I've ever seen a guy try harder to be cool than the middle aged white dude wearing the Twins hat with the doo rag underneath it and his cell phone tucked into his pants and the silver Nikes. Dude relax.

The Northern Ireland troubles may be over, but heavily armoured Saracen military personnel carriers still trundle through downtown Belfast. Their look-out points and emergency doors no longer house British troops with high-powered rifles, wary of sniper and rocket attack. Instead they feature high-spirited young women whooping at pedestrians. This is party time in post-troubles Belfast and those in the vehicle are clutching not lethal weapons but alcopops. It is uproar of a different kind, one of celebration rather than commotion: the hazard has been replaced by the hen night.

If I can translate the above paragraph into regular American, the same armored personnel carriers that used to drive around Northern Ireland loaded with soldiers and weapons during the Troubles are now freaking party buses. God, I love the Irish. In other countries they dream of pounding swords into plowshares, but the Irish take your sword and get pounded. They take the same army trucks they used to throw Molotov cocktails at and use them to throw down cocktails ("Alcopops"...hilarious). That's why there'll always be an Ireland.

"We got one heavily armed recreational vehicle here, man!!!"

(Julie's Ex Boyfriend dressed up as slamball player for Halloween)

Boston.com - "He grabbed me by my hair and took my hands by my wrists and made me punch my face," Julie Donaldson testified. Channel 7 sports reporter Julie Donaldson, who said she was injured in an assault last month, testified yesterday that her boyfriend threw her against a wall and punched her in the face. Sobbing as she spoke, Donaldson said it was the latest in a series of violent episodes involving Ivan Lattimore, whom she has been dating since Thanksgiving. Lattimore has been held without bail since his arrest. Yesterday's testimony came during a hearing to determine whether Lattimore poses a threat to Donaldson. The hearing will continue today. Donaldson told the court that Lattimore plays professional Slamball, a variation of basketball using trampolines. Donaldson at first identified herself as Julie Cochrane. She explained that she is married but that her divorce is nearly final. Since she and Lattimore started dating, Donaldson said, there have been at least four violent episodes. After a Celtics game against the Miami Heat on March 30, Donaldson said that she lied to Lattimore about her whereabouts and that he was waiting for her when she returned to her apartment. "He grabbed me by my hair and took my hands by my wrists and made me punch my face," she said, adding that she had to miss work the next day because of bruises on her face. A few months ago, she said, another fight ensued after a night of drinking at Sonsie on Newbury Street. Donaldson said the latest assault took place in Donaldson's Exeter Street apartment after a night of dancing and drinking at the Back Bay nightclub Saint. Wanting to "keep the party going," Donaldson said, she invited a group of six young women back to her apartment around 2 a.m. on June 28. One of the women, Sounsano Phouthavoq, testified yesterday that Lattimore groped one of her friends at the apartment. Alarmed, the women tried to leave, Phouthavoq said. She said Lattimore became angry and grabbed her by the hair. When Donaldson tried to calm him, Phouthavoq said he threw his girlfriend approximately 5 feet against a wall. "He snapped and went into a rage," Donaldson told Judge Raymond Dougan Jr.

Slamball? Are you serious? I absolutely refuse to believe that this sport still exists.   You could take me to a slamball game right now and I still wouldn’t believe you.  This should have been the first sign for poor Julie that she was dating a total scumbag.  Who sticks with the slamball lie for 8 months?    Give it up already dude.  You’re obviously unemployed.  Guy should be executed for that bullshit alone.    But seriously any man who hits a woman, even ugly ones, deserves to get the chair.    Never mind abusing a chick as gorgeous as Julie Donaldson.   I mean that's a crime vs. humanity. You should get the double chair for that.    And it sounds like Julie is not only a knockout, but a pretty cool chick.    She’s getting loaded at Sonsie, drinking and dancing at Saint, and having after parties after the after parties at her apartment.   How the fuck does a guy like this end up with a girl like that?   It’s bullshit.   Julie deserves a guy like me.  I don’t hit women.    I don’t care that she’s still technically married.  I’m the CEO of a major metropolitan newspaper.  I live in my girlfriend mom’s house in Abington.   I drive an Astrovan.  What more could you want?  It will be sports by day and smut by night.   A proverbial match made in heaven.  

Bostonherald.com - Growing up in the Long Island, N.Y., town of Glen Cove, Craig Hansen had access to concerts at the nearby Nassau Coliseum, the Jones Beach theater and legendary Madison Square Garden. Yet to this day, the 24-year-old Red Sox [ team stats] relief pitcher has never been to a concert - unless you count Hot Stove, Cool Music, the local music series benefiting Sox-affiliated charities. “That’s the only thing I’ve ever been to,” Hansen admitted.

Craig Hansen has never been to a concert?   That’s impossible!   Seriously I’ve never heard of such a thing.   Even deaf people have been to at least one concert before just to say they went.   But let’s assume that Hansen is telling the truth here.   This totally explains why he always folds in the clutch.  He’s just not experienced enough at life to handle pressure situations.   I mean I wouldn’t trust a guy who has never been to a concert to carry my groceries, never mind pitch for the Red Sox. So forget about sending Hanson to Pawtucket next time he gets demoted.  Theo should have him be a roadie for Pearl Jam or something.  Get some mental toughness in this kid for god sakes.

More Chelina here...

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