DARWIN, Australia  —  Drinkers at an Outback watering hole may have wondered if perhaps they'd had one too many when they were greeted by a crocodile at the pub's door. But being good hosts, they did the only polite thing and invited him inside. Barmaid Sarah Sparre said Thursday that three patrons spotted the creature outside the pub, grabbed it and brought it inside. "You could say we were a bit surprised," Sparre said. "He was pretty complacent, easygoing. But we weren't going to test him out."

And the rest of the story goes that the bartender yells at the guy to get that crocodile out of the bar, but the guy insists it isn't dangerous. So to prove it, he whacks the croc on the head with a hammer to get it to open its mouth. Then he sticks his Johnson in the crocodile's mouth and holds it there for a full minute and nothing happens. Then the guy asks if anyone else in the bar wants to try it. So an old lady steps forward and says "I'll give it a shot. But just go easy with the hammer." Thank you, I'm here all week.

This story just proves a point I've been making for years now. If I ever get permanently kicked out the U.S. (a distinct possibility) and had to live somewhere else, I'd move to Australia without a moment's hesistation. They just seem like the coolest people. They drink to excess, make fun of themselves, make fun of everyone else, drink some more, and eat food cooked outside. It might take me a while to get used to winter in August, learn the rules of their football and to like Savage Garden, but I'm confident I could make the adjustment. I mean, in what other country would guys invite a man eating amphibian into a bar to pose for pictures over a quart of Foster's? The French would've surrendered to the damned thing.