Random Thoughts

Let me just say this. If we don't have a huge crowd on Friday I may shut down the fucking blog. You know what keeps the Stool in business? Putting asses in the seats. So unless you've got a disease or are an ugly girl we expect to see you there. RSVP to Prohibition@barstoolsports.com. Party starts at 8pm at Felt. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky I'll even do a live teleprompter reading.

Introducing Meredith who I guess isn't originally from Boston but is going to UMaine and living here for the summer or something like that. That counts right? Have I ever mentioned that I love soccer players? Can you say Chicchini.....

Let's end the week with a bang. Send all smokeshow nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more pics of Meredith

ORLANDO, Fla.—Orlando police and wildlife officials were at Universal Studios, looking for a bear seen taking a dip in the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel.

Reports said a security guard at the hotel called police early Wednesday morning when he spotted the bear on a security screen. The bear got out of the pool and was roaming the property.

Wildlife biologist Mike Orlando said black bears are typically shy animals and that this one should not be a threat to residents in the area.

The hotel has not been evacuated.

Well there’s the difference right there between the Hard Rock pool in Orlando and the Hard Rock pool in Las Vegas.  There’s no way a bear could ever make its way into the one in Sin City.  First of all, he couldn’t even get in.  You have to pay a $20 cover if you’re not staying at the hotel and even if he did, there’s no way they could fit the flimsy purple wristband around his paw.  Unless it was a chick bear, then they’ll let you right in.  Bottom line is if I’m a bear and want to hang out at a Hard Rock pool, I’m choosing Mickey Mouse over Money Mayweather every time.  If I’m a dude though, I’d definitely go Vegas…

(Note: watch for ass shake at 2:28)

I don't even know if this chick is good looking or not, but I don't care. Bottomline is that watching chicks play Nintendo Wii Hula Dancing is hot!

(Saw this on Coed Magazine when I noticed they were having an ass off with yesterday's smokeshow and some Giants chick. If Tawnia doesn't win it's a joke. The other chick's photos are airbrushed! Tawnia just gripped it and ripped it. She's the real fucking deal)

Call me crazy, but I don't think this is considered good sportsmanship. I'm trying to think if I've ever seen anybody take a swing like this while shaking hands and I don't think I have. Not even in hockey. I wonder what provoked it? Kid probably went cleats high into 2nd base or something. Still there is no place for this type of behavior in baseball. If somebody did you wrong, you just get your pitcher to throw at their head. That's how it's been done for a million years.

PS - Great job by his teammates sticking up for him. Listen I don't care how old you are. Pointing fingers isn't going to get the job done here. Your teammate just got cold cocked. Anything less than a full scale brawl is unacceptable.

Double PS - Do we really need the close ups on the victim's mouth? We get it. He got nailed.

- Thanks to Rellis for the tip

Is MLB serious? Shit like this always amazes and infuriates me. A couple months ago we ran a similar story with MLB cracking down on the Cape Cod League. Now it looks like Bud Selig has turned his attention to 12 year olds. Awesome! I wonder who ratted this league out? They have to be the biggest scumbags in the world. Hey I got a great idea. How about we just make kids stop playing baseball all together? This way nobody has to worry about them wearing unauthorized jerseys. Everybody can just skateboard and then within a couple years baseball will eventually die because the average age of the fan will be 83 years old. Yeah that sounds like a great plan. Way to go MLB. Fucking idiots.

-thanks to rear admiral for the tip

Nude maid accused of really cleaning up

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) -- A nude maid is accused of really cleaning up at a Florida man's home. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said a 50-year-old man hired the maid from the Internet on Friday to clean his Tampa home. Authorities said the woman arrived at the home in a one-piece, light colored dress. She took off the dress and cleaned the house for $100-per-hour. Sheriff's office spokeswoman Debbie Carter said the man told deputies he left the maid alone in the bedroom to clean. When the man's wife came home from vacation, she discovered $40,000 in jewelry missing from their bedroom. Police are investigating.

I'm going to try to not let this story destroy my faith in nude maids you hire off the internet. Because once you lose the ability to trust such noble and time-honored profession, what's left to believe in, really? I think it's a lot like the firemen running that phoney disability scam the Herald has been talking about. The ones you really feel bad for are the honest naked maids; the ones who show up, strip, clean your place and don't rob you blind. The honest ones. It's the bad apples who make the whole profession look bad.

But you know, if ever there was a time to blame the victim of a crime, this is it. Why have a nude maid if you're just going to leave her alone with your valuables? Call me crazy, but isn't the whole point of hiring a naked one in the first place to see the goods? I think that's what you're paying them the big bucks and leaving her alone to clean your bedroom without you kind of defeats the purpose. PS. I'm sure that was a nice "Welcome home" for the wife. Gawd, I love Tampa. It's blogger heaven.

I'm not sure how the Celtics survived Game 5. Hell, I'm not sure how I survived (You don't realize the true benefit of DVR until your 3-year-old projectile vomits in his bedroom during the 3rd quarter of a playoff game). I admit, I thought they were going to blow it. And I was already dreading the "Get off the Tobin Bridge" columns in the morning papers. But the men in green persevered. It doesn't take a savant to realize the Celtics can't handle the Pistons pressure and half-court trap. The passes were anything but crisp. Maybe the spacing was off too. But how about trying something besides a pick-and-roll 22 feet from the hoop? I know it's difficult when you have a point guard who can't shoot and two backups who can't dribble, but please Doc, draw up something special in practice. All the credit in the world to Kevin Garnett (I counted 3 shot-clock beating jumpers), but Ray Allen and Kendrick Perkins were my official stars of the game. Both were key contributors during the 3rd quarter run which broke this game open. (Did Perk really hit fade-away jumpers or was I dreaming?) That sleeve looked like it was annoying the shit out of Ray, but there was no way he was taking that thing off. He might wear two on Friday night. Rasheed Wallace had the balls to blast the referees and call the Celtics floppers after the game. Has he seen Rip Hamilton play? That dude puts Reggie Miller and Manu Ginobli to shame (Speaking of Hamilton, right now he's questionable for Game 6 because of a strained elbow. Sounds serious - especially for a jump shooter). Should the Celtics lose Game 6 in Detroit, at the very least, they should bait Sheed into his 7th technical - forcing a suspension for Game 7.

Chuck - Red's Army

I love how the league flat-out admitted it screwed the Spurs Tuesday night. We fucked you, your season is over, but at least we admit our mistakes. See you next year.

Click Here For the Answer

DECORAH, Iowa – Luther College will host one of the first Ultimate Frisbee training and technique camps in the nation June 12-15 for high school students entering grades 10, 11, 12 and 2008 graduates.   The camp will be held on the Luther College athletic fields that were the site of the 2007 and 2008 Ultimate Players Association Central Region Championships. Registration forms are available at http://sportscamps.luther.edu/ultimate.  The cost of the camp depends on the participants’ needs, which can include meals, housing and materials.   Frisbee instructors from around the Midwest will teach sessions each day on Ultimate skills and techniques through drills, practice and games.  Players from the nationally ranked Luther men’s and women’s Ultimate teams will also be on hand to instruct and help participants.  In addition to the instruction during the day, there will be fun activities each evening including Frisbee golf, music and movies. Ultimate Frisbee, called “Ultimate” by players and fans, is one of the fastest growing sports on college campuses across the United States.  The spirit of sportsmanship that is displayed under incredible competitive pressure is what sets the game apart. Ultimate is distinguished by its “spirit of the game” – an honor code that insists on principles of fair play, sportsmanship, and the joy of play. In that spirit, players are responsible for foul and line calls and they resolve their own disputes. This creates a spirit of honesty and respect on the playing field. Luther is a selective four-year college located in northeast Iowa. The college has an enrollment of 2,550 students and offers a liberal arts education leading to the bachelor of arts degree in 60 majors and pre-professional programs. The Ultimate Players Association is a player-run, not-for-profit organization based in Boulder, Colo.  Founded in 1979, UPA is among the first flying disc organizations in the world and is one of the largest, with more than 24,600 members.  For more information about the UPA, visit http://www.upa.org/.

Training Camp for Ultimate Frisbee?  Ha! Ha! Ha!  What’s next?  Training camp for Harry Potter or Lacrosse?    But seriously doesn’t this defeat the whole purpose of “Ultimate” to begin with?  I thought it was supposed to be a non competitive hobby for hippies with too much time on their hands?  And everybody knows that hippies don’t practice to get better at anything in life, never mind practicing something that requires physical exertion.  It’s like against their code or something.       So my question is who would ever go to this camp?  Is it just for kids who suck at sports and were forced to play Ultimate as a last resort?  Regardless, I’d love for like the Varsity football team to show up on the last day of camp and just demolish these kids who have been practicing all week. That should crush their sprits forever.  

In your face Tomase!

PS - Is Belichick's sneaky nailing Shonda Shilling? Their faces are identical and in my expert opinion so are their cup sizes. Good for the coach!

(kissy face photo from Bostonherald.com) 

This may be the worst first pitch in the history of baseball. Luckily for Mariah it doesn't count because it was in Japan and she's a girl. Both things exclude this from being considered an official first pitch. But it does prove the old adage that chicks in hot pink jackets and huge sunglasses suck at sports.

- Thanks to rick for the tip.

CARSON CITY, NEVADA -- Today, in the wake of recent airline announcements that travelers will be charged $15 to check their first piece of luggage, a beloved Nevada institution is looking to offer its own fly-in customers something special on the ground...

The World-Famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch, has announced that it will reimburse any customer the $15 baggage fee who shows their claim stub at the brothel.  The rebate -- similar to the stimulus tax-return checks currently being mailed by the U.S. government -- are intended to stimulate a warm feeling in Bunny Ranch patrons who might otherwise feel screwed at 30,000 feet without even joining the Mile-High Club.

"As long as the airlines keep sticking it to the consumer, we feel obligated to help," explains Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch. "And we won't ask what's in your luggage, even though the girls may be curious.”

Remember that Bunny Ranch trip you had planned but cancelled because of the $15 luggage fee?  Well as somebody once said, “Pack-your-bags!" That’s right, Dennis Hof, a.k.a. the creepiest man in America, has done it again. Don’t let the $3,000 three-ways with Sunset Thomas and Bridget the Midget fool you, he’s always looking out for the consumer (virgins and degenerates). I mean without the $15 rebate, there’s no way I’m spending my entire monthly salary for an hour at a brothel and 30 seconds on HBO. It's just simple math. Forget George W's, this has to be one of the great rebates of all time in my view.  And as a side note - yes, “Bridget the Midget” is the name of the new dwarf-whore at the Cathouse.

Boston.com - A trolley car on the D branch of the Green Line in Newton smashed into another car from behind this afternoon, injuring multiple people. The operator of one of the trolleys is still trapped, the MBTA said. The operator, who is a woman, suffered injuries that "appear to be very serious,” said Joe Pesaturo, spokesman for the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. Pesaturo said one two-car trolley rear-ended the second as both headed westbound, away from Boston. “One woman hit her face on the seat and had blood from a cut on her nose,” Stone said. “There was a 70-year-old old guy who went ballistic screaming at the conductor, ‘You killed my wife! You killed my wife!’ And the wife is going, ‘I’m OK! I’m OK.’” The passengers got off, briefly got on another train that was facing the opposite direction, then got off that train because it was stuck behind the crash, and walked along the tracks to the Riverside Station.

The big news of yesterday besides the Celtics was obviously the monster crash on the Dline.   Now before I comment on this tragedy let me just say that our thoughts and prayers are with the conductor who was killed in the crash.  Obviously there is nothing funny about a story when somebody dies. Still I couldn’t help but get a little chuckle out of the 70 year old guy who was screaming “You Killed My Wife!  You Killed My Wife!” while she was sitting there right next to him saying she was fine.   I’d love to interview him and find out what going on in his head.  Did he really think she was dead?   Was he just trying to prove a point that the crash sucked?  I mean why else would you keep screaming that your wife is dead when she’s clearly alive and well?   Weird right?   Also, I like how after the crash everybody just got off the busted train and piled onto the one that was parked right behind it.  Is this Vintage Green Line behavior or what?  If one train won’t get you where you need to go then just hop on the next one.   Who cares if it is sitting behind a pile of wreckage?   Dr. Philip Zimbardo or the Pavlov’s Dog guy would have a field day with this one. 

More Natacha here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com