Random Thoughts

I've been saying it since Day 1. The playoffs don't begin till somebody wins on the road. Pistons did that. Now we got to go the same thing. Time to gear up for the best and worst chant in sports. D-E-T-R-O-I-T BASSKEETTBALLL.

PS - I'm not even close to nervous.

Introducing Beth from Springfield College.   The rumor on the street is that Beth is checking in at about 6 feet tall which would make her by far the tallest girl in the history of Smokeshow of the Day.    It would also give her the ability to be a mega star if she wanted to.  Because newsflash: there aren’t very many girls who are this tall and as good looking as Beth floating around on this planet.   Very rare combination indeed.

Tomorrow is the last smokeshow of the day before the long weekend so if you’ve been holding out on us now is the time to send somebody who will haunt people’s dreams.  Send all smokeshows to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Beth

 HARRISBURG, Pa. (AP) -- An airline pilot was found hiding behind a shed wearing only flip-flops and a wristwatch as a nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant ended with both under arrest, police said. Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on the outskirts of Harrisburg on Sunday night before they apparently decided to walk into the woods, police said. "They told the officer they wanted to go do it in the woods, essentially," said Lower Swatara Township police Sgt. Richard Brandt. "That's the best answer they had." The two somehow became separated, and people who live in the neighborhood summoned police around 9:30 p.m., saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman. A helicopter with heat-seeking equipment was called in, and Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight.

When I first read this story I didn’t even understand why this was a big deal.  I mean when does a day go by when a pilot isn’t nailing a stewardess in the woods?   But what separates this story from all the others is the fact that this town brought in a heat seeking helicopter to find this couple.  What is this 24?    Did these guys have the nuclear football or something?   There has to be a better use of a heat seeking helicopter than this right?  I mean how about finding Osama with it?   It just seems like a waste of Government funds to be flying a helicopter around looking for a pilot who is diddling a stewardess in the woods.    I mean if we sent up a helicopter every time a chick was getting nailed, the sky would become so busy it would be impossible to walk up there.

"I've been robbed of most of my money. Can I at least get a blowjob?"

Amen Mike. Amen.

This video is a couple days old, but whatever. Regardless I don't understand how the ref didn't count to 10 before ending the fight. Everybody knows that when a double knockdown occurs the first man up wins. If neither man can get up it's a draw and Apollo Creed keeps the title. I guess it just goes to show you that you can't trust a ref that is wearing an Ed Hardy tshirt during a fight.

 Click Here for the Answer

CONCORD, NH (AP) -- A New Hampshire high school student lured into an alleged drug deal by a principal from another school posing as a friend has been indicted on drug charges. Police say 17-year-old Concord High School senior John Huckins thought he was text-messaging a friend instead of Bishop Brady Principal Jean Barker in March, who had confiscated a cell phone from one of her students. Police said she received a text message stating "Yo, you need a bag?"  She arranged to meet outside the back door of her school and called police. Police say when Huckins showed up he was arrested with a quarter ounce of marijuana.

Listen I’m no law expert, but doesn’t this violate the Miranda Rights or some shit like that?   I mean you can’t just confiscate a cell phone and start acting like you own it can you?   By law this principle should have been required to shut the phone off the second she took it.    Or at the very least she should have sent a mass text letting everybody know that she had commandeered the phone.  Instead she’s reading all this chick’s messages and probably trying to steal her boyfriend too.    It just doesn’t seem fair and more importantly it’s illegal. Don’t ask me why or how, but it just is.   I can feel it in my bones.    This poor drug dealer never had a chance. 

People.com - As Shania Twain copes with her sudden split with the support of family and friends in her native Canada, sources close to the singer say she is reeling from a double betrayal – not only by her husband of 14 years, music producer Robert "Mutt" Lange, but by a woman she considered a close friend.   Lange's relationship with Marie-Anne ThiÃ�©baud, 37, a longtime secretary and house manager at Twain and Lange's estate in Switzerland, was behind the breakup, say several sources familiar with the situation.  "Mutt and Marie-Anne left their spouses for each other and are still in a relationship," says one source, adding that the Swiss employee was a fixture in the household Twain, 42, and Lange, 59, shared with their son, 6-year-old Eja D’Angelo.

Since when did People Magazine become the National Enquirer?  Listen, I don’t pretend to know anything about this story, but I do know about life.    And trust me when I say there is no way that any dude on the planet would ever leave Shania Twain for that old bag in the top picture.   IMPOSSIBLE! It’s not even open for discussion.   In fact, I don’t think I would fuck that old lady if she was sitting right next to me with her legs spread wide open.  Seriously I think I’d rather just beat off to youporn or something.   So how can anybody say that she was the reason for Shania’s split when I’d walk face first into an STD if I got to nail Ms. Twain?  Do the math.  

Tom Brady is smart. Smart enough to watch how Bill Belichick operates and learn from him. Never be satisfied. Don't get complacent. Always look for ways to improve. If you're not getting better, you're getting worse. You can always get younger and better to upgrade a position. And always look to the future. I have no doubt Brady is as happy with Gisele as Belichick is with Brady, but that didn't stop him from drafting Matt Cassel or Kevin O'Connell. I have to think that's what Brady is doing here. Just thinking three steps ahead of everybody else because you never know what can happen and you've got to be ready for anything... age, boredom, cankles, pregnancy... anything.

PS. Credit to both girls here for managing to plaster a smile on their faces after the catfight that no doubtedly ensued right before the picture was snapped. But Miss Teen is definitely sporting the smile that says "Bitch thought she'd get between me and Brady. F- her..."

The photo is from The Big Lead .

Janet Lea Hughes, 32, a former business teacher at Jackson Middle School, in Titusville, Florida has reportedly been charged with one count of sexual battery on a child and attempted sexual battery. Hughes, a wife and mother, was arrested in April of this year after two undercover detectives allegedly found her in a van in a church parking lot with the 16-year-old male student. Reportedly the boy was a student at Jackson Middle School. It is alleged that the two were found lying on a blanket in the back of the van and according to detectives, “about to engage in a sexual activity”. Allegedly while being questioned by Titusville detectives Hughes admitted to kissing the boy in the van just before being arrested and to having sex with the same boy in the past. Hughes is scheduled to be in court September 10th. According to news media reports, authorities were not permitted to explain why the 16-year-old boy was still in middle school.

I'll admit I'm guessing here, but allow me to take a stab at why the lad might be 16 years old and still in middle school. Maybe it's because he's having sex with his teacher in a van. I'm just speculating of course. And falling back on my own experience. But I seem to remember doing my schoolwork and keeping my grades up so I could move on to high school because I didn't much care for middle school. In part because I wasn't having sex with my teacher in a van. I'd have to think that if I found myself in this kid's shoes, having sex with my teacher in a van, that would be a disincentive to moving on to another school. Just sayin'.

That said, let's hear if for Florida once again! Give the slogan "Sunshine State" to someone else. Florida should call itself the "Sex Teacher State." And Janet is doing her people proud. I especially like how she had seen the cops patrolling the parking lot before, but went back there with the kid anyway. Because when you're a sex-crazed Florida teacher boning a teenage boy, you don't keep that to yourself. You do the foolish, reckless thing and set up a tryst where you're sure to get caught. It's a matter of state pride. Way to represent, Janet Lea. (Either that or she figured if you park outside a church, your sex noises will just be drowned out by the ones coming from inside.)

As a bonus, here are photos from Janet Lea Hughes MySpace page plus some bonus pics.

The Grades:
Looks: Not bad, as imprudent cradle-robbing teachers go. Like a low rent Dana Delany. Grade: B
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: She posted this on the kid's MySpace a week before getting arrested:

Just the kind of careless disregard for common sense we're looking for. Grade: A+.
Intangibles: "Titusville"? Priceless. Plus, Mrs. Hughes has three kids of her own. Grade: A.
Overall: B+

(photo from Boston.com)

The best part of the photo is that you know if the camera panned down they'd show that Maria was wearing some serious hooker boots. Chick just knows how to party.

Vs.

Vs.

Maury Povich Wikipedia Entry - After further confrontation, and after Maury talks with both parties, he will be given a manila envelope containing the paternity test results and might say "Let's find out!", as a graphic reading "THE RESULTS ARE IN!" appears in the lower left corner of home viewers' TV screens. Maury will ask the man what he plans to do if the child is, in fact, his, and the man almost always responds by saying (often unconvincingly) that he will provide for the child in that (unlikely) case.Usually when the man is shown to be the father, the woman gets up, chases the man, triumphantly declares that she told him so, and/or does the "give me yo money" dance (including cash hand gestures). She then challenges him to follow through on his claim that he will provide support to the child; there is usually no follow-up episode to see if this actually happens, possibly due to the rather large number of cases that appear on the show monthly. Upon such confirmation, most men accept the fact that they are the father. Conversely, when the man is proven to not be the father, it is very common for him to celebrate by performing a smooth yet spontaneous dance routine onstage or by running into the audience to high-five audience members while the woman walks or runs backstage crying, often collapsing (or sometimes even diving) to the floor in the fetal position. In such cases, the man rarely receives an apology from his accuser.

I was emailed this Wikipeida entry today along with a request to show one of the all time classic videos that we’ve ever featured on Barstool Sports.   And that is obviously the Maury Povich “You Are Not the Father” video.    It still makes me cry every time I watch it.   So I don’t care that we’ve already posted it like 10 times.  I just can’t say no whenever somebody requests it again.  It’s that good.  We even threw in a couple bonus “You Are Not the Father” clips and  I was going to do a whole “Who Ya Got Showdown”, but it’s not even worth it.    The guy in the yellow still is still the king by a mile.   You don’t become a Barstool Sports Hall of Famer unless you can stand the test of time. 

MAY 21--Meet Alex Phillips. The Wisconsin teenager is facing felony child pornography charges for allegedly posting naked photos of his 16-year-old ex-girlfriend on his MySpace page. When contacted by police about the two images, Phillips, 17, balked at removing the pictures of the girl. Warned that he could face jail for publishing images of the minor, Phillips told an investigator, "Fuck that, I am keeping them up," according to a criminal complaint filed yesterday in Lacrosse County Circuit Court. Phillips, pictured in the below mug shot, told cops that he posted the photos last week "because he was venting." The cell phone camera photos had been taken by the girl, who provided them to Phillips. Along with posting the photos, Phillips added explicit captions like, "Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me!" While claiming that his goal was not to harm the girl, Phillips acknowledged that, "he probably should not have done this," according to the May 20 court filing. Along with the child porn count, Phillips was charged with defamation and sexual exploitation of a child.

Man, it’s tough watch whenever a fellow smut peddler loses his wings.   But just like Icarus if you fly too close to the sun you’re going to get burned.   Everybody knows that you can’t post pictures of underage chicks on the Internet, Sure this may seem like a silly little technicality, but you’d be amazed how many of the great ones have been tripped up by this “law”.   Bottom line is that it’s the one rule there is on the Internet.   As long as you make sure they are 18 than everything is fair game.  You want to vent about how you ruined her vagina than go for it.   Is that my style?  No.  But to each their own.    Just make sure they are 18 and than you can tell the cops to fuck off as much as you want.    Regardless whenever this kid gets out of jail he’ll have a seat waiting for him at the Stool.   This type of gumption doesn’t grow on trees you know.

In an extremely surprising turn of events, New York Yankees' manager Joe Girardi revealed to a YES reporter as he left the field after tonight's 8-0 victory over Baltimore, that setup man Joba Chamberlain is being converted to a starter for this season. Many, including Hank Steinbrenner, had been pushing for this move but the conventional wisdom was that converting a promising young arm like Chamberlain's from the bullpen to the rotation in the middle of a season was ill-advised, if not foolish. Yet, according to Girardi, the Yankees are in the process of doing just that. The Yankees have been greatly disappointed by the performance of their two other young phenoms, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, both winless this year.

I hesistate to write this given that the pitching manuevers of a last place ballclub are more the fodder of Fantasy Baseball sites than the world's fastest growing sportsmut blog. But I think this story merits a mention here just for those of us who are old enough to remember back when the Red Sox and Yankees had a rivalry that counted for something. Back when the Yankees were relevant and personnel moves they made were matters of interest. In those days, if someone in the Yankees front office said something like "We have the best young pitchers in the game, even better than Boston" the way Hank Steinbrenner did in December, only to have them collapse like a tent you bought at Building 19, that would've been something of interest to Sox fans. If the batshit crazy owner demanded their prized reliever be moved into the rotation, and the manager and GM said that was a bad idea and then by Memorial Day they did exactly that, we would've talked endlessly about power struggles and the manager being on the hot seat and it would've been great fun.

Now, it's all just kind of sad and unimportant. New York is scrambling for relevance while the first place Sox are adding a good-as-new rebuilt Bartolo Colon to a showroom that's already displaying the factory-new Jon Lester, Clay Buchholz,Justin Masterson and Jonathan Papelbon. So pardon me if I'm just posting this because I'm nostalgic for the Good Old Days when the Yankees still mattered.

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