Random Thoughts

I'm not saying that the Celtics win if the refs don't butcher this call, but it's certainly a totally different game down the stretch. Honestly this may be the worst call I've ever seen in the history of the NBA.

There is no better way to blow off some steam after another Celtics road loss than reading Bill Simmon's Celtics article from a couple days ago. It's vintage Simmons and the perfect example of why he got where he is today. Just great shit. For everything bad I've ever said about the guy he's still the best writer on the planet when he brings his A game.

Tonight is the night baby. I can feel it in my bones. Big Road Victory. Book it.

Introducing Ellen from UMass. I got to give collegehumor.com credit here. They found her before we did which is like a kick in the nuts to me. But don't worry she's all about the Stool now. Anyway to quote a great rap song, the only thing I can say about her ass is "Like Whoa" Who knew UMass knew how to party like this? Chicks just parading around in bikinis on the commons? Awesome!

Have a great weekend everybody.... Feel free to stalk chick and send us their photos for smokeshow of the day. Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Ellen

Don Chavez just sent me pictures of Tom Brady's Bag Boy (Will McDonough) hanging out at a Kentucky Derby Party with Wes Welker and a former Barstool Cover girl. Just more proof that it pays to be Brady's best friend.

PS - I know people are waiting for my Topanga update, but I'm not posting it until Miller Lite sends me my picture of me with her.

There's little if anything that frustrates me more than automated phone calls. I was probably the first person in MA to sign up for the Attorney General's "Do Not Call" list. And while it's reduced the number of evil Robot Calls by a signficant amount, it hasn't eliminated them all together. My kids school system uses them to give parents worthless updates about science fairs or band sign ups or some such crap, usually just as Kate is about to get wet on "Lost" or something. And if any candidate for office gives me a Robo-call, I guarantee I'm voting for your opponent.

I think I'd feel different though if I got a call like this. The Minnesota Family Council auto-dialing to talk to me about "oral anal" sex? I can support that. I mean, usually you've got to shell out $2.99 a minute to hear some good Tossed Salad talk. (Or so I've heard.) Maybe if the next politician stumping for my vote should start off with a Rim Job reference, just as an attention grabber. It sure works. The MFC had me at "oral anal sex," and I don't even know if they're for it or against it. Though I'm pretty sure they want such talk out of the Sex Ed classroom and on your home phone where it belongs.

A buddy of mine has two monster seats for tonight's game. He can't use them and he's looking for 250 each for them. I think the face on them is 160 a ticket or something like that. He said he paid 500 to join some club which let him get the tickets in the first place. Anyway he picked me up from McFadden's late night last night so I told him I'd post it and see if there were any takers. He'll meet you at Fenway with the tix. If you want them for real email me at portnoy@barstoolsports.com

(photos from Splash News)

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ALTA, Iowa—A 78-year-old legally blind man nicknamed "The Hammer" has bowled a perfect game. Dale Davis of Alta, Iowa, nailed 12 consecutive strikes and reached 300 on Saturday night during league play. "It's a great sport. It's something the young, the old and the handicapped can do," Davis said Thursday. "I guess I count as the old and handicapped." Davis has suffered from macular degeneration, a chronic eye disease, for the past decade. He can't see out of his left eye and has limited peripheral vision in his right eye.

So let me get this straight?  A 78 year old blind man rolled a perfect game?  That’s like 176 pins more than what Manzo bowled in the Media Bowling League playoffs.   Maybe we can fly him in for the playoffs next year.    Regardless you know the real “Hammer” is going to be pissed when he finds out that some old dude is trying to steal his nickname.   Let’s hope these two never meet in a dark alley.   Because something tells me that the real Hammer won’t take it easy on this guy just because he is old and blind.

Yes, I will use any excuse to post The Hammer video. It's still one of my favorites. "I told ya I hated The Hammer"

(Toucher and Rich: Bringing Atlanta To Boston 1 Day At A Time)

So as I was pre gaming for Topanga yesterday (picture coming later if Miller Lite gets their shit together), I heard through the grapevine that I was getting ripped on some radio show called Toucher and Rich.     Apparently they had their panties in a bunch because I posted a picture of  “Marie” from the Celtics vs. Hawks series and I didn’t say they knew her or something like that. Yeah I know it was like 2 weeks ago, but you know how bitches can be.    Anyway, these guys are under the delusion that I somehow stole her from them or something like that?    To be honest I don’t really even know what they’re talking about.   The only thing I know is that these guys are from Atlanta.   So maybe they knew who she was before the Hawks series?   Maybe they talked about her on the air?  Who fucking knows?  The only thing I know is that I’ve probably listened to Toucher and Rich for a grand total of 7 minutes in my life.   So I guarantee you I didn’t hear anything about Marie from these clowns.    I found out about Maria the same way as everybody else in Boston did.  I fucking saw her on TV!  Therefore when a reader sent me a picture of her I posted it.   And after I posted the original picture, somebody put a link to her myspace page in our comment section.    Crazy how that happens right? 

Listen, I know nobody reads WBCN.com, but are they really that stupid that they don’t even understand how the Internet works?    Or did they just do this because their ratings are slipping and they wanted me to blog about them so our readers would listen to their show? Either way next time these cowards want to bash me they should just pick up the phone and give me a buzz.   We’re not WAAF where I'm just going to sit back and let them trash me and turn the other cheek.  You want to make stuff up about me than fucking pick up the phone and call me.  And I know they have my phone number too since their marketing guy and sales guy have called me about a million times always asking me for favors.  “Hey El Pres we need a hot girl in Boston can you find us one?   Hey El Pres we need a girl for a billboard campaign can you help find us one? “   Hey El Pres our parties suck so can we sponsor yours?”        Hell they even tried to get me to run a column for Crash in our fucking newspaper.    Notice that didn’t happen.    Bottom line is that next time Toucher and Rich want to bitch and moan about me stealing shit they should come up with something better than they knew who a pretty girl was before me.  Seriously you want a fucking cookie?   This shit may fly in Atlanta but not here.  Fucking losers.

PS - If Toucher and Rich are such great friends with this chick why are we on her myspace page and not them?

Scotland -- Police were called to a shamed nursing home when boozed-up pensioners went on a vodka-fuelled rampage. Four OAPs ran wild at Burnfoot Coach House, near Dumfries, after a boozy session downing bottles of vodka. And one of them caused alarm by offering free sex to other care home residents. They woke sleeping pensioners by causing a commotion. When staff failed to control the riot, they called the police. A police source said last night: "It was a bit of a rammy. It was sparked by one pensioner in particular who seemed to be the ring-leader and managed to wake some of the quieter residents. It turned into a riot and the staff couldn't get the pensioners under control."

There comes a time in a man's life when he's got to start thinking ahead. When he reaches a certain age and he realizes he won't live forever. I'm not there yet of course, and I will live forever. But soon enough it's going to be time to start thinking about my legacy. About how I'm going to be remembered. And this is it. When I'm late in life's 4th quarter and running out the clock, I want to be the ring leader of a vodka-fuelled sex orgy so out of control that the cops are called in to quell the riot. I don't care what failings you've had in this life, when you can still get the ladies so riled up with your offer of free sex that the orderlies can't control them, you've led a good life, no question about it.

By the way, I'm addding "a bit of a rammy" to my list of favorite expressions. If I ever find myself surrounded by a bunch of drunken, sex-crazed octogenarians starting a riot, I'm going to have to remember to call it a "rammy."

PHILADELPHIA - A couple of young jet-setters stole credit-card and bank-account information from friends, co-workers and neighbors to finance lavish purchases and travel, prosecutors say. Now they plan to admit in court that people who crossed their paths unwittingly financed their luxury lifestyle. A lawyer for Jocelyn Kirsch, 22, said yesterday that she and her now-ex-boyfriend have signed federal plea agreements that likely will send them to prison for several years for ID theft and other crimes.

I've never understood this story. Why would a chick who looks like Jocelyn Kirsch ever date this guy to begin with? I mean when will bitches learn? If you really want to travel the world just find some rich dude and fuck his brains out. It's that simple. No need to break the law.

PS - Nice ball huggers on the boyfriend. Gross.

Let’s just start out by saying that I was one of only a few degenerates on the planet to pick against Barbaro 2 years ago at the Preakness when he went off as the 3-5 favorite. Obviously I didn’t know what would happen 10 seconds into the race but I just had a bad feeling.  However, this year is a completely different story with another heavy favorite, Big Brown. 

On paper this race is setting up perfectly for him to take the first 2 legs of the Triple Crown and then lose the last leg at the Belmont in front of 129,000 Tri-State drunks.

Unlike last year, the 2nd place horse in the Derby is dead and the 3rd and 4th place horses aren’t even running.  Basically your only arguments/stabs in the dark against Big Brown are that A., only 8 favorites have won the Preakness in the last 20 years or that B., for whatever reason the jockey is going to do something stupid (fix?) to cost you the race.  Other than that, you’ve really got nothing to hang your hat on as far as betting against Big Brown. 

So obviously I like him to win the race.  But who do I like to come in 2nd and 3rd and complete the exotics?   Unfortunately there’s no getting past Gayego (8-1) as the 2nd choice.  He had a horrendous trip in the Derby which he just finished 10 minutes ago, however he’s still clearly the 2nd best horse in the race. 

To Show I’m going with this week’s Barstool longshot, the 11 horse - Giant Moon at 30-1. 

Giant Moon is one of those gutty, gritty New York horses who have been running (stuck) all winter at Aqueduct.  Ugh.  I wouldn’t fuck with Giant Moon in a street fight and I like him to run a great race tomorrow on the track.  4th in the Wood Memorial is no joke – either is 4 out of 5 career on Good or Fast tracks.  (He hates the slop, hates it!)  Hey, 2 weeks ago I gave all of America Denis of Cork at 26-1 in the Derby and he hit the board for 3rd, let’s hope Giant Moon can do the same thing tomorrow at the Preakness.

The pick:  Win – Big Brown   Place – Gayego    Show – Giant Moon 4th– Yankee Bravo

Barstool Trifecta lock: 7/12/11

The conversation here is hypothetical, but the quotes from Tomase all come from his "apology" in the Herald today. Unlike Tomase's reports on the Pats, the quotes are all 100% accurate:

Barstool Sports: Tell us, John, where did you first hear the lie about the Patriots taping the Rams walkthrough?
John Tomase: Late in the 2006 season...It was just a rumor.... He had heard it from a friend of a friend.

BSS: Sounds good enough. So you printed an unsubstaniated rumor?
JT: Istill needed more....Two days before the Super Bowl, I finally believed I had it nailed that the Pats had indeed taped that walkthrough.

BSS: So you saw the tape?
JT: There was no tape made of the walkthrough.

BSS: Oookaaaay. Who was your source this time? A friend of a friend of a friend?
JT: From some people I trusted.

BSS: So that was enough to go on? To run this story on Super Bowl Saturday?
JT: I never expected to be running this story during Super Bowl week.

BSS: So you feel horrible about dropping this particular turd into the Patriots punchbowl as they were on the verge of making history, right?
JT: I have no regrets over going to print the day before the Super Bowl.

BSS: Because you had solid evidence right? Someone told you they themselves took the video. Or had seen the video. I mean, you wouldn't write the story on just a rumor right?
JT: One that I trust said he had been told the walkthrough was taped. A second said he had been told the same thing, but neither had seen a tape.

BSS: Soooo... two guys tell you they heard about a tape. And you figured that was good enough to run the story? Two guys have told me they heard you like to molest animals. Should I print that?
JT: This is the exact point at which the story broke down

BSS: Why couldn't the story wait until you could confirm it? Why would you scramble to publish something as true before you checked it out just to make a splash on Super Bowl weekend? Are you really that much of an attention whore?
JT: Caught up in the moment, I was excited to break a big story.

BSS: So just like we said at the time, you wrote it just to get a reaction and make a name for yourself.
JT: This isn't just any story... Patriots fans howled... the story mushroomed on Super Bowl Sunday.

BSS: I get it. "Mission accomplished." And you weren't afraid to publish something that was dead wrong?
JT: Fearing you're wrong and knowing it are two different things.

BSS: What about reportss that you're a big, fat tub o' goo who gets 90% of his nutrition from the press room fryolater?
JT: A pit settled in my stomach. That pit would become my constant companion for the next three months.

BSS: What do you think of your credibility with the Patriots, the fans and your paper after you printed lies to further your career.
JT: There's no coming back from this.

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