Random Thoughts

Vicky Lynn Lewallen, 44, a biology teacher and former girl’s basketball coach at Norman North High School, in Norman, Oklahoma has been charged with two counts of forcible sodomy and two counts of rape by instrumentation of a 16-year-old female student. Lewallen who has been a teacher at Norman North High School since 1996 and was the girl’s head basketball coach from 1997 to 2004 is accused of carrying on the relationship with the girl by taking her from school during lunch breaks. There are also allegations of sexual activities taking place both at the school and at Lewallen’s home.

To clarify an unbreakable rule here at the Stool: We do NOT advocate the seduction of underage female students by adult teachers. It's wrong and those who perpetrate such things are sick perverts and should be thrown into the Stoney Lonesome, post haste. If they're men. Female teachers, hey, everyone has urges.

The Grades:
Looks: Something about Vicky Lynn speaks to me. Like a low-rent Marisa Tomei. She's got that whole "world-weary recently divorced cougar who you'd have a chance with at the bar" thing going. Grade: B
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: I'm solidly against "rape" of any kind, but I have to admit I'm curious what "rape by instrumentation" means. I'm guessing the "instrument" in question isn't brass or woodwind, but probably phallic shaped and made of latex rubber. Grade: A
Intangibles: Taking the girl home during lunch breaks? Nice to see Lewallen doing her part for the school's "Hot Lunch" program. Grade: A
Overall: A-. Nice work, though I can't help feeling Vicky should've been helping out the boys at Norman North and now she'll never get the chance.

Introducing Alexandra from Boston. Not surpinsingly Coco Crisp couldn't have her try on his World Series ring fast enough. Sorry Coco. It's going to take more than that to get a girl like this.

Do you know any smokeshows? We don't want them. We need them. Hot girls are like the blood that flows through my veins.

Click Here For more Pics of Alexandria

Telegraph.com - Pruthviraj Patil has suffered from hypertrichosis, a rare genetic condition also known as Werewolf Syndrome, since birth. He is believed to be one of only 50 people in the world with the condition.  "It is difficult when I venture outside of my hometown or where people don't know me," he said. When Prithviraj was born villagers told his mother she had given birth to a God. Others thought he was a supernatural creature and a bad omen because of his unique appearance.  But despite his abnormal hair growth Pruthviraj, who is from the district of Sangli, near Bombay, is healthy, sporty and popular at school. "When I first went to school I used to get bullied and other children would laugh at me, but now they treat me like normal," he said.

India strikes again!  I guess all things being equal, if you’re going to be born as a typical India freakshow, being born as Werewolf Boy is as good as it gets.  I mean it’s certainly better than being born as Tree Man or born with two faces right?  If this guy was really smart he’d just pretend he’s Teen Wolf and then he’d be getting laid like it was going out of style.   

PS - I totally need to hire this kid for our next Carnival. Imagine if I put him and Tree Man and Baby With Two Faces in one room together. I'd put the Topsfield Fair out of business so fast they wouldn't even know what happened.

It only took about 2 hours to figure out who the Potato Sack Face girl was from earlier today. It turns out she is CT's sister. Small world. Does that mean I'm in trouble now? I kind of feel like CT is going to be in my driveway when I get home threatening to work me.

Thanks to Greg for solving the mystery.... Stoolie Power once again on display. Nobody is safe.

In what is rapidly becoming a Barstool tradition it's time to post the Running of the Urinals video which takes place every year at the Preakness. You got to love the guy who gets knocked out midway through. Just Baltimore being Baltimore.

If you thought, as I did, that Shaughnessy had retired the trophy for contempt toward his readers among Boston sports columnists, think again. Helium-voiced, uninteresting Herald columnist Tony Masseroti has a screed in today's paper so full of obvious contempt and undisguised resentment toward Patriots fans, that you half expect at the end he's going to call for us all to be sterilized:

• "...New England, now the official home of yahoos, hero worshipers and gutless suck-ups. "
• "To this entire group, it was all about whether there was a tape; anything else doesn’t matter so much. "
• "Try to discern... which of your pathetic, repressed middle-aged neighbors wear their Tedy Bruschi erseys on Sundays."
• "...take time to wonder if those same neighbors are blogging and posting on message boards while spending hours on hold so they might hear their voices on the radio."
• "These are the people who preserve the sports fantasy world that justifies their own sorry existence."

But Mazz' hatred isn't reserved for just the people who buy his paper and spin the turnstyles at Gillette. He hates anyone in the media who hasn't been screaming for Belichick to be lured into room with a plastic tarpcovering the rug and given two in the hat:

• "The media is a sordid business. Professional and personal relationships frequently collide... Belichick gives Christmas gifts and holiday cards to some members of the media, cyanide-tipped glares to others."
• "You’re either a Belichicklet or you are not."
• "Try to discern which members of the media show up to work wearing Patriots Super Bowl jackets..."

Geez, any idea who he could be talking about there? Or the more pertinent question is: What put such a hair across Masseroti's ass? Is he mad that his own paper published a fake news story that was damaging to the Pats the day before the Super Bowl? Apparently not. He's cheesed off that fans and some of the guys in the media have defended the Patriots on this. In spite of the fact that they were completely exonerated. I suppose he hates the people who stood up for the Duke Lacrosse team too.

But I love the rampant hypocricy here. Masseroti is furious that some bloggers would be pro- Patriots, in an era where they're the most successful team in all of sports. Or that some media figures would be on good terms with Belichick. This coming from a guy who wrote a book with David Ortiz. So I suspect that if Papi is caught juicing or corking his bat or something, Bastion of Integrity Tony will attack him with the same venom he has toward Rodney Harrison. That the long time Sox beat reporter who's appeared at the Fenway Writer's Series dinners would go after Terry Francona if the Sox were caught with a camera in centerfield.

I know I'd defend both guys, because they're winners and I like them. Just like with the Patriots. Which apparently in Mazz's eyes makes me a "gutless suck up." If that happens, I'll be the pathetic, repressed middle aged one in the Tedy Bruschi jersey.

This series must end Friday night in Cleveland. For one, I can't stand another second of the why-can't-they-win-on-the-road analysis. And please, no more Dick Stockton. At the very least get the old man some glasses. The Big 3 (KG, Paul Pierce and Rajon Rondo - Ray Allen has been permanently demoted) delivered big-time last night. Let's start with Rondo. Drilled two 3s to spark a late second quarter run. Drove to the hoop consistently and scored on floaters or dished (13 -1 asst/turnover ratio) to KG. Harassed the shit out of Delonte West. And most importantly - he played 42 minutes which meant Sam Cassell was off the court for 42 minutes. Pierce clamped down on a red-hot Lebron James in the second half and nailed 8 free throws in the final 1:30 to secure the win. (Note that I am conveniently ignoring the Celtics horseshit play during that stretch which nearly cost them the game) KG (26 pts, 16 reb) gets credit for taking 19 shots. We need him to be aggressive, but please keep it up in Cleveland. And speaking of aggressive, P.J. Brown was a monster during his 8 minutes. These pics prove he got his money's worth out of his four fouls. I also want to give credit to Cavs coach Mike Brown for not playing Zydrunas Ilgauskas much (26 minutes). All he does is nail 20-footers and prevent Rondo for finishing in the paint. Thanks, Mike.

Chuck - Red's Army

PS - I'm trying to cut back on my Ray Allen bashing. It's not going to do me or anybody any good pointing out how painfully slow and off-target he is.

Websters Dictionary

Potato Sack Girl – A girl who is so impossibly hot and cute at the same time that you just want to throw her in a potato sack and marry the shit out of her.

Let me start by saying I have no idea who this girl is. Somebody sent in a submission for a Smokeshow of the Day and this girl just happened to be in one of the photos. This is the only picture I've ever seen of her. It's like when a college coach goes to scout a player and then suddenly they spot a hidden gem out of the blue. That's exactly what happened here. Have you ever seen such a potato sack face before? I demand to know who this is! It's time for the Stoolies to earn their paycheck. Help me find this girl! Vote for how long you think it will take before we find out who she is.

Vote 1 for 1 day and 10 for 10 days/never

This photo was supposedly taken at McFaddens' Philly a couple weeks ago where Topanga guest bartended. It looks like she is ready to party! You better believe I'm going to do my best to stick my tongue down her throat tonight.

PS - The First Lady has given me permission to make out with her if Topanga is down with it. Anything for the good of the Stool!

Bostonherald.com - Gray Goose-sipping club-goers will have to hand their bottles over to bartenders in Boston starting Monday when the city begins enforcing a controversial crackdown on VIP table service. “The board is willing to work with the industry, but we want to stop the practice of clubs just throwing (bottles) out there and not giving a damn,” Daniel Pokaski said. “If you’re giving people a bottle of booze at a table to swig, who’s paying attention to who’s being over-served? Those are the issues we’re looking at.”  Many clubs have been offering private tables to club-goers who purchase bottles of high-end booze for up to $400. The service is a staple in nightspots in most major cities. But state and city officials say it violates laws that ban serving more than two drinks at once and prohibit requiring patrons to purchase alcohol in order to gain entry. “I don’t want to hurt the industry but they have to comply with the law,” he said.

And this my friends is why Boston sucks.    Seriously are we a major city or not?    Listen, I’m not a bottle service guy, but this is just embarrassing.    If people want to buy a table and get bottle service then more power to them.   The only possible explanation on why Daniel Pokaski is suddenly making a big stink about this is because he wants to get his wheels greased by the local bars.  Because spare me the song and dance about how you need to make sure people don’t get over served.   Yeah, like it’s somehow easier to get bombed at a table compared to anywhere else in the bar.   Give me a fucking break.    Only in Boston baby.   Keep riding that bike Menino.

(I Regret Nothing!)

NYDailyNews.com - A subway perv with a 57-page rap sheet got lifetime parole when sprung from prison, but cops said it didn't keep him from molesting women on the crowded Lexington Ave. line. Serial sex sicko Freddie Johnson was busted for an astounding 53rd time Wednesday when cops caught him in the act on the No. 6 train.  The subway sicko brazenly claimed that pretty women should expect to get groped on trains. "When there's this many attractive women in the city and on the subways, don't they know [this will happen]?" asked Freddie Johnson in a disturbing jailhouse interview with the Daily News.  Johnson, 49, insisted he's never hurt anyone even though he's been arrested 53 times in a quarter-century-long fondling spree in the tubes.  Daphnie Fernandez, 42, of Brooklyn, who was targeted by Johnson three times before he was arrested in 2003, had a more succinct description.  "He's a creep!" she said. On the 6 line, commuters said it's no surprise Johnson performed his dirty tricks.  "The train is very crowded and you don't notice if someone is rubbing against you inappropriately," said Tiffany Williams, 24, of Parkchester, the Bronx.

You can say whatever you want about Freddie Johnson, but he kind of has a point.  I mean who do these chicks thing they are looking all hot and bothered while riding the Green Line?    You’re almost asking for a little bump n grind action.  So sorry if I don’t feel bad for Daphnie Fernandez who claims she’s been groped 3 times by this guy.    I mean whose fault is that?   Grind your dick into my ass once, shame on you. Grind your dick into my ass twice shame on me.    Grind you dick into my ass three times and that means I’m digging it.

PS – It doesn’t count as groping if the person you’re rubbing against doesn’t even feel it.   After all rubbing is racing.

This is one of my least favorite days of the year. Yup, free coffee day at Dunkin Donuts. Almost as bad as free small ice cream day at Ben and Jerrys. This is the day you need to put up with unusually long lines at D@D because all the cheap skates come out of the woodwork trying to get a free 16 ounce iced coffee. It would be one thing if it was a free coffee any size, but what am I supposed to do with a 16 ouncer? That may actually make me more sleepy. And I bet they charge you extra to turbo charge it too. Anyway, I'm going to order my Large Iced just like I always do and then take the free one and pour it out right in their eye just to prove a point. Either go free any size or don't go free at all.

PS - If this was in Cleveland there would be lines all the way into Vermont.

More Layla here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com