Random Thoughts

"Easy like Sunday Morning."

- Lionel Richie

The annual Maxim Hot 100 is scheduled to be released in a few days, and according to reports, no less than SIX women on the list have banged Derek Jeter. I'm not real good at math so I had someone crunch the numbers for me, and apparently 6 out of 100 is somewhere around 6%. Granted Jeter's in the twilight of his career, the Yankees are going nowhere and he'll never play in another World Series, but at least he's giving Yankee fans something to be proud of. Here's a sample of the Jeter Hot 6. Has any celebrity nailed more than six? Proabably Timberlake right?

Click here to see the entire list, plus some bonus Jeter chicks that didn't make Maxim's cut.

Jessica Alba

Vanessa Minnillo

Houston Chronicle - Judge Sherman Ross tried to assemble a jury of peers for a woman accused of possession of a marijuana on trial Tuesday. But authorities say prospective juror Cornelia Mayo might have taken that concept a bit too far after she was caught smoking a joint outside the courthouse during a break. The 49-year-old Houston woman was one of 20 people in a jury pool in Criminal Court at Law No. 10. Ross said he realized something was wrong when juror No. 2, Mayo, didn't return from a 45-minute break. Before the judge could file a bench warrant for the missing juror, his bailiff got a call from police notifying him that Mayo was being booked on a charge of smoking marijuana outside the criminal courthouse. "I've had prospective jurors get lost before, but it never occurred to me that they might be getting ready for a marijuana trial by, allegedly, smoking marijuana," Ross said. He also said it was a strange coincidence for a court that also sees trials for DWI's, family violence and many other misdemeanors. "It's the first weed case I've tried in years," Ross said. "People usually plead out."

Hilarious!  You can’t make this shit up!   I mean I ain’t mad at this lady.  It’s like if you’re sitting there listening to a trial about pizza it’s almost impossible not to go out and grab a slice on your break right?   

Introducing Jen from BU.    It’s been a long time coming for Jen.  She the first White Whale girl in the history of the Stool.    I first spotted Jen almost a year ago to this day.  She poked her fin out at our Cinco De Mayo party, but I never saw her.   She only showed up when I was going through the pictures the following day.  I actually posted the following blog about her at the time:

May 6^th 2007

The first round of Cinco De Mayo Fiesta pictures are now up for viewing pleasure. My #1 question after looking at them is wondering who the hell is the girl on the right and why hasn't she ever been on the cover of the Stool before? This girl is gorgeous right? Anybody know who she is? Somebody has to know who she is! Let's Stoolify her ASAP!

But shockingly nobody came forward.  It was like she was ghost or something.   She just vanished into thin air.    Then almost 8 months later she appeared at our Ski Bash at the Harp.   But before I could even throw a potato sack over her head she was gone.   It happened so fast I wasn’t even really sure I saw her.   I thought maybe my mind was playing tricks on me.  Fast forward to to this week and our blog posted about pool pong:

May 6th 2008

Now as far as this pool pong thing goes, I got to admit I’m a little disappointed.   (Just because we profile you doesn’t mean we’re going to suck your dick and say you have the best invention of all time)   The raft for this beer pong float is WAY too small.    I don’t want to be able to dunk in Beirut.    You have to make this thing regulation size don’t you?    So I give this guy an A for the idea and a D+ for execution.    Unless of course the chick on the right comes with it. Then all bets are off.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the chick on the right was the same girl from the Cinco De Mayo photo and the Ski Bash.    Luckily a reader saw the pool pong photo and sent me the name of this girl.  I've been to every city in Mexico. I came across an unclaimed piece of meat in Baja, turned out to be Rosie. Found one of her passports to Sumatra, I missed her by about a week at Fiji. But, I knew she wouldn't miss the fifty year storm..   Yup we finally got her!    Now I can die in peace.

Click for more pics of the White Whale Jen

SignonSanDiego - What's the price of being a Boston Red Sox fan?  For David Sanborn of Oceanside, at least, it's about $25,000.  Sanborn was involved in a bar fight at the Grand Avenue Bar & Grill in Carlsbad SD on July 3, 2006, with New York Yankees fan Mario Melendez.  Melendez sued for damages in Vista Superior Court – for injuring his hand when he punched Sanborn.  On Tuesday, a Vista jury awarded Melendez $15,297 for medical costs, lost wages, and pain and suffering. Yesterday, the jury ordered Sanborn, who hails from Massachusetts, to pay an additional $10,000 in punitive damages.  Melendez testified last week that he injured his right hand on Sanborn's teeth during the fight, saying he was acting in self-defense.  “He grabbed me . . . and picked me up,” he told jurors. “I really thought he was going to body-slam me.”  At the time, the 6-foot-1 Sanborn was 210 pounds and 38 years old. The 5-foot-7 Melendez was 260 pounds and 49.  Melendez said Sanborn was drunk and belligerent at the bar, where both men went to root for their hometown teams on television.  Although the Red Sox and Yankees weren't playing each other that day, that didn't keep the two from exchanging words shortly after Yankees slugger Jason Giambi hit an early home run against the Cleveland Indians.  Sanborn arrived at the bar about 11 a.m. Melendez showed up about 4 p.m. with his 82-year-old father and a friend, according to court records.  Melendez said Sanborn, Sanborn's wife – a waitress at the restaurant – and two other men taunted him, yelling a profane version of “Let's go Yankees,” a popular chant in the Bronx. Melendez, who is originally from Brooklyn, New York, said he was also singled out for wearing a sleeveless jersey of Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.

If this guy doesn’t fit the description of a stereotypical NY fan than nobody does.    It’s almost like God decided to sit down one day and mold the perfect Yankees fan out of clay and boom Mario Melendez was born.   I mean  5”7, 260 lbs and wearing a sleeveless Derek Jeter shirt?   Does it get any better than that?  I don’t blame the Red Sox fan for picking a fight with him at all.  He probably didn’t want to do it.  Felt like he owed it to him.    Regardless you got to be a real pussy to sue somebody because your hand wasn’t tough enough to punch them in the face.    Seriously, toughen up.

- Thanks to Vince for the tip

I'm sure everybody has seen this already, but it's still pretty funny. I wish that was Tomase going down instead of Mr. Redlegs.

Listen I don't want to be too hard on the new kid. But why was Heidi Watney wearing a jacket last night? And I don't want to hear any mumbo jumbo about the weather either. I mean if she's going to be all bundled up like that whenever it's a little bit cold outside you might as well have Manzo do this job. No disrespect to Manzo. But NESN hired her for her looks. You got to put those to work 162 games a year.

PS - No word yet on whether Julio Lugo was driving the truck that blew up the Green Line this morning. I think it's safe to say that all Stoolies who live along the Comm Ave should make this the mother of all Thirsty Thursdays because God knows you ain't getting home anytime soon.

(photo from Boston.com)

Radaronline.com - Reality-show Machiavelli Spencer Pratthas a unique ability to get to the crux of any issue. Radar has enlisted the king of The Hillsto field queries from regular folks with regular problems, just like you! Check out Spencer's first print column in our May/June issue, and visit RadarOnline every Tuesday for additional wise counsel. Got a burning question? Send it to: spencer@radaronline.com

YO SPENCER! How long do you have to date someone before it's appropriate to bring up the possibility of anal sex?

If you're dating a guy, right away. If you're dating girl, I think you'll know pretty quick if she's into that. If they're not bringing it up, it's not something on their agenda. That's just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, "If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it's cool."

Far be it for me to question Spencer Pratt, but I kind of disagree with him here.  I don’t think just because a chick doesn’t bring up anal sex that means that it’s not on their radar screen.  I mean you need to be a real slut to just come out and say you like it in the butt right?   Sure Lindsay Lohan may pull shit like that, but she’s the exception to the rule.  For most girls I think you definitely have to pinky probe to figure out what is going on in their head.   So even though I admittedly know nothing about chicks, I think it’s up to the dude to figure out where a girl stands on anal.    A couple finger drive bys and shit like that.   Also if you can slip in the pinkie and two more fingers it’s probably time to call it a day and move on to the next girl don’t you think?

FORT PIERCE - Tiffany Shepherd's advertised 34 DD/E breasts might be bared in the pages of Playboy magazine, an offer the bikini mate and former high school teacher is considering for her children's future. "There's a lot of people coming up with a lot of different offers," Shepherd said via cell phone from New York Wednesday following a television appearance. "When I started all this it was for my children and it's still about my children, making sure that they're provided for." Shepherd, a single mother with three boys, became a media sensation after claiming she was released from her teaching contract because of her job on a charter boat offering trips with bikini-clad and topless women.

Over the past few days, Playboy expressed interest in nude shots to the tune of $25,000 per photo, she said. The pictures, according to Smokin' Em Charters owner and Shepherd manager Kathi Coombes, would be done "very tastefully." "It's not going to be spread eagle shots or anything like that," she said.

On behalf of everyone here at Barstool and our readership, I'd like to extend to Ms. Shepard a rousing round of applause. It's an amazing thing, the maternal instinct. A mother's love is a such a powerful instinct it will inspire a mom to sacrifice anything to benefit her children: her life, her health, her career. And yes, even her bikini top. This is truly a noble deed by Tiffany and she's to be admired for it. Because if there's anything her sons need in this life, it's the social standing that you can only get from having your mom's 34E rack unleashed upon the world. Those boys will be god's in school. They'll be invited to every sleepover. Every pool party. No Little League coach is going sit those kids on the banch knowing it might cost him a chance to see those bad actors in the flesh. This Playboy business is a noble act of pure love. Perhaps not as noble as doing "spread eagle shots," but I won't quibble.

As a side note, the St. Lucie School District is claiming Tiffany lost her teaching position because of 30 unexcused absences, not because of her job with Smokin' 'Em Charters. But no one's buying that. At the rate Florida substitute teachers put out, who'd complain about Shepard missing a few days? (Thanks to Bret)

Reader Email

Every year in a little place called Abington (you may be familiar)
there is a glorious tournament of champions where the greatest
beerthletes in the world convene to partake in this one day event. You may be familiar with a drinking game called Beer Die where players sit down at opposite ends of a table and try to sink a die into an opponents cup - well we've put our own spin on the game and transformed it into a true sport. Every year we have a huge double elimination tournament in Abington - take a look at the newly created website - and this year we want Barstool Sports to come and get involved.

www.BrowniesBeerDieOpen.com

The tournament has been getting bigger every year as word has spread
and we've started to incorporate awards like the coveted "Diesman
Trophy" and cash prizes for the winners. I think any stoolie out there
would want to participate.

We're also hoping for cheerleaders this year but so far the Celtics
dancers, Pats cheerleaders, and the amateur night headliners from the
Foxy have turned us down...there's always Alex's.

He's been trying to get this televised by ESPN and sponsored by
Budweiser and has failed gracefully every time.
Let me know what you think.

Greg

Listen some people get invited to go to Celtics or Red Sox games with their clients and others like myself get invited to play in the Brownies Beer Die Open in the Abington Marsh Fields.   And frankly I’d have it no other way.  Now I’ve never played  Beer Die, but after studying the rules and watching the video I’m pretty sure I’d be a 5 tool player.  A natural if you will.  How can anybody be this good who came from nowhere?  Whatever he wants to throw he throws.   Plus I already beat Abingtion once for a state championship (13 year old Sr. Little League) so I see no reason why I can’t grab a couple guys and dominate again on their home turf.    And if I’m really lucky maybe a couple of the guys are Abington cops so I can schmooze and get my drivers license back.

PS – I can’t believe ESPN, Bud, the Pats Cheerleaders, the Celtics Dancers and the Foxy Lady “headliners”  said no to this star studded gala.      Talk about missing a huge marketing opportunity.     Seriously though every town should have an event like this.  It’s what makes America great.     

Tomase - Former Patriots[ team stats] video assistant Matt Walsh turned over eight tapes to the NFL that show the team recording offensive and defensive signals of five teams in six games between 2000 and 2002, the New York Times [ NYT] reported last night. Walsh’s attorney, Michael Levy, later confirmed the story’s accuracy in an e-mail to the Herald. Walsh did not turn over a tape of the Rams’ final walkthrough before Super Bowl XXXVI. Addressing media speculation about such a tape, as well as the Herald’s Feb. 2 story about the walkthrough, Levy told the Times, “Mr. Walsh has never claimed to have a tape of the walkthrough.  “Mr. Walsh has never been the source of any of the media speculation about such a tape,” Levy added. “Mr. Walsh was not the source for the Feb. 2 Boston Herald article.”  “This is consistent with what the Patriots had admitted they had been doing, consistent with what we already knew,” NFL spokesman Greg Aiello told the Associated Press last night.

Hey Tomase how about being a FUCKING MAN and admit that you lied and you got busted!   I honestly can’t believe the stance the Herald is taking on this.   How can they just sit back and act like nothing happened.    If Walsh wasn’t Tomase’s source than who the fuck was it?   And it doesn’t even matter if Walsh is lying.   As the old saying goes if you sleep with dogs you get fleas or something like that.    Tomase is such a fucking little bastard.  I’m sorry to keep talking about this, but it’s borderline impossible to believe that he has taken NO responsibility for this yet or offered no explanation.     I mean have you ever seen anybody write an article that was such obvious bullshit from the second it was printed?   I’m sorry to my girls at the Inside Track but the Herald Boycott is back on!!!  No Patriot fan should buy or read the Herald with the exception of the Inside Track online, until this situation is addressed.     It’s time to send a message to the Boston Herald that they can’t get away with this type of shit.   

PS – I know that the Herald locked all comments under Tomase’s article.  Feel free to facebook him or email him jtomase@bostonherald.com and send him nasty shit that I couldn’t even dream of.    Just step up John and be a man. Admit what you did was wrong and that you're a little coward instead of just sitting there and being all ugly and hoping this just goes away because it's not. You have to address this issue if you want to continue to work in this city!

Foxnews.com - Sheyla Hershey has earned a spot in Brazil’s version of the “Guinness Book of World Records" and she is very proud of the reason why — for having the largest breast implants. After eight surgeries, Hershey’s breasts measure FFF, MyFOXHouston.com reported. That’s equivalent to two quarts of silicone in each breast. “I want to look better each day, every day,” the 28-year-old model told the TV station. “Everybody’s got a dream inside, you know? And, it’s good when you can make your dream come true.”Hershey, a wife and mother, said she would like her breasts to be even bigger, but the state of Texas limits the amount of silicone that can be put into each breast.

Martin Luther King would be proud.   Everybody has got to have a dream right?    It’s just too bad the Government had to get involved and play the role of the grinch.       If Sheyla Hershey isn’t satisfied with her Triple F boobs than who are we to tell her she can’t make them bigger?    And I know what you’re thinking. She should just move to a different state or country where there are no silicone restrictions.   But if it’s not legal in Texas then it’s not legal anywhere.

More Kate here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com