Random Thoughts

Game 1 was so ugly that it broke the blog, but a win is a win is a win.

If this turns into a blowout before half time feel free to kill a couple minutes looking at all the remaining cheerleaders in the NBA Playoffs.

Celts in 5! Book it!

And 20 years later still nobody knows who the guy in the red helmet is or why he was wearing a red helmet to begin with. It's one of the great mysteries of our generation.

Introducing Caitlin from Foxboro.    Get used to seeing her because she is the newest member of the Patriot Cheerleading squad for 2008.   I guess she won’t be able to use the excuse” I got stuck in traffic” if she’s late to practice huh?  This girl must be a regular celebrity in Foxboro.   Anyway, I wonder what the bigger accomplishment is?  Being picked as a Pats Cheerleader or being picked as a Barstool Smokeshow of the Day?  I think you got to give the nod to us.   I mean you’re competing vs. all of New England to get recognized on the Stool where you only have to beat out like 100 girls to become a Pats cheerleader.  Regardless, great work by the Stoolies per usual getting us her stuff before Regan Communications forbids Caitlin to talk to us.

Do you know any Smokeshows?  Send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more pics of Caitlin

READER EMAIL

BOSTON COLLEGE

OFFICE OF THE GENERAL COUNSEL

6 May 2008

Dear Mr. Portnoy:

It has come to my attention that the website registered in your name,www.barstoolsports.com, has published false and defamatory information about Boston College. The article posted on May 5, 2008 under "Random Thoughts" entitled "BC Leads the Nation in Gonnorrhea, Herpes, and Total STD's on Campus" falsely reports the results of a third party survey. This survey, conducted by Trojan, subjectively ranks colleges on certain "sexual health resources" provided by the school, rather than the numbers of students with sexually transmitted diseases as the article erroneously reports.The article also misstates Boston College's position in the ranking. In addition, your misleading and unauthorized use of the photograph of the Boston College cheerleading squad impugns the squad's reputation by falsely associating it with the inaccurate statements in the article and headline. By this letter, Boston College demands that you immediately remove the offending article, photograph, and any associated material from your web site, and any other publication you may have. Please be advised that Boston College may pursue thismatter further if you do not respond promptly to this letter.

Sincerely,

Nora Field

Associate Counsel

BAHAHAHAA!    Got to love the Superfans!   Ok, Nora we have edited the article for you.    Here is what it says now:

BC SUCKS AT SEXUAL EDUCATION PROGRAMS

Collegeotr.com -If you needed more incentive to use condoms, here it is. Find out if your school is a festering pool of gonorrhea and herpes - or a safe haven from sexually-transmitted diseases. For the past two years, Trojan Brand Condoms has provided the collegiate community with rankings based on sexual health.  The Trojan Sexual Health Report Card, the most recent includes 139 schools, surveys colleges and then scores them by a "grading system" that resembles a GPA. In honor of the Trojan Evolve Tour, we are listing the best and worst campuses on the list. 

The Best:

1. University of Minnesota (a thunderous round of applause for being the least STI-riddled)

2. University of Wyoming 

3. University of Washington

4. Rutgers University

5. Purdue University

Honorable Mentions:
Columbia University, Harvard University, University of Oregon, University of Michigan, and Duke University

The Ickiest:

135. Villanova University

136. University of Arkansas at Little Rock

137. Arkansas State University

138. University of Louisiana at Monroe

139. Louisiana Tech University (Congrats for being dirtier than Paris Hilton's thongs)

Dishonorable Mentions:
St. John's University, Vanderbilt, Baylor University, Georgetown and Boston College.


At least BC is in the top 5 in the Nation in something right?  (Hockey doesn’t count since there are only 5 teams to begin with)  I mean if you can’t compete for the National Championship in Football then you might as well go for the National Title in shittiest sexual prevention and awareness programs. I just hope the campus is equipped to deal with what happens when football players rape chicks like last week.

By the way is saying that BC has the ugliest cheerleaders in the country impugn the squad’s reputation?  Or is that just a statement of fact? Regardless thanks for reading...

PS - I bet Nora is a hot number.

NEW YORK (AP) -Alex Rodriguez passed out during the birth of his first daughter.  "The one nurse had a cold cloth on his head. The other nurse had the blood pressure on his arm. And my mother was like rubbing his back. And he is passed out on a couch. And I am there, in the middle of labor," Cynthia Rodriguez, wife of the New York Yankees star, said on an episode of the YES Network's "YESterdays" that is scheduled to be broadcast Wednesday night.  "And really, I am not being paid much attention to besides the doctor and a couple of nurses," she said. "And he is there moaning. In between pushing, I am going, `Honey, are you OK?' and `Are you breathing? Are you OK?' " Natasha Alexander Rodriguez was born on Nov. 18, 2004.  "As tough and big as he seems, he is real wimpy around doctors or any type of medical situation," Cynthia Rodriguez said, according to excerpts released Tuesday by YES. "I don't know why I thought the birth of our child would be different. In the middle of the night, I realized that I needed to go to the hospital. I wake him up. The first thing that comes out of his mouth, `Can we call your mother?' ... A few hours later, I said, `I think you can call my mom now.' Uh, and the color came back to his face when I told him he could call my mom."

Fucking Arod.  Always passing out in the clutch.  This story shouldn’t be remotely surprising to anybody who has watched this guy play for the past decade.   Whenever the game is on the line he turns into a huge pussy.   Clearly it’s the same with his personal life.  And just like with the Yankees it’s not enough for him just to suck.  He has to be the center of attention at all times.  I mean here is his wife trying to give birth and all the doctors care about is Alex.   God forbid anybody else gets the spotlight for one second.   I’m sure he took credit for the birth when it was over to.   

(Celtics Strength and Conditioning Coach Bryan Doo is laughing at how easy this series will be)

This has all the makings of being one of the great Celtics vs. Pistons series of all time.  It’s too bad Johnny Most isn’t alive to call these games.   They are clearly the two best teams in the East and they have been all season long. Everybody has known it would come down to this since the 2^nd week of the season and now the time has finally come to figure out what team will move on to play the Lakers for the championship.   Oh wait a minute…The Celtics have to play the Cavs first?  I guess I totally forgot about that.    It just seems like it is such a waste of time.   Because let’s get one thing straight.   The Cavs stink.  We don’t.   I don’t care how great Lebron is you can’t beat Boston with one guy.   And it’s not like they are going to be the only team with an MVP caliber player on the floor either.   Sure we struggled on the road against the Hawks in Round 1, but as far as I know there will be no Marie sitting courtside to distract us this time.    In fact I actually think it is good that the Celts dropped all 3 games on the road against Atlanta because now they are going to come out pissed for all their road games.  There is just no way they lose 5 in a row on the road.  And there is no way Cleveland is winning at the Garden.    Therefore this is a 5 game series.   I gave Lebron the benefit of the doubt that he wins 1 game at home just because everybody keeps bitching and moaning about how great he.   But that’s all their getting.   It will probably be a sweep but whatever I’m not going to get greedy.  

Celts in 5….Book It!

Is Carrot Top nailing this chick? Is that possible? And if so would this be a bigger mismatch than Joe Pesci and Angie Everheart? I think so. I'm kind of in love with this chick in the blue. She looks like a younger hotter version of Ashley Judd

Scientists have discovered why fat people find it so hard to lose weight, which will lead to many new approaches to weight loss. The difference in the number of fat cells between lean and obese people is established in childhood and, although fat people replenish fat cells at the same rate as thin ones, they have around twice as many... The fundamental new insight into the cause of obesity comes from an international team lead by Dr Kirsty Spalding, Prof Jonas Frisen and Prof Peter Arner who found the body constantly produces new fat cells to replace equally rapid break down of the already existing fat cells due to cell death. They also show, that overweight people generate and replace more fat cells than do lean - and that the total number of fat cells stays equal after a diet program. Until now, it was not clear that adults could make new fat cells. Some had assumed that they increase their fat mass by incorporating more fats into already existing fat cells in order to maintain their body weight (lean, overweight, obese). However now it seems we constantly produce new fat cells irrespective of our body weight status, sex or age.

I'll be frank with you, I have no idea what these scientists are talking about. Other than they seem to claim that being fat has nothing to do with your eating habits. It's inbred. Genetic. Nothing you can do about it. So abandon all hope. And all guilt for that matter. Just dig in, Tubby. Don't feel obligated to skip lunch and go for a walk. Stuff your face all you want because it's not your fault your ass has its own post office, it's in your genes.

Thank God for the work these researchers are doing. Up until now I had this crazy notion that if you burned off more calories than you took in, you'd keep your weight down. That maybe the key to weight loss was eating less and excercising. Boy, do I feel stupid. Now the same big, giant smelly fat slobs who take up two seats on the T, make life miserable for their fellow airline passengers or lay their chunky, ham-like forearms across the arm rest when you're squeezed into the seat next to them in Fenway, can glom onto this pseuedo-science and use it to justify their life of irresponsible gluttony. Look for a dramatic increase in the number of news stories where firemen have to take the side of a house off to get some 1,000lb tub of goo onto flat bed truck to geth them to the hospital. How much are you willing to bet that Dr. Spaulding and Profs. Frisen and Arner either A) Look like post-retirement Mo Vaughn, or B) Funded this research with a grant from Taco Bell?

Vote 1 for Funny and 10 for Not So Funny

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I got an email yesterday from a local guy whose buddy had invented Poolside Pong. I'm glad he contacted me because it has finally kicked me in the ass to start a new feature on Barstool Sports that I’ve been meaning to do forever.   Basically we are going to offer a free half page ad in the print edition of Barstool Sports as well as a blog  on www.barstoolsports.com for any Stoolies that are trying to start a company.     Because I know from experience that trying to do something your own with no money and no way to get the word out can suck balls.    Now here are the only rules for consideration.   

1.      First I got to think your idea is mildly interesting.

2.      You can’t have paid for ads anywhere ever.    If you wasted all your money in Stuff@Night don’t cry to me and expect free shit now.

3.      I can’t consider it competition for the Stool.   For example if you’re selling Straight Cash Homey II shirts we’re not going put it up there.

I guess that’s pretty much it.  So if you’re trying to start a company and want us to profile you and get a free ad in Barstool Sports send us an email to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Now as far as this pool pong thing goes, I got to admit I’m a little disappointed.   (Just because we profile you doesn’t mean we’re going to suck your dick and say you have the best invention of all time)   The raft for this beer pong float is WAY too small.    I don’t want to be able to dunk in Beirut.    You have to make this thing regulation size don’t you?    So I give this guy an A for the idea and a D+ for execution.    Unless of course the chick on the right comes with it. Then all bets are off.

(photo courtesy of bostonherald.com)

Listen, I hate doing this but somebody has to put a stop to this type of behavior (see left). You can’t hold your fucking gun less than an inch from the screen like this guy was doing at an undisclosed Boston bar the other night and call yourself a true “Big Buck Hunter”. Everybody knows, or at least I thought everybody knows, you're supposed to extend the chain of the gun as far as you can before shooting. Even the deer is like "Come on, dude". Now this isn't a 2nd Amendment issue like some might suggest, I just think you have to blame the parents here because he probably did the same thing as a kid playing Duck Hunt and they never said a word. Frankly I was hoping the bouncers might do something but they weren't even paying attention.

So what am I proposing?  Well either A., the makers of Big Buck Hunter (see right) need to program in a minimum distance between the barrel of the gun and the screen so Jesse James here can’t cheat, or B., all bars that carry Big Buck Hunter need to draw a line exactly 2-3 feet from the machine, like in darts, where all players are required to stand. Honestly I’m more of a Bubble Hockey guy anyway, I don’t even play Big Buck Hunter unless I’m really, really hammered and even then I just hold the gun like Scarface and machine-gun my way through the wilderness.  Like Bud Selig, I’m just trying to protect the “integrity of the game” so that the high scores of players like FUK, DIK, ASS and TIT will never be tarnished again.

More Jillian here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

FYI UB prefers this Jillian: