It was a "secret love" within the confines of North Penn High School in Lansdale. She told him she wanted to have sex with him this summer, according to the affidavit of probable cause. He already began making his moves on her in a darkened classroom while a movie played for students, the document read.But Michelle Zulkowsky, 28, a teacher's aide with the North Penn School District, grew fearful of her "emotional connection" with a 16-year-old student in the English as a Second Language program. Zulkowsky's internal alarm prompted her to blow the whistle - on herself, authorities said. Zulkowsky, of North Wales, was arrested Wednesday and charged with corruption of minors and endangering the welfare of children, each crime a misdemeanor.

It pains me to say this, but I'm getting increasingly worried about the state of education in America. Particularly with respect to our standards, which seem to get lower by the day. I mean, could there be a better example than Michelle Zulkowski's English as a Second Language class? Here she's got a classroom full of kids fluent in Spanish, the Language of Love, and the best she can do is a misdemeanor charge of "fondling" a kid? What kind of Teacher Sex Scandal is that? And how can you claim to have an "emotional connection" if all you're going to do is play a little grabass with the lad? I think if you're serious about corruption of minors... truly dedicated to connecting with the boys in your class in a positive way... as soon as you tell a kid you'll have sex with him this summer ("Quiero tener sexo con usted este verano," in case you were wondering), it should be off to the back seat of you car for some steamy tutoring.

The Grades:
Looks: We could use more pictures of her, but I kind of like what I see. Not a superstar, but solid. Grade: B-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Unless you're willing to do it with the kid right there in the classroom, don't be talking about next summer. I mean, the lights were out and the other kids are focused on a movie... what's the worry? Grade: F.
Intangibles: I love the turning yourself in. It's exactly the kind of irrational behavior that deserves a good grade. But only if you've done something worth reporting yourself for. Grade: F.
Overall: D. (Thanks to Chris S. for the story)