Random Thoughts
Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day (Kaidy)
Introducing Kaidy from Northeastern. FYI - This is how you spell your name when you're this hot. You don't spell it Katie like everybody else. You spell it with a "D" to let people know that you don't fuck around. This girl's tag line should be "I'm Hot. Deal With It"
Great job on this nomination. This is how it is supposed to work. I know there are a lot more Northeastern Coeds where this came from. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com
Karl Malone Fathered Kid with 13 Year Old Girl
From the Buffalo News:
If you never heard of Buffalo Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell, you’ll be rooting for him when I tell you his story. Bell is the son of [Karl] Malone, but the Mailman had no role in Bell’s success except passing along athletic genes. The two have had very little contact during Bell’s life. His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges. Bell didn’t even know Malone was his father until after graduating from high school. When they finally met, Malone told the 18-year-old Bell it was too late to be his father, and that Bell would have to “earn his money on his own.”
First of all, no one welcomes this news more than Roger Clemens who's probably saying "13 years old? Now THAT'S sick." Second, I don't know who the Buffalo News, the Salt Lake District Attorney's office or Demetrius Bell think they are, getting all judgemental here. Does everyone need to be reminded who we're talking about? This is Karl freaking Malone. What... are there law against a pro athlete impregnating a 13 year old girl? Since when? If you're going to hold athletes to Age of Consent laws, where will our society be? The ability to bone any female you 
want is part of their rights as ballplayers. It's called the "Double Standard" and it's right there in the Constitution if Demetrius would just take the time to read it. When they build a statue of you, it means you can boink anyone, regardless of what it says on their birth certificate. It's part of the incentive for these guys to enter the thankless world of professional sports in the first place. What would happen if guys like Malone and Clemens were required to stick only with adult women? Who would give us thousands of hours of competitive entertainment? Lesser mortals that's who. That's a world I for one don't want to live in. Rock on, Mailman. (Thanks to J. Fitz for the story)
Sex Scandal Teacher Released, Then Caught for Third Time
TAMPA - Prosecutors are trying to keep teacher Stephanie Ragusa behind bars until she stands trial on charges including unlawful sexual activity with minors. She was arrested Monday for the third time in six weeks in connection with allegations she had sex with two high school boys. This time, a sheriff's detective spotted her coming out of a student's house and learned they had just had sex again, according to an arrest report.
The student contacted a sheriff's detective April 16 to say he and Ragusa were staying in touch through text messages and had had sex as recently as the night of April 5. A 17-year-old male friend of the student was with them the night of April 5 and told investigators Ragusa had called the two of them by phone, asking that they pick her up at a Circle K convenience store...Ragusa and the student were in the back seat while the friend drove. The friend said he saw them kissing and saw Ragusa with her hand down the front of the student's pants. The friend drove back to the student's house. Ragusa and the student went to the student's room and had sex while the friend was in the living room, the 17-year-old told investigators.
All together now "Ragu-SA! Ragu-SA! Ragu-SA!" This is the unprecedented THIRD time she's been graded here, (click here for the first, and here for the second) but she keeps coming back for extra credit. Only Stephanie's slightly-above-average looks are keeping her out of the Sex Scandal Teacher starting lineup. But clearly she won't rest until she's the best there ever was, in this game. She's the player without the natural skills who out works everyone and achieves greatness through pure grit and determination. She's the Pete Rose of deviant educators. The Terry O'Reilly of perverted teachers.
As a side note, when are these kids going learn that if you want to brag to someone about how your teacher is still seducing you, call a friend? Text a classmate. Post it on your MySpace. Or better yet, email it to jerry@barstoolsports.com. But do not brag to your local police department. It's counter productive.
The Grades:
Looks: Oce again, she could sleep with a hundred kids... hopefully she has, but she's still a Grade: B
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Steph is obviously learning from the greats. She gets released from jail then goes right back to the kid to get caught again like Mary Kay Letourneau. She does it in the back seat of the car while his friend drives like Deb Lafave. The word for that is "legendary." Grade: A+
Intangibles: We still don't know how many "victims" she has. She's like a newly captured serial killer except instead of dead bodies, she's left a trail of very happy school boys. Grade: A+
Overall: A (Thanks to Jeffrey J for the link)
Avery Johnson Cup Check
Watching the Hornets-Mavs series the only thing UB can think about is that Avery Johnson nut shot. If you watch that reaction and don't laugh then you should be struck down like Kurt Rambis going to the hole...
Miscellaneous Draft Observations
Now that we've had a couple of days to digest the Patriots draft and look over what the pundits are saying about it, I've got a few disjointed observations that I couldn't organize into any kind of coherent theme. So here they are. And for the record, I couldn't possibly care less that they're getting mostly C's and B-'s from everyone. Show me a guy who thinks Jerod Mayo was a reach at No. 10 and I'll show you a guy who wanted them to take Koren Robinson over Richard Seymour.
*The Pats pick I can't wait to watch is Michigan LB Shawn Crable. I can't take my eyes off the kid, because he's a physical freak. No kidding, he's got the longest arms I've ever seen in my life. They're like Kevin McHale's except on a 6' 5" body. He looks like Kevin Kline in "Dave" when he uses the big, industrial robot arms to say "I caught a fish that was... this... big." Check Crable out in mini camp, his elbows start at his knees. He's like a pterodactyl.
*The biggest superstar to emerge out of the 2008 rookie class will be Mini Muhammed, Darren McFadden's mother. She's not only an admitted "recovering" crack addict, she's never seen a live microphone she's not willing to say ill-advised things into. She spilled the beans that he was leaving school early, which was quickly denied, then the next day he announced he... was leaving school early. Mini openly lobbied for Run DMC to be drafted by Dallas and said she hated New York ...at a press conference in New York. While the Jets were holding the 6th pick. And she infamously was found driving a brand new Cadillac Escalade given to her by a Razorback booster, which almost cost her son the chance to play in the Cotton Bowl. Move over, Richard Williams; this chick is Crazy Sports Parent Hall of Fame material.
*There were doubts about McFadden's "character" which probably did two things:
1) Made some teams shy away
2) Guaranteed he'd be a Raider.
And on the way to the podium, McFadden committed three violations of the league's Personal Conduct Policy.
Knicks Thank Their Fans
You got to hand it to the Knicks. They know how to treat their fans. I mean who cares about being the laughing stock of the league when you offer a 30% discount on merchandise purchases. That totally makes up for Isiah's reign of terror.
Rate Denise Richards
What do people think of Denise Richards? I've always been on the fence with her. Sometimes I think she's super hot and sometimes I don't see what all the hype is about. Obviously she's hotter than your average MILF, but I'm curious what the Stoolies think. And please deduct one point for the flower in her ear. Yeah that's pretty fucking sexy, but props are illegal when rating chicks.
Jason Taylor Dances To MNF Theme Song
See this is what people don't get. Dudes who are secure in their manhood can dance to the MNF theme song, blog about the Hills and cry at the end of League of Their Own and still pull a ton of pussy. Chicks love that shit.
God Bless America
I know that when things go bad like they they did last night there is only one thing that can cheer me up. And that's some good old fashioned patriotic photos of Spenser and Heidi in Washington DC. It's enough to give me goosebumps. Seriously I'm not even going to pretend to understand what is going on here. Heidi and Spenser operate on like a totally different level from every other F list celebrity on the planet. I'm totally confused on whether they realize they are a joke and are just playing up on that fact or whether they think people take them seriously and are doing this type of shit for real. Either way they are fascinating to me.
PS - Can we get more of Brody's girlfriend Cora Skinner on the Hills please? Yikes! Hey LC good luck competing with this you little bitch. This is what you get for beings such a cunt to Audrina. You better run your ass back to Steven. Slut!!! Slut!!!! I fucking love the Hills.
Celtics Blog: What the Fuck is Going On?
In the span of four days, the Celtics have lost 2 games, along with their composure, focus and ability to play team defense. Not to mention there’s the possibility Kevin Garnett will be suspended one game for pushing a referee during last night’s skirmish with the newest Hawks toughguy, Zaza Pachulia. And Kendrick Perkins will likely be suspended for leaving the bench. And instead of flashing gang symbols, maybe Paul Pierce should practice free throws or make some clutch baskets. While I am it, I’ll say that dope Mike Woodson is out-coaching Doc Rivers. And fuck you again Chris Wallace for trading Joe Johnson. We’re still paying for the mistakes that piece of shit GM made 6 years ago. I’ll lose my mind if I hear another moron say Tony Allen is a lockdown defender and should have been covering Johnson in the 4th quarter. How about someone stepping into the lane and hacking Johnson? Maybe Doc could have tried this unique concept called a double-team? I’d rather have Josh Childress taking open jumpers than watching Johnson score. Do me another favor Doc, keep Sam Cassell on the bench. Something better change and fast, or our dream season will become a nightmare.
Chuck – Red’s Army
Im not blaming this Celtics loss on the officials, the defense clearly broke down in the 4th quarter not to mention other things. But that was such a terribly officiated game, Violet Palmer would had been proud.
I hope Garnett does get suspended and someone makes him sit in the film room and watch his last 6 touches over and over again when he played like a man and went TO the hoop and scored at will. If he shoots one more 20 footer or 13 foot fade away I am going to throw my TV off the god damn roof.
He is dominant when he lowers his shoulder and goes to the hoop, why doesn't he realize this?
If the Celtics lose this series, does anyone think there will be "fire Doc Rivers" rumblings?
It would be a tremendous embarrassment for them to lose the next 2/3.
Maginoo, I'll go a step further. If this series goes 7 games, the only way Rivers keeps his job is if the Celtics reach the Finals.
The true test of a coach isn't a regular season when the team w/ the most talent wins 95% of the time, its when you get into a 7 game series and coaches adjust from game to game.
I mean he's getting outcoached by a guy who's players don't even like nor listen to him.
I meant to say "the only way Rivers SHOULD keep his job" - there's no way he's getting fired.
but he should.
If you think Doc is getting outcoached now, and he is, wait until he goes up against some of the coaches out west if they can make it that far. Popovich or Jackson, to mention just two, will destroy him. Plus, if Atlanta is getting into our heads, what the hell will happen in round 2 and beyond? Good God . . .
Simmons can finally use his "Doc Sucks!" column he's been holding since November.
If the Celts gag, at least my wedding is paid for. I'm a fan of all the locals. But a degenerate as well. And couldn't resist those ATL odds.
The Celtics WILL win the next two games and escape CNN-ville with a hard-won 6-game victory. Surprisingly, the test will provide beneficial as the Celtics right the ship and steamroll through everyone else. It's not uncommon for the eventual NBA champion to look back at the first series as the toughest. Let them have their fun down there. This series will be over by the weekend.
mcollura,
you're an fucking idiot! garnett has hit that jump shot inside the three point line consistently for the entire season. Towards the end of the season I dont think he missed any of them. I do agree all of the C'seed to take it to the hoop. ATL had the same plan as us, no easy baskets. Take it to the hoop and draw the foul, they have no bench to come in.
I'm not calling for Doc's head yet but his god damn innability to adjust is KILLING them. This is a team that should be resting up for the next round right now. Not fighting to the death with a mediocre team filled with ATL thugs. The worst part about having to come back to Atlanta is going to be looking at the degenerates in the crowd with Stickers on their baseball hats and Cee-Lo look alikes gyrating on the sidelines.
lets compare this blog on the celtics game with the one below. This one atleast discusses the game and the one below says its Donny Fucking Marshals fault. Prez, please never post anything about the Celtics again, it is awful.
Against a team who barely goes 6 deep you need to live in the paint. Get some fouls already. I don't care if we're running iso's for Perk. Doc needs to smarten up and start coaching instead of trying to slide through this series on talent.
Have PJ Brown knock the piss out of Josh Smith, Suit up Scals and have him hack Horford and use 5 fouls up in a 4 mins span, He can be activated for one game then you just deactivate him, House sux I never want to see him on the court again unless he is taking out Bibby's knees.
"Zasa's gonna send me a message? Zasa's gonna send me a message?"
I say we send Fucking Zasa a message and kneecap that Euro peice of trash.
Oh and if Doc leads us around aimlessly again, He's gone, out finished. " I say we make him dead. You give the word and I'll take care of it myself."
Were they playing the theme song to Cheers in Atlanta during time outs? Don't they know Cheers is about a Boston bar and you are playing the Boston Celtics in the playoffs! Did anyone else hear is going on?
I agree about Garnett. I never really watched him till this year. His outside jumper and fade aways hit a lot, but I wish he would take it to the basket more often.
Especially when the team has been going cold shooting a lot in the last two games.
I still like Cassell over House any day. I'm not sure why everybody loves Eddie
I love how everyone in Boston last week was in love with the Celtics, then drop 2 games IN Atlanta, and we are talking about them like the Celts of last year. Last night people were calling for Doc's head (yet again), claiming that Rondo was back to the little boy that came out of Kentucky, and questioning the leadership of 'The Big 3'. Boston fans more than anyone should know that a 7 game series IS, in fact, A 7 GAME SERIES. Let's grow up a little bit, take a couple seconds to RELAX, and remember that afterall, these are the Atlanta Hawks.
Please take this picture down, because it scares the shit out of me. If Stu Jackson sees this shot, there's little question we go into game 5 with 40% of our starting 5 suspended.
-"you're an fucking idiot! garnett has hit that jump shot inside the three point line consistently for the entire season. Towards the end of the season I dont think he missed any of them. I do agree all of the C'seed to take it to the hoop"
-let me start by saying, What? He misses plenty. Because HE CAN hit it, doesn't mean he should be taking it. He does miss PLENTY. Lets be generous and say he hits 50% of those shots, would you rather have that or 80% from 1-5ft within the paint? Judging from your grammer and typing ability, let me make you aware of the fact that 80% is much greater than 50%.
— Westcyde
know the game before you speak, that would be much appreciated, thanks.
we still need to relax....detriots in the same position we are...and nobody thinks they're gonna lose
celts fans need to be loud..and help carry the team to victory wednesday
Judging from your grammer and typing ability, let me make you aware of the fact that 80% is much greater than 50%.
— mcollura, Apr 29 2008, 11:53 am
Ironic post of the day thus far.
hey el prez.. good call on the C's by 47 last night.. you really know your stuff.
Go Hawks! ...I'm sick of hearing how great the C's are without even doing anything but win in the regular season!....and not even sweeping the Hawks! The C's keep getting compared to the great teams and they can't even beat a team still in diapers!
When big brother is coming at you with a head of steam, you punch him in the mouth and either run or wait to see how he reacts. The Hawks punched the C's in the mouth in game 3, waited around and punched them again in game 4. They'd better grab their ball'zacks and get back to it. I thin the C's will win because they (on paper) are the stronger team, but they've been punched in the mouth and need to respond.
What's it that Herb Brooks was yelling at the end of the game vs Soviets...."Poise and control".....in the heat of competition it's easy for emotions to flare and things to get away from you. That's why its called execution. You gotta stay nasty but a controlled nasty, and just lean on the opponent. One play after another after another until you break him......Celtics need to get their fucking focus back.....a superior team can win easily when they are focused as a unit.
Bobby Knight preaches focus all the time. It's vital to success in big games where human emotions can lead to errors. You want passion and intensity, but you don't want errors due to chaotic moments. Focus.
Gotta admit though. I didn't see the game. Watching the replay now to see just how fucked the Celtics are going forward. Ain't the playoffs fun!
The celtics are still going to win the series because of home court. But this series is exposing the celtics inability to guard an elite player. If the celtics can't guard Joe Johnson, how are they going to guard Lebron or Kobe?
Does just getting out of the first round count as a mulligan for the Patriots' Super Bowl loss?
jpg, nothing will 'count as a mulligan' for that SB choke.
Hey El Pris - I think you jinxed this team dumbass...next time keep the Kevin McHale shirts in your closet until the team wins something.
EL PRIS - Nice fuckin call on the game last night. I'm guessin I have you to thank for the Pats chokin their GUTS OUT! Please pick the Hawks to get beat next game by 9 or so. You're the best player on our team!
Not that I want to upset any of you fine gentleman, but the LAKERS swept Denver last night..... Denver was a 50-win team, Atlanta won 37 games during the regular season. The lakers look really good. Boston had trouble in the clutch, one word, KOBE
Were they playing the theme song to Cheers in Atlanta during time outs? Don't they know Cheers is about a Boston bar and you are playing the Boston Celtics in the playoffs! Did anyone else hear is going on?
— I Like Stuff, Apr 29 2008, 11:32 am
The Hawks marketing team put together a video of various Boston landmarks with Atlanta Hawks gear on them set to the Cheers theme. It was mildly amusing Saturday night, and downright annoying last night, especially playing it immediately after Boston's run in the 3rd that put them up 10.
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Why Isn't Tommy Heinson Calling All The Playoff Games?
Everybody and their grandmother are blaming me for the Celtics Game 4 loss because I made them my mortal lock. Well I don’t believe in jinxes, hexes and all that other voodoo bullshit. Instead I blame the loss on Donny Marshall. Why the fuck isn’t Tommy Heinson calling these games? Yeah I know he’s old, but this is the playoffs. Marshall probably knee capped him or something. Listen I don’t care whether I need to stick Heinson in a wheel barrel and push him to Atlanta myself. He needs to go to these road playoff games from now on. No more fucking Donny Marshall. This shit may fly in the regular season but not in the playoffs. There is just something not right about the guy. Maybe it’s the fact he acts like he was a 9 time all star or something. Dude, you were a poor man’s Jake Voskuhl at best. Now would you please fucking get pissed when Garnett gets head butted instead of just sitting there with a thumb in your ass reminiscing how something similar happened when you were riding the pine in New Jersey. So if you want to blame anybody blame him not me. Or maybe blame the entire Celtics defense for the fact Joe Johnson went 1 on 5 like 10 straight trips and scored every time. But if you really think I'm the problem then the Celts are in deep shit. Because I can tell you right now I'm betting the fucking house on them Wednesday Night.
Wake Up With Casey Connelly
Okay I'm officially done referring to Casey Connelly as "Sam Keller's girlfriend" From now on Keller will be referred to as Casey Connelly's boyfriend. Because no offense to Sam Keller, but he is a nobody and the future is much, much brighter for Casey than it is for him. I have no idea how or why this chick has become an Internet sensation, but I don't ask questions I just blog. So here is a Barstool Sports Exclusive. The definitive Casey Connelly collection. Warning some NSFW shots in there. Click here for a Barstool's Casey Connelly Wake Up Photo Gallery
- Big thanks to Brett who showed why the Stoolies are a force to be reckoned with. This is why we lift all them weights....
Keep Cassell on Bench PLEASE
Double Joe Johnson
Control the Thugs on the court
Simple Baskbetball