Portland Press Herald - Quarterback Matt Ryan's longtime girlfriend, a former Catherine McAuley basketball star, is attending the NFL draft.  She never paid much attention to that unique part of American sport culture known as the NFL draft. Watch the selections on television or follow them over the Internet? Buy a ticket and actually go to Radio City Music Hall to see the draft in person? It wasn't on Sarah Marshall's to-do list. Until now. Sarah Marshall and her father, John, left Boston on Thursday aboard an Amtrak Acela bound for New York City. Not only do they have tickets to Saturday's NFL draft, they have prime seats. Sarah, a former Catherine McAuley basketball star and three-year starter at Boston College, has a connection.  His name is Matt Ryan, the former Boston College quarterback. People who are paid to pay attention to such things say he will be the first quarterback chosen in the draft. He's at the top of his class. His signing bonus alone should make him an instant millionaire. He's also Sarah Marshall's longtime boyfriend.

Let me start by saying I hate having to write this blog.    But I just wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t.   I mean somebody sent me this article so what was I supposed to do?  Just ignore it?  That would be a slap in the face to all the smut peddlers who came before me.  Shame on the Portland Press Herald for putting me in this position in the first place.   Now I got to be the asshole. 

Seriously how is it possible that Matt Ryan has an average (wink, wink)  looking girlfriend whose name is Sarah Marshall at the same time the #1 movie in America is entitled “Forgetting Sarah Marshall?  God must be sitting back in his lounge chair pissing himself from laughing so hard.    Listen, Matt Ryan seems like a nice guy.   And he doesn’t strike me as the type of dude who wants to fuck anybody over.   But if these two were walking down the street and nobody knew who they were you’d be like why is that dude dating that chick?   And now Ryan is about to become the #1 QB taken in the entire NFL Draft?    Doesn’t Sarah Marshall see the handwriting on the wall?  If she really loved Matt she’d just bow out gracefully.  This way nobody gets hurt.     Because with the amount of pussy that is going to be flying at Matt Ryan it’s going to take be impossible for him to stay in this relationship.   Bottom line is that I should not have a better looking girlfriend than Matt Ryan and neither should anybody who reads the Stool.   It’s just not the way God intended it.   Yeah I know she played hoops at BC, but that can only take you so far.   So here is the logical question.   How long before Matt Ryan forgets Sarah Marshall?   (Bada Boom!)

Vote 1 for 1 hour after getting drafted and 10 for 10 hours after getting drafted)