While previewing Saturday's NFL Draft, I started to notice some striking similarities between the way the player scouting reports are written and a couple of other cornerstones of our society. Each of the following critiques come from either:

A. An NFL player profile
B. A judge from "Dancing with the Stars" or
C. An ad for an escort service.

The quotes are accurate except where I eliminated names and pronouns so as not to make it obvious.

1. "Good lateral quickness. High energy...passion. Showed intriguing change of direction. Hasn't yet developed enough of a spin move."
2. "Chiseled build that could earn a bodybuilding award, especially in upper body. Can flip hips but a lack of hand technique."
3. "When they hit their lines, no one can touch them. Need to eliminate awkwardness in arms and bigger in movements. Has big man syndrome."
4. "Body to die for. Definitely the total package. Role play. Domination."
5. "Tight in the hips. Doesn't have sand in the pants."
6. "Statuesque presence. Footwork not as good as it should be. Needs to improve on hip work."
7. "Good things really do come in small packages."
8. "Loose hips to easily change directions and mirror moves. Has to learn to use hands better."
9. "Silky smooth. Small waist. Nice body."
10. "Good looking build. Thick upper and lower body. Uses hand well.."
11. "Flashes agility and balance but will need to prove they can handle the change of direction."
12. "Refined in their fingertips, arms, footwork and posture."
13. "Well-chiseled frame. Good ball skills. Has seen a lot action. Aggressive."
14. "Well-built physique. Long arms. Good speed is made better by fluid change of direction. Good leaping ability."
15. "I will flash my bum in the supermarket."

Click here for the answers...