Random Thoughts

Per usual it took the rest of the world about a year or so to catch up to what Barstool Sports has been saying forever now. Megan Fox is the world's hottest chick. No duh. Anyway, here are some of Megan's best moments on the Stool....

Megan Fox Gives Hand Job In Public To Brian Austin Green

Wake Up With Megan Fox

Top 5 MTV Outfits on the Red Carpet

MTV Movie Awards Recap

Megan Fox Looking Impossibly Ugly

Introducing Taylor from Sacred Heart as we bounce back from Monday's fake local Smokeshow of the Day.  We haven’t officially declared Stacey a fake, but it’s like 99.9% chance we got hoodwinked.  Anyway moving on.   Bottom-line is that “Taylor” may be the hottest name in America.  I mean have you ever met an ugly Taylor?  I feel like the “Taylor KGB” revokes your name rights at age 16 if they don’t deem you worthy of the name.

Click here for more pics of Taylor

How's your ass? I love the pained expression that "Pat" makes when it crashes into the boat. Priceless stuff. I could watch Para Sailing mishaps all day long. Oh, ohhh....

PS - Nothing gets me to click on a link faster than a headline that reads Para Sailing accident. Porn companies should start using that as their headline to trick people into visiting their site. I'm almost embarrassed at how excited I was to see what was going to happen to these people. Granted I thought it would be worse ,but it was still pretty funny.

BBC.com - A man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan, who had founded a Jedi Church, a court has heard.  Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead, Anglesey, admitted assaulting Barney Jones and cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They suffered minor injuries.  Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black bin bag, shouted "Darth Vader”  The court heard he had jumped over a garden wall wearing the bin bag before the attack.  Outlining the case against Hughes, prosectutor Nia Lloyd said Barney Jones had recently started the Jedi church in Holyhead - in honour of the Star Wars' good knights.  It had about 30 members locally and "thousands worldwide".  The cousins had been filming themselves playing with light sabres in the garden before the attack.  Hughes hit Barney Jones over the head with the crutch, leaving him with a headache.  He then laughed and hit Michael Jones in the thigh, causing bruising.  Both men were left upset by the incident and they believed it was pre-planned.

I’m not really a Star Wars fan, but let me just say this.  These two Jedi’s have to be the two biggest pussies on the planet.  I mean how do both of them get their asses kicked when they each had light sabers and Darth Vader only had a crutch?  Plus since when do Jedi’s rely on the legal system to stop Darth Vader?   You think Darth Vadar fucking cares what some judge says? Listen, if I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times.   Don’t pretend to be a Jedi if you’re just going to act like a little pussy every time Darth Vader shows up.

Have people been watching Sportcenter lately?   It seems like 95% of every show is dedicated to a Mel Kiper vs. Todd Mcshay Draft showdown.   ESPN is clearly trying to make these guys into rivals.   You got Mel the Godfather of the draft vs. McShay the cocky newcomer who may or may not have been the backup QB at Richmond until he hurt his back.  Anyway, I keep wondering whether deep down these guys hate each other?  And then today on PTI Tony Kornheiser called McShay a punk and Wilbon said that he didn’t deserve to be on the air.  They didn’t mention McShay by name but I mean who else could they be talking about?  There are only two guys when it comes to the NFL Draft.  Kiper and Mcshay.  End of story.   So this naturally begs the question of who ya got for your draft info.    Now in all fairness I have a horse in this race since I grew up with McShay and it’s a pretty well known fact within our circle of friends that I know more about football than him.   So therefore if you think McShay is better at the draft then Mel Kiper that indirectly means you think I know more about the NFL than anybody on the planet.  

Vote 1 for McShay (former co-host of the Barstool Radio Hour) and 10 for Mel Kiper Jr.

Speechless.

- Thanks to DT for sending this I think

LAKE WORTH, Fla. (AP) -- Authorities say an 18-year-old man is charged with elder abuse for having his senile grandmother wear a black mask and hold a handgun for a video on thug life in Palm Beach County. The 85-year-old woman is seen and heard on the video threatening to shoot "all the pigs," referring to police. Michael Alfinez was arrested Monday and charged with abusing an elderly person, discharging a firearm in public and improper exhibition of a dangerous weapon. Authorities say Alfinez also appears on the video firing a gun from a moving vehicle. His mother, Michelle, calls the incident a misunderstanding.

(click for video)

I don’t get it?   I thought you were allowed to play dress up with babies, dogs and old people?    Bottom-line is that if Grammy didn’t want to play gangster than she should have said something.   But I’m guessing that she was so thrilled that her grandson was finally spending some quality time with her that she gladly went along with this little game of dress up.   Honestly what grandmother wouldn’t make a rap video if they got to hang out with their grandkids for a couple hours?    Kid was totally framed.   He’s a better grandson than I am for sure.

While previewing Saturday's NFL Draft, I started to notice some striking similarities between the way the player scouting reports are written and a couple of other cornerstones of our society. Each of the following critiques come from either:

A. An NFL player profile
B. A judge from "Dancing with the Stars" or
C. An ad for an escort service.

The quotes are accurate except where I eliminated names and pronouns so as not to make it obvious.

1. "Good lateral quickness. High energy...passion. Showed intriguing change of direction. Hasn't yet developed enough of a spin move."
2. "Chiseled build that could earn a bodybuilding award, especially in upper body. Can flip hips but a lack of hand technique."
3. "When they hit their lines, no one can touch them. Need to eliminate awkwardness in arms and bigger in movements. Has big man syndrome."
4. "Body to die for. Definitely the total package. Role play. Domination."
5. "Tight in the hips. Doesn't have sand in the pants."
6. "Statuesque presence. Footwork not as good as it should be. Needs to improve on hip work."
7. "Good things really do come in small packages."
8. "Loose hips to easily change directions and mirror moves. Has to learn to use hands better."
9. "Silky smooth. Small waist. Nice body."
10. "Good looking build. Thick upper and lower body. Uses hand well.."
11. "Flashes agility and balance but will need to prove they can handle the change of direction."
12. "Refined in their fingertips, arms, footwork and posture."
13. "Well-chiseled frame. Good ball skills. Has seen a lot action. Aggressive."
14. "Well-built physique. Long arms. Good speed is made better by fluid change of direction. Good leaping ability."
15. "I will flash my bum in the supermarket."

Click here for the answers...

Dailymail - A source told The Sun: “After much soul-searching, Kelly Brook decided that Billy Zane (42) is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement.  The 28-year-old former Big Breakfast presenter has decided she is too young to marry.

I’d never heard of Kelly Brook until about two seconds ago, but if she ever called off an engagement with me I promise you that I’d kill myself no questions ask.  If you don't believe me just look at this chick's NSFW tits.  If those boobs aren't worth dying for than I don’t know what is.  Poor Billy Zane.  How do you recover from this?   And to make matters worse it’s not like Zane is a spring chicken.   I mean he is 42 years old.    His life has to be all downhill from here right?   Cue the Billy Zane epilogue/tribute video... 

Reader Email

To whom it may concern,
 
On April 22nd I sat down to watch a new episode of Law and Order SVU.  As the story unfolded I began to see the bigger picture. 
 
The premise of the episode was that a man had been killed, fixed with a ballgag in his mouth, and found a few hours later by his personal assistant.  The investigation led the detectives to question the "best quarterback in pro football" (they could not have been talking about a Manning here because he was shown at practice wearing #12!).  The suspect admitted to having been involved in a homosexual relationship with the victim.  When trying to nail down the suspects alibi, they interviewed his girlfriend, "one of the hottest models on the planet" (obviously Gisele).  The story goes on to show how the suspect is impaired by repeated concussions and even admits to marrying his gay lover, in Canada.  As it turns out, it was the quarterbacks agent who killed the boyfriend because he knew if the news got out it would ruin them both.
 
I know the show is based in NYC but come on.  "The best quarterback in pro football" "dating one of the hottest models on the planet" all the while sporting #12, there is now way that is not a direct shot at the Golden Boy.  Come on NBC be a little more creative.

I don’t watch Law and Order SVU, but I heard some whispers about this and I’m outraged.   This is nothing short of defamation of character.    Tom Brady should sue the shit out of NBC.     How dare they insinuate that he’s gay?  (Not that there is anything wrong with that)  The only way to deal with this type of tyranny is to boycott Law and Order SVU.  Or at the very least start writing letters like a mother fucker.   I would say boycott all of NBC, but that would just be outrageous.

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft. Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Am I the only one that finds the fact that the Congo has radio call in shows more surprising than the fact they have sorcerers who are stealing people’s dicks?   It just seems that in a place where people are using black magic to mess with your junk, they wouldn’t also have radio talk shows at the same time.    Regardless I’d love to get these guys as salesman for the Stool.  You don’t want to advertise with us?  Check out your dick in about 2 hours and get back to me.

Give the Hawks credit. They know the only chance they have against the Celtics is to make this series a street fight. Only problem, the Celtics are the tougher team. Josh Smith threw the first punch – which came in the form of a hard foul that nearly killed Paul Pierce. Al Horford played rough with KG all night. Even Joe Johnson was chippy. But the C’s absorbed all the shots, delivered a few of their own (how about little, old Sam Cassell clobbering Smith in the 2^nd quarter?) and cruised to another win. The defense was stifling. Just ask Mike Bibby who continues to embarrass himself. He’s played two games and has two assists. The crowd not only booed him every time he touched the ball, but also came up with some creative chants in the 4^th quarter. “Where is Bibby?” rained down as he sat the bench. And my personal favorite – “Rondo’s Better.” Now we’re learning Bibby’s assault on us was a strategic move. He wanted to take the pressure off the Hawks. What pressure? No one expected them to win. You think Hawks fans are regretting the team's decision to take Marvin Williams over Chris Paul in the 2005 draft? Offensively, the Celtics can be a lot better. No one in Green has scored more than 20 points in a game yet. Then again, it doesn't matter.

Chuck – Red’s Army

Celebrities continue to fill the Garden. Here’s Bruce Willis and girlfriend Emma Hemming. I’m guessing she’s at least half his age.

To see much more of Rachel click here...