Random Thoughts

I have to confess that I used to like the Cubs. When I was a kid, everyone had a secondary team that they rooted for, after the Red Sox. They seemed like us. They played in an olde timey ballpark. They had loyal fans. They never won. But as I grew up I started to notice the differences between us, and they're stark. Sox fans always wanted to see them win. Only Ivy League d-bags in cardigans with patches on the elbows ever thought losing made the Sox more lovable. Cubs fans not only believe it, they live it. They're self-pitying, misery-wallowing buffoons who think going 100 years without a championship is some kind of a badge of honor. As they hit hit the century mark of futility, here are five ways it looks like they're off to a bad start.

5. They can't punctuate.

The Cubs just unveiled a 7-foot, 300lb statue of Ernie Banks outside of Wrigley, engraved with his signature catch phrase in the base. That no one bothered to proof read.

To read on, click here...

I'll do the occasional "Wake Up" post around here, but only when Uncle Buck is busy doing his extensive charity work and needs me to fill in. Because he's the greatest finder of hot celebrity chick pictures in the history of the internet, and you have to admit when someone is your daddy. But from time to time I'll come across some semi-anonymous smokeshow who deserves to be blogged because... well, just because. Someone to wake you up after an afternoon nap on your keyboard. Denise Milani is such a woman. I have no idea who she is, nor do I care. Skyrockets in flight...

To see much more of Denise to take you to the end of the work day, click here...

Ricky Schroder has a kid who is like older than me. I don't even know how that's possible? What was he screwing chicks on Silver Spoons or something? Fuck I feel old. Bring on the 80's party.

Bostonherald.com - A furious Marblehead father who got the town’s tobacco-chewing high school football coach suspended for two games now wants the gridiron dipper canned for setting a bad example amid a growing number of teen chawers. “The problem is the cancer issue, what it does to kids’ teeth. They become addicted to nicotine,” said Mike Morris, a transit cop whose son left the team in part because of the coach’s bad habit. "Marblehead Athletic Director Michael Plansky, who said he’s using the suspension as a “valuable teaching lesson,” believes Chernovetz deserves another chance. ” Plansky said Chernovetz has been offered a contract for the 2008-2009 season, but he hasn’t signed it yet. Chernovetz, who led the Magicians to a dismal 4-7 record last year, is a teacher at Wilmington Middle School.

Ha!  I love Marblehead!   They are such pussies they don’t even know what to do with themselves.     Is it any wonder Swampscott owns their ass?  I mean they are running coaches out of town for dipping now?  Let me ask you this.  What football coach doesn’t dip?  Instead of worrying about shit like this, how about worrying about having 11 guys on the roster first?   How about having a winning season?   I mean 4-7 is like a banner year nowadays for the Magicians.    Usually I don’t advocate high schools folding, but in this case I think MHS should just shut down their entire athletic program.   It’s a disgrace to human civilization.   Somewhere in a dark alley, John Chew weeps.     As a side note is there any question Marblehead will be one of the first schools in the state to start playing Harry Potter as a sport?

PS – This dad can cut the bullshit.  Nobody quits the football team because the coach was dipping.  Let’s just call a spade a spade.  His kid sucked and couldn’t break the starting lineup, which is almost impossible in Marblehead, so he decided to try and get the coach fired.  And this is why Marblehead will always be the doormat of the NEC.

The short, troubled career of Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry came to an end Thursday morning when the club released him just hours after he turned himself in on an assault arrest. Henry, who endured two NFL suspensions following his four arrests from December of 2005 to June of 2006, said just last week that he was looking forward to finally having a full season with his teammates. He has been charged with assaulting a University of Cincinnati freshman in a Monday night incident in the Clifton section of Cincinnati. Gregory Meyer claims Henry threw a bottle, shattering his car window and punched him in the face outside his apartment complex. The station said Henry told police it was a case of mistaken identity.

Call me a bleeding heart, but I feel bad for Chris Henry. Here he is, already on Roger Goodell's double secret probation, and now he gets mistaken for this ne'er-do-well who assaulted Greg Meyer and hummed a beer bottle through his window. Henry has to be THE unluckiest guy on the planet. Consider this rotten streak of bad luck:

• Dec. 2005: He gets stopped for speeding. The police mistake him for the Chris Henry that has an invalid license, no insurance and weed in his shoes and arrest him.
• Jan. '06: Police in Orlando mistake Henry for the Chris Henry who's wearing a Bengals No. 15 jersey, carrying a concealed weapon and committing aggravated assault with a firearm, and arrest him.
• June '06. Henry gets pulled over and submits to a breathalyzer. He catches a bad break when the machine mistakenly registers .12 above the legal limit.
• Oct. '06. The NFL mistakenly thinks Henry violated their substance abuse and personal conduct policies and suspends him by mistake.
• Jan. 07. Henry pleads guilty by mistake to plying underage girls with booze in a hotel room and he accidentally goes to jail for two days.
• May '07. Henry takes a court-ordered drug test which erroneously shows a false positive for opiates.
• June '07. In a case of mistaken identity, Henry and teammate Reggie McNeal are accused of assaulting a 16 year old.
• Nov. '07. Henry is wrongfully accused of assaulting a valet in Kentucky.

And now this latest horrible mix up. You wonder how many times Chris Henry can keep being a victim of circumstances like this before it starts to damage his reputation.

Click here for the answer...

Dailymail.com - The man whose home was destroyed when a Cessna jet crashed into it, killing all five on board, said yesterday: "I'm trying not to let it spoil my holiday."  Edwin Harman, 72, was on a golf course in Portugal when the plane ploughed into his £450,000 suburban house in Orpington, Kent, on Sunday afternoon.  Curbing the impulse to rush home, Mr Harman completed another round yesterday before saying: "My wife was two minutes from our house, on her way back from her separate holiday, when the plane hit.   He finished a round with eight friends from Chelsfield Lakes Golf Club, near Orpington, before telling how he was mid-putt when he discovered the house had been hit.

First of all let me just say that I knew I was gong to love this guy the second I looked at him.   He just looks like somebody you want to be friends with.  I may try to rent him as my grandfather or something.   Seriously you got to love this old timer’s outlook on life.  A plane crashes into his house?  No big deal.  Certainly not reason enough to interrupt a good golf round.    I mean the heavy stuff hasn’t even come down yet.  Plus the best part of the story is how he and his wife went on separate vacations.   Who does that at his age?   Clearly this guy has life by the balls.    He can party with the Stool any day.

Introducing Jennifer Hedger.  Apparently this chick is the co-host of SportsCentre in Canada.  Basically the Canadian version of Sportscenter.   And not only is she hot, but she sticks her tongue down other chicks throats for a living.    So basically while Americans get stuck watching Stuart Scott doing slam poetry every night, Canadians get to watch Jennifer Hedger dyking out.   Hmm, which country is the super power again?

Thanks To Sean our resident Canadian Mountie

Apparently this is the Hulkster's new girlfriend. She kind of looks like a weird mix of his ex wife, his daughter and himself.

PS - I thought it was understood that you take your shades off when you go into the ocean.

From ABC: Thomas Beatie, a former woman who is now a pregnant man, defended his decision today to have a baby, saying he has a "right to have a biological child." Despite removing his breasts, growing a wispy beard and legally having his gender changed from female to male, Beatie, 34, kept his female sex organs intact because he hoped to have a child some day. After years of struggling with his sexual identity and deciding to live as a man, he did the most womanly thing possible -- he became pregnant.

I'm no doctor. I don't claim to be a medical expert. So I'm probably going way out on a limb here by saying something that will be taken by most as being truly controversial and maybe even inflammatory. But here goes; I'm just going to come right out and let it fly. I think... again, just my opinion... that a man with female reproductive organs is what we would call a "woman." I hope I haven't offended anyone. I mean, if having no breasts and hair on your face made you a man, then most of the people I work with have been using the wrong rest room. Just like if having big floppy breasts made you a woman, then I've been golfing in the ladies night league all these years. Thomas Beatie can go by any name or use any pronoun she wants, but the sex organs dictate what gender you are. Again, I'm no expert. My reference source here isn't the NE Journal of Medicine, it's Webster's dictionary. But I'm confident that Beatie isn't a "he." At best, Beatie's a "Heshe." That's a candy bar without nuts.

As a final note, while giving birth is not all cookies and milk, I'm convinced if men did it, it would be no big deal. I've seen it done twice now. I've also been hit in the pills with a ground ball. The baseball in the groin is far worse. I can never prove it, so we'll have to just assume I'm right.

If I've said it once I've said it a million times. I'm mostly against dudes beating up chicks. But how about waiting to see if this chick is going to pull the upset of the century before breaking this up? I mean I had that first round 10-9 for the chick. I guess it just goes to prove the old adage about how the Spring Break pool is the great equalizer.

Much more Blake here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com