Random Thoughts

Not the most flattering picture of Kate Bosworth ever to come down the pike. I wish I never saw this because now I'm never going to be able to watch Blue Crush the same way ever again.

As a side note I will give a free hat to anybody who can find me the remix version of Cruel Summer that is played in that movie. It's like my Moby Dick. I've been searching for that song for 10 years and haven't been able to find it. It's in the movie but someshow isn't on the soundtrack. Drives me nuts. I want that song!

PS - I'm not gay.

Introducing Jackie from Worcester. An instant contender for one of the best ass shots we've ever had in Local Smokeshow of the Day. You'll know it when you see it.

As a reminder we have officially unveiled our Smokeshow of the Month brackets!    Yup from now on one out of every 16 Smokeshows that we feature will win 500 bucks as they become the Smokeshow of the Month and gain the chance to become the Smokeshow of the Year. A title so overwhelming it almost hurts me just to think about it.    If this doesn’t get hot broads off their perfect asses to become Smokeshow of the Days than nothing will.    Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

The first round voting ends Sunday Night.

Click here for more pics of Jackie

Hilarious! It's funny because it's true. This is totally how the Stool is going to hire people. Just load em into the Astrovan like cattle.

Thanks to Jeff for sending the video which was made by Screaming Frog Productions.

Newsday [has] obtained a copy of [Jose] Canseco's new book, "Vindicated," and while Canseco didn't flat-out accuse A-Rod of using illegal performance-enhancing drugs, he did write that he introduced the Yankees' third baseman to a steroids dealer - after A-Rod had wondered where a person would go to find steroids if one wanted them. Canseco also accused A-Rod of coveting Canseco's former wife, Jessica, before Rodriguez married his wife, Cynthia.

According to the new book, in "the latter half of the 1990s" A-Rod came to Canseco's Florida home and began working out - and ogling Jessica Canseco. Canseco wrote that A-Rod telephoned Jessica Canseco repeatedly. "I'm not a jealous man," Canseco wrote, "but I could see that A-Rod, a bachelor at that time, was jonesing for my wife." Canseco closed the A-Rod section of his book with this passage: "So A-Rod, if you're reading this book, and if I'm not getting through to you, let's get clear on one thing: I hate your [fucking] guts."

See? This just strengthens the case Sox fans have been making against ARod and Yankee fans have been trying to deny for four years now: Alex Rodrigruez is a detriment to a ball club. Period. Baseball is more than about numbers. It's about team. It's about cohesiveness. It's about staying away from your teammate's wife no matter how bad you want to boink her because you've got to put the ballclub ahead of the needs of your own penis. Bill James doesn't have a stat for that, but it's what makes a champion.

If you respect the game... and let's face it, ARod doesn't... there's certain things you can do and certain things you can't. You can juice. You can doctor a ball. You can throw a little chin music. But you can't yell "I got it!" on the basepaths to mess up an infielder and you can't have a teammate introduce you to a steroid supplier then thank him by trying to nail his wife. It's one of those unwritten rules. Jose Canseco lived by the code. "You inject my ass, I'll inject yours." If ARod had that kind honor, he'd have five rings by now.

P.S. Jessica Canseco is becoming arguably the most accomplished ballplayer wife of all time. She not only wrote her own book, Juicy: Confessions of a Former Baseball Wife in which she says Jose's manhood "didn't look like any wiener I'd ever seen before" and 'roids left him with shrunken testicles, she's also posed for Playboy (NSFW) and starred in the epic film "Gettin' It." And of course she compared her juggs (NSFW) with Debbie Clemens' at the infamous Canseco Steroid Talk Family Cookout. You can see why ARod would be drawn to such an accomplished woman.

Today is the last day to qualify for the Trivia Tournament of Champions at Game On!    And no “Team Barstool” has not qualified yet which means we still have the unfortunate distinction of being the best trivia team never to win a major.   How big is tonight?  Well I’ve been sick as a dog for the past 3 days and I’m still going to try and drag my ass there because that’s what the great ones do.  They play trivia when they don’t feel good and it’s all on the line.     So if you want to make it into the big dance next week tonight is your last chance to qualify.

BOSTON — A 13-year-old Quincy boy was arrested today after allegedly driving drunk and crashing a stolen car. State Police attempted to pull the boy over on Neponset Avenue in Dorchester shortly after 1 a.m., but he wouldn’t stop, driving instead toward Neponset Circle, State Police Sgt. David Mahan said. The Ford sedan the boy was driving crashed into a utility pole on Neponset Avenue moments after State Police began following him, and the boy tried to run away, Mahan said. A trooper caught up to the boy and arrested him. The teenager was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, failure to stop for police, and larceny of a motor vehicle, along with other motor vehicle-related charges, Mahan said.

You got to hand it to this kid.  He totally doesn’t fuck around.    I mean grand larceny, DUI, and a police chase all in one night and he hasn’t even hit puberty yet.  That’s like the Kelly Leak trifecta right there.    As a side note, is there any doubt this kid gets all the chicks?   I mean you just know that all the Quincy Middle School girls get wet when they see this bad boy peacocking it down the halls of QMS.

Click Here For NSFW Keeley

Vs.

Click for NSFW Audrina

A new batch of Keeley Hazell photos hit the web yesterday which captured her changing outfits during a photo shoot.  Needless to say her boobs were smashing people in the face.  Anyway after staring at her tits for a couple hours I couldn’t help but compare and contrast them to the last set of naked boobs that I saw a couple days ago.  I’m obviously talking about Audrina from the Hills.   It’s a classic match up of two powerhouse teams with two totally different styles.     Audrina is small and athletic with speed all over the field.  Keeley is big and strong kind of like Big 10 Football.  Both sets of tits can win games.   It’s just a matter of personal preference and what type of boob you like.   So without further ado it’s time for a showdown for the ages.    Whose tits do you got?   Vote 1 for Audrina and 10 for Keeley. Obviously I'm voting for Audrina...

Lisa Robyn Marinelli, 40, a substitute teacher at Mitchell High School in New Port Richey, Florida has been arrested and charged with unlawful sex with a minor. Marinelli is accused of having a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old male student. It is further alleged that the boy’s father told investigators that he saw his son “holding his pants together and putting them back in place” after exiting Marinelli’s vehicle late last month. Marinelli is further accused of giving the 17-year-old boy a pair of her underwear as a memento of their sexual relationship. Reportedly investigators have evidence of numerous text messages and phone calls between the two including one in which the boy allegedly text messages Marinelli, “How about a quickie tomorrow afternoon?” and to which the teacher allegedly replied, “real men only need 20 minutes”. The sexual relationship is alleged to have started in January when the boy was 16.

Let's hear it for Florida! Once famous only for being God's On-deck Circle, the Sunshine State is becoming the nation's leading producer of educator turptitude. What Nebraska is to corn, Florida is to hot predatory teachers. And I have to say, while I consider myself a tough grader on these matters, Lisa Robyn Marinelli simply blows me away. She's undoubtedly the best we've seen this academic year and I'll be surprised if she doesn't crack the Sex Scandal Teacher starting lineup. Is she kidding us with "real men only need 20 minutes"? If I was getting seduced by Lisa Robyn I'd wonder what we'd do with the last 17 minutes.

The Grades:
Looks: Those sultry, F- me eyes, that wild cougar hair, those DSLs... unbelievable. Is she Erica Chevallier? No, but 40 year old women don't get much hotter than this. Grade: A-
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Outstanding effort. Doing him in the car with his father in the vicinity. The underwear. The horny text messages... "phone sext"... any time a teacher is so obsessed with banging a teenage boy that they'll leave physical evidence like that, it's worth big credit here. Grade: A+.
Intangibles: Remember how you treated substitute teachers? Any woman depraved enough to face a class room full of kids talking in class, getting out of their seats, drawing dicks on each others books and claiming the regular teacher didn't give them an assignment, and still picking a kid out of the crowd she wants to seduce... she gets top grades from me. Grade: A.
Overall: A. Way to go, Miss Marinelli. That's really raising the bar.
(Thanks to Joe A for the story.)

HARTFORD, Conn.—Prosecutors say a video shows a Connecticut correction officer running a 40-yard-dash in women's clothing and high heels -- at a time he had claimed he was too injured to work. Garrett A. Dalton of Naugatuck has been charged with workers compensation fraud. He's accused of taking part in a radio station's contest for Hannah Montana concert tickets last year. Not only did he have to dress in drag but he had to carry an egg on a spoon. Authorities were alerted after someone saw Dalton in a TV news report. Prosecutors say the 41-year-old collected more than $5,000 in workers' compensation after he reported a work-related injury in June.

Damn just when I think people can’t get any dumber I read a story like this.  Rule #1 of workers comp fraud is don’t run the 40 yard dash in women’s clothing with high heels on while carrying an egg on a spoon.  It’s the first fucking rule!     How do you mess that up?   Wait a minute….Did you say he was doing this for Hannah Montana tickets?  Well that changes everything! I’d run the 40 with two broken legs if Hannah Montana tickets were on the line. So maybe this guy is really hurt after all because adrenaline is a crazy thing and nothing gets the blood pumping like a little Miley Cyrus action.

PS - David Cook killed last night in American Idol. I'm a freaking genius.

("Son, I reckon that's how you finish a rival's season.")

All-Star center and leading point man? Out. One of your regular d-men? Out. Second leading goal scorer? Hurt by slap shot on 2nd shift, done for game. Three centers who've spent time in Providence? Playing a very desperate team that's 10-3-1 in their last 14? And what do the 4077th Bruins do? They hang a six spot, with six different scorers, to beat the Maple Queefs as well as hang onto to their tenuous grip on a trip to the postseason. The 6-2 thrashing was further sweetened by the fact the Bruins essentially ended their division foe's season (41 years and counting, Toronto). And it's always pisser to see your fighters, Jeremy Reich and Shawn Thornton, each get goals...in addition to playing their asses off.

Click here to read the rest of Rear Admiral's B's Blog

Well in case you haven’t noticed Barstool Sports has officially taken a giant step towards world domination today.     Yes the rumors and whispers you’ve been hearing so much about are true.    We have officially unveiled our Smokeshow of the Month brackets!    Yup from now on one out of every 16 Smokeshows that we feature will win 500 bucks (in hats) as they become the Smokeshow of the Month and gain the chance to become the Smokeshow of the Year. A title so overwhelming it almost hurts me just to think about it.    If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times.  El Pres plays chess while everybody else is playing checkers.   And if this doesn’t get hot broads off their perfect asses to become Smokeshow of the Days than nothing will.    Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com and let the voting begin!

PS - The winner really gets 500 bucks in real American currency that you can use at CVS and the Barstool Store and shit like that.   

JACKSONVILLE --  A teenager is in custody after authorities said he fired shots inside Wal-mart in Jacksonville early Monday morning. According to police, Elijah Payne is a store employee and was on duty at the time of the incident. Police said he went on a break, got a shotgun out of his car, painted his face black to camouflage himself, and walked into the employee lounge. According to police, he held several co-workers hostage until another employee struggled with Payne and took the gun away. Payne is charged with assault with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, and firing into occupied property.

Elijah Payne can work for me anytime. He might not be for everyone. A lot of companies, while they claim to be celebrating diversity, will nevertheless discriminate against Violent Menacing Lunatics Who Look Like the Guy from "The Hills Have Eyes"-Americans. Most of your big corporations prefer to hire people who "get along with fellow employees" have "respect for their co-workers" and of course the loathesome "work well with others." But do you want a workforce who act one way while deep down inside you know they secretly wish the others will get run down in the parking lot on the way to their cars? Or would you rather have a straight shooter, a guy who lets you know where you stand with him, like my boy Elijah? If I ran the Jacksonville WalMart, I'd put him in Human Resources. Put him in charge of Conflict Resolution:
Q: One of your co-workers criticizes you in the break room in front of the rest of the staff. Do you:
A: Politely ask him/her to stop.
B: Tell your supervisor
C. Confront him/her in private
D. Camo up, grab the Peacemaker out of your trunk, and threaten to kill everyone in the break room.
"OK, now we're going to get into our workgroups, discuss the options, then share our answers with the rest of the class..."

The only question I have about Elijah's judgment is: How does black face paint help you camouflage yourself in WalMart?

Much more Katrina here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com