Random Thoughts

I though hockey players were tough? What's the deal with the team in white?

Boston.com - Talk about your diehard fans. Some Red Sox supporters, hoping for yet another championship season, will be getting up before sunrise tomorrow to trek to Fenway-area bars to watch the Sox open their season more than a dozen time zones away in Japan."I think we'll be pretty full, to be honest with you," said Lindsay Curtis, a spokeswoman for the Game On! bar. Curtis said the bar, which has a capacity of 500 people, has been getting numerous calls and e-mails from fans hoping it will be open.The bar normally opens at 7 a.m.  Tomorrow it will open at 5:30 a.m., so people can settle in for the game, which starts at 6:05 a.m.

I love Lindsay Curtis and I love Game On!  But I’m sorry, you have to be a total lunatic to wake up at the crack of ass to watch opening day tomorrow.    It’s not like it’s Game 7 of the World Series.   I seriously would question the mental sanity of anybody who sets their alarm clock even 1 minute earlier to watch it.   Some things are more important than baseball.  Sleep is clearly one of them.

Vote 1 for you’ll wake up early and 10 for only lunatics will be watching   

Introducing Rachel; a proud BU Terrier and waitress at the Place.   We met Rachel this past Friday at our March Madness party and I think everybody there will agree that she is hot as shit.

Send all smokeshow nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.  And keep in mind I have the flu so I don’t feel like working at all this week.  I expect some smokeshows on a silver platter for me.

Click here for more pics of Rachel

Bostonherald.com - Thirty years ago Randy Newman was tops in pop for singing, “Short people got no reason to live,” but under a bill to outlaw height and weight discrimination, the crooner would face up to a year in jail in Massachusetts.  “It’s no accident that when they looked around the room they made George Washington the general. He was the tallest one,” said state Rep. Byron Rushing. The Boston Democrat’s bid to offer the tiny, the lanky, the obese and the twiglike the same legal protections that people get for their race, religion, gender, age and sexual orientation will be taken up tomorrow at 2 p.m. by the Committee on Labor and Workforce Development. Deidra Everett of Norwood, a member of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, is planning to attend the hearing - all 420 sensational pounds of her. “Nobody is happy with their body,” said Everett, “but I think there’s a lot of people in this world, as far as fat people go, who are just disgusted.” Everett believes she was recently passed over for a job because she is obese. “On paper, they loved me. When I got there, their jaws dropped. “I know society is never going to change,” she said, “but this is a bill that can at least assist in situations where people are definitely being treated badly.” Marblehead author Ellen Frankel, whose 4-foot, 8 -inch height inspired her memoir “Beyond Measure,” will break training for her next hike in the Himalayas to testify for Rushing. She expects an uphill climb on Beacon Hill. “We’re so obsessed with height and weight and yet when a bill like this comes up we say it’s ridiculous,” said Frankel, who’s been patted on the head in the workplace and scooped off her feet. Men have even pointed out what part of their anatomy her head is level with.

As the hiring manager here at Barstool Sports let me just say that height would never be an issue when evaluating potential candidates.  If anything midgets have an advantage because everybody knows that they make great mascots.   My only caveat when hiring the little fella would be to make sure that I can pat them on the head and sweep them off their feet at least 3 times a day.  Because what’s the point of hiring a little person if you can’t just scoop them up and run down the hallway with them?   Now unfortunately I’m not nearly as open minded when it comes to fatzos.   Sure I may love them on paper, but they are just such a drain on company supplies.   They’re always eating too much and breaking furniture and shit like that.  Not to mention the fact that all fat people are lazy.  I mean how do you get to weigh 4 bills without getting off your ass to do something about it in the first place?  This is the type of shit they don’t talk about at the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance meetings.   

PS – Who is the Government to tell me who I can and can’t hire?   The Stool is going to be like that diner in Seinfeld.  If you don’t have huge boobs and a great ass you might as well not even apply.

From Yahoo Sports:

About 30 minutes before the game, Red Sox second baseman Dustin Pedroia stood in the dugout working over the handle of his bat with a pine tar rag. Out of nowhere, a blunt noise filled the stadium. Pedroia pirouetted toward left field. A band of Tigers fans in left field had begun a chant. Then drums joined in. Then a horn. And clapping.

“What the (expletive) is that?” Pedroia asked. Get used to it, he was told. That’s Japanese baseball. The answer seemed not to suffice. “Shut up!” Pedroia yelled toward the fans.

If there's a limit to how much I like Dustin Pedroia, we have not yet reached it. And this is another example of why. Bud Selig concocted this phoney baloney Japanese trip, which is making a complete clusterf*ck out of the start of the Red Sox season, for all the usual sentimental claptrap about "growing the game" and "speaking the international language of baseball" and "sharing cultures." And that's what Pedroia is doing, sharing the culture of Boston with the people of Toyko. Like in "300" when Xerxes says "There is much our cultures could share," and Leonidas looks at the piles Persian dead and says "Haven't you noticed? We've been sharing our culture with you all morning," Pedroia is showing the baseball fans of Japan what the true Masshole is all about. And giving them a taste of our rich tradition of telling the other jackasses at the game to sit down and STFU. Which, as a Fenway traditions go, is a far more accurate guage of what we're all about than "Sweet Caroline." He should've followed it up by flipping them the bird, spilling beer on them and getting the "ass-HOOOLE!" chant going to give them the whole experience. If Red Sox Nation ever opens up diplomatic relations with Japan, President Remy ought to name Pedroia the ambassador.

My only question with this website is why would you go through all the trouble of building an interactive portal like this if you only are going to have 3 models and one of them is fat?    I hate when people half ass shit.   If you’re going to build it than build it right.  This is a 10 model minimum operation and there should be new models every week.  Duh.   I mean I wore that middle chick out. How many times can you ask her to turn around without her beginning to think that you're a pervert? Honestly, who is doing the marketing over there at Knickerpicker?

HUNTINGTON -- Randy Moss clearly was settled into his comfort zone, and it had nothing to do with dismissing overmatched defensive backs. In what admittedly was an emotional, memorable day, the record-setting NFL standout was honored for efforts removed from football. Moss, Marshall University's first Heisman Trophy candidate, capped Friday with an engaging, often jovial speech at the Boys & Girls Club of Huntington annual fundraising dinner. Moss served as guest speaker at the invitation of his Thundering Herd coach, Bobby Pruett, and Elsie Pruett.

Over and again, the Rand, W.Va., native stressed his commitment to youth-based charities within the Mountain State. "I feel it's important to get ourselves right." Moss annually hosts autographs sessions near his hometown and travels busloads of children to amusement parks and sporting events. Friday's recognition for efforts beyond a burgeoning Hall of Fame career led to his tearful response. "I don't need the pat on the back," Moss said. "The kids do..."

So this confirms what the rational, reasonable minds among us have known all along: that the greatest wide receiver in NFL history is, as Peter Gammons would put it, "one of the really good people." But that's damning the man with faint praise. Randy Moss isn't just good, he could quite possibly be the Greatest Man on Earth. I mean, just look at the way he humbles himself enough to touch this old lady, bravely risking catching her old age germs. That's character. Like Shakespeare said in Julius Caesar, Moss is "gentle, and the elements so mixed in him that Nature might stand up and say to all the world, this was a man". The state of West Virginia doesn't honor just anybody. We should all pay tribute to Moss by buying "Straight Cash Homie" t-shirts.

First they honor Randy Moss in the Mountaineer State, then they beat Duke. Coincidence? No. Cause & effect.

- Motherfucking Junk In the Motherfucking Trunk

- Dlisted

MARCH 18--Meet the Bebees. Father Floyd, 48, and his son Justin, 21, were arrested last year (on different dates) in central Florida. As you can tell from the below mug shots, the Bebees are forehead tattoo enthusiasts. Another of Bebee's kids, Floyd III, is locked up until 2016 on a variety of felony convictions. And while the 23-year-old inmate has yet to get his head inked, he does have a swastika on his left leg, and the phrases "Time Served" and "White Pride" on his right leg. In a TSG interview, Floyd Bebee, a father of eight, said that he has a tattoo on the back of his head reading "Got-R-Did." The ink on his forehead cost $125 and took about 45 minutes to complete, Bebee said, adding that he was the family trendsetter when it it came to such head art. Bebee, who does odd jobs like home remodeling and demolition, said that his wife had a succinct response to his forehead ink: "You crazy," she said. Bebee noted that since his son's eyes are open in his mug shot, the photo does not reveal a hidden surprise: Justin has the words "Fuck" and "You" tattooed on his eyelids.

Isn’t there a law in this country that states that anybody who gets the words “Fuck” and “You” tattooed on their eyelids automatically gets killed upon completion of said tattoo?   I mean what possible explanation could there be for not exterminating this family from planet earth?  

What a weekend. Just an amazing championship tournament. I mean, it's great every year. But the last couple of days have just seemed to bring even more excitement than we've got any right to expect. More drama, bigger upsets, more Cinderellas, heavy favorites falling, and complete unknowns carving out a legend for themselves with big time clutch performances.

March Madness has been good, too. But of course I'm talking about the World Figure Skating Championships from Goteborg, Sweden. The basketball has been great, but I defy anyone to find as much drama in the first 48 games of the NCAAs as we had in this year's Worlds. The clutch, gutsy performance of men's champion Jeff Buttle. The agony of defending champ Miki Ando, who tried to go out there for her long program on a bum leg and a big heart, but had to leave the ice in tears. Mao Asada recovering to win the ladies title despite after falling on her triple axel. As Dick Button said, "Splendid."

But more than any other factor, what made this year's World's unforgettable was that it introduced us to Finnish skating legend Kiira Korpi. I'm stating right now that we can close down the polling places. The election is over. Without a doubt, Kiira Korpi is the consensus World's Hottest Female Athlete. By the time she finished her long program, you could tell Kiira even had Dickie B. ready to switch teams. Say what you want about Maria Sharapova or Daniela Hantuchova, but do either of them have an interactive online paper doll? No they don't. Only the best looking female athlete in the world has that, and Kiira is most definitely her.

Click here to see more of Kiira...

(jumbotron at Red Sox exhibition game in Japan. Photo from Boston.com)

Is there any doubt that these two Massholes were stepping on like 9 Japanese people to get on the Jumbotron?

SANDERSON, Fla. -- Police in Florida said they have arrested a couple caught having sex in a church.  Baker County sheriff's deputies said they received a call about a suspicious person outside the Mount Zion Primitive Baptist Church on March 11. Deputies said they found a red Toyota pickup truck and went inside the church. They said found Crystal Rowland, 24, behind the altar, and Matthew Pearce, 28, underneath the church. Pearce was partially dressed, deputies said. Red tea candles were also collected from the church. Deputies said there was red wax splattered over the altar.   When asked why they decided to have sex inside the church, deputies said Rowland told them she wanted a "spiritual and sexual experience." Lonzie Altman has been the deacon of the church for more than 40 years. "I was shocked," he said. "Don't think that the Lord ain't got something for them."

I got to be honest here.   I don’t think the Lord would be that pissed at this couple. I mean if you’re looking for a spiritual and sexual experience where else are you going to go besides Church?  Wouldn’t it kind of be an insult to the Lord to go anywhere else?  Bottom line is that if the Lord is mad about anything it’s probably the fact they used red candles instead of white.   Red is just tacky.

PS - That guy may have the worst documented case of red eye in the history of church sex.

If I've said it once I've said it a million times. Nothing and I mean nothing will take your mind off a tough superbowl loss like going to an NIT game at Florida and staring at some nice coed ass. Good for the coach.

Much more Sienna here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com