Random Thoughts

Worst Gauntlet Performance Ever!    Worse than when Coral got bit by a "spider."    Sure Big Easy talked a big game, but he was cooked after ten seconds on the final mission.   I've never seen anything like it.    This will have to go down right next to Manzo's choke job in the semi finals of bowling.    At least Big Easy died on the field though.  Same can't be said for Manzo.   Easily the best part of watching Eric die was listening to the Veterans try and convince the medics that they wanted to drag him to finish line.  The man was literally on his last breath and CT was like ready to fight his ass.   And in the end he probably would have been justified.   You just can’t die on the final mission.    Now the question is will we ever see Big Easy on a challenge show again? 

(Can you figure out my first round mortal lock?)

Has anybody mentioned that our March Madness Party is this Friday at The Place? Well it is. Also, I guess we hit the maximum number of contestants in our Barstool brackets on Yahoo so here is a new password and stuff. Same scoring system. So click here for the link. I'm thinking the prize will probably be a tshirt or pair of Sox tickets. One or the other.

Vote 1 for hottest female in MA and 10 For the 2nd hottest.

Am I crazy or is it about time somebody recognized the fruit guy at South Station.    He has to be the best fruit man in Massachusetts right?  Every time I do my paper route I walk past him and marvel.   Listen, I’ve seen fruit vendors come and go in my day.   I know all about the guy in Downtown Crossing and the guy at State Street T Stop.  But none of them can match the South Station fruit man in terms of style and panache.   I mean the way he matches his fruit suit to his fruit stand?  Brilliant!   I can only imagine it’s like watching Picasso or Mozart in their prime.    You just can’t walk by this guy without getting excited about fruit.   His passion is contagious.   And not surprisingly his fruit is the best fruit I’ve ever had in my life and I’ve never even tasted a piece.  That’s how good it is.

TMZ.com - So those Kristin Davis photos making the rounds ... We've now been in touch with someone involved in the whole deal, and here's what we know. The photos, we're told, were snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. That's right, they are just photos -- no sex tape, fellas! According to reports, 20 photos are making the rounds, but actually it's not quite 20. We're told the ex-boyfriend was pissed at Kristin and then sold the photos to a third party. Classy, huh? The third party got involved in a business venture with another guy and we're told that guy pilfered the pics and they ended up online.

There has been so much smut hitting the front pages lately that I'm having a hard time keeping up. I literally can't stay on top of it. But I felt like it was my duty to do a quick post on this since every blog in America is talking about it. Click on the link to see the rest of the Kristin Davis NSFW pics. But let me just warn you that if you like Kristin Davis I wouldn't recommend clicking on these. Her bush is growing into her tits and she has a weird stomach. Other than that she looked great.

In other smut news, it turns out Elliot Spitzer's whore was on a Girls Gone Wild bus back in Spring Break of 2005. Yawn. I honestly could care less about this slut. But the best part about the story is that she supposedly got the boot after she got caught drinking. Ha! Yeah dyke out and get naked but no beer for you.

A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, the Daily Telegraph is reporting. The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter. The clinic in Hochfranken, Bavaria, has since suspended the surgical team. Now the woman is planning to sue the hospital. She still needs the leg operation and is searching for another hospital to do it.

I don't even know this woman and I'm already sick of her whining. OK, the doctors made a mistake. It's not as if no one in Germany ever screwed up before. But she can still get the leg operation. And I'm sure the Hochfranken Clinic will be willing to give her a mark down or a free meal in the hospital cafeteria or something to make up for the blunder. That's what a successful business does. But c'mon already. It's not like they took a leg off. They added something. Free of charge, I'm sure. How often in this world do you get something for nothing? We're a family blog so I don't want to get graphic, but I'm sure Frau whatshername could think of a million uses for a spare anus. I know this: when I went in for my vasectomy, when I woke up (from passing out; it was local anesthesia) if the doctors told me they messed up and gave me an extra penis by mistake, you wouldn't have heard me bitching.

All this assumes the new butt is working of course. No one woman wants a colostomy. It's too hard to find shoes to go with the bag. Thank you. Tip your waitress. Thanks to John K for the article.

"I've never seen defense like that. If they play defense like that night in and night out, then the NBA is in trouble because that defense was at its finest."

- Tracy McGrady

Memo to Tracy McGrady: The Celtics have been playing defense like that every night and the rest of the league is in trouble. As you all know by now, the Celtics bitch-slapped the Houston Rockets last night…in their building…a mere 24-hours after a grueling game with the San Antonio Spurs. I’ve watched it several times and I think KG actually pissed on Luis Scola during that nasty dunk in the fourth quarter. Was anyone really impressed with Houston? No. Would I be surprised if the Rockets lost 7 of the next 8 and dropped to 8^th in the West? Nope.

Chuck – Red’s Army

PS - I ran into more than my share of Yankees fans down at DisneyWorld (also known as the MILF capital of the world) over the past few days. As we were taunting one guy in line, he reminded us that he’s also a Giants fan. What a lame-ass defense. I can only laugh at how pathetic the Yankees and their fans have become.

FORT MYERS, Fla- With the Red Sox back on the field playing the Blue Jays, it is assumed that the Japan trip boycott has been averted and a resolution has been reached. The Red Sox have not confirmed a resolution. The players had refused to play the final spring training game in Florida and threatened to boycott their flight to Japan for their season openers unless their coaches and other staff are paid for the trip. There has been some type of settlement in the coaches dispute or at least progress made. We'll have more as news comes out. The players are adamant that a $40,000 stipend for coaches and staff was negotiated in their agreement to play in Japan and that it has now been reneged. Third baseman Mike Lowell confirmed to the Globe that the team voted unanimously this morning not to make the scheduled trip unless the situation was rectified. ''When we voted to go to Japan, that was not a unanimous vote,'' said third baseman Lowell, "but we did what our team wanted us to do for Major League Baseball. They promised us the moon and the stars, and then when we committed, they started pulling back. It's not just the coaches, it's the staff, the trainers, a lot of people are affected by this. "I'm so super proud of this team. When we put it to a vote it was unanimous, we're all in agreement that we're not going to put up with this.'' Baseball spokesman Rich Levin said the sport's lawyers were dealing with the situation. "We're trying to work it out," he said. Manager Terry Francona and his players were extremely irked after learning the team's coaches were not going to get the $40,000 stipend they assumed they'd be getting for making the trip to Japan (players will also receive a payment). Francona had informed the coaches they'd be getting the stipend. However, the Sox manager was told by members of the Oakland coaching staff that they were not being paid. Francona had thought it was unusual that one team's staff would be paid and the other not. So he checked into it and found he and his coaches were getting nothing."I had to go back and tell the coaches not to spend the money some of them had already spent," Francona said.a. --

First of all I can’t believe that we haven’t posted about this yet.   I’m too fucking busy trying to figure out how to post pictures of Audrina naked and meanwhile the Sox are threatening to boycott the season opener. I can’t believe people haven’t complained yet.   We deserve to get our ass kicked.   I think this officially means that we need a Red Sox writer.   I literally had no idea about this until 5 seconds ago.    Anyway when I first read the headline, I just assumed it was that snake in the grass Larry Luchhino trying to pull a fast one, but it appears as though he had nothing to do with this    Instead it is that buffoon Bud Selig.    Obviously MLB is in the wrong here.    If they agreed to pay the coaches than they agreed to pay the coaches.  But really this whole fucking thing is comical.   The players and coaches are getting 40K to go to Japan for a week on business?    Give me a fucking break!    How about going to Japan because your employer told you that you have to go?   Imagine if the real world worked like this?  Every time your company sent you out of the country you could demand 40K before doing it?   Ha!  These pro athletes are so far removed from reality it’s nuts.   But having said that if MLB was dumb enough to agree to it than they have to stick to their word.   

PS – We really want a Sox writer to join the Stool for this season.   Send samples to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.  And if you don’t know our style by now than don’t even bother.  We don’t want boring ass recaps.    Bring something unique to the table.    And don’t try to be as funny as me either by inserting a billion one liners.  Nobody is that funny.   

(Here comes the story of a Hurricane...)

Bostonherald.com - A 2007 Stoughton High graduate calling herself “Hurricane Laura” - who was supposed to duke it out with a romantic rival in a public catfight over a boy - pleaded not guilty yesterday to mowing down the “wrong” girl with her daddy’s SUV. Authorities said Catherine Feeney, 17, was an innocent bystander when “Hurricane” Laura Benedetti, 18, apparently on the prowl for her foe, drove her father’s red Mercury SUV into a group of youths gathered to watch the two girls do battle behind Quincy High School Sunday night. Feeney, who remained hospitalized yesterday in serious condition with multiple broken bones, “was literally run over,” Quincy Police Detective Lt. Jeffrey Burrell said.  “The place was an absolute madhouse. They were hysterical,” Burrell said of the approximately 30 spectators ages 17 to 23 expecting to see Benedetti, a student at Johnson and Wales University in Providence, rumble with a rival investigators said she had exchanged cell phone calls and text messages with. “It appears to have started with two girls feuding over a boy,” Burrell said. “It ended when the wrong person got hit. I don’t know what these people were thinking.”

Ok let’s get the mushy stuff out of the way first.  Obviously all of Stoolie Nation wishes Catherine Feeney a speedy recovery.   Our thoughts and prayers are with her. But I can’t say that I didn’t see this one coming.    Because just like with any major natural disaster shit goes down when Hurricane Laura comes to town.   Bones get broken.   Chicks get run over.   Houses get destroyed.  So if you’re just going to sit there when Hurricane Laura is coming straight at you than you are basically asking for a disaster.    It’s kind of like being a storm chaser and then complaining that you got caught in a Tornado.     Hopefully everybody is ok and learned a valuable lesson.  Next time Hurricane Laura comes to town get the hell out of Dodge.

Foxnews.com - Harris County, Texas, native Centava Dozier, 21, filed a $200,000 lawsuit Monday against American Airlines, alleging that a passenger masturbated in the seat next to her and then ejaculated on her hair.Dozier was on her way to visit family and friends in L.A., MyFOXHouston reports. The suit claims Dozier was sitting in an empty row when the plane took off, and then fell asleep. When she woke up, she says she found a substance in her hair and a man masturbating in the seat next to her. Dozier claims that when she asked the flight attendants for help, and requested the man be removed and taken back to his assigned seat, the staff did nothing, MyFOXHouston reports. American Airlines officials maintain that appropriate action was taken and the man was arrested when the plane landed.

This chick is suing American Airlines for 200K?  Talk about frivolous lawsuits.  Shit happens lady. Listen I’m all for women’s rights, but she was basically asking for this.  Sorry honey but don’t fall asleep on a plane if you don’t want some dude beating off on you.  It’s like rule #1 of flying.    If anything this broad should be grateful that this guy had the common courtesy to shoot his load in her hair as opposed to her face so he wouldn’t wake her up.   After all everybody knows how hard it is to fall asleep on a plane.   

Here are the things I learned from reading the profile of Derek Jeter in Men's Health magazine:

Even though he's an astonishingly amazing superstar, Derek is so humble he does some of the same things and wears some of the same clothes that regular people do:
"The 33-year-old Jeter answers the door himself. He's wearing jeans and a T-shirt."

Derek is concerned about the well being of others and honest:
"Did you have trouble finding the place?" he asks..
"Nope, Mapquest has you pegged pretty good," I say.
"Aw, that's cheating," he replies

Derek is both beautiful and refreshing, like a human Mentos:
"He's taller and leaner in person than he looks on TV... it's refreshing to stand next to a future Hall of Famer who looks like a normal guy."

You think you're prepared for how wonderfully humble Derek is, but you're not:
"The lack of pretension is disarming."

Even Derek's lack of power hitting speaks to his integrity:
"Jeter's career on-base percentage of .388 betrays more about a man's character than 388 home runs, a total Jeter will never approach."

Derek is either wonderfully inspiring or inspiringly wonderful, it's hard to decide:
"That's part of what makes Derek Jeter officially inspiring...Among Yankees fans, he inspires pennant dreams. Among Yankees haters, he inspires grudging respect..."

Every Major Leaguer grew up in a large city, except Derek:
"Jeter's main hurdle was Kalamazoo itself... They'd say, 'No one from a small town plays professional baseball. You'll never make it'..."

Derek is now celibate:
Gone are the days (and late nights) of running around the city with high-profile dates like Mariah Carey and the occasional Miss Universe. Sure, tabloids still link him to Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel, but he's become much better at managing his privacy. Jeter doesn't like distraction, and he's more driven now than ever.

It goes on like this for paragraph after fawning paragraph. Elliot Spitzer had to shell out $6000 bucks an hour for this kind of fellatio. More of the same hagiography we've been reading since he was a rookie. How he emits a blessed light that warms the heart of everyone he meets. About the time he came upon a dead deer in the road, breathed on it, and the creature got up and bounded into the forest to romp with its woodland friends. How he diverted a mighty river to save a starving African village. And the time he met a man who needed a kidney so he grew a third one and gave it to the man. Not bad press for a guy who hasn't won a championship this century and has as many post season RBIs the last two years as Daisuke Matsuzaka.

First of all how the hell did WZLX get Arlen Specter to agree to come on Karlson and McKenzie?   This guy must be about ten times crazier/dumber than even I thought.   I mean what did he think was going to happen?   Nobody wants to hear about his cancer book.    People want his freaking heart on a silver platter.    I’m surprised nobody said they wished the cancer killed him.   Although the dude who said he didn’t care about it came pretty close.   Also, Arlen can calm down with the 24/7 nickname bullshit.    Whatever dude.    I think this country has enough problems for you to work 24/7 and still have plenty to do without cold calling Damon Huard.   My only complaint with the interview is why did Karlson and McKenzie say they ran out of time?   Umm, what better things did they have to do?  I could have listened to massholes call up and say the same thing over and over and over for at least 4 days straight.   Hmm, maybe I’ll have to invite Arlen to come onto the Stool for a guest chat to talk about his book.  He seems just dumb enough to fall for something like that.   Imagine our Internet Cowboys getting their hand on him?  He wouldn’t last 10 minutes.

Much more Brenda here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com