Random Thoughts

I don’t even know what these chicks with the huge tits are selling, but I bought like 10 of them. 

After more than a decade of fellating Joe Torre, it's going to interesting to see how the fawning, sycophantic house boys in the New York press are going to spin the debacle that will be Joe Girardi. Is there any doubt that Girardi is in way over his head? Consider:

• On March 11th, Tampa Bay nobody Elliot Johnson, trying to make a Major League roster, collided with Yankee nobody Francisco Cervelli and fractured Cervelli's wrist. Girardi then went nuts "It's uncalled for... I don't understand it."
• A few days earlier against Minnesota, overrated buffoon Joba Chamberlain gave up a two-run homer to Garrett Jones. He reacted by throwing at the feet of the next hitter, Alexi Casilla. In contrast to Girardi's mewling bitchiness, Twins manager Ron Gardenhire shrugged and said "That's baseball."
• Wednesday, again facing Tampa, New York starter Heath Phillips plunked Devil Ray Evan Longoria in the 1st inning and got ejected. No one who saw it thinks Phillips did it without Girardi's say so.
• Then in the 2nd inning, Shelley Duncan trying to stretch a base hit into a double and out by 20 feet, came in spikes high on Tampa 2B Aki Iwamura. And Girardi was of course incensed at this display of dangerous, overly-aggressive Spring baseball. Just kidding. He's A-OK with it. "As a player that when you're going to be out, you go after the ball. That's what he did."

I'm not knocking Clueless Joe, mind you. It's apparent that the Yankees are going to be a tedious, uninteresting, non-factor in the American League this year and for the foreseeable future. So at least he'll keep things interesting. Without a doubt listening to Girardi's incessant whining and watching his inevitable Elliot Spitzer-like self-destruction will be the only entertainment we'll get out of the Bronx this summer.

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Airborne - the herbal supplement company that once claimed to help fight off colds - will pay $23.3 million to settle a class-action lawsuit brought against the company for false advertising, according to one of the groups that joined the suit.The Center for Science in the Public Interest, a non-profit advocacy group, said the company will refund money to consumers who bought Airborne's product. It will pay for advertisements in major publications instructing consumers on how to get their money refunded. "There's no credible evidence that what's in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment," said CSPI Senior nutritionist David Schardt. "Airborne is basically on overpriced, run-of-the-mill vitamin pill that's been cleverly, but deceptively, marketed."

I feel like such a sucker.  Honestly how could I think an elementary school teacher could invent the cure for the common cold?   I mean what did I think this lady was Superwoman or something?   Like a god damn fool I’ve been taking this shit for the past two years and it hasn’t done a god damn thing.   I’ve taken daytime Airborne, night time airborne, airplane airborne, trivia airborne etc.   I think in my prime I was taking like 23 Airborne’s a day.     And I still got sick all the time.   But everybody from my mom to the first lady was force feeding these things down my throat.  So like an idiot I kept buying them and eating them like tic tacs. Now I can’t afford to move out of my girlfriends Mom’s house.  It’s bullshit.  Oh well looks like I’m going back to Coldies.   Nobody can tell me those things don’t work.

It's not often that two guys with multiple rings get handed their walking papers in the same day:

1) The Patriots are prepared to part ways with wide receiver Troy Brown, as the team is not planning to offer its all-time leader in receptions a contract for the 2008 season. According to a source with knowledge of the situation, out of courtesy to Brown, the Patriots recently informed the 15-year veteran, who is a free agent, that he was not in their immediate plans and that if he was interested in returning for a 16th NFL season he was free to field offers from other teams.

2) In a move that was somewhat surprising, the Red Sox parted ways with Doug Mirabelli, putting the veteran backup catcher on unconditional release waivers before Thursday's exhibition game against the Tampa Bay Rays.

So which move is more significant? I have no doubt that the release of Mirabelli will get more ink and more air time, because Red Sox news always gets a disproportionate amount of attention in the Boston press. But to fans this isn't even close. The end of the road for Troy Brown is huge news, even if we've seen it coming forever. He holds the franchise record for career catches, postseason catches, postseason receiving yards and punt return yards. His willingness to play two ways saved a Super Bowl season. He made more clutch, game-winning plays than there's space here to list. He turned down more money to stay in Foxboro. He's personified everything that makes life as a Patriots fan worth living.

Mirabelli? He, um... can catch a knuckleball. Most of the time. With all due respect, once they ask Kevin Cash to do the same, how long will it take for him to learn everything there is to know about mastering the art? Two weeks? Frankly Mirabelli's importance to the club has been vastly overstated. He hasn't hit higher than .202 in three seasons, and when Wakefield goes on the DL (which 40+ year old pitchers inevitably do), it renders Mirabelli as useful as a screen door on a submarine.

Vote "1" for "Troy Brown will always be Mr. Patriot" or "10" for "Send the motorcade to bring Doug Mirabelli back."

BPD.com - Last night around 8:30pm, officers from District 4 (South End) were on “walk and talk” assignment in the area of 1900 Washington Street. While engaged in initiating conversations with area residents, officers observed a woman walk to the front of 1900 Washington Street, pull her pants down to her knees and start urinating on the sidewalk in plain view of the officers and the passing public. Officers approached the suspect and identified their office and instructed the suspect that she should look for a bathroom. The suspect then turned around and faced officers and screamed loudly, “ I will (expletive) piss and (expletive) where I (expletive) want, what are you going to do about it?!”The suspect, Michelle Carter, 27, of Roxbury was then placed under arrest and charged with Open and Gross.

Open and gross indeed.   Now the cops know what it's like to deal with a drunk Jerry Thornton. Anyway this is one of those random thoughts where there really isn’t too much I can add to it.   This bitch wants to fucking piss and shit where she wants to piss and shit and there isn’t a god damn thing anybody can do about it. 

-          Thanks to Don Jeans for the tip

Have people noticed this new Red Bull commercial that has been playing around the clock lately?   Basically it’s for some annual competition Red Bull does called Flugtag where people fly machines into the water.   Anyway I’ve developed a total crush on the blond chick who blows on the gun in the commercial.  She’s like Jessica Simpson with attitude.    I have no idea who she is but I would totally leave the First Lady for a shot at this chick.   Just kidding.  Sort of.   So am I the only one who is infatuated with this chick or has everybody sneaky been beating off to her?   Just kidding.  Sort of.  In any event Red Bull chick is totally the 2nd hottest no name chick on the planet behind the Reef chick.

The way things are going, 2008 is shaping up to be the Year of the Celebrity Plumbers Crack. One can only hope. Click here for the answer...

Suntimes.com - They were nearly done with their meal when the woman started making a scene. There are worms in my salad, she loudly complained at a crowded Applebee's restaurant in northwest Indiana Tuesday night. Tiffany Vance and Christopher Egnatz got an apology -- and walked out without paying their $57 tab, according to police. The couple left the Schererville restaurant. And that might have been that but for one slip: Vance forgot her purse. A waitress looked inside for her wallet to contact her and found . . . a plastic container of maggot-like bee-moth larvae. The police were called. As an officer took a report, Egnatz returned, looking for the purse, and he and Vance were arrested.

I got to be honest.  I took one look at Tiffany Vance’s mugshot and I didn’t even have to read the rest of the story.  I just knew she was the type of bitch that would plant worms in her meal at Applebee’s.   I think it was the fact that one of her eyes was looking straight at me and the other one was looking sideways.  It just screamed “larvae” to me.    Anyway I guess this just proves that there is no such thing as a perfect crime.   Tiffany was probably half way to Mexico before she realized she forgot her purse.   Got to give her some credit though for having the balls to go back and get it.   If it was me I would have just continued straight for the border.

As a side note I thought it was an unwritten rule that you only pull out the fake worm trick at steak houses or meals that cost more than 50 bucks.   Just seems like a waste to break out the big guns for a free meal at Appleby’s. No offense to Appleby's.

- saw this on my favorite website which is Dlisted.

Vs.

I am totally confused with both videos.  I just have absolutely no idea what is going on in either of them.   I guess let’s start with the Karate one.  What the fuck happened here? What am I missing? Did this ref just snap? I mean if anybody deserved to get smashed it seemed like it was the other dude. There must be some back story to this. There is no pain in this dojo!!! There is no fear in this dojo!!!! There is no defeat in this dojo!   But still the guy jumping off the roof has to be the winner in terms of WTF?   I just don’t get it.  Was he trying to land in the bushes?   And if he was that still doesn’t really explain anything.

Vote 1 for Karate and 10 for roof man

I'd like to thank the Washington Generals for travelling with the Celtics this past week.  It was especially nice of them to bring Chicago, Memphis, Philadelphia and Seattle uniforms with them.  That's a lot of packing.  Kudos to their equipment manager.

But after wins of 23, 30, 24 and last night 19 (it should have been more like 30)...  The Celtics will resume an NBA schedule.  Over the next 8 days... The Celtics will play 5 teams that are within 3 1/2 games of the top spot out West (with a Saturday raping of the Milwaukee Bucks also penciled in).  First up:  Utah on Friday... and then a Monday/Tuesday/Thursday jump into what Paul Pierce calls the "Texas Triangle" (San Antonio, Houston and Dallas).  And as I explained over at Red's Army... the Eastern Conference playoff seeds seem to be locked up... but the West is still very much up in the air.  That means those teams will be in full playoff mode when the C's swing by.  That, my friends (and even you douchebags), will be one hell of a challenge.

As for last night's game... I was sitting one row away for the festivities.  And by that I mean 1 row away from the top of the building.  Holy shit that was way up there.  But its a good view to take in the whole scene. Some notes: 

- I'm completely unimpressed with Kevin Durant.  His 16 points on 7-14 shooting is one of the most deceiving stat lines I've ever seen.  He did NOTHING without the ball.  I'm not making any judgement on his future or anything... I know its way too early for that.  I'm just pointing out that his performance on paper looks a LOT better than it actually was on the court.

- Sam Cassell made his home debut to a standing ovation.

- KG hit 7 of 14 shots.  As my buddy Ken pointed out.... most of his 7 makes were when he caught the ball and stepped into the shot.  Most of his 7 misses were on some sort of fadeaway.  If you notice his play recently, he's stepping into a lot of shots around the top of the key... and hitting most of them.  Ken also noticed that Rajon Rondo is doing a very good job of giving KG the ball a little ahead of him... giving the natural motion of stepping into his shot. 

- Ray Allen is on a fucking tear.  He hit 8 of 10 shots last night. He was 8-12 against Philly and 9-13 against Memphis.  That's 77% shooting over 3 games. 

- Paul Pierce seemed to concentrate on 1 stat at a time.  He came out with 14 points in the first quarter... and didn't score again because then he decided to start passing.  He finished with 11 assists.  If this game was closer... I feel like he would have asked to play center so he could get 5 more rebounds to complete the triple double.

-  When the game was essentially over and the "Gino" video played on the jumbotron during a time out... KG and Pierce spent the duration laughing their asses off at not only Gino... but at all the morons dancing for the cameras.  There was one guy in an argyle sweater doing the "white man's overbite" that almost knocked them over they were laughing so hard.  Doc Rivers could have been proving the existence of God in the huddle... but those guys were having a blast watching the screen.

- The best news as the C's get ready for a tough stretch:  James Posey led the team in minutes last night with 26:24.  They'll be fresh for Friday nights game.

John - RedsArmy.com

Boston.com - The Boston Zoning Commission unanimously approved a controversial measure this afternoon that limits the number of undergraduate college students who can share an apartment to a maximum of four.  The 9-0 vote by the commission came after an overflow crowd packed a tense and often testy meeting at City Hall that featured impassioned speeches and sharp debate on both sides of the issue.

This is kind of an interesting issue.  To be honest, I’m not really sure what I think about it.  I mean it seems like this law would have to violate one of the Constitutional Amendment or some shit like that right? I mean if 6 Superfans want to live together who is the city to say they can’t? Plus I don’t see any way to enforce this.   I’d think college kids would be smart enough to just leave people’s names off the lease right?  I know that is what we did at Newport so when we got Noise Violations we didn’t get twenty of them at once.   Also I’m not buying that this will somehow help families afford housing now around colleges.  It just seems like a bunch of mumbo jumbo aimed at trying to limit house parties.    In any event is there any doubt why this thing passed?    I think it’s pretty freaking obvious that whatever side the kid with the boots was on was going to lose.    This debate was over the second he walked into the building. It didn’t matter whether he was arguing for pepperoni on his pizza or against abortion.  He is a ringing endorsement against whatever cause he supports.

You know what lots of young hot sluts are thinking across the country right now don't you? If this is a 4 diamond whore than I may have the stuff to be a 6 or 7 diamond whore. I'm telling you right now that these photos could spark a revolution in the world of high priced prostitution. I'd be stunned if this doesn't shake some 7 diamond sluts out of the trees now that they know the opportunity exists.

(all photos from smoking gun)