Random Thoughts
Daytona Bike Week Means It's Cole Slaw Wrestling Time
I have an agreement with the organizers of Daytona Bike Week. They don't tell me how to blog about the Patriots and pedophile teachers, and I don't tell them how to put on a Cole Slaw Wrestling event. That's how we keep the peace.
Having said that, I have to call them out for breaking the cardinal rule of putting on any food wrestling competition: No homely chicks. Go with whatever number of hot girls you can find. Don't water down the competition just to fill out the brackets. Less is more. Check out the girl at the 2:30 mark on the first clip and tell me they wouldn't have been better off just holding one match, her against the second best looking woman available instead of all these beasts who are at home next to piles of cole slaw because they look like fried chicken parts. Shame on them for inviting her without having her rassle. The classic bait-and-switch.
I found out about this on Coed Magazine...
Bonus Trivia Prize Tonight
With time running out to qualify in the Tournament of Champions for Trivia at Game On I thought I would spruce up the pot tonight. Not only will the winning team qualify for the Tournament and receive 100 dollars, but they will also win a free Bloomin Onion courtesy of Barstool Sports. Yup my Bloomin Onion card arrived today in the mail. Happy 20th birthday Bloomin Onion! Anyway, I was going to give it to Manzo for all his hard work and dedication, but have decided to give it to tonights Trivia Winner instead. Hopefully this will increase the amount of teams tenfold. After all everybody knows that the only thing that tastes better than a Bloomin Onion is a free Bloomin Onion. So hopefully we'll see you tonight at 8pm for Trivia at Game On!
Local Smokeshow of the Day (Janelle)
Introducing Janelle from Boston. I think in the long and illustrious history of doing smokeshow of the day, the picture of Janelle with the Pat the Patriot construction helmet on may be my favorite photo of all time. Listen anybody can be hot and wear a Tom Brady shirt. But the true champions step it up a notch with an old school Pat the Patriot helmet. Also I love the Ghostbusters Halloween Costume. This has totally been a bounce back year for ghosts on the Stool.
As always we're looking for Smokeshow nominations. Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com
Brady Flaunts Way Hotter Girlfriend in Front of Eli Manning
From Popsugar:
Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen made their first public appearance together since his Super Bowl defeat at last night's Ermenegildo Zegna Store Opening in NYC. The good looking couple even shared a rare kiss for the camera, but Tom wasn't the only QB in the house. In fact, none other than Super Bowl Winner Eli Manning and his fiancee were at the very same party...
Make no mistake, Tom Brady doesn't give a tinker's damn about the Ermene Dildo Store opening in NYC. The place could burn to the ground and he wouldn't empty his golden bladder to help put the fire out. His appearance there was simply to send a message to Eli Manning that you might have won this one, kid (thanks to Asante McButterfingers) but I'm gunning for you. You have incurred my wrath and I will continue to pull better tail than you can ever dream of. This was pure, taunting revenge, like Mel Gibson in "Payback." He went to that party to send a signal to his teammates that the fight is ON, riding along their proverbial battle lines like Mel Gibson in "Braveheart." He's going public with it now, refusing to be intimidated, like Mel Gibson in "Ransom." I wouldn't be surprised if Manning ends up handcuffed to a burning car... well you get the point. Gisele is way hotter than Eli's fiancee is all I'm saying.
Eli fucked up. He could be pulling superbowl-champion-quarterback quality tail now, but he's engaged? dumber than he looks.
no, wait, i take that back. just as dumb as he looks.
They both look ugly in those pics.
what are the odds that Eli's kid is going to end up looking like the Retarded basketball player on Boston.com today?
http://multimedia.boston.com/pub/tn/1/featured_videos.htm?bctid=1453536171
Who do the Rays think they are? Trying to steal our brawlin thunder. Team gets a new name and thinks they are a bunch of tough guys now:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/spring2008/news/story?id=3289751
Three Mel Gibson references in one blog. Nice
This is an interesting proxy war with females ala US and Soviets battling with worthless third world nations.
LOL @ Title. Flaunts what? A girl less ugly???????
BTW, Rockets did something the Pats tried to do. Win 19 in a row. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
potisyourfriend
Please come with something better than that. "A girl less ugly???????" She's one of the hottest women on the planet.
Step up your game.
think Eli asked for advice on what kind of SB ring to get?
Super Bowl Ring Ceremony Invitations:
Abby McGrew 1
Gisele Bundchen 0
Jessica Simpson 0
Carrie Underwood 0
brady must not be able to stand giving his team a lead in the last like 2 mins of games with a chance to go to the super bowl...and a chance at a perfect season and have his defense blow it
Eli looks scared in that picture...almost as if he knows brady is over his shoulder somewhere..or maybe hes still dumbfounded as to how tyree save his teams season with that catch
...still bitter...
Brady didn't exactly wow anyone with his 265 yds and 1 touchdown. Asante is still a bum though.
And then Brady called Eli's chick "sugar tits"...like Mel Gibson in "Drunken Tirade."
First permalink complaint coming in 5...4...3...2...
guess I should have taken the 'under'...
rear - you greatly overshot the O/U
DAMN permalinked quick!
What was the comment that got it done?
anyone else think the smokeshow looks like just an average girl? And the picture of her in the old pats helmet cant be anyones favorite picture of all time. Pres, you really are running out of things to say about these broads. You really dont need to write anything, we arent waiting for the smokeshow to go up so we can see what portnoy writes about them. If it was JT putting them up we might look forward to what he writes about them.
Westcyde,
Honest question. Why do you write that above? Trying to get me mad? Just an asshole? Trying to be funny? Seriously what? I'm curious?
Can't we just ban these people.
I mean seriously you don't like the chick don't say anything. I know getting permalinked doesn't mean the pics are gone, but it does mean some chicks are gonna be less and less likely to sned photos in.
Plus if guys are really saying shit like that their probably fuckin H-MO's anyways and there's no place for a bunch of Eli Mannings on this frickin blog.
El Pres,
Westcyde < Trilla
We're working on it Taylorman. We can manually ban people now. I'm not sure how long it takes for our tech guy to do it. But still I am kind of curious what a guy like Westcyde gets out of writing that. I mean why bother? Unless he specifically has a grudge against me or the girl it makes zero sense. Anyway we'll see how the banning goes. I just sent his IP to get banned. We'll see...
What part made you mad? Didnt you say it yourself that you were running out of shit to say about these smokeshows? Are you mad because I think JT comes up with absolute hambones for blogs?
Are SSOTD comments really necessary in the first place? Just perv variations of 'oohing' and 'aahing'.
I have nothing against you or the girl. I think she is hot but there werent any pictures in the spread to even cause a discussion in the office. If you want to ban me for that comment then great.
please westcyde. You're obviously an internet cowboy/psycho. Anybody who goes out of their way to bash the smokeshow girls are insane. I honestly believe that.
Rear,
No reason to leave the comments on. You're right about that. I think some people like them. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt but I probably should just can them.
Hey Westcyde,
Can you do me a favor. We tried to ban you. Can you say something so I can see if it worked or not. If you don't say anything I'll take it you're gone for good.
It absolutely baffles me why douchebags write negative shit about nice young ladies that are gracious enough to post their pics.
Westcyde is a douchebag of the highest order and should crawl back under his bosses desk and get back to work on getting that raise he's always wanted..H@mo!!!!
Didnt your mama tell you,
"If you aint got nuthin nice to say to a lady then you must be a douchebag"
I forgot , you dont like women becuz your mom beat you with wire coat hangers and wouldnt feed you for days...
Keep up the good work Prez.
Cant wait for the day these assbags can be banned..
I think Westcyde is banned and it only took 2 seconds. This would be big. Ban news for Internet Cowboys everywhere.
Westcyde, please talk if you can...Hell he may not even be able to log in. Not sure how it works to be honest. We could have taken down the entire ticketmaster office in Cali
Westcyde you there?
im not agreeing with westcyde at all...and i agree with rearad about not even putting comments on the smokeshow section
but it seems to me that these girls are putting themselves out here to be judged...and not everyone is gonna like it...granted they should shut up...sometimes they need to feel better about the (probably) gross lady they're with
Pres, the pics speak for themselves. But there's always someone finding a perceived flaw. I'm a frequent commenter, I just don't feel the need to tell you I have a boner. By the way, those OCC pics were fantastic once don chavez got his shit together.
For those who still read him (i.e. NBA fans), Simmons takes the serious, socially conscious route today. But SPOILER heads-up for those of you who haven't concluded "The Wire" yet.
Shooter,
I ask them or they get nominated. I've said this a million times. They don't ask for it at all. They are doing me a favor. Big difference between posting pics and having people bash the shit out of them.
It really isn't that complicated.
lol ok then i was wrong...i never really c omment on them anyway...banning seems to be the way to go though
Good news. Banning works. Westcyde got taken out as did a couple innoncents. Oh well. That's the price we pay for freedom.
I like reading the comments for the LSSOTD. There always seems to be some unintentional comedy in the background of these pictures and I think people should be able to say something without searching through the surrounding posts. That being said, there's absolutely no reason to sh!t on a girl who was nice enough to let us oogle her photos (and by 'photos' I mean breasts). I haven't been disappointed by a LSS yet.
Good job banning that shitstain.
I've been reading here for about a year and a half,
NO WAY would I think to belittle one of these hotties!
Maybe thats why I actually get laid and you dont, Westcyde!!
This is America and you have the right to freedom of speech.
No where in the Constitution does it say you have the right to
be an asshole.
Good riddance Westcyde !!!!
Go the fuck back to DoucheVille.
I'd love to be able to post pics of the douchebags that rip the SSOTD. Now that would be fun!
Pres gets the line item veto, and now the death sentence. I like that, just don't give BA anymore power. I think its gone to his head! (should all be in green as I was kidding, I love BA) True story
I agree with Rearad. The smokeshow comments, while usually humorous, are not really needed and if they need to be sacrificed for the good of the Stool, then so be it. It is a great feature and I would hate to see it go because of dickless motherfuckers who don't get it.
Doing the ban bomb kind of feels like that part in Clear and Present Danger where they blow up the drug lords house. Like I said we take out a bunch of innoncents but there is bound to be collateral damage in a situation like this. Good news is they can still log in. Just can't chime in.
So is this an "in the corner" for 15 minutes type of thing or full on exile?
full exile. Gone for life
I thought a blog page was to give your opinion on what is good and what is bad. I can't believe you ban people for giving thier opinion. Hey El Pres....calm down bro...I think you trying to change this page into some crazy web site has you brain clouded. Just to note Westcyde got me on this page in the first place and I have recommended it to at least 100 people in my office and even some of my friends in CA. Jesus.....This is turning into 25 dudes who sit in front of their computers all day with nothing better to do but look at this page....and comment over and over and over again. I'm confused......I thought this page and paper was "by the common man, for the common man". Well the common man works 50 hours a week and doesn't know internet blog language....They come to this site to see hot chicks and read funny shit....Maybe you should refocus on what you want this page to be and stop being such a dick. WOOT!
The Smokeshow is hot, nonetheless. Anyone else think she looks like the girl that takes your order at the 'Hot Subs Line' at Al's State Street Cafe?
Nice knowing you, mjbfsh07.
Asking us not to rip on girls that are asked to be SSOTD has become a daily task. Its common sense to behave, so we can see more. Do you kids even know how to attract a woman?? I have been lucky enough to meet a bunch of them, some of them because they remember what I wrote, all beautiful and down to earth. Just rag on everything else, and leave the SSOTD alone, its really simple.
True story
If I get kicked off for expressing my opionion then so be it.....I'll just start going to get my stuff from Collegehumor.com, deadspin, donchavez and all the other sites that post this stuff two days before this one.......Hey The Crosby Show....were you one of the 50 year olds that was at the Cover Model of the Year Party dude?.............I'll really lose sleep over not getting to post on here anymore considering this is like the 15th post I have posted in two years. You guys all need to calm down and know that people are just busting your balls trying to be funny......which most of time is exactly what happens.......One of you guys post something when you bang one of chicks on this web site.....And if you want to see my picture go on your girlfrinds myspace account.........I'm the friend that's in her top ten that you have never heard or seen before..........
I agree with mjbfsh07, the comments are what makes this blog, not the content. Now this maybe "internet cowboy" talk but what does this site have to offer other than the comments? Really? If i'm wrong, and i'm sure someone will tell me i am, tell me what makes this blog great?
I say...
never been to boston but absolutely loved reading you guys go through the baseball and football season.
rooted for the patriots and the sox this sites take on these historic season were great.
if it turns into nazi germany then ban el pres or should i say mein furher
*ban me
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=77289085
I checked but you aren't there. Cool picture though. Hotmail sucks, you should use gmail. Ready for the add request from all the smoke shows...
Ha, I love it. I love these idle threats that people will go to other sites. Go. I dare you to go. You've already said they have all our stuff 2 days before us. You'd think anybody with a half a brain wouldn't still be here then.
PigPen,
Pretty sure we didn't get 1 million unique vistors last month so people could read your shit. But I may be wrong.
PS - SI voted us 3rd best sports blog in the country. They've obviously been reading the comment section.
I love our Internet Cowboys. High comedy
You guys are still missing the point. Most of you guys are funny and creative, and everyone enjoys a good post battle, but just keep it out of the SSOTD thread. Its not easy to contact a good looking girl and ask if she wants to be ragged on by internet cowboys. We will get to see more girls if you don't rip on the one or two you don't like. You honestly haven't enjoyed the majority of them?
elpresidente,
for what it's worth it wasn't what I brought to the website, for sure it was the comments, simply ban the comments, people out there wait for them so you shut them down.
As far as " idle threats that people will go to other sites. "
I didn't say that, I said how much I appreciate following avid fans of some of the greatest teams in recent history (and yes I'm jealous) was awesome. But this aggrssion will not stand. Just shut down the comments b/c they show in other posts anyway, what are we doing now?
Take a midol, deep cleansing breaths, and calm down dude. You're a little high from the banning of westcyde.
with great power comes great responsibility
I really think you need to come up with an "internet cowboy" logo or something of the sort, I find that term hilarious for some reason.
T-mac, guarentees a victory tonite to make it 20 straight. That's probably a bad idea.
El Pres,
What exactly did this westcyde kid say that was so offensive?
on another note (a little lighterside) espn is doing a "story" on Billy Crystal at Yankee training camp with interviews
El pres, direct your anger there
Hey The Crosby Show....were you one of the 50 year olds that was at the Cover Model of the Year Party dude
— mjbfsh07, Mar 12 2008, 6:29 pm
No actually I missed that party. It looked like a lot of fun and I might try and visit one if I am in town. But I digress.
I love how people complain about this site all day long but still read it. I am going to make this real simple: If you don't like what happens on the Stool then FUCK OFF. PLEASE! NOBODY IS HOLDING A GUN TO YOUR HEAD! PLEASE FUCK OFF!
with great power comes great responsibility
— pigpen21, Mar 12 2008, 6:46 pm
i didn't know uncle ben read the stool!
The Crosby Show,
so we're only allowed to post positive comments now? where are we russia? take El Pres's dick out of your mouth and calm down
Hey saltytreasure that was real classy. Those two fish made me $4300 bucks......what you think about that..
The Crosby Show........I guess you once again missed the "busting your balls" part of what I said....get a life bro
i didn't know uncle ben read the stool!
— ShooterMcGavin, Mar 12 2008, 7:01 pm
everybody reads the stool!
PS - SI voted us 3rd best sports blog in the country. They've obviously been reading the comment section.
— elpresidente, Mar 12 2008, 6:39 pm
break.comiswaybetter,
Welcome to Russia. With a name like that, you must have a real unbiased opinion.
*almost everybody reads the stool
The Crosby Show........I guess you once again missed the "busting your balls" part of what I said....get a life bro
— mjbfsh07, Mar 12 2008, 7:06 pm
You're completely right. I did miss the point. There wasn't one in there.
hey cros,
westcyde found the backdoor open and waltzed right in
You guys are still missing the point. Most of you guys are funny and creative, and everyone enjoys a good post battle, but just keep it out of the SSOTD thread. Its not easy to contact a good looking girl and ask if she wants to be ragged on by internet cowboys. We will get to see more girls if you don't rip on the one or two you don't like. You honestly haven't enjoyed the majority of them?
— lugnutz, Mar 12 2008, 6:44 pm
"True Story"
Prez isn't trying to censor every comment, you just can't bash the girls or nobody is going to send pictures.
"by the common man for the common man" but unfortunetaly nobody on this site can take a fucking joke. Since when did the common man turn into a little girl who can't take a ball busting?
The Crosby Show i'd bet my life you're one of the douchebags in the party pictures acting like the models are actually excited about having their picture taken with some douche who thinks cooler, tougher, and makes more money than he actually does
lets all just go watch the celtics embarrass the sonics
The Crosby Show i'd bet my life you're one of the douchebags in the party pictures acting like the models are actually excited about having their picture taken with some douche who thinks cooler, tougher, and makes more money than he actually does
— break.comiswaybetter, Mar 12 2008, 7:13 pm
You'd lose that bet. I have never been to a Stool event and I don't live in Boston. But when you attack people who do, I don't let it slide because I happen to have some buddies who do go.
Maybe if you left mommy's basement once and went to a party, you might have some fun........ or one of the models might touch you and you might turn to dust.
Why do I feel like Jerry Springer is reading this thread?
Anyway... I agree that SSOTD is off limits. These generous ladies would never post if all we did was rip em.
AND- to stick with the article; The deer in headlights look on Eli's face needs to be a new stool tshirt!!!!!!!!
-cheers
pigpen21,
He must have. You don't have a Master lock on you, do you?
"You'd lose that bet. I have never been to a Stool event and I don't live in Boston. But when you attack people who do, I don't let it slide because I happen to have some buddies who do go."
you don't let it slide, damn, look out for this guy!
there's not a full set of balls combined between you and your friends who go to the events
wow, lot of action on this post
This entire argument over banning lacks foundation. Nobody is forcing anyone to browse to this page. If the stool does not approve of a users habits, the so it is. They are a private business that can make private decisions.
Take your first amendment argument to someone who cares. The crusader approach against a website thread is sophomoric-
Note: My opinion on this post only comes from being a software developer for many years and am in now way affiliated with the stool. I just believe that If I run a site and do not approve of user behavior, I shut it down. Period.
Its ok we all know Eli can get out of sticky situations.
Internet Cowboy gives handjobs to make ends meet
Welcome back westcyde....I mean break.comis better. Look just lay off the SSOTD thread and bitch up the other threads. Its that simple.
The Stool isn't suffering for attention, some of you can't say the same. As someone who goes to the events I can tell you the guys are diverse in age and interests. The girls are very attractive, and they know how to have a great time and they are very friendly and outgoing. Rip it up, do what you like, but stay out of the SSOTD thread with the bullshit, or stay the fuck out period. Now you will just get ejected.
True story
Simple solution, keep comments just don't make 'em available on SSOTD.
What do you say, El Dicta...um, Presidente?
Wouldn't they just go up or down to the next thread, a full out comment void, and then banishment is the only way. IMO
good to see the stool police is out in full force, settle down fanboys
Janelle, nice touch with the cigar.
To the free speech dumbasses, start your own site where hot girls send you pictures and you can let your dumbass readers knock them for it.
as for eli manning, he should be grateful for any pussy he can get, even if it's as ugly as whatever you want to call that thing on his arm. Maybe it's the fact that he's cockeyed... or the fact that he's playing for New York.
tuffnutz trying to explain it isn't a service I am providing for the Stool, don't fool yourself he really doesn't give a fuck what I say either. Its my vain attempt to reach a few and keep them from sounding like a tough guy over stupid shit.
If i can reach just one and make an impact, it will all be worth it. (sarcasim)
Just for you.......wait for it........True story
Lugnuts,
I would apreciate the welcome back but its not me. I didnt bash the smokeshow, I said she was hot but none of the pictures really stood out.
pres,
You can ban me from this ip after trivia tonight.
LMAO, you internet tough guy!!
i havent been banned yet either, even though 1/2 of barstool was on my side. advertisers must love hearing that youre banning people from checking out your site
Lugnutz you're my boy, I always look forward to your pictures from the parties, keep up the good work.
notasitseems, I agree with you. By the way, do you have a profile at interracialresources.com that is a niche interracial dating site ? I heard that becomes the outstanding niche interracial dating site recently. Thousands of new members FREE to join daily to meet dream date there!
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Lady in Kansas Takes a 2 Year Dump
Kansas.com - 35-year-old woman who apparently spent two years in her boyfriend's bathroom in Ness City had become stuck to the toilet seat, authorities said Wednesday. "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat. Authorities planned to present their report to the county attorney later Wednesday to see if any charges should be filed against her 36-year-old boyfriend, Whipple said. The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding he never explained why it took him two years to call. He said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water during the two years and told investigators he asked her daily to come out of the bathroom. "And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom." The house had another bathroom he could use. Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh as if she was using the toilet. Her legs looked like they had atrophied, he said. "She was sitting on the toilet and was somewhat disoriented," Whipple said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave." "We pried the toilet seat off with a prybar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."
I pray to god the First Lady reads this blog. Because let me just say this loud and clear. If my girlfriend ever thinks she’s going to sit on the can for 2 years straight and I’m just going to bring her food and water like her little bitch and not break up with her, she’s fucking crazy. I can put up with it for maybe 2 months, but anything beyond that is just asking too much. I won’t do it! I can’t do it! I don’t care whose house we live in and all that shit. Taking a 2 year dump is unacceptable. Not everybody is as forgiving as this guy in the story.
Mascots Gone Wild
Last night truly signified the beginning of March Madness as the IUPUI Jaguar and Oral Roberts Eagle locked horns (not literally) for a good old fashioned Mascot Fight. This video naturally brought back visions of one of the great mascot upsets of our generation when the Oregon Duck put a whooping on the Washington State Cougar. I swear I'll never understand how a duck beats up a Cougar till the day I die.
As a side note, I never understand why people want to break up Mascot fights? Obviously there is going to be "bad blood" between mascots. I mean what do you expect to happen when you put a Lion and Shark in the same room together? It's just natural that they want to fight. In fact, if it was up to me the Mascot Fight should be mandatory part of every half time show.
- FanIQ had the first fight
First Lock of March Madness - West Virginia (-8) over Providence
Well our first lock of March Madness comes this afternoon at 2:20 pm when my God-awful Providence Friars take on West Virginia in the first round of the Big East Tourney.
If anyone remembers last year’s Big East Tourney, West Virginia played Providence in the first round and broke the freaking conference record for 3’s in a game with 17 in a 92-79 win over the Friars. 17!! As Friar fans watched in disbelief, unbelievably Tim Welsh (left) stuck with the 2-3 zone until there was 5 minutes left and by that time it was too late. I think it was after the 15th three he decided to switch things up.
Oh and did I mention the Friars are 1-8 in the Big East tourney under Welsh who hopefully is coaching his last game for Providence?
The teams played twice this season, WVU won the first game by 12 at Providence and the 2nd game at home by 27. The “you can’t beat a good team 3 times in one year” is certainly true, but as everybody knows by now, Providence (15-15, 6-12 in the league) is not a good team.
The pick: WVU -8
John Dennis 1978 vs. John Dennis 2005.....Who Ya Got?
Vs.
Despite how much I love the porn mustache it's impossible to compete with that voicemail.
Vote 1 for 1978 and vote 10 for 2005
- kudos to Eric Wilbur for the 1978 video. Kudos to us for the voicemail video.
Britney Can Squash You With Her Legs
Damn, what the fuck kind of legs are those? I could go to the gym for a year straight and not have more powerful/scary looking legs than Britney. She must be doing toe lifts or something.
Lawyer Sues Casinos for Allowing Her to Lose Money
Arelia Margarita Taveras, former NJ lawyer, is suing the Atlantic City casinos for $20 million, claiming the casinos failed to notice her gambling addiction. The former lawyer has filed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off. "They knew I was going for days without eating or sleeping. I would pass out at the tables. They had a duty of care to me. Nobody in their right mind would gamble for four or five straight days without sleeping."
If you caught this story over the weekend, you've no doubt heard Arelia Margarita being raked over the coals over this lawsuit. She's under attack from every columnist and talk radio boob in the world who are claiming she's just scamming the casinos for something that's entirely her fault. But I'm on her side in this. Mostly because I've never been a big fan of the whole "personal responsibility" thing. In Arelia Margarita Taveras' America, no one loses, there are only winners. Call me an idealist, but I think that's a good thing. If she wins this suit, I'll never have to control my impulses again. I'll never have to be accountable for my actions again. I can drink JD like a marathoner guzzling water and sue the bar to get my money back. I can use my kids college fund to make it rain at the Foxy Lady and expect the strippers to return the cash, times 20. Make YouPorn pay me back for lost wages and productivity. And who's harmed by that? No one that's who. Plus if bookies have to reimburse their clients maybe El Pres can afford to actually start paying me?
The Inventor of the Killacycle Unsuccessfully Shows How To Ride the Killacycle
Oh man we’re having a great run of videos lately. Apparently this gem is from 2007. Not quite sure how we missed it. Regardless this is one of those videos that proves great things come to those who wait. I love how excited the inventor of the Killacycle was before the crash. The more he talked about it, the more I couldn’t wait to see him get demolished. I can only imagine that he sounded a lot like the guy who built the Titanic before it sunk. He was just brimming with such confidence and acting like nothing could ever stop the Killacycle. And then all of a sudden he’s lying dead in the middle of the road. But to his credit he was still able to hold a normal conversation while he was lying there which has to be a new Guinness Book World Record. First guy ever to hold a conversation while clearly dead award goes to…….Killacycle Guy!
Grading the Latest Sex Scandal Teacher
HILLSBORO — A former substitute teacher in the Dunklin School District in Jefferson County will be sentenced next month after pleading guilty of having sex with a 14-year-old student.
Teresa Engelbach, 22, of Pevely, pleaded guilty last week to one felony count of second-degree statutory rape and one misdemeanor count of sexual misconduct. She could get up to 7 years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000 on the rape charge. The charges against Engelbach were filed last March after the student, then in the eighth grade, reported to a teacher that he had had sex with Engelbach. The incidents took place last year between Feb. 1 and March 13 in several areas of Jefferson County and did not involve other students, police said.
Is there any more thankless... and vital... job in America than that of substitute teacher? Teresa Engelback is living proof. How is a full time, tenured teacher supposed to make it through a grueling 180 day work year without being able to bang in sick every couple of weeks? And they can't do that without dedicated, anonymous heroes like Teresa. All she asks is the chance to bump uglies with a 14 year old boy? Is that too much to ask? But she forgot the unwritten rule of seducing pre-pubescent boys: For the woman, lovemaking isn't over until you cuddle. For the boy, it's not over until he's bragged about it to another teacher. And as a result, poor Miss Engelback gets persecuted and we lose another valuable substitute teacher. Thanks a lot, society.
The Grades:
Looks: Quite possibly the best looking pedophile teacher of 2008. Almost, though not quite, in Carrie McCandless' class. Grade: B+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: She was a substitute. He was 14. To have picked the kid out of a crowd of substitute-torturing middle school students and identified him as worthy of repeated boinking... that takes a special kind of warped sensibilities. Grade: A-.
Intangibles: Teresa loses points fot the absence of nude pictures, love letters or obsessive text messages. But the phrase "several areas of Jefferson County" helps a lot. Grade: B-.
Overall: A-.
Thanks to Ryan McG for the link.
Middleborough Town Hall is Haunted
MIDDLEBOROUGH - It's official. Town Hall is haunted. That's the conclusion of a pair of spirit seekers who came last week to investigate ghostly happenings in the sprawling complex erected in 1873. Last night, they presented audio and photographic evidence, including a chilling recording of what they said was a voice crying for help. Town board members joked about the findings, but no independent authorities were present to verify the discovery. Before they played a recording to a small, hushed crowd, Ed Beaulieu and Len Anderson of the Paranormal Institute of New England, explained that they had shouted, "Do you want us to leave?" as they scoured Middleborough Town Hall in the search for otherworldly activity. Then, they played an audio clip. On it, a guttural man's voice could be heard pleading in a 1.1-second digital recording, "Help me." An independent tape taken at the same time by Paul Lazarovich, a Middleborough resident and radio commentator on WVBF's "Cranberry Country Journal" on Saturday mornings who had accompanied the sleuths that night, was also played. "Help," a voice could be heard saying. Selectmen took the news well, thanked the men for their work, and even gave them a round of applause before they granted permission to come back and to explore further.
What do you mean Selectmen took the news well? What are they stupid? Dude, your shit is haunted! What don’t you get about that? This is no laughing matter. Talk about a total lack of respect for the ghosts and these ghost hunters. They record a guy screaming for help and it is verified by the Cranberry Country Journal (experts in the paranormal from what I hear) and the selectman start laughing and clapping? It’s almost like they wanted the Townhall to be haunted. What a total slap in the face to the ghost. Now it has no choice but to kill somebody. Book it. Somebody is going to die soon at the Middleborough Town Hall. At least that's how I'd handle the situation if I was an insulted ghost.
Wake Up With Erica Ellyson
This is 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year winner Erica Ellyson, who as Barstool reported first, is dating 2008 AL Rookie of the Year Clay Buchholz. The fact that we broke the story on the basis of one email by some random guy and that it may be entirely untrue doesn't change a thing. We reported it first, and that's what's important.
I'm sure Eli had a response: "Congratulations, Tom, on your historic regular season!"