Random Thoughts

I have an agreement with the organizers of Daytona Bike Week. They don't tell me how to blog about the Patriots and pedophile teachers, and I don't tell them how to put on a Cole Slaw Wrestling event. That's how we keep the peace.

Having said that, I have to call them out for breaking the cardinal rule of putting on any food wrestling competition: No homely chicks. Go with whatever number of hot girls you can find. Don't water down the competition just to fill out the brackets. Less is more. Check out the girl at the 2:30 mark on the first clip and tell me they wouldn't have been better off just holding one match, her against the second best looking woman available instead of all these beasts who are at home next to piles of cole slaw because they look like fried chicken parts. Shame on them for inviting her without having her rassle. The classic bait-and-switch.

I found out about this on Coed Magazine...

With time running out to qualify in the Tournament of Champions for Trivia at Game On I thought I would spruce up the pot tonight. Not only will the winning team qualify for the Tournament and receive 100 dollars, but they will also win a free Bloomin Onion courtesy of Barstool Sports. Yup my Bloomin Onion card arrived today in the mail. Happy 20th birthday Bloomin Onion! Anyway, I was going to give it to Manzo for all his hard work and dedication, but have decided to give it to tonights Trivia Winner instead. Hopefully this will increase the amount of teams tenfold. After all everybody knows that the only thing that tastes better than a Bloomin Onion is a free Bloomin Onion. So hopefully we'll see you tonight at 8pm for Trivia at Game On!

Introducing Janelle from Boston.    I think in the long and illustrious history of doing smokeshow of the day, the picture of Janelle with the Pat the Patriot construction helmet on may be my favorite photo of all time.  Listen anybody can be hot and wear a Tom Brady shirt.  But the true champions step it up a notch with an old school Pat the Patriot helmet.   Also I love the Ghostbusters Halloween Costume.   This has totally been a bounce back year for ghosts on the Stool.

As always we're looking for Smokeshow nominations.  Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

 Click for more pictures of Janelle

From Popsugar:

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen made their first public appearance together since his Super Bowl defeat at last night's Ermenegildo Zegna Store Opening in NYC. The good looking couple even shared a rare kiss for the camera, but Tom wasn't the only QB in the house. In fact, none other than Super Bowl Winner Eli Manning and his fiancee were at the very same party...

Make no mistake, Tom Brady doesn't give a tinker's damn about the Ermene Dildo Store opening in NYC. The place could burn to the ground and he wouldn't empty his golden bladder to help put the fire out. His appearance there was simply to send a message to Eli Manning that you might have won this one, kid (thanks to Asante McButterfingers) but I'm gunning for you. You have incurred my wrath and I will continue to pull better tail than you can ever dream of. This was pure, taunting revenge, like Mel Gibson in "Payback." He went to that party to send a signal to his teammates that the fight is ON, riding along their proverbial battle lines like Mel Gibson in "Braveheart." He's going public with it now, refusing to be intimidated, like Mel Gibson in "Ransom." I wouldn't be surprised if Manning ends up handcuffed to a burning car... well you get the point. Gisele is way hotter than Eli's fiancee is all I'm saying.

Kansas.com - 35-year-old woman who apparently spent two years in her boyfriend's bathroom in Ness City had become stuck to the toilet seat, authorities said Wednesday. "She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body. It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself," Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said in a telephone interview, adding that it appeared her body fat had grown attached to the seat. Authorities planned to present their report to the county attorney later Wednesday to see if any charges should be filed against her 36-year-old boyfriend, Whipple said. The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding he never explained why it took him two years to call. He said the boyfriend had brought the woman food and water during the two years and told investigators he asked her daily to come out of the bathroom. "And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow,'" Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."  The house had another bathroom he could use. Police found the clothed woman sitting on the toilet, her sweat pants down to her mid-thigh as if she was using the toilet. Her legs looked like they had atrophied, he said. "She was sitting on the toilet and was somewhat disoriented," Whipple said. "She said that she didn't need any help, that she was OK and did not want to leave." "We pried the toilet seat off with a prybar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

I pray to god the First Lady reads this blog.  Because let me just say this loud and clear.   If my girlfriend ever thinks she’s going to sit on the can for 2 years straight and I’m just going to bring her food and water like her little bitch and not break up with her, she’s fucking crazy.    I can put up with it for maybe 2 months, but anything beyond that is just asking too much.   I won’t do it!   I can’t do it! I don’t care whose house we live in and all that shit.    Taking a 2 year dump is unacceptable.    Not everybody is as forgiving as this guy in the story.

Last night truly signified the beginning of March Madness as the IUPUI Jaguar and Oral Roberts Eagle locked horns (not literally) for a good old fashioned Mascot Fight. This video naturally brought back visions of one of the great mascot upsets of our generation when the Oregon Duck put a whooping on the Washington State Cougar. I swear I'll never understand how a duck beats up a Cougar till the day I die.

As a side note, I never understand why people want to break up Mascot fights? Obviously there is going to be "bad blood" between mascots. I mean what do you expect to happen when you put a Lion and Shark in the same room together? It's just natural that they want to fight. In fact, if it was up to me the Mascot Fight should be mandatory part of every half time show.

- FanIQ had the first fight

Well our first lock of March Madness comes this afternoon at 2:20 pm when my God-awful Providence Friars take on West Virginia in the first round of the Big East Tourney.  

If anyone remembers last year’s Big East Tourney, West Virginia played Providence in the first round and broke the freaking conference record for 3’s in a game with 17 in a 92-79 win over the Friars.  17!!  As Friar fans watched in disbelief, unbelievably Tim Welsh (left) stuck with the 2-3 zone until there was 5 minutes left and by that time it was too late.  I think it was after the 15th three he decided to switch things up.

Oh and did I mention the Friars are 1-8 in the Big East tourney under Welsh who hopefully is coaching his last game for Providence? 

The teams played twice this season, WVU won the first game by 12 at Providence and the 2nd game at home by 27.   The “you can’t beat a good team 3 times in one year” is certainly true, but as everybody knows by now, Providence (15-15, 6-12 in the league) is not a good team. 

The pick: WVU -8

Vs.

Despite how much I love the porn mustache it's impossible to compete with that voicemail.

Vote 1 for 1978 and vote 10 for 2005

- kudos to Eric Wilbur for the 1978 video. Kudos to us for the voicemail video.

Damn, what the fuck kind of legs are those? I could go to the gym for a year straight and not have more powerful/scary looking legs than Britney. She must be doing toe lifts or something.

 Arelia Margarita Taveras, former NJ lawyer, is suing the Atlantic City casinos for $20 million, claiming the casinos failed to notice her gambling addiction. The former lawyer has filed a $20 million racketeering lawsuit in federal court against six Atlantic City casinos and one in Las Vegas, claiming they had a duty to notice her compulsive gambling problem and cut her off. "They knew I was going for days without eating or sleeping. I would pass out at the tables. They had a duty of care to me. Nobody in their right mind would gamble for four or five straight days without sleeping."

If you caught this story over the weekend, you've no doubt heard Arelia Margarita being raked over the coals over this lawsuit. She's under attack from every columnist and talk radio boob in the world who are claiming she's just scamming the casinos for something that's entirely her fault. But I'm on her side in this. Mostly because I've never been a big fan of the whole "personal responsibility" thing. In Arelia Margarita Taveras' America, no one loses, there are only winners. Call me an idealist, but I think that's a good thing. If she wins this suit, I'll never have to control my impulses again. I'll never have to be accountable for my actions again. I can drink JD like a marathoner guzzling water and sue the bar to get my money back. I can use my kids college fund to make it rain at the Foxy Lady and expect the strippers to return the cash, times 20. Make YouPorn pay me back for lost wages and productivity. And who's harmed by that? No one that's who. Plus if bookies have to reimburse their clients maybe El Pres can afford to actually start paying me?

Oh man we’re having a great run of videos lately. Apparently this gem is from 2007.    Not quite sure how we missed it.   Regardless this is one of those videos that proves great things come to those who wait. I love how excited the inventor of the Killacycle was before the crash.   The more he talked about it, the more I couldn’t wait to see him get demolished.  I can only imagine that he sounded a lot like the guy who built the Titanic before it sunk.    He was just brimming with such confidence and acting like nothing could ever stop the Killacycle.  And then all of a sudden he’s lying dead in the middle of the road.  But to his credit he was still able to hold a normal conversation while he was lying there which has to be a new Guinness Book World Record.      First guy ever to hold a conversation while clearly dead award goes to…….Killacycle Guy!

HILLSBORO — A former substitute teacher in the Dunklin School District in Jefferson County will be sentenced next month after pleading guilty of having sex with a 14-year-old student.
Teresa Engelbach, 22, of Pevely, pleaded guilty last week to one felony count of second-degree statutory rape and one misdemeanor count of sexual misconduct. She could get up to 7 years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000 on the rape charge. The charges against Engelbach were filed last March after the student, then in the eighth grade, reported to a teacher that he had had sex with Engelbach. The incidents took place last year between Feb. 1 and March 13 in several areas of Jefferson County and did not involve other students, police said.

Is there any more thankless... and vital... job in America than that of substitute teacher? Teresa Engelback is living proof. How is a full time, tenured teacher supposed to make it through a grueling 180 day work year without being able to bang in sick every couple of weeks? And they can't do that without dedicated, anonymous heroes like Teresa. All she asks is the chance to bump uglies with a 14 year old boy? Is that too much to ask? But she forgot the unwritten rule of seducing pre-pubescent boys: For the woman, lovemaking isn't over until you cuddle. For the boy, it's not over until he's bragged about it to another teacher. And as a result, poor Miss Engelback gets persecuted and we lose another valuable substitute teacher. Thanks a lot, society.

The Grades:
Looks: Quite possibly the best looking pedophile teacher of 2008. Almost, though not quite, in Carrie McCandless' class. Grade: B+
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: She was a substitute. He was 14. To have picked the kid out of a crowd of substitute-torturing middle school students and identified him as worthy of repeated boinking... that takes a special kind of warped sensibilities. Grade: A-.
Intangibles: Teresa loses points fot the absence of nude pictures, love letters or obsessive text messages. But the phrase "several areas of Jefferson County" helps a lot. Grade: B-.
Overall: A-.
Thanks to Ryan McG for the link.

MIDDLEBOROUGH - It's official. Town Hall is haunted. That's the conclusion of a pair of spirit seekers who came last week to investigate ghostly happenings in the sprawling complex erected in 1873. Last night, they presented audio and photographic evidence, including a chilling recording of what they said was a voice crying for help. Town board members joked about the findings, but no independent authorities were present to verify the discovery. Before they played a recording to a small, hushed crowd, Ed Beaulieu and Len Anderson of the Paranormal Institute of New England, explained that they had shouted, "Do you want us to leave?" as they scoured Middleborough Town Hall in the search for otherworldly activity. Then, they played an audio clip. On it, a guttural man's voice could be heard pleading in a 1.1-second digital recording, "Help me." An independent tape taken at the same time by Paul Lazarovich, a Middleborough resident and radio commentator on WVBF's "Cranberry Country Journal" on Saturday mornings who had accompanied the sleuths that night, was also played. "Help," a voice could be heard saying. Selectmen took the news well, thanked the men for their work, and even gave them a round of applause before they granted permission to come back and to explore further.

What do you mean Selectmen took the news well?  What are they stupid?   Dude, your shit is haunted!   What don’t you get about that?    This is no laughing matter.    Talk about a total lack of respect for the ghosts and these ghost hunters.       They record a guy screaming for help and it is verified by the Cranberry Country Journal (experts in the paranormal from what I hear) and the selectman start laughing and clapping?    It’s almost like they wanted the Townhall to be haunted.  What a total slap in the face to the ghost.   Now it has no choice but to kill somebody.   Book it.    Somebody is going to die soon at the Middleborough Town Hall.  At least that's how I'd handle the situation if I was an insulted ghost.

This is 2008 Penthouse Pet of the Year winner Erica Ellyson, who as Barstool reported first, is dating 2008 AL Rookie of the Year Clay Buchholz. The fact that we broke the story on the basis of one email by some random guy and that it may be entirely untrue doesn't change a thing. We reported it first, and that's what's important.

Click here to see Erica's MySpace...

And here to see more of Erica...