Random Thoughts

Who the fuck is this guy?   Honestly who the fuck is he?   I’ve never ever seen a Myspace page like this before in my life.  He's like Pete Manzo on steriods. I mean these pictures are just the tip of the ice berg. All “Shy” does is get his picture taken with hot bitches, wear Tom Cruise aviator sun glasses and give the "Bam" sign to the camera.  BAM!   

As a side note that blond chick in the top picture with the hat on backwards is arguably the hottest chick I’ve ever seen in my life.  My god what an ass!  Even “Shy” decided not to do his patented “Bam” move because he was too busy trying to grope her.  I don’t blame him either.  BAM!

Reader Email:

Although I didn't go to PC, I did grow up in RI and PC bball is basically the closest thing we have to big time sports in the state. So your write up on that '97 team was great…  I remember watching the PC-Duke game on a projector screen at the Warwick Mall. (I know, random). But I wasn't the only one. There was actually a pretty big crowd which made it less weird/awkward. The Arizona game is one of those games that no matter what happens, I'll never forget.

When Jamel Thomas hit the 3 to tie the game, I literally jumped over a coffee table and almost took out my girlfriend's mom with a flying elbow. Then we get the ball back and who takes the last shot....Corey Wright? 

The rest is history. I still argue with some of my friends who followed college bball back then that PC was basically one shot away from winning the national championship which is incredible for a school that size with crappy facilities. 

Well..enough reminiscing. Living in Boston, you lose sight of how cool college bball is. Saw this article and decided it was worth not doing work for 10 minutes and writing in. And you're absolutely right...Tim Welsh is the worst coach ever. How he's been there for 10 years is beyond me. 

D.Ortiz  

First of all good to see Big Papi is reading The Stool.  Also good to see he likes the Friars! Now if you at all follow college basketball this year you know that Providence absolutely sucks.  They've lost 8 out of 9 and the only game they won in that stretch was when I picked against them on the blog vs. Depaul (+7).  Be that as it may, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually rooting against Providence the rest of the year.  A complete season-ending tailspin where they fail to even qualify for the Big East tournament is the only way Tim Welsh will get fired.  In fact he should’ve probably been arrested for the shot-selection at the end of the St.John’s game.  I took better shots in my buddy's driveway when I was 15.  I mean there’s no way they can bring Welsh back if they’re 4-14 in the league!  Is there?   

Anyway on a positive note, after 10 years of searching, I finally found the Shamgod dunk at the end of the Duke game and the Jamel Thomas 3 vs. Arizona on Youtube.  I posted the latter above for all the Friar Fan Stoolies out there, which I know we have a lot of.  And like the emailer, the Jamel 3 was the most exciting sports moment of my life.

Thanks to the Inside Track for letting the world know that debbieclemens.com is finally back online. Much to my dismay, the site had been down in the wake of the congressional hearings. It's been an agonizing time for me, because her's is the first site I check in the morning and it's been hard to face the day without Debbie's unique wisdom, observations, fashion and insight into her fabulous life. Truly there's no obstacles in this life that can't be overcome by following Debbie Clemens' sage philosophical teachings. Here are just a few examples of the wide-ranging topics she covers (all quotes are authentic):

Debbie on her HGH use:
"You do not need to work out four hours a day several times a week in order to achieve your desired results!"
Does she recommend drugs to others?
"I have always been reluctant to tell others what I think would be best for them. I only know what works for me and I stay disciplined to that plan of action."
What got her on the 'roids?
"Roger came to me one day and told me that we had been asked to do a photo shoot for Sports Illustrated. I had major anxiety! I was a 39-year-old mother of 4! Once I realized that this WAS going to be a reality, I decided I had to give it everything I had. "
Debbie on how she would contact Brian McNamee:
"I love a buddy system! It is always helpful to call and keep one another motivated."
Debbie on 'Roid Rage and the Mike Piazza bat throwing incident:
"Gain inner strength and power not by controlling others, but by controlling yourself."
On Roger's 40-39 record his last four years with the Red Sox:
"Never go more than 2 weeks without exercising."
On the satisfaction Human Growth Hormone use provides:
"Smile and congratulate yourself for the great work you put in for yourself and your good well-being!"
And finally, Debbie sums up her philosophy of life:
"I have decided to be happy! As a matter of fact I've gone Jacket Happy!"

It's all there in one fantastic website. All the wisdom, advice and moral underpinnings a person needs as we pass through this veil of tears. Plus, really crappy merchandise to boot. Thank God it's back at last. Now I can face the world again.

Rule #1 of wearing tight yellow shirts: Don't be fat. Seems simple enough, but apparently not.

(It's a different looking Lisa Lynette Clark who will leave prison Friday after serving 2 years for her relationship with a teenage boy)

Ajc.com - Lisa Lynette Clark, the Hall County woman whose 2005 marriage to a 15-year-old boy 22 years her junior made national headlines, is scheduled to be released from a Georgia prison on Friday. Clark, who was was pregnant with the boy's son when the two were married by a retired Dawson County probate judge in the driveway of his home, is finishing a two-year prison sentence for helping her teenage husband flee the state. On Nov. 8, 2005, Clark, who was then 37, and her teenage lover, were married, taking advantage of a legal loophole that allowed a minor to marry without permission from a parent or guardian if the bride is pregnant. But a day after the two were married, authorities in Hall County, where Clark and the teenager lived, issued a warrant for her arrest, charging her with child molestation. Later that month, a Hall County grand jury indicted Clark on charges of child molestation, statutory rape and enticing a child for indecent purposes.

Yikes! If that before and after photo isn't enough to keep people on the straight and narrow than I don't know what is. They should show that photo in every Health class in America. This is what happens when you break the law and go to jail. You go from a Cougar at the top of your game to a serial killer. Anyway I think Lisa Lynette Clark got framed. I mean what was she supposed to do when her boyfriend knocked her up? They do the responsible thing and get married in a driveway and how does society repay them? They throw this cougar in the clink? It's bullshit if you ask me.

- Thanks to Paul from Hotlanta. We're so fucking big I can't stand it...

AMHERST - A raucous off-campus house party erupting into a drunken, bloody brawl. Athletes allegedly attacking other partygoers with baseball bats, lacrosse sticks, and bottles. Two students facing attempted murder charges in separate late-night dormitory confrontations that included an alleged rape and a racially charged double stabbing. UMass spokesman Ed Blaguszewski said administrators are highly concerned about the violence, but that each episode involved unrelated people and circumstances. He asserted that the campus is safe overall and pointed out that alcohol-fueled fights are not uncommon on large campuses.  This is an issue across the country, particularly at large flagships." Amherst Police Chief Charles L. Scherpa said the surge of violence, while unusual, is part of a longstanding campus culture of drunken rowdiness that for many has become a rite of passage. "Every weekend, we could make hundreds of arrests" for disorderly conduct and vandalism, he said. In 2006, the university and town police redoubled efforts to rein in the school's notorious party scene, boosting enforcement and giving town police the authority to respond to on-campus disruptions. The crackdown followed mounting pressure from state and university leaders who said the university's rowdy image detracted from its goal of becoming an elite public research university.

Umass’s rowdy image detracts from it becoming an elite public university?  Ha!  Who the fuck is Umass trying to fool?  Do me a favor and find a less creepy spokesman than the Monster.com guy and then come talk to me about being taken seriously. Because the day Umass is considered an elite University is the day that the Stool hires Regan Communications as our PR firm.  In other words it just ain’t going to happen.  Instead of setting all these unrealistic expectations let’s just accept and enjoy Umass for what it is.  It’s a huge state school where people get fucked up, do lots of fucking and occasionally stab people.  Big deal?  Bottom line is that it prepares Massholes for post graduate life in Faneuil Hall and Waterworks and is no different than any other middle of the road state college.   More importantly is UMass going to make the tourney?

Get a good look at these Amy Davis pictures because my guess is that after her boring ass performance last night she is going to get sent home tonight. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. Slow songs put people to sleep. Fast songs put asses in the seats. If you're a hot chick make sure to slut it up and shake your ass. It's just common sense really. I swear I should quit my job as a smut peddler and become an American Idol coach.   Anyway, here are some other quick observations from the first round of American Idol.

Click Here For the Observations

  HAMILTON - A Hamilton man's 19th drunken driving conviction earned him eight years in prison and a lecture about his 30-year record, which ranks him among Ohio's six worst drunken drivers. He's among four Ohio drivers with 19 drunken-driving convictions; two others are tied for the state record of 20 convictions. Powers also imposed a lifetime driving suspension. But Wolf has disregarded suspensions since at least 1984. Butler County Prosecutor Robin Piper said Wolf's eight-year prison term is proof: "This guy is the example that shows everyone that drinking too much and getting in a car can land you in prison for eight years. That ought to be long enough to sober you up." Piper said he understands alcoholism is a disease. But, he said: "No disease makes you get in a car and drive. If you want to get plastered, stay home and get plastered on the front porch instead of climbing into a car and risking the lives of innocent people. Stay at home with your 12-pack."

I’m pretty sure a guy with 19 DUI’s doesn’t get drunk off a 12 pack, but that’s neither here nor there.  The real question is what is this guy going to do when he gets out of jail in 8 years.  Does he go for the record?   You have to right?  I mean it’s not everyday you get that close to a State title.    Poor guy is only one DUI away.  It would be like Cal Ripken getting hurt in the game before he broke the consecutive game streak.   Just a total waste to get this close and not break the record.  People don’t remember the 2^nd place DUI guy.   This is why you lift all them weights.   

PS – I’m not sure how this proves you can’t drink and drive without consequences in Ohio.  They guy was driving without a license since 1984 and still managed to rack up 19 DUI’s.    Impressive to say the least.  Way to send a message to the kids!  

(I stole the opening line of this blog from the reader who sent me this tip. Thanks for the line and thanks for the story)

Holy shit... what the fuck happened to the Boston Celtics?  Remember when everyone was jacking off over how great our team defense was?  Wasn't that a grand time?  Now the Celtics are the team that played two straight Western Conference 9 seeds... and gave up 124 and 119 points on consecutive nights.  Those immediately went to numbers 1 and 2 on the 'most points given up this season' list. 

The Celtics are now second in the league in points allowed with just under 91... and we might well get back to that... but not playing this way we won't.  I had nightmares of Monta Ellis skipping his way to the hoop with almost no one in his way.  Kendrick Perkins, Leon Powe, and Glen Davis combined for 11 points and 9 rebounds, no blocks and 5 turnovers.  Guys... that ain't gonna get the job done.  Not scoring I can live with... but you'd think those 3 guys could get more than 9 rebounds... and maybe a block or two. 

Trying to pull some positive out of this:  KG looked better.  17 points, 15 boards and 3 blocks in his second game back... after a month off... that's not bad.  Ray Allen had 32 points and tied Rajon Rondo with a team-high 6 assists.  And after taking a pounding the past couple of years about his free throws (and clutch free throws), Paul Pierce was 12-13 from the line... including the 2 that tied the game at 117. 

One thing I wonder... would Baron Davis have hit that shot if Tony Allen didn't slip?  TA did a nice job preventing a drive at the end... and was in a position to maybe bother the shot... but he slipped or tripped or something. 

Side note on Allen:  He's doing this year what he did last year after his 2006 knee injury.  Shitty first half... every got pissed at him... then he turned it up in the second half and gave everyone hope.  This will be good for the playoffs... but I still don't think its enough to bring him back next season.

John - RedsArmy.com

Reader Email

Dude,

First of all, let me say that the local smokeshow section of your magazine is a great idea.  My friend just introduced me to your site a few weeks ago and it's a cool spot, entertaining articles, hot chicks - job well done!!! I wanted to see what the chances were that you could give me any more info about the smokeshow of the day a few weeks ago - Lauren.

Do you have a myspace page or a facebook page or anything else you can share (last name, email address, anything?) Or can you send her my email address? I was actually at the Beanpot when they showed her on the JumboTron too - she is gorgeous. Any info you could provide would be greatly appreciated.  I am not a whack-job I promise.  I just want to send her an email and introduce myself. 

Thanks!!

As a rule I generally don’t like to give out Smokeshow info to random stalkers.  Plus I think Lauren is dating an NHL hockey player so I don’t think she’s available.  But having said that, this is unusual circumstances.  Not only did this nut bag see her on our website,  but he made eye contact with her via the jumbotron at the Beanpot.   I mean that almost counts as a first date in my book.    So I’m going to go against my better judgment here and pass along her cell phone number.  I’m sure Lauren won’t mind.   It’s 617.SMITHERS.   Go nuts.  

Seriously on a scale of 1-10 rate how insane you think this guy is.  10 for he’s probably going to show up at my front door tonight dressed as Lauren with a pick ax in his hand and 1 for you can’t blame a guy for trying.

One way sociologists like to justify their silly jobs is by coming up with simple, concise catch-all phrases to describe long, complicated times in ourhistory. The Roaring '20s. Camelot. The Me Decade. The Eric Gagne Era. And when they look back on our times, they're going to remember it as the Age in Which Americans Loved to Go on TV and Take Crap from British People. Or something like that.

It really is the cultural phenomenon of our times. And I'm not being critical, here. I'm as much a part of it as anyone. For reasons I can't wrap my brain around, I like listening to Brits give Americans the what-for. There's something about the accent or the assumed superior breeding that makes me enjoy watching one of my countrymen get degraded and humiliated in a way that wouldn't be as enjoyable if it was coming from another American, or God forbid, the Dutch.

Here's the rankings of The Best Abusive Brits on TV:

1. Simon Cowell, American Idol
The gold standard. The one who started this revolution, won the war and is the undisputed Father of the Country for obnoxious Brits in the US. Cowell is the only thing keeping the biggest hit on American TV from turning into Star Search.
Rating: 9 Page 3 girls:

2. Chef Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen

By far the most abusive figure on television. Navy Seals going through BUDS training don't take as much crap as some 90lb Garde Manger chef who burns her croutons in front of Chef Ramsay. Because serving quality food to dining room full of utility-grade actors pretending to be patrons in a fake restaurant is every bit as important as breaking Al Qaeda's back.
Rating: 7 Union Jacks:

3. Piers Morgan, America's Got Talent
A pale imitation of Cowell. Working on a surly-Brit Iron Man streak having never seen an act he didn't hate. Maybe for all their supposed culture and refinement, the English haven't learned to appreciate the finer things, like balancing stuff on your nose or musical glasses.
Rating: 6 Cups of tea

4 & 5. (tie) Supernanny/ Nanny 911
Most Americans are just now catching onto the fact that these are not one in the same. But they're British, therefore they've forgotten more about raising children then we'll ever know. Just look at how well Prince Charles turned out.
Rating: 5 Queens

6. Nigel Lythgoe, So You Think You Can Dance?
So much the pluperfect twitty English know-it-all that he can't be real. Even his name sounds made up, like some failed Mike Myers SNL character.
Rating: 4 Austin Powers

7. Nigel Barker, America's Next Top Model
Another nice name, though I'll be honest, I've only seen this guy in passing. As when I come into the room and my wife is watching ANTM and I pass right through the room and go watch "Put Up Your Dukes" on NFL Net. But he's British and therefore I assume really hard on the girls.
Rating: 3 Big Bens

8. Len Goodman, Dancing with the Stars
I'm not sure why Nigel Lythgoe couldn't have just doubled up, but apparently INS has enough green cards to go around. Not as abrasive as Nigel L, but he's still the stereotype of the pompous Limey that used to get his comeuppance from Jim Carrey, back when his movies were still funny.
Rating: 2 007s

9. Anne Robinson, Weakest Link (cancelled)
An utter failure. As a "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" ripoff. As a pop culture icon. And as catchphrase (only the top one half of 1% of dildos in the US ever said "You ARE the weakest link!" and they were the same guys who say "Working hard or hardly working?").
Rating: 1 Soccer Hooligan

Much Mori here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com