Random Thoughts

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See not all people are useless pricks. This was refreshing. Somebody who actually had something nice to say and contributed with a funny video as well. Kind of restores my faith in humanity. I'm much more accustomed to the following type emails;

"Hey you guys suck and all your girls are gross and I hate this site even though I'm on it 24 hours on it a day. You suck. And oh by the way....You suck."

Introducing Alexandria from Suffolk. God damn Suffolk is bringing the heat lately. Who would have thought they'd have so many smoke shows running around for such a small school. It's like the cradle of Barstool Smokeshows. And who is making these girls anyway? They kind of look like robots or something. Blond hair. Abnormally large chest. Skinny. Great Ass. Perfect legs, blah, blah, blah. I feel like a broken record but in a good way.

Keep the Smokeshow nominations coming! I feel like we've had a slowdown lately. Also we need the girls permission. So just sending the photos does us no good if they won't accept us on Facebook or Myspace. Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Alexandria.

You know how you can tell it's a big Barstool party? We break out the glassware! First 300 people through the door get their own Hurricane Glass. Also masks are encouraged but definitely not mandatory. Anyway, time is running out to RSVP for this bad boy. RSVP to mardigras@barstoolsports.com.

And McFadden's doesn't have the biggest capacity of all time so I highly suggest getting on the list ASAP if you want to come. Girls will cut the line. So dudes if you don't want to wait bring some hot chicks with you.

PS - I just got the following email and I'm pretty sure it wasn't spam.

"Your charm will get you the dates, your giant Schlong will get them in bed."

Bring on Mardi Gras!

I was in downtown crossing yesterday doing my paper route when I came to what I would qualify as a fairly stunning revelation.  I think I decided that I want to buy a new pair Jordan’s.  I don’t even know how it happened.  One second I was filling news racks and the next second I was staring into the window of Foot Locker thinking it may be cool to have them.    Fucking crazy right?  Do people even still wear these anymore?  I mean when I was growing up they were like the hottest thing of all time.  You were a fucking nobody if you didn’t have a pair of Jordan’s.  I think I had three or four pairs spanning from "87"-"90".   And I remember all hell breaking loose at Pennyworths every year on the day they came out.  It was a big deal.  It was like WW III in there.  And I swear they got uglier every year, but nobody gave a shit.   It didn’t even matter what color or size you got them in either.  You just took whatever they had left.   I think I was walking around in sneakers that would fit Shaq for a year or so.  Anyway, back to the point.  Is there any way for me to pull off actually wearing these things?   Or am I way out of my league here?   I mean I’d have to be the oldest white dude not in the NBA rocking these right?    But I’m sick of all this Puma and hip sneaker shit.   It’s time to go back to basics.   Has anybody else thought about buying a pair lately?   Fuck it.   I think I’m going to do it.   I need some new route sneakers.   And I feel like a pair of 2008 Air Jordan’s will class up the entire operation.

As a total side note, I also met my new favorite pan handler yesterday in downtown crossing.   His name is Danny Flynn and he was introducing himself to everybody the following way;

 “Hi I’m Danny Flynn, Homeless Guy. Nice to meet you.” 

 It sounded like he was running for President.  I’m not sure if he broke it out just for Super Tuesday, but I gave him a buck anyway.  I'm such a good guy.

EVANSVILLE, Ind.-- The estranged wife of Los Angeles Dodgers coach Don Mattingly was arrested and charged with public intoxication and disorderly conduct after police say she refused to leave his property in Indiana.

Police arrested 45-year-old Kim Mattingly after they were called to the home of the former Yankee first baseman to investigate reports of a person refusing to leave on Saturday, a probable cause affidavit said. The affidavit, signed by a Vanderburgh County Sheriff's Deputy Chad Howard, said she smelled of alcohol and screamed at officers.

The couple filed for divorce in November on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. The divorce has not been finalized, and no further action has been taken.

Well you can’t really blame Kim Mattingly aka “Kimmy Baseball”.  I mean think about it - she’s married to the freaking Hit Man, naturally she’s going to be a little upset and go on a 9 week bender after they file for divorce. I did the same thing when he retired in ’95.   But I can tell you right now Don was never in love with her.  No way.  Every Yankee fan knows Don’s one true love was the batting cage.  Just look at all the greats: Bird, Jordan, Montana, Sinatra, Lincoln - these guys can’t stay married.  They’re too good.  You can only focus so much of your brain on your wife when you’ve got Gold Gloves, scoring titles and Super Bowls to win.  And who knows, with the Yankee first base situation in shambles, maybe Don is planning a comeback?   I don’t care if he’s 100, although his wife looks like fucking hell (see left), I’d still rather have Don at 1B over Shelly Duncan and The Giambino.   

I know we just played Guess That Ass like 30 minutes ago, but sometimes you run across two asses that are so perfect that it would be an injustice to civilization not to publish them both immediately. Bottom line is that an ass like this waits for nobody. Click Here For the Answer

Click Here For The Answer

It was 10-something PM, Super Bowl Sunday.  In spite of the fact that when it comes to the cold I’m the biggest weenie in the world, I was in a t-shirt, sitting by myself on my cousin Phil’s back deck listening to the Patriots last possession of the season coming from inside of the house.  They were the only plays I missed all year.  I sat there and all I could think was how I deserved better than to have it end this way.  I’d given everything to the 2007 Patriots.  They got more than my best effort.  I’d given them The Perfect Season.

- Click to Read Jerry's Entire Article

My nuts are still swollen and sore from David Tyree, Justin Tuck and Eli Manning kicking me repeatedly on Sunday.  So last night... as I slowly lowered myself onto the modified hemmorhoid donut that I have to use for the next three weeks... I was ready for a little healing.  Unfortunately... the Celtics were not able to help me out.

Yes... Yes... I know.  KG is still out and Paul Pierce was sitting on the bench puking during time outs.  It was a valiant effort against the defending Conference champs and blah... blah... blah.  Unfortnately, I wasn't exactly in the mood for "entertaining" and "strong effort."  I was in the mood for "Severe Anal Raping of Cleveland."  After realizing how bad Pierce was, I was happy to accept "We're so awesome, we beat Cleveland with 1.5 of our Big 3." 

And the C's had a chance.  They cut an 8 point lead down to 2 with less than a minute to go.  They played shitty defense all night long but they managed to force a miss... but then Rajon Rondo promptly lost the ball to Daniel Gibson (nickname: Boobie...hee hee).  Then LeBron magically missed a shot... but the C's couldn't grab the rebound and that was it.  Posey hit a meaningless 3 at the buzzer to make it a 1 point loss... but the damage was done.  I have to wait a little while longer before I can go back to being an obnoxious prick about my sports teams. And to make it worse, LeBron James joined Wilt Chamberlain as the only players to score at least 30 points in nine straight games against the Celtics. 

So thanks, Sports Gods.  And a hearty "Fuck yah mutha" to you too.  You know... you could have just tied me to a chair and forced me to watch nothing but "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins" and Carlos Mencia commercials for a week.  It would have had the same effect.

John - RedsArmy.com

I got to be honest here.  This is the most infuriating picture I’ve ever seen in my life.   Somebody could have sent me a picture of Vito banging the First Lady and I don’t think I would have been this upset.    Now I know this is a Boston website and that nobody wants to see this junk, but I couldn’t handle it alone.   If I didn’t post it and vent about it, I think my anger would have just built up and built up until I freaked out and murdered somebody at our Mardi Gras party for no reason.  So I apologize for posting it, but I had to let it out.      I just want to stab Vito right in his fat fuck face.   And the beauty of it is that Vito is probably a Jets fan.   Now before the Pats lost on Sunday I was on the record as saying I didn’t hate the Giants and I didn’t view this game as a New York vs. Boston type of thing.   Boy was I naive.    The bottom line is that whenever you go against New York you need to win.  Because if you don’t all the stereotypical NY assholes are going to come out of the woodwork and start acting like typical NY scumbags.   75% of them probably never even watched a Giant game this season, but they’ll act like they’re season ticket holders and had them all the way.  It’s vintage NY.   They could really take some lessons from us on winning with class. I can’t wait until baseball season so the Sox can rub the Yankees faces in mud again.    Fuck New York.

Last week I wrote a blog about how Regan Communications asked us to interview and photograph the Pats cheerleaders and then reneged on that offer saying that the Pats Cheerleaders didn’t want to talk to the Stool because of things we’ve said about them in the past.    I must admit I was pretty confused since the only thing I could remember saying about them was stuff along the lines of I’d love to bang them or that they were super hot.  Basically things that come with territory of being an NFL cheerleader.  Well today I think I finally figured it out what happened.  Apparently they got a better offer because the Pats cheerleaders are on Maxim.com right now.    (Great timing by the way. I wonder if Brady is going on Letterman this week?) Regardless, it turns out all that garbage about sexism and talking bad about them was just PR bullshit. Because Maxim is every bit as crude as we are if not worse.   But suddenly the Pats cheerleaders don’t seem to have a problem with it.  Talk about a slap in the face.    

PS - As much as I love Quinn Kingston I think she gets her ass handed to her by Ashley Castonguay here.   But it’s not her fault. Her photos do her no justice.   I mean how do you not include at least one ass shot of Quinn?   I’ve seen a ton of asses since I started Barstool and Quinn’s ass can go head to head with any of them.   This wouldn’t have happened on my watch.    And just to show you the type of guy I am, I’m leaving the door open.   If Quinn wants to do a cover with us we’ll set it up ASAP and get this situation rectified.