Random Thoughts

I've been wanting to start a section like this forever. Basically just a bunch of links to things people sent me that didn't quite make the cut or things I saw on other websites that I thought was funny/interesting. Plus every single other blog on the planet does this except us so I figured it's high time to change that. I'll try and post this around 5pm everyday. But just like with everything else I say, don't hold me to it.

1. Camera Catches the Only Ugly Arizona Coed on the planet. I'm so jealous I'm not going to the Superbowl (Your face is a Sports Blog)

2. World's drunkest athletes (Pretty Sure Big Papi wasn’t drunk in that picture they show, but whatever) Coed Magazine

3. Tree Man is Cured? Say it ain't so! (Telegraph)

4. Weirdest Prop Best At the Superbowl. I'll take the over (5.5) on how many times Joe Buck mentions Peyton Manning for 500 thousand please. That is the biggest no brainer in the history of earth. Buck may talk about Peyton more than Eli. (Vegas Watch)

5. Knife Fight at Brighton Ihop - Just feel like this is something you should know about. Kind of like the weather. As a side note, I once saw a guy get stabbed in the abdomen with a plastic fork at a pancake house. Luckily the victim lived (Boston Herald)

This blog totally sucks and is totally pointless, but god damn if Pat Sajack isn’t the most boring guy on the planet.    He makes vanilla ice cream seem risky.

 Introducing Monica from Boston.   I’m guessing lots of people won’t recognize her , but veteran Stoolies may remember that Monica was the 2nd girl in the history of the Stool ever to grace our cover.    And to this day she stands the test of time as arguably the hottest chick we’ve ever featured.      In fact if the Stool ever got into a smokeshow walk off, I think I may nominate Monica as our representative.   She’s just a total intimader out there on the mound.  She’ll blow three fastballs by you belt high and you won’t even know what happened.

As a reminder this “Local Smokeshow of the Day” feature depends on nominations from our readers.  So if you know any impossibly hot chicks please send them our way along with a myspace page or facebook page.   Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click Here For the Rest of Monica's pictures

It was ten years ago. I'm in my buddy Scott's basement mancave waiting for the Super Bowl between the Packers and Broncos to start when they introduce Jewel to sing the National Anthem, and every guy in the room fell silent. At the time, Jewel was at the height of her precocious waif/ sexy ingenue/ busty hippy chick you might have a chance to score with because she might be into freely expressing herself sexually powers. So the network covering the game (I forget which one it was), proceeded to show about three seconds of her and about a hundred useless cut away shots of John Elway and Reggie White. Yeah, thanks for that.

So here instead is a gallery of her to right this decade long injustice...

And as a bonus, here are the picks thus far:
No. 6 Mariah Carey...
No. 7 Shania Twain...
No. 8 Cindy Crawford...
No. 9 Janet Jackson...
No. 10 the Miller Lite catfight girls...

Does it really matter if she was shocked by a hair dryer or shocked by her husband during kinky sex?  It’s just semantics if you ask me.    In any event this guy kind of got a raw deal don’t you think?   I mean it’s not like he killed his wife on purpose.  Shit happens during kinky sex.  Pretty soon couples that want to get freaky are going to have to sign a waiver like you do before bungi jumping or ski diving.   It’s bullshit.    The bottom-line with kinky sex is that you got to take big risks if you want big rewards.  You got to push the envelope and sometimes you get burned (no pun intended) Regardless it looks like me and the First Lady aren’t going to be shocking each other any time soon.   Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still try it with any of the Barstool Girls, but I can’t afford to lose the First Lady.  At least not while I’m living in her mom’s house.   Although it is a noble way to go down.

Vs.

So apparently Osi Umenyiora is dating Victoria Secret model Selita Ebanks. Obviously this means we needed to do a Superbowl Girlfriend showdown.  Man this is a tough one.   Selita Banks is freaking hot.  So hot that I was ready to call this a draw until I remembered that her ex boyfriend was Nick Cannon.   Contrast this with Giselle whose ex boyfriend was Leanardo Dicaprio.   I know this shouldn’t play a factor, but clearly Giselle is operating on a whole different level.   She’s moving from superstar to superstar while Selita Banks is still kicking around in Double A ball.    Mix in the fact that Osi Umenyiora likes to shit and piss on chicks during sex and I think it’s safe to say Giselle has her outclassed by a mile.

Vote 1 for Giselle and 10 for Selita Ebanks.

Cue the music….

Remember Grey Ruegamer? He was a backup Guard with the Pats from 2000-2, and now he's with the Giants. What I remember most about him was he was a capable fill-in for Mike Compton and Joe Andruzzi on the Pats first championship team and played the role of the guy they cut and re-signed every time they needed to clear a roster spot, like Gene Mruczowski is today. I'm embarassed to admit that I didn't know Ruegamer bites lambs testicles off:

Castrating a lamb with your teeth is a pretty simple procedure, really. Grey Ruegamer knows. “You grab the forelegs and pin them to the ground, and then you grab the back legs and throw them on their back,” Ruegamer said. "And when the, uh, target area is exposed, away you go. It’s the way the Basques do it.” Ruegamer... became a practitioner when a family friend, who is Basque, asked for extra help on her working sheep and cattle ranch outside Las Vegas... “I was hesitant. But it is what it is. She needed help. There was beer. Good times. It was worth it.” As for the procedure itself, “you pull them out with your teeth, spit them in a bucket, next one. There was other work that had to get done, so we had to hurry with that and move onto the next thing. It’s just a little lamb. It’s not a big animal. I have pictures. The blood on your mustache is the worst part.”

I have to admit, I'm hesitant to post this just before the biggest game of the year. I'm sure a lot of the Pats players are in Glendale right now checking the Stool before they start implementing this week's game plan, and I'd hate to think what Ty Warren and Vince Wilfork think about facing a guy who's bitten of another living thing's testicles. I mean, we're not talking about biting into a dead lamb's nutsack... we've all done that... but chomping through the vas deferens of a live, kicking, wriggling animal who undoubtedly would prefer to hang onto the family jewels... that takes a special kind of toughness. To be perfectly honest, I'd let a guy like this play on my team any day. He's not only willing to do anything to help the team (except maybe run to True Value and pick up a pair of gardening shears), but he even throws in the Belichickian "it is what it is" which proves how well coached he is. I think the news of this getting out will drop the point spread by at least a field goal.

Ebay - A crunchy Cheeto aoubt 1.25 inches long shaped like a penis with testicles

Sold! Wait a mintue...the starting bid is 500 bucks? That seems a little bit steep for a penis shaped cheeto don't you think? Whatever. Sometimes you got to pay for the finer things in life.

- Great job by Dlisted finding this.

It's one thing not to have your best player and motivator for a game. It's another thing to replace him with Brian Scalabrine. I understand it's a game of match-ups, but the Magic must have been laughing their collective asses off when they saw "Veal" stroll onto the court for the opening tip.

How about Leon Powe? He's clearly become the teacher's pet lately. Or Glen Davis? Can anyone tell me why he didn't play? But as buzzer-beater losses go, this one didn't have quite the sting. Maybe because we're banged up and it took a 26-foot heave by one of the ugliest men in the NBA to beat us...on the road. Regardless of how you want to spin the loss, the Celtics are 5-5 in their last ten games.

It's time to start pointing fingers at the weakest link on this team. Rondo? Nope. Doc Rivers? You guessed it. I just can't figure out this guy's rotations. And where's the rule that says you must sit two of the Big 3 at the start of the 2nd quarter? And why does Pierce always get stuck with the bench guys late in the 3rd? And while I'm in a pissy mood, can we stop mentioning Ray Allen as a potential All-Star this season? He's not even close.

Chuck - RedsArmy.com

Vs.

First of all, what is going on with the camera guy in the shit video? I almost puked listening to him almost puke. Get a grip dude. Anyway, if I could ask one question to the lady who fell in shit I think it would have to be why was she dancing in the shit prior to falling down?   Couldn’t she feed the ducks from the grass?  Because obviously you’re going to end up falling in shit when you try bobbing and weaving in it.  It’s just the natural stage of progression.    Luckily for her though it’s going to take more than just rolling around in duck poop to dethrone the trench lady.  I mean it’s not everyday of the week you hear somebody threaten to have a seizure as a way to make somebody shut up.   It just doesn’t get more pathetic than that.

Vote 1 for bird shit and 10 for trench lady

WASHINGTON (Jan. 26) - The Federal Communications Commission has proposed a $1.4 million fine against 52 ABC Television Network stations over a 2003 broadcast of cop drama NYPD Blue. The fine is for a scene where a boy surprises a woman (Charlotte Ross) as she prepares to take a shower. The scene depicted "multiple, close-up views" of the woman's "nude buttocks" according to an agency order issued late Friday. ABC is owned by the Walt Disney Co. The fines were issued against 52 stations either owned by or affiliated with the network. FCC's definition of indecent content requires that the broadcast "depicts or describes sexual or excretory activities" in a "patently offensive way" and is aired between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. The agency said the show was indecent because "it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs - specifically an adult woman's buttocks." The agency rejected the network's argument that "the buttocks are not a sexual organ."

Before I watched this clip I was 100% convinced that I’d say the FCC was being ticky tacky with this fine.   At most I figured it would be a quick ass shot or maybe something like the Terrell Owens/Desperate Housewives Monday Night Football fiasco.   But man was I wrong!   Who is Walt Disney trying to fool here?  Listen, I’m one of the world’s great smut publishers and even I know you can’t show a naked ass on network television like that.   I mean I almost beat off when I watched this video.   And as a rule of thumb if anybody can possibly think of jacking off to something than it belongs on the Stool and not on ABC. 

As everyone knows by now, Hip Hop is my whole life. And one of the great time-honored traditions of the rap culture is the Answer Song. One rapper starts bragging on himself, so another rapper answers back with a track busting on him, dissing his crew, and saying his rhymes are all played out. The Juice Crew vs. Boogie Down Productions in "The Bridge War." U.T.F.O and Marl answer each other in the "Roxanne War." Lady Saw and Marsha answer Shaggy with "Son of a Bitch." Sporty Thievz answer Destiny's Child with "Ain't Payin No Bills (No Bills, Bills, Bills)." It's how we police ourselves; keep each other check.

Well in the last week or so, Giants fans have been popping off saying Big Blue is all that and coming up with a hundred reasons why they can beat the Patriots on Sunday. So in the fine tradition of my rap brothers and sisters, and as a service to Pats fans everywhere, here's our Answer Song. Feel free to print this out and use is as you see fit this week:

The Giants played the Patriots tough in Week 17:
The banged up Patriots, on the road against a fired up Giants team, took a 10 point lead with 4:36 to go and won by 3 as they took a knee at the end of the game. Their last 4 possessions ended TD, TD, TD, kneel down.

The Giants pressured Tom Brady all night:
Playing without RG Stephen Neal, RT Nick Kaczur and TE Kyle Brady, the Pats gave up exactly one sack. And Brady was 32-42 for 356 yds and 2TDs.

Eli Manning has found himself in the playoffs while Brady has looked bad:
Fredo's passer rating for the playoffs is 99.1. Brady's is 105.7.

Brady's nursing a bad ankle:
The last time Brady hurt his leg in an AFCCG, a game in which he was pulled and never returned, he went on to win the Super Bowl MVP. And there was no two week break between the games.

The Giants will be wearing their road whites. They haven't lost in them all season:
The Pats will be wearing their home blues. They haven't lost in them either. Or white. Or silver. Or red throwbacks. Or...

The Patriots offense has tailed off lately:
In their first nine games, the Pats scored 355 points, tops in the league. Over their last nine, playoffs included, they scored 286 points, tops in the league. And every single one of those games was played outdoors, at night, in the Northeast.

The Gints are playing inspired football since that Week 17 game:
Tampa Bay sucks, objectively. Dallas beat them in every statistical category including 100 more total yards and 13 more time of possession minutes, but a tequila-hungover Tony Romo coughed the ball up in the end zone at the end of the game. Then in the NFCCG, Brett Favre handed the game over to them so efficiently it should've come in a Domino's box with dipping sauce and cinnamon sticks.

The Giants will play "physical" against the Patriots:
We've been hearing this all year. Coming into the Divisional Game, Jacksonville was a threat because they were so "physical." Brady was 26/28 against them and Maroney ran through them for 122 yards.

"Physical II": Randy Moss "doesn't like to get hit":
In the last game, Gibril Wilson decked Moss with a good clean hit to the face. Moss sat out one play as the rules dictate, then on the next play caught a TD pass in triple coverage.

You can run on the Pats:
Jacksonville, No. 2 rushing team in NFL: 80 yards. San Diego, No. 7 rushing: 104 yards.

The Giants are on a roll:
They outscored their opponents by 1.4 points per game. The Patriots outscored theirs by 19.7 PPG. And as ESPN points out, the G-Men could be possibly be the worst team to ever reach the Super Bowl. Oh, and how's 18 straight wins for a roll? Pretty good?

AnnaLynne McCord is without a doubt the most watchable thing on Nip/Tuck (especally when Rosie O'Donnell guest stars).

Much more AnnaLynne here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com