Random Thoughts

Is Jessica Biel serious with those sunglasses? I think she is. I'm not even sure I'd bang her if she was wearing those bad boys. What is the over under on how much those shades cost? If the First Lady was wearing them I'd say 10 bucks. But since it's Biel I'm going to say they cost at least a grand. And if I'm right about this than this will have to go down as the greatest waste of money in the history of mankind.

Patriots fans spent the weekend doing the same way the Pats player did: watching the playoff games and gagging on the medocrity of the lesser teams in the NFL. And with no game to write about, it's a chance to look back at the 2007 Patriots regular season through the eyes of guys who are really good at photoshop and have a lot of time on their hands.

These came from all over the internet, but thanks on a lot of them goes to PatriotsPlanet and Cold, Hard Football Facts. Click here for the gallery....

ARDMORE, Okla. (AP) - A food fight led to the arrest of an Ardmore man after police say he stabbed another man in the neck with a pork chop bone. Police received a call of a fight outside a local business and arrived to find the victim covered in blood with a puncture wound to his neck. A few blocks away, police arrested 38-year-old Tony Willis. Police say Willis had blood on his clothing and a search revealed a pork chop bone they say was used in the attack.

What the fuck type of idiot is this guy?  You stab somebody in the neck with a pork chop bone and you don’t get rid of it afterwords?    I feel like criminals are just getting dumber by the minute.   Get rid of the weapon!Bury that shit.   If the pork bone doesn’t fit you must acquit.

We've got ten working days between now and the Super Bowl. (If you count MLK day) And to mark the occasion I'm going to count down the top ten women who have helped make the often tedious game (when the Patriots aren't in it) worth watching. Today we pay tribute to Tonya Ballinger and Kitana Baker, known throughout the civilized world as the Miller Lite catfight girls.

The catfight ad, easily the greatest in television history had been on the air before, but Super Bowl XXXVII brought the girls instant fame. And it saved us from having nothing to look forward to all day as Tampa Bay beat Oakland in one of the all time "who-gives-a-goddamn" games. In the wake of this commercial running during the Super Bowl, feminist groups screamed bloody murder. But those of us who believe women have the right to their opinions applauded this empowering, ground breaking ad.

Click here for pictures of Tonya and Kitana...

When these pictures of Eli Manning rocking out to "Livin' on a Prayer" first made it onto Barstool last January, there wasn't a man among us who thought a year later he'd be getting ready to face the Patriots in the Super Bowl. At the time I wrote this:

...for whatever reason, being an NFL quarterback, which by definition makes you a leader of your team, means you have to score the hot chick. Your teammates look up to you and they're counting on you to bag the best tail on the team. In other words, you sleep with the Victoria's Secret model, not the drunk girl who buys her stockings and garters from the plus-size section of Victoria's Secret.

I don't care if he hasn't thrown a pick in the post season, I stand by those words.

If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times.  It’s not a big time crash until you have seizures at the end.   That’s what separates the men from the boys.

PS – This guy ended up being okay so it’s fair game to make fun of him.  

Things to consider while wondering how Fredo Manning can possibly beat the Patriots in two weeks:

*When he was vowing revenge on the Pats last year, I don't think at the time any of us could've envisioned LT spending the Championship Game sitting on the sidelines in his Darth Vader helmet singing "I'm Freezing at Pee Wee Hockey."

*It's amazing to me how week after week we see coaches bungling the kind of game management decisions you never see Belichick mess up. San Diego used up their second time out with 6:00 to go because they didn't have the right personnel on the field. Then they burned their last time out with a full 3:30 left on the clock. If Norv Turner can win a "t-shirt and hat" game over Belichick, then everything we know about football is wrong.

*I concede that Norv has forgotten more about football than any of us will ever know. But whatever indefinable, ephemeral quality a head coach needs, he's simply doesn't have it. Bill Geist had book called "Little League Confidential" in which one of the guys he coached against was a hapless buffoon named Norb, whom everyone called "Yo, Norb." Even the little kids called him that as in "Yo, Norb! Can I bat leadoff?" That's Turner. A coordinator, an X's & O's guy, but not a championship-caliber leader of men. A "Yo, Norv."

*Apparently a Florida judge ordered Randy Moss to stay away from the end zone.

*This was, in all probability, the greatest game ever by a Patriots backfield. For reals. Laurence Maroney did everything you look for in a featured back. When the holes weren't there, he hit the line, kept his feet churning and picked up what he could. When there were holes, he hit them quick, got to the next level, then made his cuts to the open field. Kevin Faulk continues his march on Troy Brown's team record for "Career Overachiever, Most Beloved" and yesterday might have been his finest hour. He didn't even come into the game until 1:01 left in the 1st, when the Pats were completely stalled. Brady hit him with two straight bubble screens which got things going, but without a doubt, Faulk was the jumper cables on the Patriots offensive battery.

*Even if Rachelle Washington is successful at keeping Moss away from her, you know that'll just free up Wes Welker to step in and score with her ten or twelve times.

To read the rest of these hungover ramblings, click here...

Look at these two hot ass Pats fans freezing their tits off at yesterday's game. These broads have to be banging a couple players right? I mean what other possible reason could there be for them to be there? Hot chicks don't freeze their ass off at football games unless they are banging the players period. Ugly chicks maybe. Hot chicks no way.

I got to give this guy Ryan Parker some credit. This is like his 19th anti Patriot song. He just won't die. Every night he and the rest of America probably sit up at night and pray to the God of Little People that the Patriots will somehow lose. But we in New England know it's never going to happen. Sooner or later the rest of the country is just going to have to accept the fact that that Boston is the most powerful and dominating city in the Universe.

- Ryan Parker Songs

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