Random Thoughts

This is the best hockey fight video to surface since... maybe ever. I don't know what country this took place in, other than it's one of those places where they spell words with the backwards "R" and the "O" with the line through it. For all I know it's one of those countries where when you see a woman driving a car you get to make sexy time with her. But I know this: these guys know how to speak the international language of hockey fights. If the NHL gave us the occasional donnybrook like this it wouldn't be getting beaten in the ratings by Billy Mays infomercials. What's with the redheaded guy at the 1:20 mark heading to the bench? Why? Because his face was bloody? Wayne Cashman used to look like that by the end of the skate around. Sissy. I'm not sure what set off the brawl, but from what I know about Eastern European languages, the guy who scored the goal skated by the goalie yelling "tve manzelka je jakysi lesbicka" ("Hey Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks pussy!!!)

PORTAGE, Wis. (AP) -- Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Green Bay Packers jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him. Kowald, contacted later Wednesday by the Portage Daily Register, said the incident started as a joke. His son challenged him by saying he wouldn't root for the Packers.

I didn’t think you could get arrested for this type of shit in Green Bay.  If anything I always thought parents whose kids weren’t wearing Packer gear on gameday got written up by Child Services or something.  Nevermind a playoff game. I mean isn't how to handle this situation right in the Green Bay parenting handbook?

 Q - What to do when if my kid doesn’t want to wear his Packers shirt on Gameday?

 A - Beat the hell out of them until they change their mind.

So like I said I’m not sure why this guy got arrested.   He was just trying to be a good dad and more importantly a good Packer fan.  And let me just say this.  If my kid ever refused to wear a Nomar shirt when we were going to a Red Sox game I’d stick it on him with superglue.

It's safe to say that a lot of Stoolies can't continue with their week unless they get an update on the Barstool bowling team in the King's Media League. This one is overdue, and I apologize.

Things are grim. We took another loss, this one at the hands of the Weekly Dig. Like vs. the Globe in Week 1, we bowled as well as can could reasonably hope, we just ran into a buzz saw. The Dig guys (and girl) were good, as can be expected of a group who can put out their paper every week safe in the knowledge that Mayor Menino won't be swiping their boxes in the morning. Manzo is our tactician/historian/statistician... the Alfred Oglivie of Stool bowling, and he's looked ahead and discovered we've got the toughest schedule in the league. It's a 12-team league and we play 6 games, so the luck of the draw is crucial. Last week we were 3rd in overall pins and lost. The Dig was 2nd. It's like being a 6th seed but your regional includes North Carolina, Georgetown, Duke and Michigan State.

So as it stands, we're floundering. We're solid 1-6, but no one has stepped up to be great. And at the risk of starting a QB controversy, we still don't know whom to follow. El Pres is the natural choice, but he's distracted with building a media empire. And he's a Lou Pinella like manager, flipping proverbial buffet tables in our metaphoric locker room, and we don't seem to respond to the whip. Manzo, maybe. He knows the theoretical game. But he runs hot and cold. Alanna is a gem; a good bowler, bright and enthusiastic. But can she lead? Because it's easy to have good team spirit when win or lose you're still going to be a smokeshow. Eric the photographer? He's a good teammate, but cerebral and introspective.

Which leaves me, and I'm just not the guy other guys follow. I'm not a Ray Lewis let's-touch-foreheads-and-yell-gibberish guy. If I was a Survivor castaway I'd be the one who wins the occasional challenge, not the one who tells everyone else where to build the shelter. The other night, down by 20 something pins with three frames to go, I tried to step up. Tell the team it's gut check time. Let's take it one roll at a time. But it went over like when Bluto says "When the going gets tough...?" [silence]

So that's where we stand. Hopefully though we can right the ship and make a run at the playoffs. Even down 0-2, but a remarkable 3rd in total pins, and experiencing a leadership void. It's been done before. Just ask the San Diego Chargers.

He'll probably never know it, because to read his columns he doesn't know how to log onto the internet, but Dan Shaughnessy has set off a chain reaction on the blogosphere. Yesterday in one of his impossibly clever and entertaining "Picked Up Pieces" columns, Shank mentioned that some Patriots cheerleaders are in the Far East, teaching cheering in China. And with the wit that only he can muster, the CHB ended the tidbit with "....Why?" Hilarious. Since then, the story has been picked up by Deadpsin, Busted Coverage, and about a hundred other sites.

To steal a phrase from Shaughnessy, "...Why?" This isn't the first time Pats cheerleaders have gone to China, as all of us who follow cheerleading, the Patriots and Sino-American relations know. Remember this from Patriots.com last July 31st:

The Patriots Cheerleaders just returned home from a whirlwind tour to China, and came back with some amazing memories.  Alyssa, Lindsay, Tanya, Quinn, Briana, Stacey, Crystal, Meg and Tracy departed the states on June 29th with the goal of reaching out to the Chinese public in Beijing and Shanghai to increase awareness and interest in American Football.  Nine days later, mission accomplished!  In just a little over a week, the ladies did countless media interviews, to include shoots for Chinese FHM and Men's Style Magazines! 

Apparently our office here in the Barstool Building is the only place in America that gets Chinese FHM delivered because this is old news to us. And why is it big deal anyway? Is there a better way to promote cross cultural understanding and international cooperation than through cheerleader-ambassadors? The world needs to know what Americans... real Americans... are all about. That we're all young, gorgeous, sexy and proposterously enthusiastic all the time. The Patriots know, and that's why they've been working to make the world a better place. Shame on anyone who's just coming around to realizing this.

You can probably list on one hand how many sequels lived up to original. Rocky II, Godfather II, Weekend At Bernie's II and that's about it. Therefore, I was very skeptical when somebody emailed me Everyday Normal Guy Part II. I just thought it would be impossible to recapture the glory of the first one. But boy was I wrong. This guy delivered the goods again. In fact some may argue this is better than the original and that's all you can really ask for in a sequel.

- thanks to lugnutz for sending it

Tonight, the Bruins continue their unlikely, "expert"-dissed, proud, and gutsy effort for a playoff spot against division rival, the rapidly defoliating Toronto Maple Queefs, who are three points from the Wales Conference cellar and looking to improve on their current 1-5 stretch.
(Yeah, I know a Bruins playoff spot was once a given in this town---the Bruins still own pro sports longest playoff appearance streak with 29 straight years from '68-'96---but I'll address the ownership issue in a future blog. Hey, shit happens. It is what it is.) But the combination of a one point, six game winless streak and a couple of hot teams---the hated Habs getting points in five out of six games and the hot-as-piss Penguins, who've garnered points in 10 straight (one OTL) led by the run-out-of-Edmonton former UNH goalie Ty Conklin---dropped the bears from second in the conference down to ninth. Yet the Bruins have three games in hand on the eighth place Rangers and meet them twice in back-to-back, home-and-home matinees this weekend (Sunday's MSG start time got moved back to a 12:30 start so NBC can somewhat avoid a third period ratings sacrifice to some football game).

Click Here To Read the Rest of Rear Admiral's B's Blog

This video is obviously pretty old, but I’d never seen it before and it’s hilarious.  Clearly the best freakout is Greg Dickerson by a mile.  How Tanguay and Felger don't mention the fact that he was twitching like a mother fucker is beyond me?   That’s like the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.    I wonder if that happens to Dickerson every time he gets upset?  He just starts twitching out.   

Thanks to Red Sox Monster for the tip

Click here for the answer...

Maybe Ray had a different pre-game meal. Or broke out a new pair of sneakers. Better yet, maybe he bent the wife over a kitchen chair before leaving for the Garden. (Have you seen how hot she is?) Whatever happened, Celtics fans finally saw a different Ray Allen last night in the 100-90 win over Portland. He shook off some early shooting woes by actually driving to the hoop in the 3rd quarter, which eventually turned into some red-hot jump-shooting. He was nailing big shots from all over the place. Shots you knew were dropping, upon release. I have some advice for Doc Rivers. If you want to see more of this Ray Allen, stop him from handling the ball. He needs to come off picks, not set the offense. As painful as it is to see Eddie House, Tony Allen and Gabe Pruitt man the point when Rondo is out, you must keep Ray in the 2 spot. Or bring in a veteran point guard, but that's another blog for another time.

I must say that Portland is one helluva young team. The kind of young team Danny Ainge was trying to build in Boston before realizing that Gerald Green, Marcus Banks and Sebastian Telfair weren't that good. Fortunately Danny was smart enough to switch gears. Portland can enjoy their "potential" while we are collecting titles.

Chuck - RedsArmy.com

VS.

Wow, as someone once said, “Decision, decisions.”  Both performers here are obviously very special and very talented, so before you vote, let’s a take a quick look at the tale of the tape:

Location:  Strip Club vs. Uganda

Clearly the ideal place to pole dance is a strip club.  You can’t really argue with that.  If I had to pick 1 place I’d rather be – Uganda or a strip club, I’m going strip club every time.  That’s why I’m giving the African the nod here on this first matchup.  While both performances have high degrees of difficulty, pole dancing in Uganda is simply harder to do than in the warm, cozy surroundings of your neighborhood strip club.

Edge: Uganda

Song: Mary J Blige’s “Family Affair” vs. Repeating Whistle

All due respect to Mary J Blige, there’s nothing quite like hearing the sound of a whistle being blown over and over in the Ugandan jungle.  I know he sounds like a stuttering traffic cop, but somehow it fits in perfectly with his routine.  On the other hand, I could’ve picked 1000 different (Def Leppard) songs for the stripper.

Edge: Repeating Whistle

Toughest Individual Move: Perfect Split vs. Mid-Air Crane Kick

Mr. Miagi's cousin must live in Uganda, that's the only way I can explain the mid-air crane kick. Personally I've never seen anything like it. Sure, the stripper will see a few extra bucks to help pay for "dental school" with that split, but the African is literally making it rain with the crane kick.

Edge: Mid-Air Crane Kick

Final observations: The African is clearly the Elizabeth Berkley of all pole dancers in the entire world.  How Soahysjsijbis is not a household name in this country is beyond me. I mean it’s almost an insult to match him up against anyone human and probably not fair to the stripper to go head-to-head vs. such an incredible performer. Still, she has a hot ass and you’ve got to give her credit for that. 

Vote 1 for the stripper chick, Vote 10 for the African dude.

Typically when a public figure gets finds himself in the middle of a shitstorm, surrounded by cameras and microphones, they don't help themselves any. The vast majority of the time they come off looking worse. It's almost become a one word journalistic cliche "...Sen. Hairdo's poll numbers have dropped in the wake of his bizarrepressconference..." I offer you Roger Clemens on "60 Minutes" and the next day in front of reporters as my Exhibits A and B and I rest my case.

That said, I am buying Randy Moss' story 100%. His statements to reporters in the Pats locker room yesterday came across as totally credible to me. You live long enough and eventually you learn to trust your gut about people and my gut tells me that whatever happened between Moss and his "friend," Randy Moss doesn't hit girls. His demeanor, the look in his eye, his body language... everything about him has me convinced. He handled the press like it was Buffalo's press coverage scheme.

First of all, let's not treat a simple restraining order like Moss was plotting to set off a suitcase nuke. Anyone who's spent time in a courthouse will tell you they're the most abused statute on the books. The burden of proof is negligible, and judges are reluctant to deny them because if something bad happens they don't want to be in the paper accused of denying help to a frightened woman. Just as often as restraining orders are issued to legitimately protect someone who needs it, they're used just to get back at an ex or as leverage in a divorce or something. And what's with this business of him staying 500 feet away from her? That's a 1/10th of a mile. What's she afraid of? That's he's coming at her with Rocket Propelled Grenades?

Going before the press, and on the offensive, might have been a better move than any he's made running routes this year. Face this thing. Don't hide. Tell your side with candor to the world, then tell it to the judge. Then move on.

As far as the effect of this on the Pats, I've said here before that Belichick's greatest genius is his ability to protect his club from distractions. Terry Glenn in '01. Bledsoe vs. Brady. Super Bowl hype. Lawyer Milloy in '03. SpyGate. Nothing effects these guys except to get them to focus more on football than they did before the media circus put up their tent. No doubt Moss talked to his teammates, they accepted his side of the story, now let's get back to Sunday's gameplan. If anything all this will do will make the Pats put the wagons in a tighter circle around Moss, assuring not only that he'll have a 10-catch 100 yard game against San Diego, but that he'll never want to leave this group of teammates and sign long term deal on the plane flight back from the Super Bowl. So to his alleged "victim": Thanks from Pats fans everywhere.

Who cares if he's in Mexico with some skank?....He just wanted to go to Mexico to get some tail...It's just tail to him....

The recent announcement of the retirement of the Babe Ruth of porn, as well as the highly visible errors in plastic surgery to the face, have really bothered UB a lot more than he would have thought. UB has never had to deal with the retirement of a porn icon before. Even though UB hasn't seen anything Jenna has done in the past 10 years, it truly is a sad day for boners across America. Like Jack Nicholson said in A Few Good Men, we wanted her on that wall. Actually we wanted her on that beat up VHS that was labeled "Clemens 20K vs. Baltimore" in the tape bin (of course we all know that Clemens never struck out 20 against the O's, but we also knew no girlfriend in her right mind would throw that tape in, and that the label-error would remind us it was really hidden porn). We won't have Jenna to tug around any more. With that in mind here is a longing tribute (literally) to the great Jenna Jameson.

PS: It was hard to find enough PG-13 rated stuff (literally)

Much more Jenna here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com