Random Thoughts

Introducing Sara from Sudbury. URI in the house!!! You know the Eck was doing driveby's on Sara's house growing up. I would if I were him. Total smokeshow. As a side note, that party where she has the bottle of vodka dancing on the lawn in the white sundress had to be the most fun party of all time. I refuse to believe otherwise.

As a reminder we're looking for more smokeshow nominations. And not to sweeten the pot or anything but I'm in the process of creating the best "Smokeshow of the Day" tshirts of all time. If that doesn't get chicks off their asses and in the gym and signing themselves up than I don't know what will.

Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click here for more pics of Sara

Listen up boys and girls.   Barstool Trivia sponsored by Harpoon is back at Game On! tonight at 8pm.    Well actually it never really left but we’ve made major renovations over the past few weeks.   We went out and hired one of the best trivia guys in the business to run it for us.    The prizes are still great and the winner still qualifies for the tournament of Champions at the end of the season where they compete for the richest prize in the entire trivia world.  We’re looking for a huge turnout tomorrow to greet the new trivia guy from What Do You Know Trivia.   I told him he’d piss himself when he saw how many people showed up so let’s try not to make me look like a jerk.  Hopefully we’ll see you there!!!

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (AP) -- Patriots owner Robert Kraft sat behind his wide desk and marveled at how his team's jersey could be the target of so many boos -- even when it's worn by a 14-year-old girl.  This was Anna Grant, a high school freshman who had worked hard to win the Punt, Pass & Kick competition in her age group as the team's representative.  When she was introduced along with the other winners before the fourth quarter of San Diego's playoff win last Sunday, she was the only one booed by the crowd in Indianapolis, home of New England's fiercest rival.  "Why should a champion be booed?" the boss of the three-time Super Bowl winners said Tuesday. "She won an intensive competition. She's supposed to be honored."  "What I decided is that we would honor her here before this game," Kraft said in an interview in his office filled with photos, footballs and other memorabilia. "We will recognize her as the winner on the field. Our fans will know."  Grant returned from school Tuesday and heard a phone message from Andre Tippett, the Patriots' executive director of community affairs and a former star linebacker.  She called back and was ecstatic when Tippett extended the invitation -- plus tickets for her, her parents and two brothers -- to take part.

Well this seals the deal.  The Pats are classiest organization in sports.   If the Colts fans want to boo a 14 year old girl that’s okay.  We’ll just make her a folk hero here in Massachusetts and honor the hell out of her at the AFC championship game. And then after we honor her we’ll finish cleaning up the mess that Indy left us by demolishing the Chargers.   Because that’s just how we roll.   Classy and dominating.    Deal with it.

Frankly I thought this video sucked.   I didn’t even think about laughing once.    But we’ve gotten a million emails about it.  So just to prove that I’m aware of it I decided to post it.    Like I said I think it blows, but it saves me the time of having to respond to people that we already saw it.   Expect a new blog in 5-10 minutes.

Introducing Tamira Paszek.  She is a 17 year old Austrian tennis player who made headlines this week by wearing what experts are referring to as a “skimpy” outfit at the Australian Open. (tennis event)   And as the above pictures indicate her skimpy outfit was no match for her massive boobs.    So here is my question.  Are we glad that Tamira wore this dress?  She is obviously in decent shape and she obviously has huge jugs, but do people want to see more of her boobs?     Because I don’t think anybody would say that Tamira is a good looking chick.   In other words do guys want to see all boobs regardless of who they belong to as long as it’s not a fat chick?   I feel like this is a test case in boob theory.   Personally, once I looked at her face her boobs were dead to me.   I’m curious whether I’m the only one who feels this way?

Vote 1 for you love boobs no matter what the face looks like and 10 for face matters.

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. -- Randy Moss said Wednesday that allegations he committed battery against a woman are false and that she made the claim to get money from him. "I want to make something clear," the Patriots wide receiver said while surrounded by reporters and cameras at his locker. "In my whole entire life of living 30 years, I've never put my hand on one woman, physically or in an angry manner." Florida radio station WDBO reported that a woman filed for an order of protection against Moss, alleging he committed battery against her. The report said a temporary injunction was issued, barring Moss from coming within 500 feet of the woman and from using or possessing firearms. Moss gave no details of the alleged incident, saying he was restricted by the legal case. He said the woman was a friend of 11 years and that she asked for "six figures" for what Moss said was an accident in which she was hurt."They're false allegations, something I've been battling for like the last couple of days of threats going public if I didn't pay X amount of dollars," Moss said. "So before people rush quick to judgment I think you need to find out the facts about, really, what's going on. "This young lady by no means is hurt. I didn't hurt her. "It's very unfair to athletes if a person makes a false claim. You know, there's nothing that we can do," Moss said. "The only thing that we can do is either pay up or sit back and listen to what's being said or what's being written."For someone to make a false claim about me, I'm kind of furious," he said. "It kind of hurts me deep inside for someone to do something like that because, you know, I've always said time and time again, I'm going to stand up for what's right. If I'm right, I'm right. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong."

Now I don’t want to rush to judgment here.    We live in a country where you are innocent until proven guilty.   But having said that I think the chick who is trying to blackmail Randy Moss should be killed.  Listen I don’t care whether Moss beat her up or not.  That’s really not the point here.  The point of the matter is you don’t bring this shit up 3 days before the AFC Championship game.   I mean how selfish is this chick?  She can’t wait 3 weeks to pull this shit?  I mean Bill Belichick clearly said he doesn’t want any distractions this week.   Well this is a fucking distraction.   Now even if it turns out this chick is telling the truth she’ll still be found guilty in the court of public opinion.

PS - Feel free to buy a Straight Cash Homey shirt to support Randy Moss

Last Sunday, the Globe's Dan Shaughnessy began his column on the Pats-Jacksonville game with possibly the worst opening sentence of the 21st century:

They are Camelot's football team, extending perfection (17-0)into the new year, one victory shy of playing in their fourth Super Bowl in seven seasons.

What does that even mean? Is he talking about Jack Kennedy? King Arthur? Musicals? Since none of them are applicable, it doesn't matter. It was just Shank being Shank. But just when you thought he had written as badly as he can, just two days later the Curly Haired Boyfriend pitches another gem in the form of one of his copyrighted "Picked Up Pieces" columns. The score on this one:

Things Dan's just discovered that've been patently obvious to everyone else for years: 4
(Jim Rice was a good hitter, Josh McDaniels looks young, Tom Coughlin is a hardass, The Patriots have been better than the Cowboys for some time now)
Things that are of interest to no one outside the Globe offices: 2
(The Globe doesn't let Charlie Jacobs preview articles about himself, Dan won't be covering the Olympics)
Self congratulations: 2
(Dan is too much of a badass journalist to cover the Olympics, an update of his column about perfection)
'80's Celtics references: 4
(2 Larry Birds, Danny Ainge, Cedric Maxwell)
Archaic musical references: 3
("Aqualung", Mike Love, "Werewolves of London")
Completely uninteresting useless factoids: 4
(The pronunciation of Kosuke Fukudome, The Coke bottles are being moved, The Blue Jays tried to bring Ainge back in 1989, Rudy Guliani's Little League team was the Red Sox.)

I think I speak for all of us when I say I'm disappointed the CHB didn't pimp for one of his co-worker's books and the complete lack of Harry Frazee references. But Shank knows less about football and college hoops than any writer in town, so the next three months should be fertile ground for those.

“It was something that popped into my head.  I was watching the game and I said I want my head to look like Tom Brady’s helmet.”

Listen we’ve all been there.   Who hasn’t been watching the Pats and thought to themselves that they’d like to have their head resemble Brady’s helmet?   I mean it’s just a natural stage of progression when you’re watching a game.   One second Brady is going deep to Moss and the next second you’re wishing you had the logo on your head. Unfortunately once the game ends you get distracted doing something else and you totally forget all about it.   Kudos to this nut job for staying focused and following through with it.    Although I hate to say it but I think he’s going to regret getting the green dot where the microphone goes.   That’s just going overboard if you ask me.

- Thanks to Jay at Primio Tickets for sending this along

WTKR - Today, a Chesapeake lawmaker plans to introduce a bill that will ban "truck nuts" from your truck or SUV. The nutty idea is the brainchild of Delegate Lionell Spruill.  We're talking about the fake testicles people hang on the backs of their vehicles.  Spruill says these types of dangling do-dads are tacky, vulgar, and downright embarassing.  It still has a long way to go before it ever becomes law.  "It comes to a point where there are certain things you just can't do.  And putting testicles on the back of a truck is just too much.  So I am trying to stop it," he tells NewsChannel 3 in an interview. Although he says he hasn't found anyone to co-sponsor it with him.

First of all let’s get the fucking name right people.  It’s bumper nuts, not truck nuts. Show some respect.  Second of all, the day that I can’t put fake testicles on the back of my Astrovan is the day I move to Canada.   Because I’ve been waiting for an invention like this for the past 3 years.   I’ve always felt like something was missing with the Astrovan and now I know what it is.   Truck Nuts where have you been my whole life?   From now on whenever anybody spots the Astrovan with the fake testicles in the back rolling down the street you’ll know the latest copy of the Stool has been delivered safe and sound.

What do you do when you're a struggling Spanish rock singer whose latest piece of crap sounds like something off the "Over The Top" Soundtrack? How about getting your smokeshow sisters to make out in your video and act like they want to shove their tongues in your ear while you're singing? Well that was the plan for Penelope Cruz's brother, Juan Valdez, who has Penelope and equally hot sister Monica locking lips in his video, "Cosas Que Contar," which if UB can recall from his days of taking Spanish II at Algonquin, means "I jerk off in the dark while my sisters sleep."

Of course in an attempt to satisfy the "into lesbian but not incest" crowd, Penelope's publicist says it's just a woman who looks like her sister. UB's not buying it. Besides, shouldn't incest between sisters who rank above the 10+ mark be not only allowed but encouraged by society? UB says, Yes it should.

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — A woman is seeking an arrest warrant against suspended Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones, claiming he punched her at an Atlanta strip club. Wanda S. Jackson asked for the warrant after a Jan. 3 altercation at the Body Tap Strip Club. Jackson, an attorney, says she was in the club's office when an angry Jones accused managers of stealing his money and bracelet. Jackson said Jones lunged at her numerous times and then "sucker punched" her in the left eye.

At this point obviously we don't know precisely what took place. But I don't see any reason why we shouldn't give Pacman the benefit of the doubt. When he got a year's suspension from Roger Goodell, Jones took out a full page ad in the Tennesseean where he said "I will do everything in my power to regain your trust and respect" and I think he's done that. He's worked hard to redeem himself and his strip joint etiquette has improved by leaps and bounds. Seriously, when was the last time you heard a stripper complain about getting pushed around because she tried to pick up the bills after Pac made it rain? A long time... that's how long. Even in this case, was anybody shot? No. No one was shot. That's progress. One step at a time.

These are sorry times we live in when a decent, earnest guy like Jones can't hang in a strip joint, minding his own business, enjoying himself some tatas, without being hassled by some money and bracelet stealing manager. It's a sad statement about our country. Pac is the real victim in this case.

Pacman: "Someone in this office took my money and bracelet."
Wanda: "You can't accuse my clients like this."
Pacman: "You a dancer?"
Wanda: "I'm an attorney."
Pacman: "Oh yeah? Well show me your briefs." Smack.

So cut him some slack. This is no reason to extend his suspension. He did what any reasonable man would do. Next time Roger Goodell is in a titty bar and someone steals his stuff, let's see how he reacts.

I got to admit, I’m totally confused by the San Diego Chargers.  I just don’t get how anybody can be as stupid as they are?   I mean how can a team that has never won anything in the history of the franchise talk so much shit?    All they do is talk and talk and talk.   Now ordinarily I don’t mind trash talking.   In fact I kind of like it if you can back it up.  But these guys never have.  Not once.    We play them.  We humiliate them.  We play them.  We humiliate them.  It’s the same sad story over and over and over again. But they never stop talking despite getting whopped on every time.  It’s so pathetic I actually feel bad for them and anybody who is unfortunate enough to be a fan of this sorry franchise.  Anyway, the latest examples of this idiocy are Igor Olshansky and Shawne Merriman.  First we get Olshansky who pulled a Freddy Mitchell/Steeler guy.   This of course is when a player who nobody has heard of and who has done nothing in his career pops off just so he can get his five minutes of fame.   Unfortunately for Igor this will be the most notoriety he gets in his entire life.  And then yesterday we get Shawne Merriman acting like he didn’t know Jabbar Gaffney’s name in an interview.  Hmm, you’d think Merriman would remember Gaffney.  After all  Jabbar is the guy that caught 10 balls for 103 yards and a TD last year when the Pats bounced SD from the playoffs.   The same game the Pats shoved the Lights Out Dance back in Merriman’s eyeball.   So either Merriman is being a wise ass when he fucks up Jabbars name or he is the dumbest human being on the planet.  I honestly can’t figure out which one it is.    Anyway I digress.  The point of this rant is that I have no problem when you talk trash about a team or a guy.    But at some point when one team dominates you over and over again you just need to sit back and admit that they are your master.  And that’s exactly where we are at right now.     The only thing I can equate is this below video.  It would be like the guy who got knocked out holding a press conference the day after the fight saying he is going to kick the other guys ass next time.   I mean it’s that silly.

When I last subbed in for UB on the "Wake Up With..." I did a bunch of 30-something MILFs who sing. I apologize for nothing, but I do concede that as much as I liked it, it was fairly... tame... I guess is the word. So just to re-establish balance in the Force, I'm following it up with the host of your 2008 Adult Video Awards, Tera Patrick. Let's see Ellen Degeneres do this. On second thought, let's not.

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