Random Thoughts

Without a doubt one of the worst things about the real world is that there are no "Snow Days." If I was elected President I'd make snow days universal. It just raises everybody's moral. I still remember listening to the radio as a kid when they announced all the school cancellations . It was the closest thing to a gambling rush you can have without actually placing a bet. No school in Salem, Swansea........Swampscott!!!! Booyah!!!

Anyway, I've never understood why schools get to close, but businesses stay open. I mean don't most people have to commute further to get to work than they did to get to their school? The city should mandate that businesses have to close when we get clobbered by snow. But until this happens people need to take their victories wherever they can find them. And that obviously means drawing giant penises in the Christian Science Reflecting Pool.

- Thanks to Jim who took and sent us this photo from the window of the Prudential where he was unfortunately still at work.

This is why the NY Post is the world's greatest newspaper. Some papers are content to just report the news; the Post goes out and makes the news.For the Cowboys-Giants game, they hired a Jessica Simpson look alike, flew her out to Irving, TX, threw her in a pink Tony Romo jersey and put her in seats right behind the Dallas bench to mush the Cowboys. Now that is how journalism is supposed to work.

The chick in question is a 21 year old nanny from Bethell, WA named Lynsey Nordstrom who is actually not a bad look alike. And the stunt worked as Romo was 18-36 with a 64.7 passer rating. So credit the Post for bringing back what once a time honored tradition. Like in the '77 and '78 World Series, after Steve Garvey's wife left him for composer Marvin Hamlisch and every time he came to bat the Yankee Stadium organist played "The Way We Were." Of course it doesn't always work as the Indians found out when they tried it with Josh Beckett in the ALCS and he kicked the crap out of them anyway.

But can you for one second picture any of the Boston papers doing this? OK, the Herald maybe. If Roger Clemens unretires for the 10th straight year, I could almost see the Herald putting a Brian McNamee behind the visitors dugout when the Yankees are in town. But would the Globe ever put say, an Anucha Browne Sanders look-alike behind the Knicks bench? Would the Lowell Sun hire a girl who looks like the chick Jason Kidd knocked up to mess with his head? Or if the Pats play Green Bay would the Patriot Ledger sit a guy near Brett Favre dressed like a bottle of prescription pain killers? I think not.

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Christina Aguilera has given birth to a boy, the pop singer announced on her Web site Sunday.

"Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman are proud to announce the birth of their son Max Liron Bratman," the brief message said. "He is a beautiful, healthy baby boy."

Jesus Christ, imagine if that was your mom’s ass?   Look at that.  Look at that!  Frankly I’m shocked she popped out a kid.   I mean how do you decide to become a mother after the “Dirrty” video?  That’s like the #1 tell-tale sign in life that a person is not expecting to have a child.  And if you’re Aguilera, how do you watch that video with your kid?  “See, this is the part where mommy rides some guy’s junk in the mud.”  Call me old school, but I just think that would be a strange conversation.   Regardless, congratulations to Christina Aguilera for becoming one of the hottest MILF’s on the planet. 

See below for “Dirrty” video, uncut.

Vs.

Vs.

I actually have nothing against Charger fans.  I despise the Chargers, but they’re fans don’t bother me.  I mean West Coast fans are jokes.   It’s impossible to really get too riled up about them.   Yeah, they want the Chargers to win, but they don’t really care.    As long as they can surf and have a pina colada at the beach they’re happy.    In any event, the biggest dork in this showdown is the kid in video #2.    He’s probably still dancing right now and his buddy is probably still laughing.  Also,I’d bet my life they banged when it was all over.

Am I dreaming or does Britney’s body look pretty good here?   I’m not talking about her face.  Just her body.   Zero hip fat.   Her stomach looks tight and toned.   I haven’t seen her look this in shape in ages.  Apparently crazy does the body good.  She must not be eating because she’s depressed.  Good for her.  Do whatever it takes.  We’re all rooting for you kid.

“I will never ever, ever spread my legs in this industry again.”

- Jenna Jameson

So with that simple yet elegant statement ends the career of one of the most prolific porn stars of our generation.   It must have taken a team of writers months to come up with that line.  This will have to go down as one of the most dramatic retirement speeches of all time.  It’s right up there with when Magic retired with Aids and Timmy retired from MTV after losing on a DQ in the Inferno.  I mean the crowd just never saw it coming.   And while the always classy porn crowd booed her announcement, the truth is that the time had come for Jenna.   Bottom-line is that nobody wants to see her fuck anymore anyway.   My only complaint is that after this announcement they should have played a montage of Jenna Jameson clips with "We Are the Champions" playing in the background.    That’s the least the AVN could have done for somebody who has revolutionized the industry.  And just in case you have any doubt on how important Jenna Jameson was to the porn industry just ask her because she’ll tell you all about it. 

PS – I love the guy at the 1:47 mark.  He looks half deformed but apparently he did read the copy of US Weekly where they said Jenna was retiring.

(From Boston.com) Tanning Index: The Tanning Index is a forecast of the amount of ultraviolet expected to reach the Earth's surface when the sun is highest in the sky. The higher the index, the faster UV radiation causes damage to the skin and eyes. The index depends on the elevation of the sun in the sky, the cloud cover, and amount of ozone. It predicts UV levels on a 0-10+ scale. Be sure to take extra precautions against exposure to the sun when the UV Index predicts exposure levels of moderate to above (5-10+).

Hmm, 10 inches of snow, 20 degree temperatures, 17 mph winds.  I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to hit the beach!   Thanks boston.com for updating me on the tanning index.  I made sure not to leave the house until I checked it. 1 out of 10, that’s it?   I was thinking it had to be at least a 6.5 on a day like today.  While we’re at it, anything going on at Waterworks tonight?  How about Tia's? Who's pitching for the Sox? Now this question comes up every year and frankly I still haven’t gotten an answer.  Sure some people work outside, but are they really concerned with UV levels on days like today?  It’s like posting the wind chill factor in July.  So get rid of the fucking tanning index until at least Opening Day.  Other than this guy (see above) nobody cares.

El Pres Question to Manzo; Is this a reprint?

The Falcons officially have a new general manager after former New England director of college scouting Tom Dimitroff. He is scheduled to report to work as soon as Monday morning, the team confirmed.

It's that time of year again. While the Patriots are busy working on making history, the rest of the football world is desperately trying to figure out a way to get the Pats mojo to rub off on them.

No one knows anything about Dimitroff. I confess to being a card carrying obsessive/compulsive Patriots draft nerd, and the guy's name didn't even register with me. He's 40, he's involved in the Pats college scouting, he probably gets to walk around on the field in Indy at the draft combine with an all-access pass and a stopwatch and... that's about it. And in today's NFL, just saying you've sat in a room listening to Belichick tell you what he wants you to do is enough for some owner to hand you the keys to the franchise. Keep in mind that Josh McDaniels had already told Arthur Blank he wasn't interested in interviewing for the Falcons coaching job, now the guy who puts the colored tabs into Scott Pioli's 3-ring draft binder is in charge of the whole operation.

I expect we'll see more of this in the weeks to come and job offers will be extended to everyone in the Pats organization from Dean Pees to Pepper Johnson to the kid who fetches the coffee and towels off the football. So anxious are teams to gene-splice Belichick's DNA onto their pathetic organizations, I wouldn't be surprised to see his kid taking the podium at a press conference any day now. There are teams that would give their head coaching job to his fingernail clippings or a lock of his hair. I mean, why not? The Jets hired one of his bowel movements.

Vs.

In my lifetime I didn’t think I’d ever see anybody would ever challenge the Boom Goes The Dynamite guy for the worst sports telecast of all time.   But this NAIA kid gave him everything he could handle for 12 rounds.    You got to respect that.   The Boom Goes The Dynamite guy is still the winner, but it was a better fight than anybody expected.

Vote 1 for Boom Goes the Dynamite and 10 for NAIA Kid

I got to admit that I’m still stunned that the Chargers beat the Colts.  I honestly didn’t give SD a chance.   I thought the Colts would win by 20 and then would give the Pats everything they could handle in an AFC Championship game for the ages.  Boy was I wrong.   Now we get to look forward to our friends from the Left Coast coming to Foxboro.   That’s fine by me.   Even though I was looking forward to getting revenge on the Colts, it is always fun to humiliate the Chargers.  After all there is no bigger bunch of  crybaby assholes than SD.     They talk more trash and celebrate more than any team in the league.   But the second you stand up to them and give them a dose of their own medicine, they run home to momma and start crying like little fucking babies.   I’m sure everybody remembers all the whining and moaning they did after the Pats beat them last year.  Just in case you forgot, here is a sampling of the shit that they’ve about us over the past year;

“I think the Patriots actually live by the saying, ‘If you’re not cheatin, you’re not trying,’“I mean, I think that’s the way … they live off that statement. You keep hearing the different stories of people complaining about stuff that they do. So I’m not surprised.”

- Ladainian Tomlinson

-“I would never, ever react in that way,” “You guys know me, I’m a very classy person. I wouldn’t have reacted like that, so yes, I was upset. Very upset. When you go to the middle of our field and you start doing the dance that Shawne Merriman is known for, that’s disrespectful to me and I can’t sit there and watch that. And so yeah, I was very upset. And just the fact the way they showed no class at all, absolutely no class, and maybe it comes from the head coach. There you have it.” 

- Ladainian Tomlinson

"Every time I will play New England it will be a personal grudge," "That was very classless. … When we went in and beat their head in New England [last season] … we did nothing but compliment them and say they were a good team. We would never disrespect a team like that."

- Shaun Phillips

"They won and they deserve a lot of credit,"Personally I was disappointed in the way they handled winning.

- Philip Rivers  (Getting in fights with fans is pretty classy way to handle winning)

"It was upsetting to see because they won three Super Bowls," "It's like a guy on a fast break in basketball and dunking the ball and getting excited. You've won three Super Bowls. You don't do that."

- Shawne Merriman  (Dude, you invented the most annoying celebration dance in sports.)

Things to consider while wondering why CBS is only giving us three month worth of head's up to get ready for the Masters:

*So much for Fred Taylor and Mojo Drew beating the Pats with "Three Yards and a Cloud of Vulcanized Rubber Granules." This business of good running teams being built to win in the playoffs is the falsest, and most pervasive, myths in all of sports. Did we learn nothing from Antoine Smith?

*The Pats stayed with their base 3-4 virtually all game. They were lining Vince Wilfork head up on the center, but on run plays, the play side G was blocking down on him and opening holes. So on the last drive of the half, they moved VW to what they call "Roscoe Lena," where he moves to the A gap on whichever side they think the play is going. That produced the first 3 & out all game, as they stopped Drew a foot short of the first.

*Also a foot short? Garrard's intestines. Sorry. Truly I am.

*The collective hero of this game was the offensive line. Jacksonville's front seven is massive, and they're designed to stop the run. Things looked grim on the first play when John Henderson flat out overpowered Logan Mankins for the sack. But the rest of the night, Mankins kicked his gigantic ass. On one 1st down, Mankins took Henderson out of the play, jumped to the next level, threw a block on Daryl Smith, and freed Maroney for 6. That was typical of how the rest of the game went for the O-line. On the day, Henderson got the better of Logan a total of one play, putting him in tie with Mankins' shoelace.

*But by saying that, you're kind of admitting your taking Tom Brady for granted, which is probably true. A 92.9 completion percentage is insane. I don't hit the inside of the toilet with piss 92.9% of the time. Even when I sit. He threw exactly two balls out of 28 that hit the vulcanized rubber. One was a ball Ben Watson probably should've had. Another hit Wes Welker between the "8" and the "3." But that was the result of the Jim Nance/Phil Simms Kiss of Death as they had just finished talking about Brady's near perfection, and even he can't defeat the most powerful mush in all of broadcasting.

*But again with the O-line: On the two TD throws to Ben Watson, Brady spent so much time in the pocket he almost got called for a shot clock violation.

*Say what you want about Brady's play fake. Give him the Academy Award like he said in the postgame. Say it was made possible by the times they've direct-snapped it to Kevin Faulk for 2-point conversions (like the Super Bowl against Carolina). Credit the Boise St. "Statue of Liberty" play if you want. But I know that move came right from Rudy Galindo's Village People medley. Might as well 'fess up, Tom.

To read more of this drunken blather, click here...

Singer Natalie Imbruglia has split from her rock singer husband after four years of marriage, the Daily Mail reported. The 32-year-old said she and Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns had grown apart due to the pressures of work.

I don't care to speculate how a chick with one song and one movie ("Johnny English") to her credit can be suffering from "the pressures of work" unless she's waiting tables like so many other one-hit wonders. I'll just take this as welcome news since I've always kind of liked Natalie, and this increases the odds I'd have a shot with her. She's not a smokeshow, but there's a certain "X" factor to her that makes her more attractive than the sum of her parts. Plus I think I like any singer who can keep it together into her 30s instead of shaving her head and getting hauled off to a rubber room. Anyway, click here for more pictures of Imbruglia and other 30-something musical MILFs...