Random Thoughts

Has anybody been watching Varsity Inc on ESPN?  It basically chronicled the West Monroe Rebels who are a high school football powerhouse in Pennsylvania.    The season just ended with West Monroe getting bounced in the second round of the playoffs.  Anyway whenever I watched it I couldn’t help but be reminded of Two A Days from MTV since it was basically a knock off version of the original.   And whenever I think of Two A Days I think about Brittany Benton who was arguably the hottest chick on MTV during her brief time in the limelight.   Now when the show originally aired she was still in high school so we didn’t make too big of a deal about her for fear of getting arrested by the Internet police.  I think I just nicknamed her freaky hot and tried my best not to say anything too outrageous about her.   But times have changed as Brittney is now in college at Alabama and of legal age.   So here is our first ever Where Are They Now feature at Barstool Sports.  It’s time to catch up with Brittany “Freaky Hot” Benton.

Click Here For The Entire Gallery.

Congratulations to legendary Red Sox nemesis Rich "Goose" Gossage for getting into the Hall of Fame. Let's hope his induction speech also has 18 F-bombs every 67 seconds as well. (NSFW, language)

Last night the Barstool bowling team kicked off its sophomore season in the Kings Media League. We lost to the Boston Globe 1532-1511, and while we don't believe in moral victories, we were undermanned and it's hard to find fault with the effort.

As is typical in the Salary Cap Era, the Stool squad had a lot of turnover in the offseason. It's still me, El Pres and Manzo. But UB was a no show in what was supposed to be his rookie debut. Apparently he had to continue his pioneering work in the field of Hayden Pannettiere photo exploration or something because he cancelled at the last minute. And Eric the photographer was out photographing or something. So we added a newcomer to the roster, "Sexiest Bartenders" issue legend, Alanna. Alanna was remarkable, just a total package. If there was a beauty contest that consisted of evening gown/Q&A/swimsuit/bowling competition, she'd win in a rout. No kidding, she was so good I told her the league might test her gender like an East German swimmer. She could stand to be a little mentally tougher as she was distracted the whole night by the Globe guy with the frosted tips in his hair. By Alanna's own admission, Frosted Tips was using the same ball as her and she allowed him to set up shop in her head and live rent free.

Terry Francona says it takes the first third of the season for your team to establish its identity. And right now, just like last year, we don't have one. We're not the Patriots-like Powerhouse we wish we were. Nor are we Tampa Bay Devil Rays-like Hapless Losers. We're not the Bad News Bears- style Lovable Misfits or Team Turmoil like the Bengals. We're just sort of... pretty good. But in fairness to us, other teams have the luxury of just showing up, bowling and socializing. Last night the Stool team showed up with 40% newcomers, "Straight Cash Homie" t-shirts to distribute, upcoming parties to talk about, and columns to finish before the deadline. Frosted Tips was able to focus on the pins without having to listen to El Pres trying to prove his "The SEC teams can't stop the run" hypothesis.

Before we can bowl better, we need to figure out who we are. Manzo is a bowling historian who can throw out jargony terms like "Brooklyn" at will and who keeps a running tally of the score of the match. I'm a Belichick disciple who'd prefer to take it one ball at a time. El Prez is a Parcellsian task master who motivates through fear and sarcasm and who believes if you focus on the opponents, you can play defense. So we're a work in progress, 0-1 in the standings and trying to establish an identity. Which will probably not include frosted tips. Next week a complete scouting report of the team. Viva la Stool.

A happy 37^th birthday to the Giambino today.  (37, really?  Yikes.)  Now of all the guys who cheated and took steroids, Giambi did it the right way.  He bulked up, hit a bunch of homeruns, won an MVP, signed a $100 million contract, got caught cheating, then fessed up.  See, unlike Bonds, Clemens, McGwire, Sosa, Palmeiro, and for that matter Dick Nixon, the Giambino knew it’s not so much the crime as it is the cover-up.  Bold-facing lying to people, especially under oath, for whatever reason just doesn’t sit right.  Also I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.  And that’s what the people above will forever be known for.  Giambi, while guilty as anyone for taking steroids, at least admitted what he did and apologized. Sort of.  So for that, a happy birthday to the Giambino. 

EDIT: And in other Yankee news, congratulations to Goose Gossage for finally making the Hall of Fame.  Clearly one of the great closers of all time and the most dominant of his era in the American League.   Former Red Sox Jim Rice (see right) fell short once again.

Summer Glau from the new Terminator show

vs.

Tiffany Brissette, aka Vicki the robot from Small Wonder

Much like the simulated Rocky vs Mason Dixon fight from Rocky 6 got "a lot of people curious" so have these commercials for the new Terminator show on Fox about a possible showdown between the hot new Terminator chick and Vicki from Small Wonder. Is there any chance that show producers could dig up Tiffany Brissette and have her reprise the role as Vicky for a one on one showdown. Was UB the only Stoolie from the 80s that thought Jamie was taking advantage of having a blossoming robot chick living in the house? You gotta believe that when the folks went out to the movies, Jamie locked the door to prevent Harriet and the annoying neighbors from popping over so that he could play doctor with his metallic sister? Can you imagine his disappointment when he dropped the iron drawers only to discover that his dad had only gone as far as to give Vic the same torso as a Barbie doll? Of course we all know that Mr. Lawson kept the more anatomically correct torso in an attic crawl space when Mrs. Lawson took Jamie to the supermarket. What a sick fuck.

In any event, the new Terminator chick looks like she's going to be a welcome addition to the hotness-lacking Fox line up and from all indications it appears that she might rip Vicki a new vagina...

Vicki circa 1999:

The 80s Dream Team:

Vote 1 for the new Terminator, Vote 10 for Small Wonder.

Click Here For the Answer

There are five distinct levels of strangeness:
1.Unusual
2. Odd
3. Peculiar
4. Bizarre
5. WTF? Absolute batshit crazy

The Roger Clemens press conference yesterday went beyond Level 5 and reached "Howard Hughes Toward the End When He Had Six Inch Fingernails and Was Storing His Urine in Bottles" caliber nuts.

What was with that taped phone call? Can anyone make sense of it?

Clemens: I just want the truth out there, and if I got to go - whatever I'm doing - I just want the truth out there. And like I said, I just can't believe what's being said. We're getting it from all angles. And, you know, I haven't talked to anybody other than my representatives - and Randy (Hendricks). Everybody is just - everybody is just so upset.
McNamee: The pain this is causing you and me and everybody is nonsense. You know, Brian, your kids, my kids, they have nothing to do with this. The truth is the truth. It is what it is.

Who talks like that? And all the talk about "I love your kids" and "You taught me how to be a father" and "I got Koby in the game, and he's getting, he's getting crushed" and all that? 95% of my friends and family have kids, and I swear if ever I talked to one of my friends like that they'd laugh me out of the pub.

But what was that tape supposed to prove? That Brian McNamee is lying? It did nothing of the sort. There are only three possible scenarios here. And this is how the conversation would've gone for each of them:

1. Clemens is innocent/ McNamee is a liar:
Clemens: I never juiced and you goddamned know it you lying sack of shit. Why the hell did you tell the Feds you injected me when you know it isn't true?
McNamee: I'm sorry I lied. They made me.
Clemens: I'm going to tear your arm off and beat you to death with it you weasel.

2. Clemens is a liar/ McNamee is telling the truth:
Clemens: Why did you rat me out?
McNamee: They asked me if I ever injected you with 'roids and I had to tell the truth. I wasn't going to lie to a federal prosecutor and go to jail.

3. The phone call was staged to help Clemens save his reputation and get in the Hall of Fame:
Clemens: I'm just, like I said, I'm numb, my family is numb.
McNamee: I know that. I know that.
Clemens: I don't know. I'm just saying -
McNamee: (unintelligible). You treated me better than anybody.

Which is verbatim how it went. Clemens wanted to prove to the world he's innocent. All he proved was that we were right all along to think he's a fraud.

I’m sure all the haters out there are waiting breathlessly for me to admit that after last night’s National Championship the SEC is clearly the best football conference in America.  Well I’m going to keep this short and sweet because I have a paper route to attend to. But last night’s game proved my point.   LSU did nothing to win that game last night.  Ohio State gave it to them on a silver platter.  I mean what did the Buckeyes have like 24 personal foul penalties?   And at least two of them led directly to 14 points.  Not to mention the dropped touchdown pass, blocked field goal etc.    Yet despite all the turnovers and all the mental mistakes they only lost by 14 pts in a game that was played in LSU’s backyard!  What a joke.  Swampscott High School would have beaten OSU by twenty last night.    If the AP has any conscious at all they’ll vote for USC or West Virginia as the true National Champion.   Because there is no way LSU would have beaten the best the Pac 10 or Big East has to offer. Just ask Amanda Chicchinni.

And to all those idiot Stoolies out there who kept on saying the SEC was the best football conference in America I accept your apology.  Just don’t doubt me ever again. Now I’m off to do a paper route.

Last night was Hot Stove Cool Music at the Paradise Rock Club.   As I was flicking through the picture gallery on Boston.com I didn’t really see anything worth writing about.  I mean it looked like an instant replay of the last couple years.   You got Peter Gammons and Theo Epstein on guitar.  You got Bronson Arroyo on vocals (you knew Bronson wouldn’t miss a 50 year storm.  Some Northeastern chick is getting anal tonight)    You got Wyc Grossbeck on the drums and you got Tiffany Ortiz on the tambourine.  Same old same old.   But then I came across a picture of Zac Scott on the harmonica.    Who the fuck is Zac Scott you ask.  Well apparently he is the Assistant Director of Operations for the Boston Red Sox.  That’s like the equivalent of the janitor at the Stool.   So why did this guy get a solo act at Hot Stove Cool Music?     Listen it’s one thing to listen to Theo Epstein or Peter Gammons play music.  Nobody really cares that they make your ears bleed because they are well known guys.   It’s just kind of the deal and the charm of the event.  But if I want to see some guy I’ve never heard of play the harmonica for five minutes I could go to Park Station T Stop.   So again I ask how the fuck did Zac Scott get a solo at Hot Stove Cool Music.  The only explanation is that I can come up with is that he is some sort of musical genius.   And to that end I am requesting immediately a Zac Scott CD so I can listen to him and judge for myself.   Do they make Hot Stove Cool Music CD’s?  They must right?    Anyway mark my words.   Before I die the harmonica of Zac Scott will be heard on the Stool airwaves.

Don't you wish life could imitate art once in a while. Like the way Spider-Man's last 20 years have just been wiped away in the comic world and we now get to enjoy a free swinging Peter Parker bang every hot chick to come down the pike. Well imagine if we could just erase every thing we have seen from Britney Spears in the past 6-7 years and return her to her glory days of hotness. When any one of you Stoolies would have dragged your balls through a mile of broken glass just to drink her bath water. Ah the mammaries...

Much more classic Britney here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com