Random Thoughts

UB has been battling his computer all week, hopefully he has finally worked out the bugs...Click here for the UPDATED Barstool Advent Calendar...

The Minnesota Twins are saying they didn't get offered enough for Johan Santana, so they're perfectly willing to hang onto him:

It may still require just one more phone call for Bill Smith to trade away Johan Santana, but it appears likely that the Minnesota general manager will not be dealing his ace at these winter meetings, if at all. “I’ve said all along it’s our first choice,” Smith said yesterday of keeping Santana, who becomes a free agent after next season. “We’d love to have him. We’d love to keep him.”

We certainly respect the position the Twins are in,” [Theo] Epstein said yesterday. “...But at this point we don’t have any deal to announce. We’re going to keep an open mind going forward and continue to try to improve the ballclub.”

I say there's no way this trade is dead. If anything, the fact that the Twins left Nashville without getting a deal done just strenghtens the Sox positition. Because boths sides would like to pull something off, but there's a very important distinction. The Red Sox want Santana. The Twins have to move him. Theo knows he's got hand so he's doing what you have to be willing to do when you're buying something: walk away. For all his dunderheadism when it comes to signing guys like JD Drew or Julio Lugo, at times like this Epstein completely redeems himself.

Bill Smith is like the realtor showing a house and saying, "I've got another couple who fell in love with the place and they're going to be putting in an offer by tomorrow," and Theo is saying "Yeah, well I'm sure they'll be real happy here. We're got some other places to look at. We'll get back to you." And make no mistake, it's a buyer's market right now. With the Tigers starting a rotation of Willis, Bonderman and Verlander, the Twins know they have no shot in 2008, so they've got to start building for 2010 and beyond. That means they have to dump Santana know while they can get maximum value for him.

To further torture the metaphor, the longer this particular piece of property stays on the market, the more Smith will have to lower the asking price and the Sox will get an even better deal if they remain patient. So let that nice Steinbrenner couple come back and up their offer if they want; their place is falling apart. They're desperate to buy because they don't want to stay in that dump. The Sox on the other hand are perfectly happy in their current location thank you very much. Expect Smith to be calling again by the time Theo gets back to the office.

In the biggest Grammy shocker since Jethro Tull won the Heavy Metal Award over Metallica in the late 80's, it appears that “Smell Yo Dick” was NOT nominated for a Grammy in 2007.   Believe me, I checked all the categories – Best Song, Best New Song, Best Song About Smelling Yo Dick, nothing.  Pardon my pun, but not even a “whiff” of a nomination for Smell Yo Dick.  I mean who’s running things over there, Vanilli?  You’re telling me Smell Yo Dick isn’t a better song than freaking Umbrella?  Just listen to the choruses of each one and you decide.

Smell Yo Dick: “Why you coming home… 5 in the mone’, somethings going on, let-me-smell yo dick!” 

OR….

“Umbrella-ella-ella.”

What the fuck is that?  This is horse shit as far as I’m concerned.  Even “Hey There Delilah” got nominated and not Smell Yo Dick.  

Anyway, click here to watch the Smell Yo Dick video. With a Grammy snub, "Video of the Year" is all we can hope for now.

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) — A former teacher serving house arrest for having sex with a 14-year-old student was arrested on charges of violating her probation, state records show.According to a Department of Corrections report, Debra Lafave discussed her personal life and other subjects with a teenage waitress at a restaurant where both worked. One of the terms of her probation was that she was not allowed to have unsupervised contact with minors without permission. Lafave, 26, is serving three years of house arrest and seven years of probation after pleading guilty to having sex with the boy in a classroom and her home in June 2004.

Free Debra Lafave!

Free Debra Lafave!

Free Debra Lafave!

To quote the great Lawrence Taylor…Debra Lafave was set up like a motherfucker.  How is she supposed to avoid unsupervised contact with somebody who works in the same restaurant as her?  That’s impossible.    And what’s so bad about a 26 year old talking dick with a 17 year old chick anyway?   Yeah, I know she banged a 14 year old boy, but can’t we let bygones by bygones.   She learned her lesson already.  Enough of this hot chick persecution!   Listen, if I got arrested every time I talked about sexual things with underage chicks I’d be in prison by now.  

As a side note "Free Debra Lafave" has a nice t-shirt ring to it. 

People didn't think that El Pres would miss a 50 year storm did they?    In the last episode of the Hills Audrina's little sister made an appearance at a Halloween party with the rest of the bitches on the show.  This was a monumental moment for two reasons.  First of all it was her first appearance on the show and second of all I didn’t even know she existed until that point.   So naturally I wore out my pause and rewind button trying to get a good look at her.  My gut instinct was that she looked like a younger, hotter, more fuckable version of Audrina.  But after doing countless hours of research it turns out that she is a major disappointment.   I don’t like chicks who have tattoos on their tits, ass and pussy and it looks like Audrina’s little sister has all of the above. Plus she kind of looks chubby in one of these pictures.  (Don't chicks know that stripes makes you look fat?) Anyway, it’s obvious that Audrina’s little sister has all the tools necessary to be a top flight slut and could probably go toe to toe with Audrina is she wanted to.  But talent isn’t enough. It’s so sad because there is nothing worse in life than wasted talent.   I haven’t been this disappointed in a prospect since Phil Plantier.

PS - Who's the douchebag next to Audrina?

Just to avoid confusion, that headline isn't meant as an Imperative Sentence as in "Hey! Nobody guarantees a victory over my beloved Patriots; I won't stand for it!" It was a simple Declarative Sentence as in "Steelers Safety Anthony Smith, who is a nobody, guarantees victory over the Patriots this Sunday." Glad we cleared that up.

I try hard not to be an irascible old curmudgeon and complain about how everything used to be better than it is now. But there are certain institutions that simply don't carry the same cache they once did. Air travel. Playboy. Game shows. And you can add to that list the Sports Guarantee.

Not that I was around for Joe Namath guarantee before Super Bowl III, but if a lifetime spent watching NFL Films documentaries has taught me anything, it was the biggest event in human history. Apparently no one had ever done it before, and as soon as Namath uttered the words, the Seventh Seal was broken, the Hellmouth opened up and biblical Armageddon was unleashed. And when the Jets backed it up, Namath's ticket to Canton was punched, his career 173 TDs and 220 INTs be damned.

Since then, the Sports Guarantee has lost its magic, to say the least. I mean, Mark Messier's was pretty cool, but he's a HOFer, his team hadn't won in 54 years, and he backed it up with a hat trick. But guarantees have become as ubiquitous as cell phones in the last decade, and do you remember any? Rasheed Wallace's maybe? Before Smith's the NFL hadn't seen one since...Week 8, when Randy McMichael of the Rams who promised a win over Cleveland, only to get beat 27-20. Wyoming coach Joe Glenn predicted a win over Utah last month and the unboozed up fans in Salt Lake chanted "guar-an-tee! guar-an-tee!" while the Utes humiliated him for his indiscretion, 50-0. I'd guarantee the Pats will do the same to Pittsburgh on Sunday, if it wasn't so common to do so now. But I will guarantee this: After this game is over, no one will ever be talking about Anthony Smith again.

Bostonherald.com - What do Tom Brady [ stats] and Britney Spears have in common? According to Baby Talk they are both lousy parents - and recipients of the maggie’s Stinky Diaper Award. “(Brady) dumped actress Bridget Moynahan for model Gisele Bndchen back in December and then found out Moynahan was expecting his child,” Baby Talk states.“He gave her the Heisman throughout her entire pregnancy, but we thought he scored a late-in-the-game safety when he hopped a plane to L.A. to be with Moynahan and his new son, John, after she gave birth in August. But despite having reportedly been granted a week’s leave by his team, Brady spent only a day with the two, hightailing it to North Carolina to suit up for a preseason game. We’re throwing a flag on that play.”

What the fuck is Baby Talk Magazine?   It doesn’t say much about them when I’m in the publishing business and I’ve never even heard of them.   Bottom line is that Tom Brady is a great father.   If Bridget Moynahan wasn’t happy with the way he treated her during the pregnancy than she shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the first place.   Listen, Tom did his job.   He fucked her and let Brigit have his DNA.   I think that’s more than any chick can ask for  don’t you?  I mean he can’t be there every step of the way.   He’s got championships to win and super models to fuck.   Bridget had to know this going in when she tried to trick him into marrying her so if anybody is at fault for being a bad father here it’s Moynihan.  She put herself ahead of her baby and for that I say for shame.

Name: Lisa - RISD Student

(Click Here For More Pics of Lisa)

TMZ.com - Capt. Ed Winter of the L.A. County Coroner's office tells TMZ that it appears as though rapper Pimp C died of natural causes in a Hollywood hotel room today. We're told no drug paraphernalia or other drugs were found in the room. The rapper, we've learned, was found fully clothed on top of the bed. He did not seem to have fallen or injured himself and he was positioned on his side. Winter said it did not appear that there was anyone else in the room at the time of his death. An autopsy will be performed and toxicology test results will be available in six to eight weeks.


Let me start by saying I have no idea who Pimp C is or was.  I want to make that perfectly clear. But having said that, there is absolutely no way Pimp C died of 100% natural causes.   You just don’t have a name like Pimp C and die naturally.  It’s scientifically impossible.    I guarantee that foul play was somehow involved.

VS.

(Pixie Stix has to be a banned substance by the NBA right? I mean I could probably put up a triple double if I was high on Pixie Stix. This photo will probably lead to some sort of an investigation. As a side note, I'd love to bang a chick who is high on pixie stix. That must be quite a ride.)

(Crazy boyfriend or not, Jennafa is bringing the heat! That is a perfect body)

(I kind of like the girl on the right here too.)