Random Thoughts

Well it’s not even Thanksgiving yet, but the race is over for the best Christmas gift of the season.  And the best part is that it only costs $1.99.  I’m obviously talking about Gus Johnson Ring tones.   Now ordinarily I’m not a big ring tone guy.  But even my heart skipped a beat and I got tingly when I found out I could have Gus Johnson be my ringer.  How fucking awesome is that?   Unfortunately the Boston ones kind of suck.    The football one is good until the very end when I think he says Massachusetts made the catch?   Huh?   What’s that all about?  Don’t get me wrong I still bought it despite the fact my Blackberry isn’t compatible.  I guess I got to buy a new phone now, but you just can’t put a price on Gus Johnson.

- Thanks to Brian for making this a very merry Christmas

I just got this email:

Jerry,
I'm a little upset...I was waiting to see your take on the 4 and 1 play with the pats up by 32 (42-10) while they were on their own 10 yard line. They went for the first down in mid to late 3rd quarter time frame by throwing a quick slant to randy moss. Apparently they were worried that a 32 point lead wouldn't be safe with only a field goal. I guess they thought that the Superhero filled team they were playing against could easily triple the score they had after two-and-a-half quarters to come back and make it a game...I'm not even a buffalo fan, but as a fan and lifetime of playing football I would have never expected a PROFESSIONAL team to run up the score like that. "Act Classy, like you have been there before" must not mean anything to the Pats. Well at least that's what I took from that one play. Just seeing what you think...BK

First of all, I want to make it clear I've got no beef with the guy who wrote this. He's doesn't come across as a whiner or a bed wetting, Greg Easterbrook caliber-bitch. Still, I can't for the life of me figure out what the ongoing beef is.

The question is not whether they ran up the score on the Bills. They did. The question is: Why is this a question? Especially this deep into a season in which the Pats have made it clear that the only reason they send the offense onto the field is to put points on the board? As Matt Light said, "If the goal is to do anything else, don't send us out there." It's not about fairness. It's not about class. It's about excellence. The Pats are simply playing to their ability, which is seven touchdowns better than the Bills. No one ever asked Sinatra to go on stage and sing half-assed so he wouldn't be unfair to Dean Martin.

The Pats don't get stopped because they're unstoppable. They don't stop when they're up by 32 points because its been drilled into them to play 60 minutes of football. The same mentality that led them to storm back down 10 points to Indy at home or drive the ball against the Rams at the end of the Super Bowl makes them keep the heat when they're up by an insurmountable lead. If the Bills are helpless against it, your beef is with the Bills, not the Patriots. Or to put the way Bobby Bowden put it to Lou Holtz "I can only coach my kids. I can't coach yours."

Tom Brady summed it up best this morning on WEEI when he said "we're trying to kill people" Amen.

College students drink larger amounts of alcohol on football game days, according to research from The University of Texas at Austin. Psychologists found those women, particularly lighter drinkers, were more likely to engage in risky behaviors following alcohol consumption. The researchers found students were especially likely to drink more during high-profile games against conference or national rivals.

Wait. Let me get this straight: College students drink? Alcohol? On college football game days? And sometimes this "drinking" of this "alcohol" causes women to lose their inhibitions? Has anyone else heard of this?

All I can assume is that this is some new phenomenon that just hasn't yet become common knowlege. It certainly hadn't crossed my radar until now. And by God someone's got to put a stop to this. Otherwise before you know it, college football Saturdays will lead to widespread fun, reckless enjoyment and carefree sexual pleasure.

So thank you, U. of Texas researchers. This was an excellent use of taxpayers money and your country owes you our heartfelt thanks. We all look forward to your next study: "Pornography Leads to Masturbation."

So the good folks at Playboy have launched their 2^nd Sexiest Sportscaster contest and this time Boston has a horse in the race.   Now I love Hazel, but there is NO way she is the sexiest sportscaster in America.   She 's probably not even sniffing the top 10.   Although you wouldn’t know it by this list that Playboy put together.  It looks like they spent five minutes compiling this thing.   Umm, Julie Donaldson anybody?  I mean at least you can sort of make an argument for Hazel Mae, but how are the likes of Lisa Salters, Jeanee Zelasko and Rachel Nichols in this thing?  If you took the best parts of all three of them and combined them together they still wouldn’t be better looking than Kathryn Tappan.     In any event, here are the unofficial official final rankings before they come out.  It’s kind of a no brainer.   

#1 Shana Hiatt

Lots of grey area on whether Hiatt should even be allowed in this competition.   She’s a professional model who was hired by the World Poker Tour.  In other words she is just hired help.   It’s not like she works for the World Poker Tour.   She works for a modeling agency.  Plus is Poker even a sport?   But the bottom line is that it wasn't my decision to put her on the ballet and now that she is I need to deal with what is in front of me. So until further notice she is clearly the hottest.  I mean she’s a legit smoke show.

#2 Lindsey Soto

The prototypical Pac 10 slut.  Blond hair, nice rack.   She’s always on TV at weird times.   I’ve been a fan for awhile.

# 3 Alex Flanagan

This one may be a reach because I really couldn’t find any good pictures of Alex Flanagan out there.   But if my memory serves me she is very hot.   And that is good enough for me.

#4 Erin Andrews

My guess is that Erin Andrews is going to win this thing but that doesn’t mean she’s the hottest.  She’s just the most famous on this list and everybody loves her.   But if we’re voting on who is the hottest than let's not ruin the intergrity of this thing and make it into a popularity contest.  This is a who would you want to fuck the shit out of contest.  Please keep that in mind when voting.

#5 Colleen Dominguez

Again not a ton of pictures to go on here.  She seems pretty enough, but I’m not getting a sexy vibe out of her.  And if you really want to win this title you need to start posting racy pictures of yourself on the web.  It’s all about how much do you want it.

#6 Jaimie Little

Never heard of this chick before.   Hot photo though.  But I can’t in good conscience vote a chick in the top 5 based solely on her photo.   Because take it from a smut peddler.  Anybody can look good in a picture.

# 7 Hazel Mae

Nobody wants this more than Hazel Mae.  She’s been grooming herself for this contest since her first day in Boston.    Rumor is she didn’t leave her room for two weeks when Playboy left her off the ballet the first year.   Personally I’m happy for her.  Maybe she’ll be able to ride the momentum of Red Sox Nation to a victory.   I’m rooting for her too because I’m positive she’d go nude if she won.  Playboy wouldn’t even have to ask her. She’d just show up at the Mansion with her boobs flying everywhere.

#8 Krista Voda

Another chick I’d never heard of.  She’s the only one on the list besides Hazel Mae who really wants this thing.   She even has a voting section on her website.  Major points for effort.   Don’t love her though. 

#9 Rachel Nichols

Total freak in the sack, but just not bringing it in the looks department.   Really has no business being on this list.  

#10 Sage Steele

Is this her real name?   It can’t be right?   Somebody needs to whisper in Sage Steele’s ear that you don’t need a stripper name to be a sportscaster.  Regardless combine the porn name with her ice cold look and I’m pretty sure she’d rip your dick off in the sack.   Not sure that’s a good thing though.

#11 Lisa Salters

Gross. It almost looks like Playboy thought it would be racist not to have some token black chicks in this contest. I mean why else would they include Lisa Salters and Sage Steele? How about a little Pam Oliver action? Is that too much to ask? She makes both these chicks look like dog mess.

#12 Jeanee Zelasko

The Stoolies have already spoken loud and clear when it comes to Jeanee Zelasko.   Everybody thinks she’s gross.  She has no business being on this ballot.  The only possible explanation is that Eric Byrnes called in a personal favor.

The British might as well have dropped a bomb on our asses today.    I mean if this isn’t a declaration of war I don’t know what is.  Here is Gemma Atkinson. She has huge tits and oh by the way we mean business.

NYTIMES.com - At halftime of the Jets’ home game against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday, several hundred men lined one of Giants Stadium’s two pedestrian ramps at Gate D. Three deep in some areas, they whistled and jumped up and down. Then they began an obscenity-laced chant, demanding that the few women in the gathering expose their breasts.When one woman appeared to be on the verge of obliging, the hooting and hollering intensified. But then she walked away, and plastic beer bottles and spit went flying. Boos swept through the crowd of unsatisfied men. Denisse Rivera, a 23-year-old from the Bronx, was on a first date Sunday. When she arrived at the crowd at Gate D, several men pointed at her, signaling men at all levels to chant in her direction. After a brief moment of hesitation, she flashed them. Then she took a bow.  Jets officials declined to be interviewed about the halftime tradition at their home games. The State Police staffs every Jets home game. But Sgt. Stephen Jones, a spokesman, said the State Police did not make an attempt to prevent fans from congregating in Giants Stadium. But he said that there were incidents of fans throwing money into the center of the spiral ramps. Those fans then threw objects at children picking up the money. Access to the center of the ramps is now blocked off by a chain-link fence.

You got to love Jets fans.  Listen I’m all for screaming at chicks to show their tits but there is a time and place for everything.  Maybe if this was a college game filled with slutty coeds or at a Buffet concert I could understand it.  But not the pros.      I mean how many chicks tits would you really want to see at an NFL game?   One or two max?   Because something tells me that Denise Rivera who was on her first date when she flashed the crowd was not what people in the business call “cute”.    And by the way, here is some free advice for the ladies from the Stool;     don’t flash your tits on a first date.  It’s just bad form.  

As a side note I love the story about how Jets fans threw money into the center and then fired shit at the children when they went to pick it up.   Only in New York!  What a bunch of classless slobs.   And it starts at the top with Eric Mangini.    The Jets are so worried about the Pats they’ve turned a blind eye to people getting raped and pillaged in their own stadium.  J-E-T-S JETS, JETS, JETS!

- Thanks to Steve for the story

Click here for the answer...

Modesto Bee.com - Six of eight Ripon High School cheerleaders were suspended from school for two days over a cheer performed at a football game. The girls danced to a Britney Spears song and lifted their skirts at the end to spell out the school's nickname, Indians. Superintendent Leo Zuber said he couldn't discuss the issue because of confidentiality requirements on disciplinary matters. Parents can appeal suspensions, and Zuber acknowledged he has received one. He said he will investigate whether proper procedures were followed and whether suspensions were warranted.  Bee staff writer Inga Miller contributed to this report.

Click For Video

After watching this video I can’t decide what I think the biggest outrage is.   Is it the overreaction by the school for suspending these girls for flashing their frumpy asses?   Is it the overreaction by the cheerleaders for acting like they just got their civil rights violated?   Or is the biggest outrage the fact that most of these cheerleaders are checking in at 2 bills and the one skinny one has a face full of metal.  Personally I think I’m leaning toward the cheerleaders trying to make this the lead story on CNN.   Ladies, you got a two day suspension.  Deal with it.   Bottom-line is that you learned a valuable lesson.  Nobody wants to see frumpy chicks flash their asses.   I’m sure that played a factor in why the principle suspended you.  He can’t have fans puking in the stands.  Hot chicks can get away with shit like this.  Frumpy chicks get detention.  That’s just the way life works.     Now you know.

MESA, Ariz. - Mike Tyson was sentenced Monday to 24 hours in jail and three years‘ probation for drug possession and driving under the influence.  Police pulled Tyson over after the boxer had spent the evening at Scottsdale‘s Pussycat Lounge. An officer said he saw Tyson wiping a white substance off the dashboard of his black BMW, and that his speech was slurred.  Tyson told officers later that he used cocaine "whenever I can get my hands on it," and that he preferred to smoke it in Marlboro cigarettes with the tobacco pulled out, according to court documents. He also told police that he used marijuana that day and was taking the antidepressant Zoloft, the documents state.

Say whatever you want about Iron Mike but you got to respect his honesty.  Sure the cops may have busted him for smoking crack, but he was a man about it.  He didn’t try to make up some dumb story like so many athletes do nowadays.   He told the cops that he uses cocaine whenever he can get his hands on it.   And the judge rewarded his honesty by giving him only a 24 hours jail sentence.   That’s how the justice system should work.  Now the 3 year probation is a different story.   I mean how can anybody reasonably expect Iron Mike to stay out of trouble for more than a few hours at a time.   A 3 year probation is like a one way ticket back to jail.    Poor Mike.

Newsoftheworld.com - FORMER I'm A Celebrity star Sophie Anderton is a sordid DRUG-PUSHING HOOKER who charges �£10,000 a night for her services. In a sensational secret rendezvous with a News of the World undercover man, the leggy supermodel STRIPPED to her G-string and Christian Louboutin stilettos and spread herself across the bed. "I'm great at sex," Sophie bragged as she beckoned our reporter to romp with her. "I'll be a lot of fun. I'll look great on your f***ing arm. I'm a supermodel." "Everyone takes drugs. You don't take coke?" she asked. "I've got some on me. Do you want a line?" She explained she had turned to vice to help pay for a new three-bedroomed home in London's Notting Hill. "I'm buying a place at the moment so things are tight," she said. "I just think short term, and at the end of the day nobody gets hurt." Then she laid down the ground rules for sex. "Definitely with condoms," she said. Spanking is cool. But I'm not into any kinky s**t, to be honest." Sophie also said that she was "cool" with giving her punter oral sex. "I know that I'm great in bed,"

Watch Sophie Anderton snorting drugs and stripping for sex

Amen sister.   I don’t have a freaking clue who you are, but I like your style.  If I was rich I'd totally drop 20 dimes to fuck her. I mean once a chick that looks like this starts talking smack about how great she is in bed, I'm pretty much sold.

As a side note if fat chicks would pay me 10 grand euros (aka 1 million us dollars) to fuck them I’d do it in a heart beat.  And I’d even do the kinky shit.   I got Astrovan bills to pay baby.  

Geez.  Say whatever you want about the gays, but when they get in lovers quarrel they don’t fuck around.   I mean when is the last time you saw a straight man throwing himself into oncoming traffic over a bad breakup?   Never that’s when.   We just don’t have that dramatic/artsy gene in us.   Not that there is anything wrong with that.

- saw this on dlisted.com

Much more Jessica here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

Pearljam.com - Tuesday morning, November 20th ( today between 6am - 10 am EDT), WEEI Boston, is doing a live on air auction for HDSA. They are auctioning only one exclusive package. To some, this may be the opportunity of a lifetime ... We are talking about the chance for you and a guest to hang out with Theo Epstein (young Red Sox GM extraordinaire) and Stone Gossard (need we say more). This experience with these two gents will include dinner, a tour of Fenway, and a Red Sox game watched from the manager's box.

Ah, Theo and Pearl Jam back together again at last.   It was only a matter of time.  In case you’re new to the Stool my favorite Theo Epstein story of all time is a Pearl Jam story.  About 2 or 3 years ago I went to a house party where Theo showed up with his own guitar and amplifier and started playing Pearl Jam in the corner to himself.  True story. There were probably 10 people total in the apartment when Theo started strumming away. Granted I think he knew everybody there except me. Regardless, who shows up to a house party with their own guitar and amplifiers?   Ironically I was under the impression that I never told this story on the Stool before until this Saturday night when Theo himself told me that I had in fact already ratted him out on this.  Well since I already told it once, I figured it couldn’t hurt to tell it again.  To his defense he claims he was meeting his buddy from college at the party and it was kind of a joke that they were going to relive their college days.   Little did he know that there was smut publisher in the midst.    In any event here is your chance to support a good cause and probably hear Theo play his version of “Daughter” again.