Random Thoughts

I always wonder who buys AL East paraphernalia? It's World Series or bust baby. Regardless it's still nice.

In what should come as surprise to nobody the Sox officially announced that they were shutting down Clay Buchholz for the rest of the year. And while you could see this move coming a mile away I still got to say I disagree with it. I'm having a hard time believing he couldn't be a key contributer in the post season out of the bullpen. I'm also one of those guys that believes you need to strike while the iron is hot. Who knows what will be down the road with this kid. All I know is that the playoffs start next week and we should be putting out the team that gives us the absolute best chance of winning the World Series. Worry about everything else after the post season is over.

Vote 1 if you agree with shutting Buchholz down and 10 for disagree

Let’s clear one thing up.  This was not a fluke.  This guy crashes 100 out of 100 times.  He wasn’t close in practice.  He wasn’t close in the game.  It was his destiny to get destroyed.    I mean did you see his tires shaking as he approached the ramp?   He never had a chance.    I wonder at what point you just pack up your bags and call it a day?  I mean it wasn’t like his test runs were all that promising.   You could kind of tell where this whole thing was going.

College Mortal Lock Record 4-2

College Season Record 9-14

First of all what the hell is Jenn Sterger doing rooting for USF? Fucking loser. You can't just switch cowgirl gear and root for somebody else. Did she think nobody would notice? That's not the way sports works. Sterger is so 1980's. Anyway, I don’t want to go over board regarding tonight’s WV vs. USF game, but this is the easiest pick in the history of modern civilization.   It is absolutely my mortal lock of the century.   If I don’t win this game, the rest of the season is free.   That’s how confident I am in South Florida covering tonight.   I have been studying the Bulls for the past 3 seasons and there is NOTHING flukish about them.  It wasn’t a fluke that they beat West Virginia last year and it won’t be a fluke when they beat them tonight.  That’s right folks it’s money line time.   I’m not only predicting that South Florida covers, but I think they will outright WV and it may not even be close.   Yes, I’m a little worried about the Lou Holtz pep talk jinx, but even he can’t mush South Florida.    West Virginia is like Louisville on Steroids.  Yeah, they have a great offense but their defense still sucks.   And not only will WV have trouble stopping USF, but I don’t think they’re going to be able to run the ball either.   Sure they may break a play or two but South Florida is too fast on defense.  I’m telling you right now it doesn’t get any easier than tonight.  South Florida should be a 3.5 favorite in this game.    Let me put it this way.   My buddy called me today and said he usually bets 500 per game.  He asked me how much he should bet tonight.  I told him if he put anything less than 5 dimes on it he was the biggest pussy in the world and I would never respect him again.   True story.   That’s how confident I am.

Mortal Lock of the Century – South Florida +7.5

PS – If they lose don’t complain to me because I’ll be in worse shape than you guaranteed.

The Patriots are rolling into Cincinnati fresh off three straight 38 point games, atop every pundit's power rankings, universally feared and admired and with the TapeGate nonsense seemingly in their rear view mirror. So you'd think it would hard for them to play the "No respect" card that's helped turn a team of mid-round draft picks and free agent castoffs into a dynasty. Well not if we can help it. Here's a little raw, bloody meat for them to post on in the locker room when they get to Paul Brown Stadium this weekend:

Last October you beat the Bengals 38-13, but after the game they said you suck:
"I don't know if we were too cocky or too confident, but I know this is a team that we should've beat. Hopefully, well get another shot at them. I know if we play our best football, we can beat them" -Carson Palmer

"They knew they couldn't stop us, but you need the team as a whole to succeed... There aren't any (defensive backs) on that team that can cover us. " -T.J. Houshmandzadeh

Cincy Internet Cowboys think Brady is a pussy
"Tom Brady needs to be violently introduced to the PBS turf and early in the game. I mean he needs to be just pasted by a defensive lineman or on one of those Chinedum Ndukwe safety blitzes...It's awfully hard for Brady to throw to Randy Moss when he's on the bottom of a pile of orange and black...if he gets his cover boy bell rung a few times he'll get tentative."-Bengals.com

Bengals fans who don't understand the use of capital letters think you're weak:
"With seymour out and harrison out there are some holes that can be exploited in the Pats defense. If i was a coach i would come out playing smash mouth football. What i mean by that... Line up levi, andrews, step/guicheck, williams, anderson.... put reggie as our te, WHITWORTH as our fb and then with whoever running right behind them. make the Patriots hate to even have the bengals snap the ball. We need to be the aggressive team here... and attack them...do something to wear down their defense and put fear in their eyes...I would love to see us take geathers and just lay randy moss on his *** at the L.O.S."-Bengals.com

You're hated by rat-faced, squeaky voiced Boston baseball columnists:
"The Pats are regarded as the model franchise in the NFL, and now it seems they are acknowledged cheaters, too. Success breeds fame, fortune, resentment and arrogance. It would be downright foolish to think the Pats are any different. Recent Patriots history has brought more than its share of questionable practices, but we're all too willing to look the other way because nobody wants to spoil a good thing." -Tony Masseroti

Page 2 thinks you stole the Super Bowls and the NFL is covering it up:
"Fishy, indeed. The league acted in a hurry to dispose of damning documents, but has not revealed what was in the tapes and notes, nor said why there was a rush to get rid of them...Is it possible the Patriots' tapes showed some evidence of New England cheating in a Super Bowl?...The destruction of evidence and the lack of answers about what the evidence contained, leaves me wondering if there is something very important about the Patriots' spying scandal that has not yet come out".-Gregg Easterbrook, ESPN.com

So do guys with mad photoshop skills:

Well it looks like the Gambling Gods are smiling down upon us early this week because Lou's pep talk is for South Florida, who TONIGHT take on West Virginia. As everybody knows by now Lou and his clown tie are 0-4 in pep talks, and I think he knows that too as he even mentions the fact that USF is +7 tonight. Again, whether or not these head coaches are playing Lou's speeches is up for debate. I guarantee you I'm using at least parts of all of them for Barstool Bowling this winter.

Okay time to rate this week's pep talk. Week 2's "Wife Runs Off with the Drummer" speech is still the one to beat with a 6.5. Today's speech we're calling "Flight of the Bumblebee."

Let me just say this.  This chick would have to puke in my eye ball and then light my dick on fire before I’d kick her out of a club. And even then I may still let her stick around.

UPDATE: Thanks to the power of the Stool we now know this chick's name is Miss Jessica Kramer. And she has a solid NSFW website. Viva La Stool! And yes I am going to try and get her to host an upcoming Signature Barstool Sports Party.

Contrary to popular belief the biggest story of the week in Red Sox Nation was not that the Sox clinched a playoff berth or that the playoffs are about to begin. Oh no, it was the fact that Tim Russert, resplendent in a BC polo ,was in town to moderate A Debate for Candidates for President of Red Sox Nation. 

So this thing is still going huh?  It wouldn’t shock me if next year there was some sort of President of Red Sox Nation tax when you walk into Fenway.   Anyway this whole thing kind of reminds me of that Seinfeld episode when George drives the Ross’s to the Hamptons.   I’m starting to become borderline fascinated with just how far the One Eyed Bandit is going to push this thing?

George, driving in the car with the Rosses) And that leads into the master bedroom.

MRS. ROSS: Tell us more.

GEORGE: You want to hear more? The master bedroom opens into the solarium.

MR. ROSS: Another solarium?

GEORGE: Yes, two solariums. Quite a find. And I have horses, too?

MR. ROSS: What are their names?

GEORGE: Snoopy and Prickly Pete. Should I keep driving?

MRS. ROSS: Oh, look, an antique stand. Pull over. We'll buy you a housewarming gift.

GEORGE: (chuckling to himself) Housewarming gift. (swerving the car to go to the antique stand) All right, we're taking it up a notch!

MR. ROSS: Where are we, George?

GEORGE: Almost there.

MR. ROSS: Well, this is the end of Long Island. Where's your house?

GEORGE: We, uh, we go on foot from here.

MR. ROSS: All right.

And the thing that really sucks is you know they are going to ratchet this promo machine up even more for the playoffs.  Because god forbid they let the baseball do the talking just for October.  In fact I just got the following press release yesterday for the screening of yet another Red Sox movie.   This one is called the Rooters the Birth of Red Sox Nation featuring Dr. Charles Steinberg and Bronson Arroyo.   Awesome!  I can hardly wait.   

A while back, Kirk Herbstreit did his list of superlatives. The Best Team, Best QB, Best Coach...all the usual crap no one cares about. Like every college football guy in the country doesn't have virtually the same list. But he also included this gem: Best Looking Coeds. When a guy who's job is to go from college football hotspot to college football hotspot every week and tout whatever program he damn well feels like...well you just have to assume Kirk is pulling more female college football fan tail than a decades worth of Heisman finalists. I mean, who are they going to star fuck? Lee Corso?

Anyway, his choice was Georgia. This conflicts directly with El Presidente's interview of Todd McShay when he asked him the same exact question and McShay said Ole Miss ,LSU and USC. Regardless, we can gather that the guys at CSTV aren't idiots, since they went right to the campus for a reaction. So how did they do? How did Herbstreit do with his pick? Are they really the hottest or did he just promise a couple of Bulldog coeds he'd give them the top ranking in exchange for a hot tub 3-way or something? Maybe I'm spoiled by Barstool parties, but I don't think these Georgia girls are any great shakes. If the one in the red hat who just got engaged on the bridge is on the "A" squad, I demand a recount. Though I admit I do have a soft spot in my heart for the really drunk girls, like the one who's trying to say "bring Georgia girls home to your mother" but can't spit the words out.

By the way, my favorite part is the guy with the party hat on. I love the line he gives the reporter, and if his delivery wasn't so sketchy/stalkerish, it might have worked.

When they write the book on the worst coaching decisions in the history of U.S. Women’s Soccer, this has to be #1.   If you haven’t heard about this yet, the U.S. Women’s Soccer team hadn’t lost an international match in like 3 years and was in the semifinals of the World Cup this week when coach Greg Ryan inexplicably benched the star goalie – Hope Solo (left), who hadn’t given up a goal in her last 3 games.  Why?  Nobody knows.  I can only speculate they were dating or the Chinese mob had gotten to him.

Anyway this led to Brazil kicking our ass 4-0, our worst defeat in 22 years and setting off a firestorm of controversy.  Hope Solo is pissed at the coach, she publicly ripped him yesterday by saying “It was the wrong decision.  Anybody that knows anything about the game knows that.  There’s no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves.”  Hey, I ain't mad atcha!

I mean this is worse than the Soviet coach benching Tretiak in the Miracle on Ice because at least that was during the game.  This was BEFORE the game he tried to pull this "Jedi Mind trick" on his team by benching Hope Solo. 

Clearly I’m fired up about this.  I want to win every international competition we enter.  I don’t care if it’s the Olympics or the Little League World Series.  

Thank f*cking God we got the Solheim Cup.

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysian doctors have reattached a man's nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.  The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

Well no shit this guy got his dick cut off.   I may not know much about women, but even I know they don’t like to hear that another chick kicks their ass in bed.  Especially when it’s your other wife who is 20 years younger and probably doesn’t have any saggy body parts yet.  You’d think they’d teach this shit in Polygamy elementary school or something.    And to be honest this isn’t even a male/female thing either.  If I got done hooking up with a chick and she told me how small my dick was and how much I suck compared to another dude, I’d probably try and cut her boob off as well, so I see where this lady was coming from.   It’s just human nature.

Well this shouldn't be a shocker to anyone who's been reading this publication for more than 6 months. Legendary CBS announcer Gus Johnson, who The Stool discovered not Bill Simmons, has called 3 NFL games this year, and to no surprise, 2 of the games have come down to the final minute, and all 3 dogs have covered.

In Week 1 Gus called probably the game of the year in Broncos/Bills (see above) with Denver -3 winning by a point on a last second field goal by Jason Elam. Then in Week 2 he took a breather by outrighting the Texans (+6.5) over the Panthers in Carolina. Then this past week CBS shipped Gus to Seattle where a last minute Nate Burleson touchdown gave the Seahawks a 24-21 win over the Bengals, who were catching 3.5.

3 games. 3 dogs.

Listen everybody's always looking for an edge when it comes to picking games and so far Gus has been the anti-Lou Holtz, whose teams are now 0-4 in theoretical pep talks. Hey, if it's worked for 10 years in the NCAA tournament, why not the NFL?

This Sunday Gus heads down to Miami for Dolphins/Raiders.

Miami is -4.

Much more Laura here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com