Random Thoughts

God, I love news cast screw ups. So does Pat Murphy, you can just tell. He enjoyed this more than anyone.

Bob Ryan wrote an excellent article on Mike Lowell in today's Globe about how valuable he has been for the Red Sox. It got me thinking that I couldn't agree with him more.

Has there been a bigger, more pleasant surprise in all of Boston sports this year than Mike Lowell? Dustin Pedroia? Sure any time a guy win's ROTY it's a surprise, but he was what the Red Sox scouts thought he was [punches podium]. Before you make a case for Hideki Okajima, but the last month or so, OK's been downgraded from "Everyone-jumping-out-from-behind-the-curtain-and-screaming-'Surprise!'" level surprise to just an "Everyone-sitting-there-when-you-walk-in-the-door-and-saying-'Jerry-we-want-to-talk-to-you-about-your-drinking'" level surprise.

Remember leading up to the season when all the doubts being cast over the Sox batting order all revolved around who'd protect JD Drew in the lineup? You were saying it too. Don't bother denying it. The Sox were going to be great 1-5, but Drew had no one behind him so he wasn't going to see a good pitch all season while the every staff in the AL laughed in Lowell's face, lobbed batting practice fastballs by him and the piled carcasses of stranded Red Sox baserunners rotted in the sun.

Surprise. Lowell not only set a team record for RBIs by a 3rd baseman, he was the only guy on the team who had truly good year in the clutch. He had a high error total (for him) but can you recall one error that really hurt them? A while ago I wrote that I'll take a guy like Lowell any day because he's a quiet guy, a glue guy, the Larry to the Sox Three Stooges blah, blah, blah. But I was wrong. He's a rock. Unless they're positively committed to gettingARod at any cost, they've got to sign Lowell up for at least the next three years.

With all the attention paid on the chicks from The Hills lately, UB was just wondering what ever happened to Kristin Cavallari. She was always UB's favorite out of the MTV Reality Beach shows and BOOM she's back in the spotlight and in a bikini thanks to some new movie called Green Flash (is this some sort of combo of the Green Lantern and the Flash?). From what UB has seen so far regarding this film, she wasn't given the part for her acting skills...

Idahostatesman.com - Parents of Fruitland High School's football team were surprised that one of their own is accused of exchanging sexually explicit text messages with one of the team's teen-aged players.  Sheryl A. Nawahine, 35, faces three felony counts of sexual battery of a minor for exchanging explicit text messages — plus sharing at least one photo and a video — with a boy who is a close friend of her teen-aged son and daughter.  Nawahine admitted to writing the messages police called "disturbing" and "very explicit and sexual in nature."  One of the more than 1,000 messages collected by police said, "u would never be able to be with a girl ur age again."  Both Nawahine and the boy told police they never made physical contact.  Pete Keeton, whose son plays on the varsity team, said the news doesn't seem to have derailed the boys, who won their game Friday, the day Nawahine was indicted. "I think they will get through this, keep doing what they are doing and stay focused," he said.

First of all what happens in Fruitland stays in Fruitland. But I love this ladies text message;

“U would never be able to be with a girl ur age again?”  

Hey wait a minute.  That’s the same line I’ve been using on all our Barstool Girls.   I can’t believe this really works.  I was beginning to wonder because so far none of our girls have bitten on it.   Maybe I just suck?  Regardless, this is just another case of a Cougar getting a bad rap.  Who cares if she wants to bang somebody on the high school football team?    Isn’t hooking up with a MILF part of the American Dream to begin with?  I mean we might as well live in China if we’re not going to let a teenage boy at least try and fuck a hot mom.  Personally I like Pete Keeton’s approach to the whole situation.  Let’s just stay focused and win football games because when it comes down to it that’s all that really matters right?    If you win football games, the sex will take care of itself.   That’s just the way it goes.   

AP - - Barry Bonds's record-breaking 756th home run ball will be branded with an asterisk and given to the National Baseball Hall of Fame.
Forty-seven percent of the more than 10 million who participated in the Internet vote chose to mark the ball, 34 percent wanted to donate the ball to the museum without the asterisk, and 19 percent looked to banish the ball by sending it into space on a rocket. The asterisk signifies a footnote to the record, said fashion designer Mark Ecko, who bought the ball for $752,467.20 in an Internet auction on Sept. 15. Ecko said he wanted to ``democratize the debate'' over what to do with the ball. The results of the vote were announced by Ecko this morning on NBC's ``Today'' show. Dale Petroskey, the Hall of Fame's president, said on the show that the Cooperstown, New York-based shrine was ``happy to get it.'' Bonds called Ecko ``stupid'' and an ``idiot,'' after hearing about Ecko's purchase of the ball and the planned Internet vote. The San Francisco Giants slugger said Ecko could have found a better use for his money.

What makes this so funny is that someone finally got to Bonds. He doesn't like his ball with an asterisk going into the Hall, not one bit. What a brilliant idea from a guy with a lot of cash. You know people will always surprise UB. Like the guy who won the bidding to name the Foxboro practice bubble and then donated the rights to Dana Farber. The asterisk ball is a perfect way to offer up an F-U from the fans...

“I’ve always been very insecure about my body. My whole life, I looked at my chest and was like, OK, they’re going to grow. This is my year! And it never happened. I was less than an A-cup. I wore pushup bras, which cut into my skin. If I was with a guy and there was a girl next to me with big boobs, I would be like, Oh, my God, he’s looking at her! On the beach, if I was standing next to a girl with big boobs, I’d be like, I hate her! I hated my nose too. I have my dad’s nose, which is huge. It took up so much of my face, when I looked down, I could see my nose. I couldn’t get away from it!” But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like,What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”

Say whatever you want about Heidi, but you got to respect a chick that is willing to die for bigger boobs.   It’s refreshing to see an F list celebrity who is willing to pay the ultimate sacrifice for their beliefs.    In any event, Heidi’s boob envy gives us some serious insight into the psyche of chicks.   As crazy as it sounds lots of girls feel the same exact way as Heidi does.   After all it’s a well known fact that all girls hate other pretty girls because they’re jealous of them.  That’s why pretty girls never have any girlfriends.   It’s vicious.  

Bonus Heidi Video Alert

Click here for an outrageous video of Heidi dancing and singing at a club.

Yikes.   I may have to cancel my Team Heidi t-shirt order after watching that.   Yes, I really bought one.  Sorry, so shoot me.  I like rooting for the bad guy.  

WHDH.com WEARE, N.H. -- A father in New Hampshire is facing charges after allegedly getting into a fight with a high school student. The father allegedly attacked his daughter's boyfriend outside John Stark Regional High School in Weare earlier this month.  Officials say he was angry after finding out the boyfriend had sex with his underage daughter.  The victim, 17, is being charged with misdemeanor sexual assault because his girlfriend is only 15-years-old. The name of the father has not been released to protect the identity of his daughter. 

This is why I pray to the god of little people that I don’t have any daughters.  Because if I catch some chump sticking his ding dong in my 15 year old daughter, I’d do the same exact thing this guy did.   If you ask me the dad is a freaking hero.    I mean what is he supposed to do?  Just sit back and watch little Nancy get her brains fucked out by some high school punk?   Any dad would get pissed in this situation.  Need I remind you of the infamous John Dennis voicemail he left for Ryen Russillo after Russillo supposedly hit on his twenty something year old daughter.  Imagine if she was 15?

VS.

Hmm, I think I’m going to have to go with the dodge ball one here.  There is just something about the soccer one that doesn’t feel right.   I haven’t decided whether I think it’s fake yet.   Why is it totally in slow motion?   I want fast motion and then the super slow motion replay of the knockout.   Everybody knows that’s how these videos are supposed to work.   It’s the first thing they teach you in Youtube School.   Therefore I need to vote for dodge ball just based on the artistic quality of the video.

Vote 1 for soccer and 10 for dodgeball

Well that was easy.

7 rookie pitchers in April, injuries to key players, Arod banging strippers, "sportsgasms" in the announcer’s booth... Talk about a rough start?  But after a 21-29 first 50 games where they were mathematically eliminated by 90% of America, the Yankees posted a 70-38 record and will now be playing October baseball for the 13th straight year. (Cue curtain call.)

So what happened? I mean this wasn't the Devil Rays who were struggling in late May; we're talking about The Most Successful Franchise in the History of Organized Sports with Hall of Famers from Clemens to Jeter to Joba Chamberlain up and down the roster. (And another curtain call.)

Well in my view you've got to credit 5 people more than anyone else for the complete 180 the Yankees did this year. Click here for the rest...

BPD.com - At about 3:30am, on Sunday, September 23, 2007, officers from Area D-14 (Brighton) responded to a radio call for a fight at 15 Pratt Street. On arrival, officers observed a small group gathered in the middle of the street. Officers spoke to the victim who stated that an individual, after being dared, jumped into the seat of a steamroller, started it up and, then, drove it into his car. Officers observed minor damage to the bumper of the victim’s car. When speaking to the suspect, officers observed that it appeared the suspect was under the influence of alcohol. Officers arrested Matthew Gilman, 22, of Allston and charged him with the Destruction of Personal Property and Larceny of a Motor Vehicle.

Whoa, hold on just a minute here.   Matthew Gilman didn’t do anything wrong!   Somebody dared him to drive the steamroller into the car.   Once a dare is issued the person who issued it assumes all responsibility for damages if the said dare is carried out.   Everybody knows this!    It’s truth or dare 101.   If this wasn’t the rule than you could just start daring people to do anything with no sense of responsibility.   It’s just not fair that way.  So basically in this case Matt had two choices.    He could not do the dare and be called a pussy and probably not get laid or he could do the dare and get arrested and still not get laid.  It’s bullshit.   If you do the dare you should get rewarded, not punished.    Regardless the moral of this story is don’t leave your keys in your steam roller while parked in Brighton.

BOSTON (AP) - A judge rejected a Harvard student's request Wednesday for extra break time during her nine-hour medical licensing exam so she could pump breast milk for her infant daughter. Sophie Currier, 33, sued after the National Board of Medical Examiners turned down her request to take more than the standard 45 minutes in breaks during the exam.  She said that if she does not nurse her 4-month-old daughter, Lea, or pump breast milk every two to three hours, she risks medical complications.  Currier has taken the test once already, in April when she was 8 1/2 months pregnant, but she failed by a few points. Currier has already received special accommodations under the Americans with Disabilities Act for dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, including being granted permission to take the test over two days instead of one.

I hate people like this.   Always looking to scam the system.  Maybe I would give this chick the benefit of the doubt if this is the first time she complained.   But how many times can you cry wolf?  She’s already scammed the system by capitalizing on dyslexia and ADHD.    I mean what’s next?  Why don’t we just let somebody else take the test for her?   What type of idiot company would ever hire somebody like this?   She’ll end up getting 366 vacation days a year because of wacky diseases and made up illnesses.   Give the baby a bottle of milk and let’s move on.  End of story.

UPDATE!!

Boston.com - Appeals Court Judge Gary Katzmann overturned that decision. “In order to put the petitioner on equal footing as the male and non-lactating female examinees, she must be provided with sufficient time to pump breast milk and to address the same physiological and other functions to which those examinees are able to attend,” he wrote.Currier, who has a 4-month-old daughter, originally planned to take the exam this week, but postponed it until October 4 in hopes of winning her appeal. She already has received permission from the board to take the test over two days instead of one, because she has dyslexia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The board also offered to allow her to bring a breast pump into the exam room and to provide her with a private room in which to express milk during breaks.

Are you shitting me?  How pathetic is this? This chick SUCKS!  I’m so pissed she’s not ugly.   What the fuck was this judge thinking?  Do you think she blew him?  Don’t laugh because that may be how she’s gotten this far in the first place.   Regardless, I’m sick and tired of this PC bullshit.  It’s ruining this country.  What’s the point of even making her take the test at this point?     Listen not everybody is cut out to be a doctor.  If you’re a dyslexic, ADHD suffering, lactating broad, a career in medicine probably isn’t for you.  It’s okay.   The world needs ditch diggers too.   

PS – I’d like to know what hospital would ever hire this lady to begin with.  Something tells me you don’t get a "do over " or get to sue for more time when you operate on the wrong arm and blame it on dyslexia.

Much more Kristin here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com