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Natalie Imbruglia

Giada De Laurentiis

Poppy Montgomery

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Saturday night UB logged on to his email to see if the Retarded Jets Fan, SteveB, had replied to my answer of his challenge of a bet on this year's NFL season. Alas, there was no reply. Instead of a post about a hair-vs-hair bet on the Jets season vs. the Pats season, or something of the like, UB would be forced to write something about how the sleeveless wonder pussied out. As UB logged on this morning, however, there was a reply from SteveB, dated 4 am Sunday morning:

OK UB I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS. SO WE`LL MAKE THE SEASON BET... DETAILS IN NEXT E-MAIL...

So here's the question...The Pats crushed the Jets in game one and not only did Chad Pennington look awful, but it did appear he may be injured yet again. Now that may be a good thing for the Jets, however, it could mean that SteveB will back out of the bet all together. UB would be really surprised if this guy was dumb enough to put any kind of real wager on the J-E-T-S after yesterday's thrashing. STAY TUNED...

- Back of an MBTA bus seen at Wellington station over the weekend . Somewhere in a dark alley David Allen Bouche weeps.

Thanks to adam for the pic...

I’ve paid zero attention to this President of Red Sox Nation thing.   But I got an email from Homerunderby.com alerting me to the fact that El Guapo was in the final 25.    That’s a pretty good comeback for a guy who I thought was dead two months ago.   Anyway here is his campaign speech. 

Frankly I think he can go a long way on the bobble head, bullpen cart, and wider seat platform.   The way I see it this is a 3 dog race.  It’s El Guapo vs. Peter Gammons vs. Jerry Remy.  This is a no brainer decision.  Gammons is too old and has too many health issues to be voted into office and Jerry Remy is already too powerful to give him this job as well.    The last thing we need is to be forced to order tickets and everything else through the Remdog report.   Therefore the choice is obvious.  It’s El Guapo in 07.

ESPN.com - NFL security confiscated a video camera and its tape from a New England Patriots employee on the team's sideline during Sunday's game against the Jets in a suspected spying incident, sources said. The camera and its tape were placed in a sealed box and forwarded to the league office for investigation, the sources said. "We don't have any comment," an NFL spokesman said Monday.  The Patriots' cameraman was suspected of aiming his camera at the Jets' defensive coaches who were sending signals to their unit on the field, the sources said. The league also is investigating some radio frequency issues that occurred during the game. The league's competition committee could conduct a conference call about the incident, which violates NFL policy, and ultimately recommend a penalty that could cost the Patriots a future draft pick or picks if it verifies that the team was spying on the Jets.

Oh boo hoo.  The poor Jets.  The poor poor Jets. Please, cut the shit. This is the best that the Mangenious has got?   A feeble attempt to divert attention from the fact he got his balls kicked inside out by floating a bogus story about cheating?   Listen the Pats could have told the Jets exactly what was coming and they still wouldn’t have been able to stop it.   So stop whining and moaning and accept your whooping like a man.  You got your face stomped on and smeared in shit.   Now deal with it.  Nobody likes a sore loser.   And to be honest the most insulting part of this story is that Mangini is so arrogant that he thinks if Belichick wanted to cheat he’d be able to catch him?   Come on!   Belichick could rob a bank in broad daylight and the bank wouldn’t even realize they were hit till two weeks later.   There is no way Mangini would have a clue if we were cheating or not.   No way.  This is just sour grapes.

 I’m sure everybody has already seen the ads for the next big Barstool Sports Signature Event.  Yup, it’s time for the Barstool Carnival.   Not to be confused with Carnivaal which is the Brazilian celebration thing.  Nope this is a big top carnival complete with a wide array of circus performers, games and freak shows.   I’m pretty sure nobody else has ever done anything like this in Boston.  Basically it is a carnival for adults, Barstool Sports style.    We’re finally going to figure out that age old question of whether cotton candy and beer mix?   And just because we love our readers there will be an open beer bar for the first hour of the party.   You MUST be on our guest list to get in.   If you want to bring friends please have them email us as well instead of just putting plus 6 or whatever.  It makes life much easier.  RSVP at carnival@barstoolsports.com.  You will get a confirmation email if you are on the list within one week.     

Check out all the details at www.barstoolcarnival.com.     It is taking place Thursday September 20^th at Ned Devine’s

What the fuck? What's up with that hairdo? Clearly she's spending to much time with the philanthropists. Is Paris Hilton even remotely hot? I don't think so. I know the Stoolies always criticize chicks who wouldn't give us the time of day, but I honestly don't think I'd fuck Paris Hilton with Manzo's dick. There is just something about her that wigs me out. Is there anybody out there who would really love to nail her. Like a top 10 fantasy fuck? On a scale of 1-10 rate how much you'd love to bang Paris Hilton...

A woman was in custody Saturday after she dropped a child she was baby-sitting from a second-story window, police said. A teen playing football below caught the 2-year-old before it could hit the ground, and the child didn't appear to suffer injuries, said Springfield Police Sgt. Dan Schrader. The incident took place around 2:30 p.m. at the John B. Hughes apartment complex. The 18-year-old suspect was taking care of four more children at the time, Schrader said. Police continued their investigation Saturday night.

First of all, I'm glad obviously the baby is OK, obviously. No one is happy about flattened baby on the ground. That's pretty much a lose/lose situation every time it's tried. Second, how much do you want a bet that the John B. Hughes apartment complex is not a real desirable place. This is something that's been bugging me for years. Show me a baby falling out a window, and I'll show you a bad neighborhood. To steal a line from Chris Rock, I won't even ask what city you're in. Falling baby = low rent area. A kid takes a dixie in the city, and the affordable housing shakedown artists are in the paper screaming that the mayor is negligent in his duties to put safe, decorative baby catchers on every window of every high rise in town. I mean, they have high windows in Dover, Cohasset and Wellsley. Why don't any babies fly out of them?

As a side note, Scott Pioli has already sent scouts to interview the kid who caught the baby and take his measurables. And the Cinncinnati Bengals have signed the baby sitter to their practice squad.

MySpace superstar Tila Tequila, is now signed on with MTV for perhaps the greatest reality show of all time. Here is the description from her myspace page

"My new reality show on MTV will be like NO OTHER SHOW ON TELEVISION HISTORY! My show is about finding true love, because for me....having over 2 million friends is cool but sometimes it makes it hard for me to find someone real, and someone whom I can trust and love.....but there is a catch.....the show will be about me finding love as a BISEXUAL!!!!! THAT IS CRAZY RIGHT? So on my new reality show there will be 16 male contestants and 16 female contestants all fighting for my love....the only twist is....yes, there is another twist....the only twist is that these guys and these girls have NO IDEA that I am bisexual and that they are competing against each others sexes!!! GUYS AGAINST GIRLS....WHO WILL I END UP HOOKING UP WITH?????WILL I BE STRAIGHT OR LESBIAN IN THE END?????"

I have 3 rules that I live by in my life.

#1 - When you're getting killed in gambling always go double or nothing on the Midnight Snack in the WAC.

#2 - Don't trust anybody who wears sunglasses at night

#3 - Never miss a reality TV show where the catch phrase is "Will I Be Straight or Lesbian in the End."

So naturally this show will be appointment TV for me. The only thing that sucks is that it's not on Cinemax. Because if they could show nudity and fucking than this may break the Superbowl ratings. But as it is, it still should be big time TV.

As a total sidenote, what happened to Rob & Big? Is it my imagination or was this season like 2 episodes long?

VS

If you had to start a youth football team who would you take with the first pick?  Wondergirl Carly or Cody Paul?   This may be the toughest decision in the history of Barstool Sports.  But after studying each video, I feel comfortable to say the clear #1 choice is Wondergirl Carly.  She just plays with a certain type of energy and joy that is missing with Cody Paul.   I mean I almost passed out when she took that Interception back to the house. And how about the way the ball just froze in the setting sun on that half back pass? I get chills everytime I watch it. She’s the type of player that you can build a franchise around.  And I’m not just talking about the on the field stuff either.  I’m talking about marketing and selling tickets and being the face of the franchise.  I mean look at the way the crowd, the coaches and her teammates react every time she touches the ball.  (My favorite part of the video is watching the coaches run down the sideline with her)  It’s pure magic.  She just has that certain intangible quality that separates the great ones from the transcendent ones.   Contrast this with the workmanlike way that Cody Paul goes about his business.  It’s almost as if football is a job for Cody Paul.  I’m not even sure his teammates like him.  So yeah, I think the pick has to be Wondergirl Carly.

(Vote 1 For Wondergirl Carly and 10 for Cody Paul)

Besides Britney Spears absolutely tanking at the VMA’s the other big news of the night was Tommy Lee and Kid Rock getting into a fight.    If I had to take a wild guess at what started it, I’d say it had something to do with Pam Anderson.  But that’s just a wild guess.   Anyway, this naturally leads to the question of who do you think would win in a brawl between these two clowns? I think you got to give the edge to Kid Rock based on name alone.  

Other highlights of the night included Rihanna looking ridiculously hot and Justin Timberlake telling MTV to play more music videos and stop with all the reality TV garbage as the cast of the Hills was standing two inches away from him. You can't make this stuff up.

There were so many awesome parts to the Pats game yesterday that it’s almost impossible to pick out the best part.   For me, I took a perverse pleasure in watching Bill Belichick run up the score on the Jets with that late TD.   What was that all about?  I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Bill Belichick do that.  I felt like I was watching David Klinger and Houston for a minute.  There was absolutely no need for that last score.  It was already 31-14 with under 3 minutes to go and we had the ball at around the 20.   All we had to do was smash it up the middle and the game was over.   Instead we threw a fade pass to Randy Moss down to the one yard line.   And then Belichick threw the red flag to challenge a TD on the next play.  It’s 31-14 with 2 minutes left and we’re challenging borderline Touchdowns on first down!  It reminded me of a big brother taking his little brother’s face and sticking it in shit and then forcing him to eat it just to add to the humiliation.   That’s what it was like.   You know it had to kill Mangini.   It just had to.    The only explanation I have is that Belichick is still pissed about the way last season ended and now he’s going to take it out on everybody.   I love it.   

P.S. – Here are some of my favorite quotes after yesterday’s game.

"Frightening," I mean, it's scary."

-  Jonathen Vilma describing the Pats offense

Watching quarterback Tom Brady and his merry band of offensive weaponry is like watching a futuristic sci-fi hero chose between laser gun, phaser or photon torpedo to cripple his opponent.

- Mike Freeman of CBS Sportsline

“To be at home and to lose the way we did was definitely embarrassing,”  “It seemed like (Brady) knew what we were doing; it seemed like he made all the right checks,. “I guess we’ve got to do a better job of hiding things.”

- Jets safety Kerry Rhodes

"It's like a kid getting new toys for Christmas and you can't open them. Basically that's what Tommy has done with me being hurt and (Donte) Stallworth being hurt. He didn't have all his toys to play with. Now that he has his toys to play with, the sky's the limit for us."

- Randy Moss

Things to consider while wondering if Chad Pennington started an interstate dog fighting circuit we hadn't heard about:

*I think all Pats fans were sort of excited/kinda nervous about the debut of Randy Moss. Expectations were so high, you couldn't help but worry he couldn't live up to them. It was like a first date with a really hot chick. The 18 yd catch across the middle was like finding out she hates cats. The 14 yd comebacker where he got his feet in bounds was hearing her say she likes guy movies. The 33 yd sideline route was her saying her dad has a season tickets to Gillette. And the long TD? Like hearing her mother is dead. Time to start thinking marriage.

*Could we have seen the last of creepy mask Burger King ads during NFL games? This was the first game in like...what?...four seasons?...without that disturbing creepshow. Hopefully he's gone the way of other weird, failed product mascots like the Dominos Noid, Spuds MacKenzie, and the Six Flags Pedophile.

To read the rest of this nonsense, click here...

Much more of Elizabeth here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com