Random Thoughts

Yesterday we reported on Keri McIntyre, the hot teacher who's going on national TV griping because someone posted a video of her on YouTube to the tune of, naturally, "Hot For Teacher."

I sort of suggested that maybe, just maybe, Ms. McIntyre wasn't being entirely forthright when she made herself out to be an aggrieved party in all this. I floated the theory that perhaps Keri realizess she is a "Teacher" that guys would be "Hot" "For" and that maybe that's not the worst thing in the world.

Oh, how wrong I was. In reality, McIntyre is shy and reticent, and wants nothing more than for this story to disappear. And she doesn't want to bring attention to her good looks. She'd appreciate it if we'd all turn a blind eye to her nice body and shapely ass, thankyouverymuch. And she's making this point known where any conservative, demure, old fashioned girl would. On her MySpace page (thanks to donchavez for the link) [bracket comments mine]:

Obviously a parent taped it...It is a little creepy that a dad is taping my a@# instead of his son or daughters graduation. [Not if it's 5th grade. Technically that's not a graduation.] I don’t give a damn if it is a public place, what perv does that? [First class.] Takes time to edit a video and put it to music. If I wanted to be viewed as a sex object I would make a porn instead [And YouTube it? 'Cause now you're talkin'.]... For all you people that say I wanted attention, believe me I don’t need this kind, I get enough all ready. [Right. Because you're a hot teacher. The kind they write Van Halen songs about.] So those comments might as well stop right now. If you have something to say about that I encourage you. [Thanks. Teachers should be encouraging.] Secondly, for all you aholes that say I deserved it for the way I was dressed, does your mom wear white pants, does your sister, does your girlfriend? [No. No. And I hope so.] ...IT WAS SUMMER PEOPLE, AND WHO CARES THAT I WAS WEARING A THONG? [Raising my hand] Should I have worn big granny undies and showed underwear lines, what in the hell does that have to do with it? [No. Let's save those for the porn.] And for the people who think it is no big deal. Send me a video of your a@#; and face [Deal]...And I expect the comment “lets gangbang her” or “I want to lick her as#$hole” are comments that my dad or brother or boyfriend should be expected to read and not get pissed. [Great. So you're game?] THINK ABOUT IT, WERE YOU RAISED WITH MORALS? I KNOW I WAS. [Nah. But was I raised to stay off the CAPS LOCK button.]...And to all those that say I don’t know how to have fun, boy are you wrong and my friends can vouch for that. [Excellent. Can we see the videos?]

Click here for the answer if you dare....

Richard Jewell, the Centennial Olympic Park security guard once suspected — but later cleared — in the bombing of the park during the 1996 Summer Games, was found dead Wednesday in his home in Meriwether County. He was 44.

This is a profoundly sad end to a cautionary tale of contemporary American life and how nitwits like me cover the news. It's possible that no other U.S. American in our times ever got more publicly hosed than Jewell did.

In the aftermath of the Atlanta Olympic bomb going off, the investigators were stymied. With no clues and no leads, they floated the idea that "Hey! What about the guy who was first on the scene? The one who got all those people to safety? He's kind of buffoony looking. What if he planted the bomb so he could discover it and be a hero? Huh? What if?" The press ran with it, and before you knew it, the poor clodhopper was guilty in everyone's eyes.

Smart alecky know-it-all elititsts in the media jumped all over the guy, even as he denied involvement. His mother, who was right out of Central Casting for the role of "Hayseed's Country Bumpkin Mom" gave a press conference where she got upset that the world was calling her son a terrorist and surprise! she broke down in tears, to the delight of wiseasses like Howie Carr, who was merciless.

In the end, the guy was not only exonerated, everyone had to look at the facts...finally... and realize he was a goddamned hero, who ran toward life threatening danger in the duties of his minimum wage, no respect job. Somehow though, that wasn't as big a story. And he and his mom (assuming she's no longer with us) died without getting that apology. Sorry, Richard. RIP.

This video goes out to all the Internet Cowboys that we have in the comments section of our blog.  Don’t get me wrong 97% of the people who leave comments are pretty funny.    And I love reading them as much as the next guy.  But then we have that small 3% of Internet Cowboys (you know who you are) who fit the profile of this video perfectly.    It’s wonderfully sad and pathetic all at once.  But at least we know the Stool isn’t alone in this regard.  For as long as we have the Internet, we’ll always have Internet Cowboys.

If I had to compile a list of most over used and ridiculous comments in the comments section I think it would go something like this.  Although I’m sure I’m missing a few;

“US Invades Iraq” (In reference to something people deem as old news)

“Saw that on deadspin”

“I thought this was a sports blog”

“Gisele (or fill in the supermodel) isn’t that hot”

“The Barstool Girl isn’t that hot”

“Barstool Sports used to be good but now we suck”

- Thanks to Eric for the tip...

Carla Gugino is a sorta famous actress who is also sorta considered hot.

I don't think there's ever been an official decision on Gugino's hotness. Until now of course.

Gugino is 36, was on Entourage and is 5'4". And she's flashed the goods in a couple of movies. Have at it. Because you know you want to rate the shit out of her.

(AP) ABBOTSFORD, Wis. - Two men, driving the same pickup truck, have been cited for driving drunk in central Wisconsin. Police stopped their truck in Abbotsford, Wis. recently and found 43-year-old Harvey Miller was steering the truck. Miller has no legs. Officers say 55-year-old Edwin Marzinske was operating the gas pedals and brake. The police report says Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive, but argued he wasn't actually operating the truck because he couldn't push the gas pedal. Officers disagreed and cited him for drunken driving, third offense. Marzinske was cited for his second drunken driving offense.

Man what a duo this team is.  This has to be some sort of world record right?  I’ve never heard of two guys getting busted for a DUI for driving the same car at the same time.  That’s quite a feat.    I love LT Dan’s argument about how his driving doesn’t really count as driving because he wasn’t pushing the pedals.    That’s some priceless shit right there.   Now I don’t want to be a wet blanket and ruin a great story, but I need to ask why the guy with no legs was involved at all?  It’s my experience that driving tends to be a one man job.   No need to bring in a drunk legless man in to work the wheel, but hey whatever floats your boat.

Nicole Scherzinger

Kate Hudson

Shawnee Smith

VOTE NOW!!!

I hate to say it, but this lady reminds me exactly of Drew Bledsoe.   No internal clock whatsoever.  Just running around aimlessly for what seems like an eternity until the inevitable disaster strikes.   It’s like two peas in a pod.

News.com.au - New Zealand-born Taukiri Christopher Keen, 20, pleaded guilty in Queensland Supreme Court today to the attempted murder of James Gilders at the Old Boggo Road jail in Brisbane in October 2005. He was sentenced to nine years in jail. The court was told Keen and Mr Gilders had been friends for more than two years when the friendship soured after Keen suspected Mr Gilders of sleeping with his girlfriend. Prosecutor Michael Lehane told the court the pair went to the abandoned prison for a visit and jumped over the walls to get in. As Mr Gilders bent down, Keen stabbed him in the neck, knocked him to the ground, dropped a large rock on his head twice and stabbed him again. When he had finished, Keen asked Mr Gilders if he was dead yet, to which Mr Gilders responded: "Not even close, brother". He got to his feet and the pair shook hands before Keen left the badly injured Mr Gilders to make his own way out of the old prison. Mr Gilders called an ambulance and was to hospital where he was treated for a broken jaw and stab wounds to his neck, including one which came close to his jugular vein. He did not make a complaint and the incident did not come to police attention until Keen confessed while police where interviewing him about other incidents in January 2006.

Well if this story doesn’t explain Man Law than nothing does.   Clearly the guy who got stabbed and had the rock dropped on his head was sleeping with the other dude’s girlfriend.  Because that’s the only way to justify trying to kill somebody as well as explaining the fact after these two dudes were able to shake hands and walk away after it was over.   This is just the way it works.   If you bang somebody’s significant other and get busted, then that automatically gives them the right to try and murder you.  But only once.  If they fail then everybody just needs to let bygones be bygones.   This story should be included in Health Textbooks across the globe. 

It's a slow news time for your typical NFL team. Fortunately, the Patriots are not your typical NFL team. By getting Asante Samuel to sign his franchise tender, they've arguably made the best roster addition in the league since the draft. You can say Lance Briggs is better, and you'd probably be right. But Briggs vowed he'd never play for the Bears again and reported to camp with the same general demeanor as my kid when he's got nothing but peas left on his plate and he's told he's not leaving the table without finishing them.

Adam Schefter is saying that like Briggs, Asante got an agreement from the team that they wouldn't franchise him again if he's in 75% of the plays this year. But that's where the similarities end. While Briggs is making faces, twirling his fork, slumping in his chair, and cracking up muscle cars, Samuel is testifying to the world how friggin' happy he is to be caving in to the offer the Pats made him six months ago. He kept his mouth shut through the holdout, and in his first Q&A with the press, if Belichick had done a better job of putting words in Samuel's mouth, they would've won "America's Got Talent."

Here's Asante, presented by Ashanti (boldface indicates Samuel speaking Belichickese):

On regrets:
"It is what it is, and I did what I felt I needed to do and we're happy and I'm here to play football"

To hear more Asante and see more Ashanti, click here...

I wanted to save this video for St. Patrick’s Day.   I lasted two minutes.   It’s just too good not to post.  Frankly, I can’t believe I’d never seen it before.   It is instantly one of my favorite youtubes of all time.   From the opening scene when that dude asks who has seen the leprechaun, to the amateur sketch drawing of it, to the lady who thinks he’s a crack head, to the guy who has the ancient flute, it’s one great moment after another.   Not surprisingly there has already been a rap video made to honor this video.

Thanks to Frank for sending it.

Not sure what to say of this photo of Tito Ortiz putting some sort of finishing move on his girlfriend Jenna Jameson.  I mean this has to be a UFC move right?  I wonder if this is because Jameson had her implants taken out without Tito's permission? Regardless, Jameson seems to be loving life with no boobs.

When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I'd wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don't I be who I am and get my real ones back?"
"Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!" "The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn't supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17."

There was a time not so long ago, halcyon days of misty water colored memories, when such news would've been sad. Jenna...Jenna of those days...was a goddess. She ruled over her own sovereign nation at the intersection of wholesome, girl-next-door adorability; healthy, sporty goodness; and unparalleled sluttiness. For all her artificial parts, she was perfect. A while ago I called for requiring all celebrity women to have a 3-day waiting period before having cosmetic surgery. Their changes would then have to be approved by a panel of horny guys, so we wouldn't have another Tara Reid fiasco on our hands. But I'll waive the hearing in this case. Jenna should have the implants taken out. Then get the collagen out of her lips. Cut her hair, lose more weight, have limbs removed...do anything to reduce herself in size until she disappears altogether like she's fallen into the event horizon of a black hole. I'm sorry Jenna. I owe you for more good times than you will ever know (or anyone else for that matter besides me and my conscience). But this can't go on. End the suffering.

I know this is very late notice but our friends at Game On! are having a Fantasy Football Draft Party this Thursday Night.  Essentially what this means is that 13 leagues can reserve their own skybox tables for the draft.  Each league will get a draft board as well as the option of their own Coors Light girl or Barstool Girl to announce the league’s picks or hang out or whatever.  Basically Game On! is dedicating this Thursday to fantasy football.    They’ll have NFL Films music playing on the screens and all that jazz.  Obviously space is limited.     The only cost is for what you eat and drink however they are asking for a  $100 deposit that can go towards your final bill just to make sure everybody who signs up shows up. If you’re interested please call Lindsey Curtis at Game On! ASAP to reserve your spot.   And tell them I sent you and you want the Barstool Super Top Secret Treatment, whatever that means.

Contact Details

Lcurtis@lyonsgroup.com

617-262-2605 ext 243

Much more of Melissa here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com