Random Thoughts

Here's what Gary Mathews Jr. said in the LA Times about Red Sox fans:

"They're loud, they're drunk, they're obnoxious.

"It's different from New York. Yankee fans are passionate about their teams, but they're a little more couth. They have a little more class than Boston fans. At least in New York they appreciate guys who play the game hard and play the game right and they let you know it.

"In Boston, they just smack you for three straight days. They're just dogging you there the whole time. It's a different place."

Mathews was saying this after being asked why the Angels of Orange County of Los Angeles of Anaheim of California are 4-15 at Fenway since 2003.

And you know what? He's got a point. Say, Gary? On behalf of Sox fans everywhere, I apologize for our boorish behavior. We are nothing but a bunch of mouth-breathing, savage troglodytes. You're right. We're lower on the evolutionary ladder even than Yankee fans. And I speak for Sox fans everywhere when I say that beginning with your double header on Friday, we're turning over a new leaf.

Forget the obvious home field advantage we provide. From now on, we're all about fairness. Politeness and etiquette are now the hallmarks of our creed. Sure we could get on your case about this. We could point out that you're a career .264 hitter who's been dumped nine times in your nine year career. We could get on your case about the fact that you're up to you've got more Growth Hormone in your system than a herd of beef cattle. Which you denied until you were caught red handed. Then you apologized, not for being a cheating mofo but instead gave the ol' "If I've caused any distractions" non-apology apology. We could do all that, but we won't.

Starting this weekend we'll show just as much class and restraint as those Yankee fans you love so much. And we apologize if we've caused you any distractions.

(As a postscript, I'll concede the point about us being drunk.)

Okay I’ve got a new game for the Stoolies today.   Before you watch this latest Alexyss Tylor Vagina Power video, you need to bet how many seconds you can last without smiling.     Just as a reminder Vagina Power is a real TV show on Atlanta Cable Access Television and it is without a doubt the funniest show in the history of earth.   I lasted less than 3 seconds.

Let me just start by saying I’ve never seen Joba Chamberlain throw one pitch live.   And by live I mean on TV.   In fact, I’ve probably only seen 5 or 6 highlights of him total.   Therefore it’s kind of surprising that he has already become my most despised player in Major League Baseball.  Somehow I hate this guy more than Arod.  That’s quite a statement for a guy I didn’t even know existed two weeks ago.  I just hate his whole demeanor.  I hate how his name is Joba and how he actually kind of looks like Jaba the Hut.   I hate the way he celebrates every two seconds.    I hate the way that Yankee fans have embraced him.  The whole thing kind of reminds me of when Jeremy Shockey broke onto the scene and suddenly he was the hottest thing since sliced bread.    Yeah, maybe this kid is going to be pretty good.  Maybe.  But let’s make him pitch more than 5 times before everybody sucks his dick okay?     And I’m already sick of the Joba Chamberlain sob story even though I haven’t heard it yet.   Just as an FYI, he grew up on an Indian Reservation and was raised by his divorced father who was stricken to a wheelchair because of polio.   Dude, cry me a river.    I’d give my left nut to grow up on an Indian reservation so I could cash in on all this casino bullshit.     And sure Polio is a rough break, but it’s not like Jaba had it.   It was his dad.   My 3^rd cousin’s best friend had polio.  You don’t hear me crying about it.    So spare me the theatrics and do me a favor and blow out a shoulder.  Now that would be poetic justice.  

We've got a child star special on the menu today:

Soleil Moon Frye

Jenna Von Oy

Michelle Trachtenberg

VOTE NOW! Polls close early today at 4:30pm!!!

BHUBANESWAR (Reuters) - Indian police arrested a sports coach on Monday on suspicion of torturing a five-year-old boy who became a national celebrity for running the equivalent of nearly two marathons. Last year, Budhia Singh entered the Limca Book of Records, India's own version of the famous Guinness publication, after running 65 km (40 miles) without rest in seven hours and two minutes under the stewardship of Biranchi Das, his coach. On Sunday, Singh accused his coach of beating him and withholding food, and said he would give up running. "He hung me upside down from a ceiling fan," he told reporters, smiling and fidgeting. "He locked me in a room for two days without food."

Wait a minute!  Hanging people upside down from ceiling fans is considered torture?   Was the fan on?  Or was the kid just hanging there?    Because that totally changes things.   Regardless thank God the Stool isn’t based in India.   Because starvation, beatings, and hanging people upside down from ceiling fans are just a few of my motivational techniques to get our writers to blog more.   You don’t think Manzo motivates himself do you? 

Kudos to Withleather

Dlisted - - These pictures of Annie Hathaway and her rich ass boyfriend broke last night and some people are saying she's sucking dick. Haven't you ever sucked dick or gotten your dick sucked before? That shit don't look like that. Trust. I'm an expert and if Annie will openly suck on a boat, while he's on the phone, with a friend next door then that girl is the hottest bitch on the planet.

UB would really like to believe that Anne took a page from her role in Havoc and began to be more sexual in front of others, but considering that there is someone right next to the alleged BJ, UB has to vote Fake...

10 for Fake, 1 for Real:

There are millions of places on the Web where you can get Patriots' training camp news. And as the Stool continues to plant our flag in the summit of the sports internet, it's imperative that we establish ourselves as THE go-to place for all your Patriots news.

So in order to separate ourselves from the pack, we need to be on the cutting edge. We need to deliver the news in way that no one else does. We need to innovate.

It's in that spirit that we give you the daily (or almost daily if other stuff is going on) updates on the Super Bowl favorites, as told by hot celebrity women chosen at random.

I admit that this idea makes no sense at all, and it might be abandoned shortly. But my philosophy is, if we don't meet your standards, then lower your standards.

For Wednesday's Patriots update, brought to you by Stacey Keibler, click here:

CHICAGO (AP) -- Scott Podsednik helped the Chicago White Sox end a long championship drought. He may soon be in position to do the same for the Cubs. The Chicago Tribune, citing a major league source, reported on its Web site Friday that the Cubs claimed Podsednik on waivers. The White Sox had two business days to work out a trade with the Cubs, simply let him go to the North Side team or pull him off waivers.

I have mixed emotions about this post.   I’m sad because it took this Scott Posednik trade rumor for me to find out that he has arguably the hottest wife in MLB.   But I feel like I’m a better man now that I know about Lisa Dergan. (Click Here for NSFW Pics) Man, this chick is hot.   Now this is what a professional athlete’s wife should look like.  Somebody so ridiculous hot that I’d piss myself if she even looked at me.    Brady needs to fuck this chick ASAP so I can live vicariously through him and reaffirm my faith in all that is holy.

Foxnews.com - Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate (Jonathan Lee Riches) who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned. The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year. “Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint. Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

I fucking knew it.  I knew something wasn’t right about Michael Vick from the second I laid eyes on him.  The way he’s always scrambling around in the pocket like he’s running from something.  The fake Ron Mexico alias. The crazy brother. It just didn’t feel right.  And even when these dog fighting allegations surfaced I had a hunch there was much more to it than simple animal cruelty, but I just couldn’t connect the dots.      But it all makes sense now.  The guy was buying missiles from Iran to fund Al Qaeda the whole freaking time.  I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming.   I’m so stupid.   Thank God that Jonathan Lee Riches came forward to expose this plot.    The guy is a god damn American Hero.

FOX NEWS - - TAMPA, Fla. —  Former pro wrestling champion Brian "Crush" Adams died Monday after he was found unconscious in his home. He was 44. He showed no visible signs of injury and foul play was not suspected, police spokeswoman Janelle McGregor said. Authorities were awaiting autopsy results from the medical examiner before proceeding with their investigation. Adams' wife, who was not identified, found her husband not breathing and called 911 about 11 a.m. Fire Rescue workers later pronounced him dead, McGregor said.

Crush was not a great wrestler. He didn't do anything particularly great in his career. He won a tag title in WCW, was given one in the WWF and was one of the guys who killed the nWo. Vince McMahon, however, may have some different memories years from now, remembering Brian Adams as another one of the former wrestlers to raise questions into his business and its lifestyle. This happens so freaking often these days, that we might as well introduce the Dead Wrestler of the Month feature. Maybe Manzo can keep an eye on the Vegas Death Pool lines...

Oh, and while UB is on the subject of wrestling, here's the review for SummerSlam '94...

Boston.com BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) -- Former Red Sox infielder Jose Offerman was arrested Tuesday night after charging the mound and hitting the pitcher and catcher with his bat during an independent minor league game.  Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport Blue Fish starter Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat. Offerman hit Beech in the hands and struck catcher John Nathans in the head.

The moral of the story here is that you don’t fuck with Jose Offerman.  It doesn’t matter whether he’s playing for the Boston Red Sox or Long Island Ducks.  Bottom line is if you throw at Jose Offerman you better be prepared to have the wrath of god brought down upon you.    And I say good for him for bringing his bat along to the brawl.  Listen, if I’m about to get in a fight and I have a weapon in my hand you better believe I’m bringing it with me.   Plus it buys you some extra time. Just look at the first baseman slow jogging it in from his position. He wants nothing to do with this fight and who can blame him? Anyway, somewhere Dan Duquette is smiling thinking to himself “I bet you’d never see that type of production from Mo Vaughn”  

PS - Is it possible that Jose Offerman is the consensus least favorite Red Sox player of the past 100 years? He's got to be up there right? Hmm, this could be the thesis of a great article. If only I wasn't too lazy to do the research.

Yesterday Barstool Blogger Pete Manzo wrote a glowing tribute in honor of Phil Rizzutto who passed away yesterday at the age of 89. But what I didn't know at the time is that the Scooter may have reincarnated himself as Pete Manzo. I mean usually when I see celebrity look a likes I think it's kind of funny and cute. But not with this one. This one is just spooky. I mean I really think Phil Rizzutto and Manzo are the same person. This would also explain why he wrote such nice things about himself yesterday, as well and why Manzo is a Yankee fan to begin with.

Thanks to Liger Jen for the tip...

Much more Katherine here...

Katherine Video Bonus here...

Thanks to Vinceb4 and Leten7ao for the request

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com