Random Thoughts

JustJared - - Show your disgust over the dog fighting allegations against the Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick by getting your very own Michael Vick “Dog Chew” Toy. It’s made out of “state-of-the-art dog material” and promises to withstand “the most playful of dog destruction.”

You can get your own for $12.99 (shipped) at VickDogChewToy.com!!! You may think someone is up to no good, making a quick buck from it, but (shipped) and the proceeds will apparently be donated to local animal shelters.

This thing doesn't really look like Michael Vick, but apparently it is because he's got a football and a 7 on his jersey. Of course it's not going to look like much of anything after Fido gets his teeth on it. They did a good job on the face though, he looks like he's wired on coke. Does "state-of-the-art dog material" mean that you can choke Vick, drown Vick, slam Vick or do any of the other signature moves that Mike used on his dogs?

This was on deadspin earlier, some dude camera-phoned the Bonds' homerun last night from the right-centerfield stands in San Francisco. Tremendous job recording this whoever did it. You can see the ball, the cameras flashing and the riot that ensues after the ball lands. Kind of reminds me of the fat kid on the roller coaster video, combined with an earthquake, combined with the ending of the Blair Witch Project. Quality directing. And as a side note, I'm glad Bonds hit the HR just so I can stop hearing about a tainted record. Bonds cheated, Aaron didn't. Maybe that's over-simplifying it, but that should be the end of the discussion. Hey, at least it's over now and everybody can go back to focusing on the Red Sox coughing up the division to the Yankees.

G4's Olivia Munn has been making her way up the Wake Up list for a while now (she's actually scheduled for a feature next week), but she never really got UB's attention until right now. As part of a feature on a sport involving women eat hot dogs covered in mustard dangling from a string while riding a motorcycle, Miss Munn was put on the spot and actually gulped down about 3/4 of the dog before going off camera to clear her throat. Now the amazing thing about this is that, first Howard Stern was doing this on the Channel 9 show 17 years ago, and second how amazing the blatant sexuality of this segment was. Now it was on cable, and it's a channel that not a lot of people watch, but what you basically saw was a blow job on television. You disagree? Then why didn't they have her duchebag co-host do the trick? Because the idea of a hot television personality deep throating a wiener is Emmy-worthy television, that's why. Or at least Barstool worthy...

Bonus: Olivia dressed as Princess Leia

(NOTE: CRANK THE AUDIO)

How in the world did a local restaurant land Danny Ainge, Rick Carlisle, Robert Parish, Bill Walton and Larry Bird (of all people) to do this ad? Can you imagine the filming of this thing. How many takes did Walton need to squeeze out, "I tell ya it's the SALAD BAR!" Then you got Larry, who had to be pounding Miller Lites throughout the shoot as he looks half in the bag, while holding back laughs during his lines...

Damn, we had it good back then...

I think it’s time for El Pres to explain the Stool’s nudity policy.   I’ve noticed a lot of people complaining lately when UB puts black bars over chick’s private parts on the Wake Up With feature in the morning.   Yes, I’m the one who makes UB do that.  I’ve made a conscious effort with Barstool Sports not to cross the line into pornography.  The bottom line is that there are a billion places on the web to ogle at naked chicks.   We don’t want to be lumped in with all those other smut sites.  We’re a much higher form of smut.  Now if Jessica Simpson suddenly made a sex tape or Amanda Beard poses for playboy we’ll be all over it.    The rule is that if a celebrity release new nude photos or makes a sex tape we’ll blog about it.  But if it’s old news there’s really no point.  Don’t get me wrong I like nakedness as much as the next guy but we walk a fine line with our advertisers.   As crazy as it sounds some of them don’t like the idea of being associated with pornography.  Now here’s where this post gets weird.  

Everything I just said has nothing to do with why I wrote this blog.  The real reason is because I wanted to link to naked pictures of Playboy’s January Playmate of the Month Jayde Nicole.  (Click here and here for pics) I first saw her on withleather a couple weeks ago and was taken by the “respect” tattoo that she has right above her boom boom.    It just called out to me for some reason.  So here I am writing about how we don’t post random nudity on the Stool and at the same time I’m linking to some random porn star.   Sometimes the world works in mysterious ways.   Bottom-line is it just feels right in my gut to post pictures of this chick.  And I guess the moral of the story is that El Pres is a complicated individual.   Don’t think, just throw.  Don’t think, just throw…

Yesterday I had to buy frames for posters that we had printed of all the 25 girls in our 25 Sexiest Magazine.  So I went to Michael’s and picked up 25 frames.  And not just any frames.  I bought the cheapest kind they had.   The kind that you put sports posters in when you were a kid.  Everybody knows what I’m talking about.  You can pull off the sides and slip the poster in there and then put the sides back on it.  The goods news was that the frames were on sale for 14 bucks each so the total damage was 350 or something like that.    Anyway some teenage chick was ringing in my order when this astonished look came over her face.  Finally she says to me that she’s never seen anybody buy so many frames before and asked if I was going to be on Cribs or something.  She was dead serious.  Umm, I hate to break to you honey but if you think buying twenty five 14 dollar plastic frames is big time than you’re probably going to be knocked up 3 times before the day is over.   But I guess buying plastic frames is considered big time nowadays on the South Shore.

Much, much, much more Jennifer here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

SAN FRANCISCO (AP)  Barry Bonds hit No. 756 over the right-center field wall Tuesday night, and hammered home the point: Like him or not, legitimate or not, he is baseball's new home run king.

Well at least it's over. Finally, we can all go back to our lives. No more ESPN cut ins, no more Pedro Gomez reports. The steroid talk can calm down before Barry gets indicted by the Grand Jury and it all starts up again.

So re-write the record books, put the ball on Ebay, and let's move on.