Random Thoughts

Have a great weekend everybody....

With the retirement of Curtis Martin, it seemed like a good time to do a Grumpy Old Fan look at "Who's the best Running Back in Patriots History?" but honestly, why bother?

The good RBs in Pats history have been few. The great ones have been rarer than good Bruins coaches. Back in the leather helmets days (almost) you had Jim "Bo" Nance. The great running teams of the '70s had Sam Cunningham, who made a Pro Bowl. Corey Dillon had one phenomenal season for the Pats and won a ring.

But the Pats have never had anyone like Martin. He could cut to the outside or stick his pads up your ass between the tackles. He could catch a pass and pick up a blitz with anyone. And he did it with more class than India under British rule.

His 18 yard TD run against Green Bay in the Super Bowl to pull the Pats within 6 would've been one of the all time Patriot highlights if it wasn't for the subsequent lamebrained kick to Desmond Howard. In one of the most regrettable moves in Patriots history, Bobby Grier let Bill Parcells swipe Martin right out from under him, and he brought his leadership and ability to the otherwise loathesome Jets. Marcellus Wallace didn't get it tucked to him by Zed as badly as Tuna tucked it to Grier on that one.

Eventually Martin made it to No. 4 on the all time NFL rushing list. And the whole time he was doing so, he made you feel good about rooting for him. Not bad for a guy that lasted until the 3rd round of the draft because there were questions about his character and his health. Now he says he's interested becoming an NFL owner. Is there anyone dumb enough to think he won't be a great one?

One of the most common questions that we ask when we profile our Barstool Sports girls is what would be the first thing they’d buy if you won the lottery.    Therefore, I’ve had plenty of time to think about this question.   Well somehow Alfonso Soriano stole my answer.    I would get a plate in the front of the Astrovan that read “El Pres” with the Stool logo.   This way Menino would know that I meant business.   Speaking of the Astrovan, a fire truck saw it pulled over at the side of the road yesterday and just assumed it was broken down.   I was across the street dropping off papers and when I got back all the firefighters were milling around my car trying to figure out what to make of it.   I think they thought it was a transformer for a minute.  Regardless, both me and the Astro took this as a major insult. 

Big props to With Leather for getting this photo

The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney Spears’ 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn Spears, is pregnant. It’s like a soap opera and just when you think it cannot get worse, the baby sister gets pregnant. I am really, really, really hoping this rumor isn’t true.

This is so fucking selfish.  We didn’t even get any good blog mileage out of Jaime Lynn before she goes and gets prego on our ass.    She couldn’t wait until she was 18 to keep a dick out of her?   Do me a favor and at least go on the pill or something.   What a waste of talent.  

Freep.com - Practice had ended at about 9:30 when running back Kiana Dennis and wide receiver Nicole Randolph discovered their cars were missing. The police were notified, and that was that. Not on Fowlkes' watch. She was driving home with teammate Mindy Corby when they spotted Dennis' car parked at a service station at Grand River and Evergreen. Fowlkes immediately stopped and confronted two young men sitting in the car. It might have helped that Fowlkes is listed at 5-feet-9 and 300 pounds. "One saw me walk up to the car," she said. "I guess he looked at my size, and he jumped out of the car and ran the other way. "One guy came around the back of the car. He looked me in the eye and saw me coming towards him, and he took off running the other way, too." A third man, apparently the driver, came out of the station and wasn't so lucky. "When he saw me, his eyes kinda got big, so I grabbed him," Fowlkes said. "That was the one I was able to catch." She pinned the man against the car for about 10 minutes until police arrived.

She pinned a man against the car for 10 minutes?    What kind of pussy was this car thief?  Listen, I know this lady is huge.   She may or may not be able to beat me up in a fight.   But I’m convinced that I could escape from her if given 10 minutes.   Was this guy even trying?    Or was he just paralyzed with fear that Fowlkes would eat him if he tried to get away?     Either that or the thief thought this lady was a dude and would pummel him if he tried to escape.

Saw this on deadspin.

There are two simple rules in the prison break handbook.  Rule #1   Don’t get videotaped making the escape.  Rule #2 - When chained together as a group don’t have one guy get demolished by a telephone pole because it will bring down the entire group.   These guys violated both rules and as a result didn’t make it very far.    Although truth be told, if the guy didn’t get assassinated by that pole these clowns may have had a chance.   The two cops chasing them weren’t about to break any land speed records.

Not really sure what the point of this is? I guess if the goal was to get it posted on blogs like ours than mission accomplished. Congrats fellas. You win.

As a side note, we're having some technical difficulties with pics right now which should be fixed soon, but until then we're on an all video diet. Apparently the Stool is getting so huge that we keep blowing up our servers.

Thanks to Poit for the tip...

I’m one of the lucky ones.  I really don’t get itchy nuts too much.  But I can see how this situation would totally suck.   I’m thinking the cops could have at the very least used the butt end of their flashlight to scratch this guys balls.   I don’t think you can uncuff him, but that would have been a nice gesture.   I mean the guy is already having a horrible day.   You might as well at least scratch his nuts for him.

With the wheels having completely come off Lindsay Lohan's truck of sobriety, and with it barrel-assing down a steep slope with the break lines cut, a lunatic at the wheel, and headed for the cliff of certain doom, we should all pause and reflect on what her imminent loss will mean to us all.

The real shame of Lindsay's suicide-by-bottle is that at her best, she was a rare find: a hot redhead. Oh, they exist of course, but you've got to go through a lot of dog crap in the redhead population to find the diamonds. For every smokeshow like Lindsay, there are at least a million redheads that look like Dan Shaughnessy with breasts.

I've made this case before: there's no such thing as an average looking redhead. They're either Ann Margret-in-her-prime caliber bombshells, or they make you recoil in horror. And it's infinitely sad that Lindsay being caught in the grip of the grape is costing us one of the best.

So in honor of opening day of NFL training camps, here's a look at how the roster of good looking Hollywood redheads stacks up with Lohan sidelined indefinitely...

Patriots training camp opens today. Even as we speak, they're beginning their first practice. In no time at all we'll be learning which undrafted rookie free agent flunked the conditioning run and was sent packing. We're mere hours away from hearing how Chad Brown still hasn't picked up the defensive schemes. By lunchtime we'll get our first sound bite of Tom Brady saying he won't be answering personal questions, the first of 10 billion such questions. And by tonight, all the cable sports shows will have that perennially proof that the football season is back: Bill Belichick explaining training camp with a house-building metaphor. "In order to build the house, first you have to lay the foundation. You have to dig the hole right, make it level and pour the concrete. If the foundation isn't right, you can't build the house properly. Then you have to build it brick by brick..."

I'm positively giddy. I won't compare it to Christmas Day; the opening Sunday of the season is Christmas Day. The start of camp is more like Dec. 1st. You get to start opening your advent calendar and every day you get a little treat of snacky goodness behind the little paper doors.

Every sports page in the country this morning is filled with every team's questions that need to be answered going into camp. The Globe and Herald are listing Pats' questions as the obvious: "Will Randy Moss fit in?" "Will Asante Samuel report?" "What if Brady gets hurt?" and the like. But those are nonsense. Those are the questions that answer themselves as the regular season goes on. The Pats training camp questions are a different animal entirely:

• Will I finally be able to sort out who the hell is who in the secondary? The last, what?...three years now, they've started the season with a dozen DBs, and one by one they drop like "Crewman in the blue shirt" on a "Star Trek" landing party. Then the whole rest of the season is an incomprehensible mix of Willie Andrewes, Chad Scotts, Artrell Hawkins and James Sanderses.
• Will I learn the new numbers? Am I the only one who every time I see Sanders' No. 36, I still think "Lawyer Milloy"? And thank God they switched Moss to 81. There was no way I was going to get used to a WR with the number 6. It's against the laws of nature.
• How many cuts before this year's "Token BC guy with no shot to make the roster", Larry Anam, hears "Coach wants to see you. Bring your playbook"? (My pick: 1)
• When will Rodney Harrison declare that all this respect the media is giving the Pats is really a sneaky form of disrespect? (My pick: By the 3rd preseason game.)
• Will Oscar Lua make the team, thus breaking the "Second Samoan on one NFL team's roster" color barrier?
• Will the veterans leave Brandon Merriweather's dreds alone, like they did Maroney's last year? And why are dreds untouchable, but they made Logan Mankins look like an escaped mental patient his rookie year?
• Who will be the big exhibition game injury that will cause every hack in America to scream that they have to do away with the preseason? (My pick: Someone on some other team. Please, God let it be some other team.)

So damn many questions, that six weeks seems barely enough time to answer them. Hopefully it's enough time to build a house though.

I wanted to save this blog until this afternoon, but I literally couldn't wait any longer . I’ve been running the Stool long enough to know when I strike gold.  And this video is Gold Jerry Gold.   I’m positive this will be an instant classic.  I literally couldn’t control my laughter when the dude flashed his guns.  I have no idea what is going on here, but I loved every second of it. Just clapping it up in the Hyundai.

P.S. – I hope to god that kid isn’t wearing a dog tag invite to our 25 Sexiest party.

Thanks to Matt for this despite the fact he is a Yankees fan originally from New Jersey.      Takes a big man to do that.

Metrowestdailynews.com - A Sherborn teen was charged yesterday with having sex with sheep at a farm near his home, and police reports suggest the encounters may have gone on for nearly a year. According to a police report, the farm's barn had been the target of at least a dozen break-ins between August 2006 and June 2007, prompting the property owner to install surveillance cameras. Between 3 and 4 a.m. on June 27, according to police, the camera captured and filmed a person identified as Roger Henderson II.The man grabbed a sheep by its hind legs and dragged it to the corner of the stall, according to police. The man removed his clothes and appeared to have sexual relations with the sheep. After finishing, the man put his pants back on and left the barn with his shirt in his hand, according to the report.

Obviously this kid is some type of fucked up.  But what’s really disturbing is the fact that the sheep just let this happen to themselves for an entire year.   You’d think they would have spoken to each other at night and hatched a plan to attack the kid.  I mean enough is enough. But if you’re just going to let some dude waltz into your home and sit back as he rapes your brothers and friends than what kind of sheep are you?

But I guess that why people who just follow the crowd and don’t stick up for themselves are called sheep to begin with.   It all kind of makes sense now.

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