Well it finally happened to me yesterday during my paper route.  The day that I’ve dreaded since I started Barstool Sports.    The day that every man in the newspaper business fears.   Yup, I split my pants during my paper route.  Gasp!  The drama unfolded at Alewife T Station in Cambridge.  It all started out innocently enough.   I was carrying four stacks of papers and was squatting down to drop them off next to my rack.    It’s a move I’ve done a thousand times.  But this time would be different.  Much different.   This time when I bent over I heard the unmistakable sound of ripping.    It might as well have been like a gun shot went off in Alewife Station.   Everybody in Alewife and maybe all of Cambridge just froze. And I was reduced to doing the “oh my god did I just split my pants maneuver”.   This of course is when you have glazed expression over your face as you feel your ass to see what the damage is.   Honestly, it was like time froze for a couple minutes.    Needless to say I just backed my way out of the T station and slinked into the Astrovan.   The only saving grace was that I only had Harvard Square, Central Square, and Kendall Square left on my paper route (The Hippy Bermuda Triangle) when my pants broke.  And having no ass in your jeans is sort of the look around those parts.  But still this will live on as a day of infamy for Barstool Sports.

As a side note, before I ripped my jeans the big story of the route was going to be the fact that some guy in a Bear Bryant hat who was smoking a pipe almost ran me off the road.    Who still smokes a pipe you ask?  Guys who wear twill Bear Bryant hats that’s who.