Random Thoughts

People may or may not have noticed that I deleted one of UB’s blogs just a couple minutes ago.  And shockingly it wasn’t because it was a porno.    Nope it was the blog that asked people to rate Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo.    Here is an excerpt from his blog;

Remy and Donny O are kind of like those dorks in high school who used to have their own show on the local cable access channel. The only problem is, everyone wants to watch their show. Is there any thing more annoying during a Sox game then the annual "laughing too hard to call the game" segment. It normally happens around the 6th inning and is maddening when they happen to be losing at the time.

Now I have no problem with UB not liking Remy and Orsillo.   Everybody is entitled to their own opinion.   But his remarks are so contrary to popular opinion that I worried it would effect the Stool’s credibility.   I mean comparing Jerry Remy to a dork in High School with a local cable access channel?  That’s insane.  If I read that on a different blog I would dismiss that person as wack job with an agenda.   So I did what I thought I had to do for the sake of the Stool.  I deleted it.  I didn’t want to do it, but I felt like I had no choice.   Some may say we’re one step closer to fascism now but I don’t care.  My job is to protect and serve the well being of the Stool and today I think I did that.

So here is the new question for Stoolies.  Forget ranking Orsillo and Remy because we already know everybody likes them and let’s rank whether I was within my rights to delete UB’s post.

1 for no 10 for yes

The Bastardly - Is it possible that the great Allison Stokke is dating a loser? Please say it ain't so! If ever our country was in need of a a "gay bomb" now is the time.

According to the world's foremost source of impeccably researched reference material, the term "twins" is defined as " a strong thread or string composed of two or more smaller strands or yarns twisted together. "

But in honor of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's 21st birthday, we at Barstool would like to pay tribute to those other kinds of twins. The kind that result when two fertilzed eggs are implanted in the uterine wall at the same time and are independently fertilized by two different sperm cells.

Again according to Wikipedia, there are two types of twins, Fraternal and Identical, but we at Barstool would like to take this occasion to honor our other, more favorite categories:

Drunken, Powerful, Embarassment-to-the-Family Twins

Jen and Barbra Bush

To see more useless pictures of famous twins, click here...

Icon of nudity Pamela Anderson turns 40 in a little over two weeks. The cutie who was discovered on the Jumbo-tron at a Canadian sporting event has had quite a run. She's was the original homemade porn queen, she starred in the #1 show in America (Home Improvement) and the #1 show in the world (Baywatch) and has given us a long list of crappy movies that were saved by a Pam nude scene.

Though she may look a little rough around the edges, these days, she would still rank pretty high on most Stoolies bang-list. In any event, here are a few shots from her early days, way back in 1992. (Click here for the NSFW link)

Bonus: The strangest sex scene ever...Pam Anderson in her prime having sex with Ted Striker! "Surely you can't be serious?"

The Interweb defines "Polar Opposites" as "that which is conspicuously different in most important respects." If you would like a more visual definition of the term, take the following as an example:

Sample A: Anna Kournikova in a bikini

Here is a photo model/former tennis player Anna Kournikova. In this recently taken photo, you can see that Anna still has what it takes to be considered a Stokkeshow by the Stoolies. Smoking frame, pouting lips, killer face, duchebag boyfriend...She is (or was), however, a lousy professional tennis player.

Sample B: Serena Williams

Here is a recent photo of current tennis star/model (?) Serena Williams in what looks like a bikini. Serena appears to have risen from the ocean's floor after years of hibernation, a la Godzilla. This photo sends Stoolies running for cover. She is, however, considered the best tennis player in the world and may go down as one of the greats of all time. In comparison she would be a "Polar Opposite" of Kournikova.

Look at this poor bastard. He looks scared to death. He looks like if he doesn't bring her the snack in a timely manor, she' might just eat him instead. Look at those legs. The thunder god Thor would have a tough time lifting one of those meat-racks up.

Ho hum, another day, another shot of Britney's crotch. She should really just stop wearing skirts. UB'll end up coming across some HD shots at some point, so stay tuned for an update if you're interested in seeing her up close...again.

(Thanks to Sparkylylefan for the pic)

UPDATE: Zoomed in...

Former Real World San Diego cast member Frankie Abernathy died Saturday at age 25. An official cause of death has yet to be determined but anyone that watched her season of the Real World knows that Frankie battled cystic fibrosis.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends.

OK...now can we talk about Frankie freaking out because of big boats? Because that shit was hysterical. It's been 72 hours. That's a proper Internet mourning period.

I mean, who's afraid of boats that are just floating in the water? Sure, some people are scared of going on boats because they're terrified of drowning or they can't handle the motion but Frankie has to be the only person in recorded human history that just would freak out at the mere sight of a big boat in the water. That's some great casting, MTV.

Being scared of boats that are just harmlessly floating in the water definitely holds it own with some of these other nonsensical freak-outs.

Balloons

Pickles

Peaches

The day has come at last; Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 21 today. Barstool would get its blogging license revoked if we didn't acknowledge this momentous occasion. Admit it, there were times you thought this day would never come. You dreamed of this day, imagined what it would be like to finally have the gloves come off where you could admit your lust for MK and A and express every warped, perverted threesome-with-twins fantasy you've ever had for them in polite company and not have to immediately register as a sex offender.

This has arguably been the most long-anticipated turn of the calendar since Y2K. And now that it's here you realize that...it's every bit as disappointing. The way Jan. 1, 2000 dawned like any other hangover-riddled New Years Day, now that the Olsens are old enough for you to buy them a drink and try to seduce them...you wouldn't bother. What we all thought was a couple of blue chip prospects, can't-miss kids that were mortal locks for the Hall of Fame, just look like a couple of skanked out bag ladies at the age of 21.

Click here to walk down memory lane and reminisce...

Well it finally happened to me yesterday during my paper route.  The day that I’ve dreaded since I started Barstool Sports.    The day that every man in the newspaper business fears.   Yup, I split my pants during my paper route.  Gasp!  The drama unfolded at Alewife T Station in Cambridge.  It all started out innocently enough.   I was carrying four stacks of papers and was squatting down to drop them off next to my rack.    It’s a move I’ve done a thousand times.  But this time would be different.  Much different.   This time when I bent over I heard the unmistakable sound of ripping.    It might as well have been like a gun shot went off in Alewife Station.   Everybody in Alewife and maybe all of Cambridge just froze. And I was reduced to doing the “oh my god did I just split my pants maneuver”.   This of course is when you have glazed expression over your face as you feel your ass to see what the damage is.   Honestly, it was like time froze for a couple minutes.    Needless to say I just backed my way out of the T station and slinked into the Astrovan.   The only saving grace was that I only had Harvard Square, Central Square, and Kendall Square left on my paper route (The Hippy Bermuda Triangle) when my pants broke.  And having no ass in your jeans is sort of the look around those parts.  But still this will live on as a day of infamy for Barstool Sports.

As a side note, before I ripped my jeans the big story of the route was going to be the fact that some guy in a Bear Bryant hat who was smoking a pipe almost ran me off the road.    Who still smokes a pipe you ask?  Guys who wear twill Bear Bryant hats that’s who.    

60 years ago Today the Red Sox played their 1st night game. Johnny Pesky was just one of the players to take the field on June 13, 1947.

MLB.com - - Few fans know that after World War II, Fenway struggled to remain relevant within its own hometown. Just a short walk down Commonwealth Avenue in nearby Allston, Mass., the National League's Boston Braves brought fireworks, concerts, clinics, neon foul poles -- even musical comics and fried clams -- to Braves Field under a trio of new owners. A public-relations assault from the second-fiddle Braves was just one motivation for the Red Sox to introduce night baseball to Fenway Park on June 13, 1947.

It is amazing to think that for the first 46 years of existence the Red Sox only played day games (The Cubs became the last team to play night games, finally putting in lights in 1988). Of course things are much different today, but you've gotta believe baseball, maybe even sports, would play a much smaller roll in your life had they not added the night games. Most Sox fans tune into at least a portion of the Sox game just about every week night they are on. How many day games do you see? Other than a Sunday afternoons, not many. MLB has even decided to all but do away with Saturday day games (that aren't on Fox), in favor of the 7 pm start. Would you go to the The Baseball Tavern or Game On for a few beers before the game then fork over $7 for a Bud once inside, if it was a 1pm start on a Wednesday?

Ice cream is killing people and ruining lives all over Boston. In fact, there is no greater threat to the city's public safety than these ice cream trucks of frosty death.

Well, not counting getting gunned down in front of your house because you decided to walk outside at noon in the middle of a summer day to get some ice cream. That's public safety threat #1 but ice cream trucks are a close #2.

Boston City Councilor Sal LaMattina hasn't been getting his normal amount of beauty sleep because of those bastard ice cream trucks and will be holding hearings today on, I swear to God, "whether ice cream trucks should be forced to go back to tingling bells rather than bellowing tunes"

That's right. Today in Boston City Hall which is located in Boston which is reputed to be one of America's great cities, the City Council will be spending time debating ice cream trucks rather than say stuff like violence or housing or property tax rates or job creation or transportation. You know, because ice cream trucks and their blaring music of death is why Bostonians need City Councilors.

Though it wouldn't be right to rip on the City Council and then ignore one of its members that at least took the time to provide a great quote on Ice Cream Truckgate. Councilor Stephen Murphy on the ice cream truck noise-

“Yeah, it’s annoying. But not as annoying as gunshots.”

You really can't beat news fuck-ups. There is an almost endless supply because it is a live medium, which just breeds bloopers. This clip, however, is less of a blooper and more of a deranged news man. The best part is that it wasn't going over the air and if he had half a brain and just got through the 1st block no one would have ever known...Instead he decided to take the route of the jackass...nice!

"Coming up next, more crap..."

We begin this morning with a quiz:

The numbers 16-8, 14-13, 12-15, 17-13, 11-7, 12-10, 16-12 are:

1. The last seven frames I bowled for Barstool in the playoffs
2. The combination to the safe where JD Drew keeps the incriminating pictures of Theo Epstein.
3. The numbers Hurley will come across in the next season of "Lost" that will also never be explained.
4. Tim Wakefield's Won/Lost record the last seven times he made at least 27 starts.

If you guessed "4" and you think those are fairly solid numbers, congratulations. If you think Wakefield sucks and he's an anchor on the full-throttle speedboat that is the 2007 Red Sox rotation, you've either not been paying attention the last 13 years or you're a complete dickweed and the FCC should ban you from ever being heard over the sports radio airways ever again.

Wakefield pitched a gem last night. But even after his June 1st game against the Yankees, when he lasted 3.2 Inn and gave up 8 ER, he needed to apologize for nothing. Bad starts happen to every pitcher. But when you throw a wiffle ball for a living, every bad start means nimrods everywhere put down the heroin syringe long enough to call 'EEI and scream that Tito needs to yank you from the rotation, post haste before he ruins our October in early June.

Looking at the short term, sure, Wake is prone to bad stretches that can last 4 or 5 starts. He'll also give you unhittable streaks that last just as long. But you can't look at him that way. Wakefield is like one of those 3D pop art posters. Up close he doesn't look like much. But step back, and over a full season you can guaran-damn-tee 12-16 wins and 10-12 losses. And at the back end of my rotation, I'll take that any time.

A note for those Stoolies lucky enough to have speakers, but not lucky enough to have a deaf boss: The Barstool logo in the lower right acts as a mute button.

Enjoy!

Much more here (NSFW)...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com